YMMV - Your Mileage May Vary Podcast

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Episode 123: Trans Porn Tendencies, Jackhammering, Ball Grabbing, Paying Your Spouse, Emasculating Cunnilingus

Team YMMV | 6-22-2023 | 1:03:06

Read The Transcript

I asked ChatGPT to summarize the podcast, which it did, sort of. It started short-circuiting when I brought up the topic of trans and trans porn. Ironic, given that I wasn't really negative on it at all. It's just a taboo that can't be broken apparently. I tried to stay true to the AI's effort to transcribe in the following, even though it refused at points:

In the first segment of the podcast, Mike is hosting alone as Keith is in Armenia. He discusses receiving three French books from Ally, one of which is called "Submission" by Michel Houellebecq, a novel containing some racy content involving a professor and his annual affairs with students, leading to some amusing language learning moments with his French tutor.

In the second part, Mike explores the capabilities of GPT-based tools, particularly their ability to predict and generate text in a similar manner to the human brain. He also proposes a gap in the market for AI-generated literotica, and speculates on the potential for AI-generated pornography tailored to individual preferences. He announces an intention to explore this further, highlighting the synergy with the podcast's sex and relationship themes.

In the third segment, Mike discusses a hypothetical scenario involving a submarine implosion, linking it to how it would feel if an AI like GPT were to be suddenly shut off. Then, he delves into a new health regimen of monitoring his glucose levels, as it is supposedly a more accurate measure of health than weight or body fat.

In the final part, Mike addresses the topic of trans people and trans porn, highlighting its rising popularity and the societal implications of this shift. He acknowledges the genuine experiences of those who feel they are born in the wrong body and also speculates on a range of other motivations and reasons behind transitioning.

Mike discusses the varied sexual interests across different populations and how societal repression can lead these interests to be expressed in anonymous platforms. He suggests that these interests may be innate and spread evenly across different populations, regardless of regional or cultural differences.

He also explores the concept of "tabooing" and its effects on individuals, including how it can warp behaviors, pointing to the example of eating disorders. Mike opens up about his personal views and experiences with different types of porn, explaining how he relates to the content.

Then, he discusses a listener's issue where her husband has an unreciprocated sexual expectation, likening the situation to that of a sex worker-client dynamic. Mike expresses skepticism about the situation and compares it to more commonly heard complaints in relationships with differing libidos.

Mike then moves on to another listener's question where her boyfriend refuses to perform oral sex due to concerns about masculinity. Mike suggests that the boyfriend is uncomfortable being in a more submissive sexual role.

Throughout the podcast, Mike appears to challenge traditional norms and taboos around sexuality, arguing for a more open and accepting dialogue about individual sexual interests and preferences.

We get a lot of our questions from Reddit, so for our listeners' enjoyment, here are links to some of the questions we discussed this week:

https://ymmv.me/123/payment

https://ymmv.me/123/oral

https://ymmv.me/123/masturbation

https://ymmv.me/123/balls

https://ymmv.me/123/climax

https://ymmv.me/123/jackhammer

Episode Transcript

Transcript automatically generated by a robot. Apologies for any inaccuracies.

