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Episode 105: Aella Science, Status Seeking, Eating Out, DTF, Thrusting Frustration

Team YMMV | 2-16-2023 | 1:02:32

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Going through Aella's "scientific" studies is a pretty interesting exercise, so I decided to dedicate part of this episode to her findings. She uncovers data about fetishes, the definition of rape, political and gender differences.

Down to the nitty gritty, a man is trying to figure out if his thrusting technique is sub-par, made more difficult by his issues with premature ejaculation. A couple men have issues giving oral sex to women. A woman wonders whether she really is too pretty to give a good blowjob.

And, is it compelling at all to women when men "slap" their vulvae, either with their hand or their penis?

Here are links to Aella's scientific work:





To see Uncle T's most recent episode, here's a link:


We get a lot of our questions from Reddit, so for our listeners' enjoyment, here are links to some of the questions we discussed this week:










Episode Transcript

Transcript automatically generated by a robot. Apologies for any inaccuracies.

  • [00:00] Mike: UncleT is back in the having fun hobbying subreddit. He has a new story about how he discovered his ex fiance's little sister someone he'd broken up with 10 years earlier. Ah. Was prostituting herself on one of the escorting websites as he does uncle t found a way to connect with this woman and he posted on the having fun hobbying subreddit some nice content about. His experience having sex with the little sister of his ex-fiance subsequently. There was a poll on the having fun hobbying subreddit where you can express your opinion about what uncle t did whether it's something you would do or consider doing. I haven't registered my feedback but I'm eagerly awaiting the results of that poll and I always like to keep our listeners up to date on Uncle T. so welcome and thank you for listening to episode 105 your mileage may vary as you may have guessed this is Mike I. Co -host this podcast with Keith who is currently in central america I'm not sure why? um I don't think he's fleeing anything 1 friend suggested maybe he was having a sex change operation but doing it more cheaply by doing it out of the country.
  • [01:30] Mike: I don't think that's the case either. Um I expect he'll be back next week but for this week you have me and I've prepared some some great content for you I wanted to spend the first several minutes of the podcast talking about another podcast I listened to with. Um, a guest called ila girl we've talked about her in the past she had a couple of posts on Reddit go viral and she subsequently has become a minor celebrity online. Um. The podcast she was on and I'll post a link to it in the show notes ah is the Lex Freeedman podcast and he spent about 4 hours talking to her. Um ia has done everything from cam being a cam girl to escorting. To only fans. Um, she's polyamorous. Um and one of these people who sort of defies a lot of the expectations of how people are supposed to or typically would behave in ah in society. She's now started. Ah, doing a lot of polling online I think she's made a lot of money doing her cam shows and she has generated what she calls research now. There is some debate online about whether it's valid research she said during the podcast that.
  • [03:02] Mike: She has no interest in putting it on in a peer reviewed journal because she thinks that anyone should feel comfortable doing science and there's no reason to sort of put it behind gates like that. Um I think more realistically the reason might just be that when she's doing polling via social media twitter. Tiktok and the like that people would have reasonable methodological concerns and those have been aired online quite a bit much to the chagrin of people who really like ili girl and argue with them. But for the purposes of this podcast I'd like to. Look at the data that she's generated look at some of the things she's said and at at a minimum accept her personal life experience as valid and I think there is validity to some of the information that she's generated as well and I wanted to go through some of it and I'll I'll post links to it in the show notes. Um.
  • [03:59] Mike: First ah, during the podcast the Lex Friedman Podcast she she mentioned kind of what she she went through her history in the industry as it were um first thing I thought was interesting is she talked about how you make the most amount of money camming as a cam girl now. She said that she had been making upwards of $100000 a month camming which is a lot of money. Although um, my my impression. Maybe that was the only fans actually that she said that but she certainly said that she'd made that kind of money and I do know that there are people and only fans who make that she had opinions on the camming side of. How you can make more and less money as a woman and I was interested to see that she found that being dominant as a woman on cam shows actually is significantly more effective than being kind of passive and um, more sort of normatively. Feminine um, her argument and I thought this was interesting is that guys are basically looking for someone who's very forward. Someone who is really appears or is deeply engaged in what she's doing I have definitely found this to be the case when I watch cam shows if if the woman's just sort of sitting there. Kind of adopting a passive attitude. It's it's kind of boring and not much happens and frankly I think a lot of the time. It's more interesting when there's a man not because of the man per se but because of the behaviors that come out because of having a more dominant presence there. A lot of women will have.
  • [05:32] Mike: Um, money that you can tip to either spin a wheel or get her to do certain activities. But again, that's kind of passive right? She's waiting for people to insist that she do whatever whatever thing to her body. Um, and that's not. Yeah I mean I I agree I find that less compelling and I I am interested in the fact that there's relatively little content like what Ila is describing and so yeah, if I were um, counseling a woman who was going to become a cam girl I probably would agree with her and say yeah, you should probably consider. Some some creativity and figure out ways to at least come across like you are really excited about what you're doing and you want to? um, you know, create scenes and show the viewers that that you are taking control. Um, whether it's you know, having some sort of sex machine or. You know, masturbating in certain ways. Whatever okay so I thought that was interesting. She she also by the way has tried tried doing it as Pat in a more passive role but just found that it was less profitable on the escorting side. She said that her rates started at $800 for an hour but have escalated. Much higher and more on that later because she's she's gone up to $2400 an hour. Um, apparently sometimes she gives you a break for the second and third hour I think you know basically because most of the cost to her is having a new person to interact with so she.