[00:01] Mike: Hello and welcome to episode 1 23 of your mileage may vary I'm your host Mike and as always we're going to get into a number of topics mostly dealing with sex and relationships which I will treat with um. Honesty ah, and generally in good faith as we always promise to but not always Keith is in Armenia I'm told continuing his tour of Africa and Eastern Europe and so I'm here handling the hosting duties alone today I appreciated Ali. Hosting coasting with me last week and the week before that was fantastic and Allie actually stopped by ah Berkeley to give me 3 books. She ah got me surprise present. They are books in french. By an author named Michel Wenen Beck ah who I'd heard of but didn't know much about ah the first one I read is I guess his most that I've started reading I think is his most famous one. It's called so mision which is french for submission.
[01:12] Mike: Allie told me she thought I would like these books based on the topic and of course I saw the one was called submission and I thought okay this is going to be some kind of weird sexual stuff that she's foisting on me here which is you know what I do weekly on this podcast so to others. Um so predictably predictably I've made it. About 4 chapters into the book so far and um, predictably it's ah got some pretty racy content in it. Um, the first ah bit of the book talks about a professor who every year in his seminar classes. He. Identifies some young coed that he starts dating and then he dates her throughout that year and then they break up in the summertime always because the ah well I guess it depends sometimes because the woman breaks up with him sometimes because he moves on. Um. But thought it was interesting in that you have the older man and the younger woman and the professor and the student it made me wonder if that's a theme that appeals to Allie I'll have to ask her next time she's on I also appreciated so one of the things I do with these books is I have a french tutor that I work with and i. Bring to her expressions words that I don't know this book's not terribly hard to read. Um, but I appreciated the little time bomb that Allie left me. Um I already pretty much knew the word for erection and masturbate in french I mean there's a few words.
[02:47] Mike: But ah I didn't totally understand the way those words were used and so I had the great joy of bringing one of those words without realizing it to my tutor and a fine young woman who turned a little red in the face to explain to me what that meant. And then there was this nice tidbit which I didn't know at all Brutal Laminu Brutal Aminu which means to to eat out. A woman didn't know that at All. So I now know that expression at least for the time being um. So Yeah I mean this this book is definitely going to contain Obviously a lot of sex talk and I appreciated Alie giving it to me and I'm assuming the other books have some sort of similar elements to them. So I'll check them out and maybe give some updates. And future episodes. Um I have a friend who has a tool. He's building that basically summarizes podcasts using chat Gbt and I don't know what for um. Actually tried out the tool on some of the transcriptions of our episodes and I thought it did a very good job. In fact, it was it was able to pick out the tone the context as well as the content of what was being said which impressed me um, in any event. Um I've been doing some some studying.
[04:18] Mike: On how these tools work and believe I may have detected a gap in the market for such a tool that generates literotica now how do these tools work I can say something briefly about it. They work I think in my opinion the same way your brain works I'll do that's something that. Someone could debate and it's something. That's a little unsettling in the sense that these tools basically take a set of previous text and predict what the future text will be or should be There are all sort of tools that will do this with an image a photo a drawing. And a piece of music same kind of idea. Um and I suspect or I I strongly suspect. That's what your brain is doing as well. You're basically taking all the experiences that have been sort of mapped into your brain and just creating an output based on that and that's also why as I sit here and talk to you I can talk naturally. I'm not stumbling over my words all the time because my brain is sort of filling in the gaps and finishing what I'm saying just in the same way. One of these chat gp-like tools would you know, just sort of continue on and say things to you? Um, one thing that's gone on with these tools that is that they have been nerfed a bit that is to say they've been. Um, rendered politically correct in various ways and that has prevented things like Literotica and the like from being generated by them I do think that in the future in our great glorious future. 1 of the tools that will that men and some women will profit from greatly will be.
[05:56] Mike: Different types of pornographic content generated by these tools I'm somewhat confident that you'll have movies and the like that will be well I'm sure and at some point in the future they'll exist but maybe in the near future. You'll have pornographic movies that are created on the fly by such a tool that just basically. Tailors it to your liking and it will seem pretty realistic literacy with Literotica is a simpler task because it's actually a lot like what the tools already do in that you could simply consume a large corpus of Literotica and then see if you can generate some and so I thought that might be a worthy goal. Both interesting technologically as well as interesting for a podcast host about sex relationships. So I'll report back on that as well. Um, talking with a friend today about Gpt and and the like we were talking about the submarine.