  • [07:06] Mike: She said she did a survey and this comports with what we found on the podcast that um, it's more typical for women to charge something like $300 an hour and then she also got like a monthly revenue number of ah $7000, which which I've never seen anywhere before but it it sounds plausible. You can kind of I think I said $7000 a month for the revenue. Um, and you can sort of work out the number of johns that you would have to see per month to have that workout. It's it's a relatively relatively high number and 2020 something 23 um, okay so. She moved through only fans escorting. She's very sort of sexually liberated. Um, she does she hosts orgies and participates in them. So not really a lot of um taboos there for her. Um.
  • [08:03] Mike: She mentioned something on the podcast that I want to read the transcript of because I thought it was particularly interesting in regards to kind of upping her rates for escorting and actually moving across to ah a thought process where when she wanted to have casual sex instead of just meeting somebody online on tinder or in a bar or something. She would actually use escorting as the way to do that both to screen the guy and to do something else that I found sort of curious. So let me read from the transcript here Ailla says so when I was doing it full time. She means escorting it was my only source of income it changed quite a lot because I was really incentivized to have repeat customers. So I'm like okay if if my primary interaction with you is to have you hire me again I will do whatever it takes to make that happen and so if I have to laugh at jokes that I don't find funny or be more adoring you of your penis than I actually genuinely feel like that's what I'm going to express and obviously to some very tight tirated. You know. Like it's unpleasant to divorce yourself to do to like something that you don't so I would actually not like to see clients again that I didn't want to but to some degree there was a sort of self suppression going on which I think is the way it works in any sort of customer service job like you want the customer to leave happy. So you just make sure that you are happy the whole time and you are really enjoying the other person. But so recently when I've kind of dabbled in it since making money through other means where I don't need the money. It's more like a fun thing that I like to do sorry, it's more like a fun side thing that I'm like I said it's fulfilling the role of casual sex for me. So I don't have to do it.
  • [09:36] Mike: It's not my primary job I just want sort of an excuse to have sex with somebody and the money is a great filter for that. So in that case, the money. Yeah, it's basically a filter for somebody who's taking this interaction. Seriously it also so there's an interesting psychological thing and this is important. Where I have difficulty having casual sex with somebody because some part of my brain which I assume is quite female is doing some evaluation of status whether or not this is going to damage my reputation by having sex with them if you found out that I went and had random sex with a homeless man. You might like you might be like wow. That says something about iowala. Maybe she's trashy or she just has no standards for who she's going to fuck some part of me is continually anxious I'm like does this mean I have no standards if I decide to have casual sex with you. What are people going to think if you introduce money it takes away that anxiety. Don't have to worry about it because it's like oh of course Ila would have sex with that person. They paid her. She's the person. She's the kind of person. Ah, it's a little hard to read. This is a but simply a business transaction. This allows me to enjoy casual sex so much more when somebody pays me for it. To the degree that I almost view it as a kink. Okay, so the kink part's not that interesting, but the status thing I think is interesting and and also the customer service angle I think is sort of interesting. Um, you can see that she's moved from um, doing this out of necessity and I think that's yeah I mean.
  • [11:07] Mike: The customer service angle I think is an important thing done for men to understand I think men often have difficulty or maybe don't don't completely understand the amount of show that's being put on by women but okay, that's that's less interesting but the status thing I think is quite interesting because what it suggests is that. When you are a man with a woman on a first hookup or a 1 nightstand or whatever it may be while you kind of are viewing the sex part as the treat at the end because you've accomplished your goal. The woman may well and seems probably likely. Is doing this evaluation of status whether it's going to damage her reputation in other words. Ah the woman's selectivity and who she has sex with has a lot to do with the status of the potential partner and this makes sense to me. Um, it actually. Listening to this I listened back to it a couple times because I wanted I wanted to see more carefully exactly what she was saying because she says that being paid sort of removes that that barrier and I think what she means is just that it changes it into a transaction. So. It's no longer saying anything about her personal choices. What status she has. I think you could also potentially view it as if she's charging somebody $2400 an hour then that implies that that person has pretty high status that's quite ah, a high price to pay that's an annualized salary I I don't I don't even know if I can count that high. That's a really really high annualized salary. Um.
  • [12:36] Mike: I guess it's like five million bucks so ah that you also could view it that way in the past I have viewed the status thing a little bit differently and I actually think that her way of looking at it is probably more precise I've looked at it as women have it. An incentive to um, select a partner who has the types of traits that would ultimately make a good father a good husband that kind of thing so aiming at monogamy of course Ila is not doing that. She's explicitly polyamorous and shows no signs of wanting to be monogamous I think she said she was in 2 kind of relationships at the same time right now and then she does this asscor escorting on the side and so basically anybody that she's with has to kind of sign up for that. Ah, but what she's saying. So. So so what I had thought was women are trying to kind of identify the ideal. Um. Forever mate or the ideal person to raise children with and so then I thought to myself well in environments like in high school or something where there's a limited selection and people don't have that much knowledge about the world women simply make mistakes. Um, they're attracted to the captain of the football team even though he's not somebody who's going to. Go to the Nfl and become wealthy or successful and they might disregard. You know the the kid who's getting straight a's um because he you know who might go to a good college because she she maybe is making a mistake or doesn't understand. Um.
  • [14:10] Mike: What will what will be relevant later in life for raising a family. Um, in fact I think this is a much more precise way to look at it is simply that she's asking herself at every moment. What what is the status of the person I'm potentially hooking up with having sex with dating I think that makes a lot more sense So In. Context of a sort of small pond like that. The big fish is going to be the high status person and actually I don't I suspect that women don't really, it's it's it's a simplifying assumption. It's a shortcut. Um, if you simply look at the status of the person that you're considering that's enough. In most cases to get you toward a guy who's going to be a good father. Good provider. Good long-term prospect. Um, and so in those sort of small big fish small pond situations. It goes kind of Haywire. Of course when you get out into the real world. Ah the Status. Ah. Evaluation is going to become um much broader and more intense. It's going to be things like who has money maybe who has social media followers who has celebrity these sorts of things. It's going to become much more difficult and alongside that as young people have become more and more connected to the web. The internet their access to ah a broader field of people probably changes how high status is Evaluated. You could see this making yeah making it so that women are less willing to date or have sex with a guy.
  • [15:44] Mike: In those environments you could just see it changing changing who they select anyway. I thought it was very interesting and honest ofvila to describe the thought process in our head and I also think the idea of you know I think this is something that men don't have a lot of frame of reference for in our brains. Um, the idea that. You might be sitting there consider evaluating people during sex on status like this um, kind of worrying being anxious. This is not at all congruent with the experience. The men have and I think that's kind of interesting, interesting. So I'd like to move on and look at ila's um, research. And as I mentioned at the top of the show I don't really want to get into the question of whether putting a poll on Twitter or Tiktok is really valid. A randomized sampling. It isn't but with this kind of data. It's actually quite hard to get at it that being sexual data. And so I think it's worthy. It's sort of worthwhile to look at um, regardless, um, so the first one I'd like like first piece of data I'd like to take a look at and I'll ah I'll post these on the show notes is a chart of sexual fetishes. Ah, this one is a chart with reference to political orientation. Um, for men and for women and um, we can look at the men first. Um, she looked at two axes presumably with um with polling data asking questions that determine where people fall on these two axes one is whether you're economically.
  • [17:18] Mike: Right? leaning or left leaning and the other one is whether you're more libertarian or authoritarian those are kind of kind of orthogonal the economic and the authoritarian libertarian access so that Aes so that that makes sense. Um I thought first of all her selection of fetishes was kind of interesting for this I can I mean obviously I can't.
  • [17:37] Mike: I can't list every single one of them here on the podcast but ah there there are a few that I think are interesting. For example, 1 is males submitting um presumably that's submissive men kind of alongside what she found to be most effective in the camming. Sphere and those people are veer economically left and more libertarian which kind of makes sense to me a similar one is group sex orgies that sort of thing which is economically to the left and kind of in betweenen on the other axis so I guess in more blue states. Or least left leanning economically play economic places you would expect to see more group sex. Um on the other side. Ah well I mean this suggests. Okay, this suggests some data issues her furthest to the economic right is necrophilia which ah. Yeah, does suggest that maybe she had a set of people that were like gaming the answers because I I find it a little bit. First of all I doubt there's there are truly many people that are into that sort of stuff and secondly I am I'm skeptical. There'd be much correlation with your economic persuasions. Um, she did find that. Race play is on the authoritarian and economic right? Axis um, which is sort of interesting to me. Ah I have actually encountered a race play as a topic before and.
  • [19:09] Mike: It it actually has not in my experience skewed this way. It's skewed kind of randomly because it can be either somebody it depends on what role it's important whether you want to be the dominant or the more submissive race in the race play and then there's certain ones that are just completely in the middle. Masochism spanking anal sex is that even a fetish um people who like just getting dirty female domination female domination. Yes, sort of in the middle but it's more libertarian leaning and then she has some that I I not sure I believe are real like monsters and aliens. Um. Has incest economically to the right as well. Which is kind of interesting so these are the fetishes for men. Um I'm going to pull up the one for women if I can here. So for women, it's kind of similar which is sort of interesting. Um, on the more economic left side ah to the far left. You have feminine female domination and pegging pegging wasn't even there for the men I guess pegging is not something that men bring up a lot. Um, so I guess what that means is that um, if you're in. City like San Francisco Los Angeles New York you could have a lot of orgies and there would be a fair amount of pegging going on at these orgies when you sort of add those things together on the economic right? We have race play again. So I doesn't that sort of doesn't make sense to me because the economic right? I mean I personally associate that with just kind of just like.
  • [20:41] Mike: You know, rural or kind of red state white people and so it's like how would you have race play then I guess I'm not sure how that would even work because if both partners are white. There's not a whole lot of race play possible. Um, maybe yeah I'm not I'm not sure again I I have some suspicions about that. But I don't want to get into. Ah, taking aim at the data. Um, and then there's some again that are in the middle for women piercing and cutting humiliation bondage rape play anal sex female submission sounding soundings in the middle sounding is when you put something down the eurethra. So I'm not sure whether it's sounding of the man or the woman we've talked about that before on the podcast. It's a a nice one and then choking choking did not show for the man at all I don't know that I've seen men be choked too much in porn or kind of in fetish stuff. So I thought that was relatively interesting looking at that she has a second data set that she created and it's probably from the same or a similar survey methodology that has the tabooness of fetishes and I think there. I'm not sure I think on the on Lex Freeman's podcast. She actually said that she might have had to go and um, rate the tabooness of each of these things so examples of extremely non-taboo things would be missionary position sex obviously fingering vaginas giving oral sex.
  • [22:11] Mike: The doggy style position that sort of stuff strip teases and then on the other end would be things involving animals. Interestingly she split out the different types of animals things involving diseases something called Destructive Pregnancies which I don't even know what that means is it like you're pregnant and then. Actually don't know destructive pregnancy Anyway, of course ah prepuescent children which is something we don't talk about on this podcast um medical things vomit poop stuff like that far on then Wow impalement and palement. That's pretty bad one that she specifically brought up. On the podcast that I'd never actually encountered or heard of before was wound fucking um in any event there's kind of a curve that's made here. Um, where if something's less taboo more people are interested and as you there's some kind of linear down downward trend as something becomes more taboo. And then there's kind of a kink in the curve where things start really becoming Unpopular. So For example, things that are still relatively popular bondage. Um some some sort of electricity thing. Anal hooks an anal hook is something you put in the anus and you you use it to sort of. Ah, restrain the person um burning scarification Now. We're starting to get kind of aggressive and then anything you know, then we get to the ones I mentioned before and those are kind of far off. So Basically there's kind of a linear linear decline followed by a rapid decline and generally.