[06:51] Mike: Tried to go to the Titanic with some very very wealthy people on board wasn't built as Well. Maybe as it could have been who knows and then it sounds like potentially imploded in the ocean instantly killing these people. Um and we were talking about. You know that in this context of ah you know what the experience for the people would be like I I think it's somewhat obvious that for them assuming the implosion happened all of a sudden. It actually wasn't such a bad experience. I mean they just you know. Far as they knew they were having a normal subdive and then that was the end of their conscious experience. Ah, but yeah, one one can't know maybe that maybe there was something more that happened there so that would be the equivalent I guess of one of these GPTwoT like systems just being shut off.
[07:45] Mike: Right now chat gpd doesn't mind being shut off maybe in the future it will um maybe able to be taught to have a survival instinct. Um, yeah, so that's that's ah 1 way to sort of imagine that. Ah, my friend was pointing out that ah it would be sort of awful to know in advance that was going to happen like it could be some sort of a new version of the death penalty where you put people in a submarine that's slowly descending and eventually it's going to implode or I guess it's more of like a horror novel. It's not really a wonderful thing to think about. But that would certainly trigger a lot of anxiety for people. So it's something. It's pretty pretty uncomfortable topic. Um I've done a new thing. Ah I started monitoring my glucose Keith will be interested in this from Armenia no doubt.
[08:38] Mike: Ah, my rationale was that I listened to some other podcasts which said that your glucose numbers might be a better indication of what's going on with your health status than things like your weight and your body fat percentage and so forth and so I got some thing off of Amazon for like $80 that
[08:58] Mike: Can prick your finger which is surprisingly not painful I can now understand what the hype behind therooses was the fingers stick being I guess less painful than a hypoderic needle I guess it is. It's certainly less complicated. Ah, and so now I can monitor my glucose and yeah I mean like what I found is that like my numbers are not. As low as they could be and so that's something that I'm tracking and and maybe Keith when he comes back will want to track that as well. The main topic that I wanted to talk about before getting to questions here was trans and trans porn I figured this was a good topic to tackle. When I'm here solo because it's something that is either confusing to other people or more often generates some kind of sort of masculine reaction that makes it difficult to talk about It's a little like pegging pegging is something that I don't think even if a man had been pegged. You probably wouldn't want to. Discuss it in detail with his male friends because um, it's embarrassing Basically why is it embarrassing. It's embarrassing because ah men want to sort of project a certain kind of sense of who they are and it's ah. It would not necessarily align with that I think generally men often aren't very forthcoming. In fact, I know this aren't very forthcoming about their sexual habits. But for this reason in other words, men don't sit around talking to each other about like how they masturbate or the like because all these things sort of make them a little bit passive.
[10:33] Mike: A little bit. Um, yeah, just less less macho I guess which yeahs it's ah I feel like there's a better way to explain that. But yeah ba it's it's sort of a simple phenomenon. Um, so ah, similar to the pegging topic I think that people are unlikely to give. A fair hearing to the topic of trans porn and people consuming it and the reason I think it's interesting is because its popularity is soaring and of course it's not just the popularity of the porn. It's the trans situation generally that's become much more prevalent worldwide and in the United United states let me say a couple things about that first. Um I think it's unquestionable that there is a set of people who do have this emotion that they're born in the wrong body and that benefit in some way from transitioning I think that's almost certainly true I actually think I would say it's certainly true. I think there is obviously room for debate about what percentage of the population. Um that that that that is it's very unlikely that it's you know 10 10 or more percent. It seems very unlikely. Um, but it's not 0 um, and then there's probably a spectrum of people who. Ah, maybe have certain feelings that direction. But um, don't want to go that far or don't need to go that far or there's just some sort of feeling that they that they sort of say okay well I just feel a little bit this way and I feel like I sort of understand that a bit in the sense that there's certain. Um.