  • [23:47] Mike: Um, maybe 50% of people are interested in the kind of typical fetishes. Interestingly, she gets numbers like more than 50% of people being interested in multiple partners. Maybe that's just the men. Um, you know more than more than 40% being interested in choking double penetration. Again, that could just be the men. Um, but then when you get to the more unusual fetishes you're talking about. She's actually using um, scientific notation here. It's a logarithmic scale. So I'm not sure to be you be certainly like 1% Or less or fewer of the people. Um and actually she does have a gender preference on this graph too which shows as you might would not be surprised to find out the multiple partners is a male more male fetish spanking more female being sexually worshipped more female. Um, exhibitionism more male that's kind of sad because people don't want to see men do that? Um, unfortunately for them. She has another little piece here that I found interesting about she calls it Auto Gynophilia. It's basically people imagining that they are women. Ah, masturbating or just women and basically everybody except for Trans men meaning women that want to be men likes the thought of themselves as a woman in sexual encounters that makes sense to me I think I've mentioned on the podcast before that I've been able to amp up my experience before with some sort of imaginative stuff around that.
  • [25:20] Mike: That doesn't surprise me and then finally ah she has what I thought was interesting also um a set of statements and how likely people are to consider them to be rape. Oh This was interesting because the word rape contains a lot of different possible situations. Um. And then people will try to be more precise by saying date rape. But then people get upset because they'll say well that's still rape and I think there was a senator at some point here in the Us who said something something about legitimate rape. Whether something was legitimate rape and what he meant was whether it's um, you know.
  • [25:58] Mike: Something that that a hundred out of a hundred people would consider rape on this spectrum. So I'll read a few of these I think they're interesting the one that everyone agrees is rape is a stranger forcibly assaults someone who screams and fights the entire time all right 73% of people thought that sneakily removing a condom during sex was rape so that's ah what they call it stealthing.
  • [26:17] Mike: That really, that's that's a relatively new phenomenon I think um, let's see what a where? let's see right in the middle 48% of people person a clearly says no to sex after repeated attempts person a gets tired and eventually gives in so about half of people think that's rape. It's interesting. Um. I'm not sure where I would come down on that because a person does consent. Um, but you could argue they're being sort of psychologically tortured into consenting. Let's see stealing money back after paying a sex worker for sex. This is something that I do not see much on the having fun hobbying subreddit I don't think Uncle Tda would approve of this. But 36% of people think that's rape. So basically if you if you manage to get the money back. Of course you know in in a capitalist system. The money will get be gotten back eventually some way or another but I guess if you just steal it back. That's people consider that rape. Okay. 18 % of people say lying about wealth or hobbies in order to get laid is rape 18%. That's so that's a pretty high number for that given that I think that's extremely extremely common and 12% of people think having sex with an unenthusiastic sex worker is rape I think at that point. Yeah, if you're 1 if you're saying that's rape. You're ah that's a pretty pretty low standard another one that's very it's only 13% has had sex to make a partner happy in a relationship that also is a pretty low bar I think for for rape. Um I think you know you.
  • [27:47] Mike: Most people would look at consent as the most important thing here and and ah and probably I mean you can I'll include this spectrum in the show notes you can look at it yourself. But I think that um, most people would brought well I mean I I think the definition of consent probably gets around to the 50 or 60% on that spectrum meaning once 50 or 60% of people think something's rape. That's where you're really not having consent too much. Okay, so I wanted to bring you that ah information from isa's world and her. Scientific explorations I thought it was pretty interesting and now on to some questions so here is somebody who is asking if girls get frustrated when a guy can't thrust consistently so I 24 male 24 year old male. Been dating this girl who's 27 for about two months and I've been having problems with being able to last during sex. She's always big on doggg ear prone prone being doggy except she's lying flat in her stomach and she's so she's big on that and she's wanted to throw it back meaning she's doing the motion during doggie. Problem is I find myself pulling out or pushing her ways so that I don't come right when I'm doing well she moans or says something and then the sensation gets to me and I quit the other night she was riding and I asked her to hold on a second and she else just fuck me. She's even a playfully mentioned how her ex was relentless and.
  • [29:19] Mike: Dude was like a rabbit I'm guessing girls don't like stop and go any advice. It's interesting because I remember specifically talking to a woman once who was complaining about a guy she was dating being like a rabbit meaning I don't like a rabbit I guess like a rabbit here means just like doing it. To me doing dude was like a rabbit means he wants to have sex all the time. But I think what he means is like just humping you know, kind of um, incessantly without you know with ah with a rhythm that doesn't doesn't change I think in a lot of cases women don't like that. Ah you can look up like terms like getting jackhammered or something. I'm not totally sure. That's right one 1 reply here says a constant a constant rhythm feels better than stop and go it often takes some time until it feels really good for me. Maybe you can try to go slower but with a more consistent rhythm and then someone asks like a bongo which is probably not quite right. I'm not sure about um about that I mean I think that if the rhythm is working then keeping it. Consistent is useful, but if the rhythm isn't working then I'm not sure about that and I'm I'm skeptical that it would take. More than a few seconds for the woman to know whether the rhythm or whatever is happening is going to work for her I think she would know that rather quickly and I'm skeptical that it would get better for you know after after some number of seconds or a minute or something of doing the same thing.