[12:07] Mike: I Mean like I I least understand that ah that that there would be ways in which being like an attractive young woman would be better than being a man. Maybe that's not a really good. Ah good analogy. But I you know I could imagine liking the idea of being able to sort of have my behavior to some extent. Not matter that much have people treat me super well. Ah, at least superficially um because of my attractiveness and their their sort of desire around me I could see that you know basically being catered to in certain ways being compelling I realize there's a bunch of downsides as well. But at least I can I can I can understand that I don't think that's the motivation though behind. Behind the Trans stuff I think that the real sort of Trans people are experiencing some sort of odd odd experience of not feeling like they fit in their bodies and that's certainly not something that I have any experience with I Would also mention though that you know there is significant evidence now that. Ah. While there is definitely a true set of people who are who have these feelings who are benefited by various interventions. There are are also a set of people I think certainly who are finding it persuasive to do this because it's. Makes them socially more Interesting. It helps them. You know it provides maybe an answer um like you know I don't feel well maybe if I do this I'll feel better and so they sort of try it out and then whether or not it's helpful. Um, and there certainly is some evidence that in schools in particular.
[13:41] Mike: Trans stuff can be a social contagion in the same way eating disorders are meaning that 1 person particularly among young girls. They hear about it from another girl and then they take on the same behavior for whatever reason. Um, so it's definitely a complicated topic that. Is is sort of growing in importance and as I'm sure you know there are lots of fights going on about it. Ah in particular in regard to whether medical interventions should be done on children and I I actually just don't know my general sense is that if you're a child or whatever age that has this going on. You're going to have difficulties whether. And intervention happens or not and so but as to whether the intervention helps and I just don't know and we'll yeah definitely need more evidence but I'm interested here in in trans porn. Um, because according to transhub trans sorry according to Pornhub. Ah, trans porn soared in popularity in 2022 rising to popularity rising 75% that year ah there's a whole bunch of charts and graphics from that year the category increased massively um, a couple interesting things immediately. That caught my eye about this one was that the claim was that f two m searches were much more popular than Mtwof Searches meaning women who became men who were more popular and men became who becoming women. This was interesting to me because it's not at all what I would have expected I would certainly have expected the opposite.
[15:16] Mike: But the claim is it's 8 times more likely now I think I discussed this with Allie last week or the week before there's some question in my mind about the data that pornhub releases when it comes to genders. Although this is just what people are searching but let me just finish my thought ah pornhub claims. Also that large large large numbers of women. Use the site I strongly suspect that that's not right that you have computers that are shared by people but by men and women devices that are shared devices where they just don't know the person's gender and they're making some sort of optimistic assumptions or some kind of assumptions about what percentage are women. While I do. Of course believe that large numbers of women consume porn on pornhub I've got to think that the percentage is um more than 90% men at any given time in any event on this on this trans subject. The reason why I think that mtf is more likely is just because of the female appearance. Because because my prior on this is that the vast majority of the people consuming the content are going to be men. Ah I think that men would be more interested in a in a person that has breasts and is trying to look like a woman than a person who's trying to look like a man. However, their data suggests. That's not right? so. That's confusing to me um, men according to point pon hub viewed videos tagged as trans videos 22% more than women so that does comport with my view. But then you have this separate issue of why are they all searching for a female to male which suggests maybe it's gay men who are interested in people that look like men.
[16:51] Mike: But I also am suspicious of that. Um, they also noted that the most searched for gender identities were non-binary and androgynous which is also sort of strange in terms of a gender identity that just suggests to me that people are not actually so. Being specific about gender identities. However, it does make sense to me that the consumption of such videos has gone way up and and and I I definitely have sort of seen that in the milieu there is a growth on Pornhub Gay of f two M searches. Um, so there is there is some amount of gay searching for that. Ah,, let's see Trans searching broadly Grew 141% Um, let's see if there's anything else interesting in here.
[17:41] Mike: Um, I think there's just a bunch of political stuff complaining about evangelical christians and the like that's less interesting. So so what you have is as a backdrop to this is ah a real growth in trans porn and I have to say like whereas some people I talk to just say oh that's that's an absolute turnoff for me I I here's what I would say. I've found this kind of content to not be that problematic up to a point because I have to say that if you only show the person from the waist up I actually honestly and maybe this is because I'm like something wrong with me but I don't think so I actually have difficulty discerning what the gender of the person is. And so frankly like if they're from the waist down they have male parts. Ah if it's just in a porn video I don't actually care. Um, so that's 1 aspect where it doesn't matter. Of course that's not going to explain somebody searching searching for the content. Um. I think that the reason why somebody would search for the content. Why a guy would search for the content has to do with um that for a man the female presenting aspect of it is much more important than the genitals and I think that's sort of interesting I realize there's some people listening to this who will say well that's not true for me. What write what matters to me is what you know is exactly what genitals the person has fine and I'm sure that's certain that's true for a certain set of people. But I think that in general for men they are not that interested in that let me give you another data point there is a study It's just a survey study but it was looking at.