  • [30:49] Mike: And think it's much more likely that it would just stay the same or kind of become less stimulating. Um, yeah I mean 1 person's saying that consistent thrusts that are harder or more vigorous or better than faster of course make it more vigorous implies faster. But I think ah. Consistent makes sense especially in positions angles with some g spot simulation. Obviously everyone is different. Yeah that's right? Um I think it's probable. This particular girl has some specific needs are once um and the bigger issue I think here is when he's talking about not being able to last. The obvious advice there is typically to beat off beforehand so he's not on his first shot of the day. Um, but ah if he's if he's changing what he's doing during you know during sex too because he's worried that he's going to not too quickly. That's definitely going to be a negative for the woman because um, he's basically like getting into a really stimulating position doing really stimulating things and actually like his body language to her is going to stimulate her as well and then he's suddenly stopping to think about baseball or whatever so he should ah he should work on that and the the obvious one is simply too. Ah, take 1 out of the gas tank first with her potentially he could just simply talk to her about it and do it that way. Okay, let's see what this person has to say my boyfriend won't eat me out anymore. Longtime listeners know I don't really like that expression but okay.
  • [32:25] Mike: Because he doesn't want to be a Beta Beta Um I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 25 he says he won't eat me out anymore because he doesn't want his friends to call him a Beta male but he still wants me to give him Blowjobs. He has been watching a lot of Alpha male videos lately and his Persona has definitely changed.. He's very vocal in public to say whatever not is on his mind even if it's inappropriate at the movies. He made a comment asking if the circus was in town because the lady at the concessions had a lot of tattoos and I got pissed off and snapped at him I don't know if that's alpha maybe it is He wasn't always like this but now I'm afraid he's gone down the Horrific Rabbit hole. Now I have to leave him because he started making comments about my weight and now he says he can't eat me out anymore because it's verbados be still me to blow you I never want to shame my sign significanting other for their interests and likes. But I'm afraid I have to break up with them. What do I do? Yeah so everybody's of course going to say. She should break up with him but I think the more interesting question is this distinction between Alpha and Beta gets back to that status question. Um I mean he's ultimately the fear that a guy has in being considered Beta is that. He won't actually be compelling to her because because yeah, he won't have the attributes that sort of make her feel like he's going to jump in and defend her Whatever whatever is in her mind. Um, so this is kind. This may be kind of a damned if you do damned if you don't scenario where he's trying to sort of.
  • [33:58] Mike: Amp himself up to be somebody. She'd want to be with but in doing So. He's also made himself not want to be someone that she'd she'd want to be with um I'm not Sure. Ah I'm not sure if guys. I Guess yeah, you could have a trial but my my my sort of general opinion about guys saying that that I'm giving oral for a guy is Beta is that those guys are probably more jealous than anything else. Um, they don't have the same level of access to women or something like that I think that in Ah. Ah, very high percentage of cases guys that have significant access to sex with women do this because if they don't they they they learn that yeah that it's a good way to maintain that access and they don't want to run the risk of losing losing that and it's simply not worth.
  • [34:54] Mike: Ah, whatever negative perceived thing would would come about the other thing is I mean it's strange that he is taking this to the point where he he doesn't have to tell his friends. He doesn't have to tell other people what he's doing. This is one of those activities like ah. Pegging that I would not necessarily expect to be shared among men. Um I have to say that I don't think I have ever ever outside of people that I interact with for this podcast but in sort of polite or even locker room company I don't think I've ever heard guys talk in any meaningful way about. Performing oral sex on women. Um, so I yeah I mean I think men do sort of in social settings view it as kind of a beta thing. Ah so the the truth is probably either. This guy is interacting with men who aren't having sex or he's interacting with men who. Are actually giving oral but just are pretending like they're not um and so that yeah, he's just he's actually having the wool pulled over his eyes but it would be tricky I can see how it would be tricky. Especially I mean anytime somebody goes starts going down Youtube rabbit holes. That's kind of tricky or Youtube or Tiktok or whatever. Once you start hewing more to what those folks are telling you than people in the real world. You're going to have problems. Okay, here's another similar question I feel uncomfortable eating pussy and it's ruining ruining my my sex life I don't know what's wrong with me or how to fix it.
  • [36:28] Mike: A bisexual guy right? And while I've anyway found women attractive in general I'm not that attracted to Vaginas. It's okay when they're just there but I hit super uncomfortable and kind of gross down when I feel compelled to do anything with them This sounds like a guy who might just be gay. Feel like I'm probably not gay because in general I'm probably more attracted to women both when getting myself off and just when seeing them in Public. The only area of contention is that I definitely prefer Dicks over Vaginas but I'm still super attracted to a girl's face, body tits, etc. It's hard because I know this is a problem with me. Whenever somebody like this is mentioned the comments are just full of men talking about how they don't have that problem and often some women talking about how it's a deal breaker for them and how they feel sorry for the person's girlfriend I Want to be 1 of those guys who loves it but every time I've gotten down there I'm embarrassed myself. Probably made the girl uncomfortable not knowing what I'm doing getting disgusted and uncomfortable. It doesn't feel right to do anything with my girlfriend without reciprocating So I've kind of been avoiding physical intimacy Altogether She's also unable to have penetrative sex. So All we can really do is for play an oral I worry if I keep avoiding physical intimacy that you'll grow frustrated or resentful. Relationship is good other than this Area. So I Really want to figure it out. Not to mention the fact that I don't think anyone would want to be in a relationship with someone with my current issues I don't know I was just hoping someone could help me fix myself. Well I mean okay I mean the first pass thought I have here is I was talking earlier today.
  • [38:02] Mike: Somebody about transsexual porn transsexual cam people and I mean one of the most common things you see is actually like a pre-op I guess or semi-op ah transsexual Trans Trans woman where it's. A person that sort of looks like a female has breasts maybe is on hormones but has a penis so it seems like maybe this guy would really like that. So I mean that is I think it's usually considered kind of a fetici thing but it could be that he could actually find a partner that is of that sort. Um, I'm assuming he doesn't want to have kids because he would need access to a vagina to do that? Um, Oh yeah, somebody in the comments here suggested girls with Dicks Um, my.