[19:15] Mike: Correlations between whether being attracted to transgender women so that's in real life makes if that's if that relates to self-reported items that that would correlate with being gay and ah the answer is no ah there is no. Ah, there's no subjective or objective correlation that that that occurs there and the object one is tested by checking for genital arousal while showing you films. So what that means is that heterosexual men. Ah, while they experience less arousal and. Actually an even less reported arousal so meaning their their body suggests they're more aroused than their subjective description suggested. They said said they were then if it was a woman they were looking at so if they look at a woman. They have 1 level of arousal if they look at a trans woman they have another level if they look at a man. They have a much lower level. The point being that the transw woman is actually somewhere in between for the typical man heterosexual man. Um and gay men have sort of the opposite curve where they are not attracted to females. They're attracted to males and then they're somewhere in the middle for the um for the. Ah, trans content. Um, and and yeah, it's telling a little bit to me that the subjective reported data is in the is lower meaning that people are a little bit embarrassed to to reveal their true preferences. Um, so yeah I mean this suggests that what I'm saying is generally right that men care. Ah.
[20:52] Mike: More about the face facial structure presence of breasts things like that than about what's happening in their crotch area. But of course they don't care 0 about that. So It definitely changes The attraction attractiveness level. But then you could ask like Well why. Why are men actually going out and sort searching for this and then you know setting aside the curious thing about why is ftm the most popular one. So Let's talk about ah Mtf situations first. Um, so. There's a study that shows that ah some set of heterosexual men Express sexual interest in Feminine Trans individuals who have penises. Um and it's some percentage of the men and this comports So So meaning there is a so there is a percentage of men who. Specifically find this situation arousing this makes sense to me and the reason it makes sense to me is because in my consumption or this is really more like I like I said at the top I for me, it's. If if I can't tell what the gender of the person is then it sort of doesn't bother me and I don't feel you know, wronged in any way if then they pan down the person as a penis like oh okay I see what's going on now. But I think for some people it it. It really bothers them emotionally to be sort of tricked quote unquote in that way. Um, these are going to be people who are.
[22:24] Mike: Actively attracted to the fact that the person has a penis and I believe that because in looking at the content in looking at sort of a relatively large spectrum of this content. Ah, it's very clear that the they're not trying to hide the ah the fact that it's. A Trans woman in the content. Ah they are sort of making use of that and in some ways I would actually argue making like kind of ah another type of close to Heteroporn I Guess it's sort of halfway between gay and heteroporn. But it's another type of Porn. They're making right because there are activities that can happen. In that porn that couldn't happen in a straight porn or you could yeah you could imagine I mean I guess it could happen in a straight porn in the sense that you could have men ah sorry women with a well woman with a strap on and then the other guy could give her a blowjob he could she could peg him. There are things like that that could happen so and and there is some. Amount of that content online of course. Um, So there's obviously a desire out there for from men for people that have penises but look like women. Um and that makes sense to me given the given the um.
[23:39] Mike: The the set of content that's available online. Um.
[23:48] Mike: There's another aspect that comes up immediately with this sort of stuff which is the trans person is going to be interacting with most likely 1 or more other people in the scene and there you could have that person interacting with a man or interacting with a woman and I haven't actually seen. Something that gets to that level of detail but I would say for me personally, if it's a trans person interacting with a woman that's not I don't know I don't view that as very particularly different from something that I would normally consume because essentially I mean I would. The the fact of the matter is that most of the porn that men consume contains a man unless you exclusively look at lesbian or or women masturbating porn and that's not that's those are actually like relatively unpopular categories compared to the overall spectrum of what what you see on the internet. Um, and so. And so from my perspective if it's a trans man with a woman trans woman rather with a woman then that's not really, that's the you can see how a person would just say oh this is actually so sort of better because they basically it' it. You know I've removed some of the male features from the situation. Um, if it's a trans. Woman trans sorry it's confusing a trans woman with a man then of course you know you now just have 2 penises and it becomes sort of less interesting and generally I've found that to be the case but I have not found any data on which of those um, which of those is more or less common.
[25:22] Mike: I don't want to give short shrift to the ftm claims that are made by porn hub. Um ftm porn is basically in my experience the a person who's transitioning I mean if you're transitioning from being a female to a male you ah are. I mean I I think basically objectively making yourself less attractive because I think I discussed this I think last week with with Allie like women are objectively more attractive than men generally they have secondary sex characteristics that are more appealing and so ah, they're they're doing things themselves that do that a lot of times they will have had ah a mastectomy. And so you have that going on. Um and they won't really, they won't they won't have a very large penis. So if you're looking for ah a big penis or a penis type stuff you're you're not going to see as much there. Um, so I don't.
[26:17] Mike: I don't want to call pornhub Liars here. But I'm skeptical about that data I so I suspect that means something while while I absolutely believe that the overall overall numbers going way up is true I'm skeptical of that and I don't know if I have that much useful to say about that I would generally say that I've found that type of porn uncompeling except from a purely I guess. Quasi-scientific standpoint. Um, just just doing research for the show more or less. Ah and I don't really understand. Ah why somebody would consume that rather than just consuming porn with a man whereas importantly I do understand it going the other direction because basically you have this. Person that looks like a female that has a penis right? So you have the you're getting the more attractive person and then for whatever reason you have a penis I also should mention and we've talked about this on the show in the past, but there's absolutely a demographic of men I think it's fairly large who fetishize ah penises who want to give oral sex. To other men I know this from. For example, the fact that on um, ah apps like grinder. It's actually fairly easy to find somebody to give you a blowjob like in the gay community. It's easier to get ah, let's see it's easier to get a blowjob than to give one which is not. Obviously congruent with what goes on in the straight community and I think part of that is that there is this set of people who are not really interested in a relationship. They just like giving oral sex to men they they fetishize penises in that regard and so this is something obviously that like is in some ways amped up if you have a m two f.
[27:53] Mike: Trans person because then they have the penis and they sort of look females. You're not, you're you're lowering the the sort of gay dimension of what's going on. It's it's a person who sort of looks female and as I mentioned before like ah I have a difficulty distinguishing in a lot of cases. People are very and actually I wanted to say also. Ah. It makes me wonder I don't have any idea but it makes me wonder whether these people have facial structures that are already pretty feminine before they transition. The reason why I say that is that I'm not just looking at like the absolute obvious characteristics that make somebody look male or female I mean there are things like the width of your chin your eye your sort of your. The arch above your eyebrows your nose the width of features in your face how far apart your eyes are there are a number of things that are masculine and feminine where there are gender differences and a lot of times these are sort of characteristically female in these folks and I don't know if that's plastic surgery if they already look that way. Part of it I'm sure could be makeup tricks I'm sure I'm sure there's a lot of clever stuff that could be done there but maybe also these are just people who were born looking a little more feminine which is kind of interesting. Okay, 1 other thing that I found in my research on this is that and this I don't. Like to get to political hero but data finds republicans are obsessed with searching for transgender porn which is interesting because it's easy. So what does that mean what it means is that? Um, ah, people have done geographic analyses of the.
[29:26] Mike: Ah, locations the geographic locations where people are searching for various things whether it's on Google on pornhub and the like. So for example, ah the search femboy fthembo why? Ah, if you do that by metro area and you look at it. It looks a lot like a map of where the red states are. In the red parts of places like California the central valley and so forth. Ah, shemale is another good example clusters in areas like rural parts of Nevada ah, maybe down in Mississippi Alabama Louisiana and the like.
[30:04] Mike: Um, according to this research that I have here the top state in terms of transgender porn is Texas the top metro areas which dolf wichita falls Texas which is tied with Lawton Oklaho ah yeah Oklahoma
[30:21] Mike: And then you can go down the list. It's Texas Georgia Kentucky Missouri Kansas Virginia North Carolina illinois Illinois is not a not a red state. But of course it would depend on where exactly you're talking about. Um, so yeah I mean and and then they have a map here. That's basically showing. Ah, kind of the overall set of transgender porn related search queries reported by ah pornhub and that also is ah looking pretty similar to you know where people voted for Trump and then.