  • [38:57] Mike: I sort of suspect that this guy is is gay and is mostly attracted to is more likely to be attracted to just feminine leaning men than women somebody suggests that he could try eating ass. I don't think that would be better I think that would I mean you're basically taking the issue and compounding it I don't really, it's interesting I mean I assume that um, large numbers of women feel this way. They're not. They would not want to interact with another woman's of China of course part of that has to be. Like ah the fact that they themselves have one and so they are familiar with all the processes that are involved with having one which could make it so it's less compelling to you because it's not always in the best possible state. Although every human has an anus. And that does not appear to stop people from wanting to give analingus. You'd think it would or I could imagine it stopping people but it doesn't seem to do that. Um, but anyway, so so but for a man for a hetero man. It's a little bit hard to understand this although you can imagine if you. If there were no sexuality attached to that body part. It would certainly be not necessarily something you want to interact with why would you Um, and so there's definitely some kind of an inbuilt instinct or something that makes men interested in this and if you don't have that instinct then that would definitely make it difficult.
  • [40:30] Mike: To have sex with a woman. Um, yeah I'm afraid this guy and yeah and the other thing the other thing of course is my just general. Um I guess suspicions the right word skepticism maybe is better about um bisexuality among men I think it's relatively unusual. For somebody to really be interested in both in that way. Um I mean I I like talking to men I'm friendly with men in much the same way. Maybe this guy finds women attractive or wants to interact with them but it not like he just doesn't want to have sex with him. Okay am I too pretty. Too pretty to give a good blowjob I've often wondered that about myself. Um, so I female 37 was out with 2 girlfriends for the weekend we got chatting to a few guys 1 caught my eye and we danced and I asked if you wanted to leave with me. He said and I quote you're too pretty. You won't give a good blowjo I asked him what he meant and essentially it was that pretty girls don't have to work for it but plain girls have to work to get laid so are much better at blowjobs I was horrified and astounded is this a universal truth that all guys believe or was he as I suspect full of shit. First of all I think um, it's ah it's actually really difficult for me to imagine this interaction ever happening because in most cases I mean a blowjob isn't the only thing that could happen First of all and secondly in in some really high percentage of cases. The guy wouldn't.
  • [42:03] Mike: Destroy the situation like this. Um, so it suggests Maybe there's something else going On. Um, all that being said, ah I do actually think there's some validity to what he's saying um I think that my amateur but pretty well-informed. Opinion is that the less attractive a woman is or when a woman is less Attractive. It does seem to increase her interest in sex and her sex drive generally? um I mean of course that's not true if she's feeling bad about herself or ashamed of something but in general. Ah, there seems to be a phenomenon where ah. Women who are less attractive ah because they still want to have a partner. They still want that connection will simply become more interested in sex because that is a lever they can pull to improve their odds of attracting a man and. They might do it I mean my personal view is this would happen subconsciously so they're not sitting around thinking. Oh I'm going to get more sexual because of this because because I'm not not as successful finding men. Ah they instead just naturally. Gets upregulated just because of scarcity of lack of availability of men to have sex with so I do think that there's probably there could well be something to this now I don't know if I have enough experience with different levels of attractiveness I mean I could talk in terms of porn and.
  • [43:35] Mike: You will see women who are less attractive kind of trying harder. But again, that's probably just related to the fact that it's harder for them to get gigs right in the industry but so there is there is a logic to this. It obviously doesn't have to be true. There's no reason why your attractiveness should control what happens here. It's just something where. Where a woman. Yeah might not prioritize it and wouldn't need to because it would be easy to get men now. That being said I mean telling a woman. She's too pretty for you to want to have sex with her that has to be a really really really rare thing for a woman to hear. Um, that's just. You know, not generally how men are going to think. Okay, this one's for women who are into rough sex. Is there any way to prevent or control the pain afterwards I love having some nice rough sex but my vagina is always hurtful and sore. For 1 or 2 wo days after that this can't be an english speaker is hurtful implies. The vagina's saying nasty things. It means it hurts anyway. Especially if my clid is rubbed roughly I feel like it'll just come off after a few hours I guess I'm almost also always worried that the irritation might make me prone to infections. Lubricants pay it play a significant role that's for sure but is there anything else to be done I hate feeling uncomfortable for days because a few hours of fun but I also sometimes just really want it so badly I can't stop myself from going for it. Plus is even normal does it happen to everyone or is it just me do I need to visit a doctor.
  • [45:08] Mike: Also, there's anything I can do to lower the chance of infection call caused by small cuts. This is an interesting I mean I actually think this is sort of interesting because it's a pretty big Asymmetry. We talked earlier about the asymmetry I mean the the implied or there's an implicit asymmetry between what men and women are looking for and sex. If The woman is looking for status and considering that the man is maybe looking for attractiveness youth or just to get is not just anybody. But I think attractiveness in youth which are a form of status of course, but it's different. Um, he you know here you have. Ah, situation where where a man and a woman might both be interested in this rough sex activity and the after effects are quite different for the man than for the woman and frankly I mean that can be the case. Well even setting aside something like pregnancy or sdi's that's the case for even vanilla experiences because The. Um, it's just a much more kind of aggressive activity for the woman than it is for the Man. So I think that's something where men don't consider too much what the subsequent experience is for a woman I mean sometimes it's going to be nothing significant. But. Here I mean you could definitely imagine her having a partner who does not realize what goes on and actually when I read this question. It. It made me think that I don't know if I've ever we we have had people on the show and discussed with people bdsm and different activities like that and I don't know if I've ever actually asked.
  • [46:42] Mike: What they do the next day or the next five days or whatever even if you don't have visible bruises or something like that. It's somewhat likely that you would have pain or um cuts or something like that and that could be anywhere from sort of annoying to. Problematic in your job or other things. Um, there's somebody suggesting that they take ibuprofen I mean that's kind of that could be kind of risky because you you might then not know how injured you are. And depending on how kind of aggressive you are with this. You could be materially injured here's 1 person saying that you can cause nerve damage to the clip. Um I mean I guess that's possible I don't yeah I mean well I'm reminded of the ah the woman there was a woman who had a. Crusade on Tiktok for a while she seems to have disappeared or at least from my feed and her big thing was about laboplasty and surgeons not understanding where the nerves are the putendal nerves I guess and that nervate the clitoris and then wind up cutting them and I guess she had had that happen. To her so she lost her feeling in her clit which um was kind of rough and she did say that like it's surprisingly close to the surface so that does make sense I also um I saw another video this week of a woman discussing. Ah.
  • [48:11] Mike: An incident when she was a child I think she was nine years old and she her brother pushed her into a swimming pool and she fell in such a way that she one leg went into the swimming pool and 1 didn't and so then on the sort of corner there. Her vagina her vulva hit really hard and she had to have reconstructive surgery. Um, and. Everything claimed. Everything was functional now although it would be hard potentially hard to know right? I mean you might it's it's like um men with circumcision people will say well, it's not a big deal but it's actually kind of rare for men to have. It's not insanely rare but it's somewhat rare for men to have adult circumcision. And because of that men don't necessarily know what the delta in sensation is and you have men on either side of the fence saying you know you have men that are circumcised and pro- circumcision saying oh come on. It's not that big of a deal and then you have men that have more intact for skins or maybe a completely act intact Forcekin saying oh man you you don't know what you're missing It's so great over here. But of course neither of them really knows. Because they don't have the experience of the other and so yeah I mean you don't that's that's that's something you could be concerned about is that if you get too rough with certain areas you might diminish the sensation and then not be able to get it back I could imagine that being scary as a woman if like and I do believe I've read things. For women who've had swelling in that area and things don't feel right anymore you wonder is this going to is going to self-coract or is it going to stay like this. So yeah I mean you want to be careful with it and and yeah and I've been remiss I should ask more.
  • [49:47] Mike: More a guest and so forth. What? um, their experiences the day after the week after they do these sorts of things because it's not something that I considered much and as a man I think you often don't consider it because ah we we don't bear the brunt of this typically. Okay. How do you Subtly let a guy know that your dtf over text without being too forward in case, it isn't reciprocated been talking to this guy over text who's currently traveling but lives in my city I'm not looking for anything and I get the vibe that neither is he I woke up feeling really bored and horny. And I wanted to try testing the waters to see if the conversation could go in a spicier direction. Any advice. Yeah I mean the typical advice is just basically to invite him over um because guys will in most cases understand where that's headed. You can get into confusing situations if a guy either doesn't understand or willfully ignores the standard practice there of coming over equals having sex. Um, and I've encountered some situations like this.
  • [51:03] Mike: And I mean I think that you know that that's something that's something that can happen but in almost all cases. He's going to understand what what you're going for there I don't think the right thing to do is to like start sending him pictures or necessarily even dirty texting him because then you're basically making it so he has like a um. An artifact of the conversation you had then that could be problematic later if he if things take a turn for the worse. Ah yeah, women have the advantage in this situation that they don't really have to do in general but but in much effort and figuring out how to. Incentive of a guy incentivize the guy to to do that I would also mention that if she's on the less attractive overwede ands Overworth side I think she is more likely to have a situation where he willfully or otherwise misunderstands the situation and maybe does come over and just hangs out. Um, and so that could be frustrating for her if she's attractive in spite of what the earlier guy said that pretty girls don't give good blowjobs I think in almost all situations. He's going to behave in the way she wants him to behave. Although she was really attractive. One would wonder why. She's texting some guy who's out of town and so on and so forth when she's horny. She'd probably have some other solution or she could even have the eyelier solution of getting paid to have casual sex I wonder I wonder how much how compelling that that would be to some women I wonder if that's if there's like ah, an underserved.
  • [52:37] Mike: Niche there women who if they realized they could escort in that way they would I'm not sure probably not okay does my fantasy make me a whore The answer is probably yes. Let's see I spoke to some friends about fantasies recently and was seriously shamed by them for being a slut and a whore. So probably female friends. We'll see I've always had a pretty vivid imagination and had a lot of sexual fantasies. But I've yet to be fulfilled. Just wanted to share with you I've always enjoyed the idea of being gang banged. But the idea of having a penis in each hole and 1 in each hand. So I'm completely stuffed feels really daunting to me so that would be 1 2 3 4 5 5 penises. Okay. There are 2 main gang bang fantasies that I have the first is to have a train run on me and as I can't get pregnant then obviously all the guys would be able to come inside and give me cream pies the thought of 5 to 10 men fucking me and coming inside me 1 after the other before going to the back of the line if they want round 2 is honestly unbearably sexy to me.
  • [53:51] Mike: The second is to have a bunch of men circle around me while I lay there and just masturbate until they all come on me a bit like a soggy biscuit where I replace the biscuit they could come anywhere I Really don't mind just the thought of being glazed and come turns me on like nothing else This Okay um.
  • [54:07] Mike: Does this fantasy make me a whore kind of I mean it's a that you know I think right? this is the it comes down to a definitional question of like how do you define horror and slut of course part of it depends on whether you want to act on the fantasy. Um, but I mean that's that's kind of the the sort of fantasy you're having here. So I think on some level the answer is yes, but not necessarily in a bad way in terms of the specifics of the fantasies. Um I've always found the 5 to 10 men coming inside 1 after another fantasy confusing. Um.