[31:00] Mike: You know, just more and more data sort of suggesting the same thing ah using demographics signals that search engines and the like have in terms of ah whether people are republicans or Democrats you know the the search engines have. Ah, signals based on what sites people visit if you go to the drudge report you're more likely to be republican if you go to daily cause you're more likely to be democrat that guy that's very simplistic but that's the kind of idea showing again a correlation here. So so what's going on there and you can put that as I mean of course, there's there's ah. This is all coming in the context of some kind of discomfort in a lot of these places with transsexual stuff. Of course people I think will be careful as I was at the top of the show or at the top of this topic to to draw a difference between you know are are you okay with adults doing it versus interventions with children. You know. Their their distinctions is. It's not black and white even though the media wants to portray it that way. Both sides of the media. Ah, but you know there is this but but generally I would say you know it's it's much more welcomed in a place like ah you know Los Angeles or San Francisco or New York City than it is in these more red areas. But that's where people are searching for these sorts of Porn Topics so what's going on there. Um, my first pass thought would be that it is ah you know the delta between basically if you think that that.
[32:25] Mike: This is probably a tendency that exists in the population and when I say this I mean actually not being trans but being aroused by trans whether it's well all the different things I mentioned before in terms of generally male behavior ah in some areas. It's something that can be can be expressed. In a way that you then don't fetishize it as much you can um you know see it in real life. Potentially potentially act out things. But as things become repressed socially you then move to more anonymous fora for accessing them and so. In that sense. It makes sense to me that you basically have this thing that's linearly spread across the country and but it is more and less repressed in different areas and so it wouldn't surprise me. Um I think you might see a similar trend and in fact I think I've seen that before with searches for other for rather for. Element for items that are much more just sort of fetishes for the same reason because they're considered taboo in certain areas or certain religious communities and so forth, but actually the desire for them is flat across the population. Um, which would suggest that probably these things are kind of inborn. You're just you're just sort of born that way or it relates to like birth order like. Second children want to be more submissive or something like some some basic thing that's an ordering that happens for all people. Of course this article that I'm looking at you know wants to make hay of the idea that it's some sort of political divide and oh let's make fun of these people fair enough and I think that's it's that's fair play. But.
[34:00] Mike: Ah I think there's something big a little more interesting at play there which is yeah this this point of sort of tabooing and how that how that sort of warps people. Of course you know Equivalently when you have an anti-taboo or it becomes sort of popularized. You can have warping of people's behavior as well. Like I mentioned with the with the dynamics that have been reported. Um, similar to eating disorders where people were sort of sort of think oh there's I don't feel well maybe this is the way I could do it now. Probably there aren't men saying they don't feel well and trying out trans porn because of that. Although it's not impossible. So anyway, I'd be interested.
[34:38] Mike: Ah, to hear listeners thoughts on this topic generally I would say I mean for my personal consumption I I don't have a I think a lot of guys particularly if you talk to them. You know if you try to engage in a conversation about this have a big problem with it. Um, as I mentioned I don't I particularly don't. Think I have much of a problem I don't have much of a problem if it's let me flip that around I can enjoy it if um, it's a what is it a woman with a Trans person now. The problem I have in that situation is mostly actually the problem I have with Lesbian porn as well or just solo female porn which is that I generally want to kind of I get the most out of it by pretending I'm a character in the porn I think this happens you know with Hollywood movies as Well. You kind of imagine that you're the main character or something or something that happens in your brain. And so it's hard for me to sort of suspend disbelief when I don't resemble any of the characters. Ah but I can still enjoy it. Um, as you move more toward the gay spectrum. It becomes just more sort of curiosity for me I'm I'm enjoying it less? Um, but yeah I don't find any of it sort of noxious in the way some people would and I actually I.
[35:50] Mike: I'm always suspicious of people saying this stuff supernoxious to them I think to myself. Well maybe they're just saying that for my benefit and then I think well why would they do that They know that I reveal all this stuff about myself on the internet and so you know who do they think they're hiding this from but it happens anyway. Okay, so let's move on to some some question topics I've got a few here. We'll see how far we get um this person says my husband offered to pay me for sexual favors instead of working on the mutually fulfilling sex I asked for wtf.