  • [54:44] Mike: Yeah, it's hard for me to understand why either party in that situation would like it I know there's tons of porn of this but I've always sort of imagined that even the guys may require well the first guy maybe doesn't take much of a fee but the say fifth or tenth guy seems like maybe you'd have to pay him pay him a lot rather. To get him to do that scene because it's kind of gross I mean the only saving grace there I think is I would be vaguely curious to find out if the evolutionary hypothesis that the. Shape of the head of your penis is meant to plunge out other people's demen if that's true but I'm not sure if I'd want to find that ah out in that way probably find it out in a different way maybe using some other fluid and also it might be hard to tell because it would probably just be a frothy mess in any event. Ah I also don't really understand why the woman would find that compelling. Ah, maybe maybe some kind of submission kink that's more I guess that's easier for me to understand because it's you know it would be similar to a man having a bunch of women who he has sex with again and you know all at the same time. Um I also it's hard for me to understand the lots of guys coming on me fantasy. Um, these are both ah styles of porn that I kind of shy away from I don't really like them. Um, so but does it make you a slutter a horror I mean sort of sort of but it depends on what you know really depends on whether that bothers you whether those words or or definitions bother you? okay.
  • [56:17] Mike: Does the pussy slap actually do anything and before I read this I'm going to guess that I think the pussy slap is um, someone else sent me this question I'm going to guess that it's the thing in porn where the guy either slaps The woman's vulva with his penis or actually slaps it with his hand.
  • [56:34] Mike: This question is really targeted toward Vulva owners the slapping the head of a penis into the clitoris. For example, actually do anything for you. I've watched it done countless times and porn videos and really just wondered. Obviously you need to take anything you see from porn with a grain of salt but surely if it's popped up so frequently. There must be some level of truth involved a minute sense of pleasure. From a penis owner's perspective. It just feels like a mic check 0 satisfaction from me Personally yeah, so people are saying. It's okay someone said they thought it was just for good luck. Um, it's just pointless I think that's right, It's generally just pointless I mean I think that you could um.
  • [57:12] Mike: Draw an analogy between this and um I mean most things that involve the clit you could just imagine it being done to the head of your penis. It's like a basic like first pass way to understand it and if somebody just slapped the head of your penis with their hand that would be kind of uncompellling or. Heaven forend slop that of your penis with the head of their penis which would be an mm situation. Um, no I don't think it really does anything I think that it's the the evolution of this I think comes from generally. Things that men do to kind of lubricate the head of their penis before they start having sex and so you know normally to do that. There are a few things you could do. But 1 thing you could do is kind of like mashed around to get lubrication on it and then you know naturally since it's there and like because of the way it. Moves you could easily imagine kind of slapping around with it and I think that's kind of what what produces this this behavior. Um, but I don't think it's I don't think it's particularly pleasurable for either party and maybe a slight kind of sign of dominance for the guy and for the woman I think it's just whatever. Um. I think that generally I mean it's a little bit tricky to stimulate clitz and it requires sort of constant pressure and stimulation and anything that's kind of just ah, a quick hit like this isn't likely to be very effective. We have time I think for 1 1 more topic very quickly. My eighteen year old old boyfriend.
  • [58:45] Mike: And the person asking here is also an 18 year old is an 18 year old female stops me mid blowjob to kiss me I guess maybe she's doing a great job I guess she's not that pretty I thought guys didn't like kissing during the slash after blowjobs because it's gross. My boyfriend always stops me and pulls me up to Kiss. I don't mind that he kissed me. In fact, it makes me really happy I feel appreciated and it turns me on even more but just wow I've always been told and then find it gross. But what do I do what do I know this is my first boyfriend. So I mean the answer to this one's pretty straightforward I think it's that he um he hasn't come yet and so it's not He's not bothered by what's going on yet.
  • [59:23] Mike: He doesn't really care that there's some of fluids or whatever from his penis in your mouth doesn't make any difference to him. Um, but he probably although you do curiously often, not not often, but ah, somewhat more than occasionally in porn see men that kiss.
  • [59:42] Mike: Somehow engage with their their semen after they've nutted which always is kind of surprising I think that's a relatively uncommon or actually a very uncommon behavior but this one I think is sort of normal guys. Don't really care. He's basically just trying to stay connected to you. He's worried that you are um, kind of. Feeling disconnected from him. He wants to show that he appreciates what you're doing, etc, etc. Um, honestly, he probably wouldn't do it. He's doing it more for you than for himself in most cases. Um because he's you're having to stop stimulating stop stimulating him to kiss him so that's not great. Um. But I mean there are guys that for example, you know I've seen there are guys that would enjoy like kissing while getting a hand job for example and the Kiss kissing would add to it right? It's more sensation and so forth. So it's not a negative. Um, so he might he might to some extent be doing it for himself. But it's probably just to say show you that he's wants to stay connected with you and so forth. So pretty straightforward answer well that's it for episode one zero five of your mail mileage may vary. Ah, as always you can email us feedback at ymv pod at Gmail.com we've had some amount of uptick in our feedback which is good to see as always we appreciate ratings and reviews on your favorite podcast app. You can also reach out to us on Twitter at at Ymmvpod and we do pay $10 for feedback that's in good faith and we we do appreciate hearing from our listeners. We also appreciate subscriptions. We found that our at our search ranking.
  • [01:01:18] Mike: Steadily increases in the various podcast podcast apps that getting more subscriptions helps to speed that and make it make it happen faster and as always you can enjoy transcripts of these shows and other information like that at ymvpod.com which is our website. Thank you very much and hope to see you next week when Keith will be back in the hosting chair.