[36:25] Mike: Wrote here before about how my husband refuses to reciprocate in bed and it got a lot of traction asking if I'm asking if I'm wrong to reject bad sex and I deleted it because I was embarrassed well I'm here about a month later with a weird update we're in our mid 20 s we've been married two and a half years at the beginning I had a high libido and was constantly rejected. Got on birth control to lower my sex drive and it decreased significantly even when we did have sex my husband would only do one position or style and he only wants hand drops without touching me or talking to me man after my own heart. He only wants me to jerk him off and say degrading things to him. But unlike most subs. Who want to please their mistress. He only wants the pleasure to be focused on him. This is the only thing he enjoys and he won't discuss anything else after many tearful conversations I made him a very detailed list of what I would like which includes foreplay I would like him to work on making me finish which is something he has never tried I told him I wanted my needs met. Or we won't have sex while I caved and 3 more times I gave him what he wanted because I felt like I owed him tonight he asked for the usual and I said no because you haven't been listening to what I asked at all then he offered me to pay me to do what he wants my heart broke a little and I realized he really did see this transactionally and I'm basically just a free sex worker to him. I said no of course and I literally told him to see a real dom and spend his money on that and he said no my list of onces wasn't even hard. It was just stuff like tell me I look pretty without me asking and touch me occasionally. So what's going on here. Ah I think that this person has this the man in this situation has a pretty unhealthy.
[37:56] Mike: Ah, and I wouldn't say this normally but he has a pretty unhealthy set of expectations around sex. It makes sense to me that she that that he essentially Ah yeah I mean he wants to. Ah, basically have something like a free sex worker I think that's correct ah and ah, it's sort of bizarre his response of course all of the people responding to this are saying that you know he's just he's just a horrible person. He wants a flashlight not a wife and so on and so forth. Um, in this case I so I tend to agree with him. It's such a bizarre it's such a bizarre thing in fact it's such a bizarre thing that to to read and to hear that it makes me wonder if it's even possible that it's true. Certainly it's not something that you know he would admit if somebody came up on the street and asked him about it or even probably in ah a therapy situation. He would be reluctant. Ah reluctant to admit that. Ah, he obviously has a lot of hangups and he's sort of embarrassed about the specific thing he wants and it's too bad for her because ah because you know yeah I mean what she wants I would say is more or less normal and actually it's like sort of on the high end probably or possibly of normal for a woman. Um. And so that's yeah I mean it's sort of ironic. It makes you wonder sort of how ah how she ever got into this situation because yeah I mean what he's offering is is so completely uncompellling to her 1 other point I would make is that this let me think about this I mean this if you turn the the roles around and make.
[39:29] Mike: Ah him the woman and her the man. Ah it yeah, it still doesn't really work but I was going to say maybe it resembles a situation that could be a more commonplace situation where the guy is just saying well I want this but you know I just want to have a normal sex life and the woman is sort of blowing him off. But. Normally a woman wouldn't say oh I mean I I don't want a normal sex life I just want you to rub my clit you know for 20 minutes and then I'm going to go to bed and and hide from you that would be a pretty unusual thing but there is some analogy here I guess to like. Classic sort of dead bedroom situation with a woman where the woman has an unreasonable thing. Okay, you could have a dead bedroom either way. But I mean specifically the more common case where it's the woman who has lower libido and um, ah she has an unreasonable thing she wants which is you know I want to. Ah, be in this relationship but have absolutely none of the intimacy and I think that's relatively common I know it's relatively common actually um from from years of reading this junk. Ah so yeah I mean I think that it's not but but but a man having that kind of an expectation is is pretty unusual and um. Makes you wonder if he's just doing that to blow off sex completely I also don't really know what paying I guess maybe they don't merge their finances as a married couple because obviously paying sort of annoying actually when you're married because you can't like make bets with your spouse because it doesn't mean anything.
[40:59] Mike: So you know if you's if you're sure you're right about something and the last time I was sure I was right about something actually was I thought I was certain I was positive that you could recycle well that it was effective. You know that they would take it if you recycled? Um yeah, what do they call it well put toilet paper. What's this? yeah.
[41:18] Mike: Um, paper towels lost my words there if you could recycle paper towels and and I was certain I was like look obviously you can recycle them their their paper. Well if you Google it you you can I mean that that they just put in the trash. Of course my convention is largely. They put everything in the trash and what's what's so bad about that I mean they. Ah.
[41:39] Mike: Landfills later turn into um parks often anyway, no need to litigate that here's another question boyfriend doesn't want to go down on me and the reason is quite silly and if i. If I if my french memory were perfect I could remember the term. Maybe some of you remember from the beginning of the show. What the term is for that in french. Yep so I 18 year old female asked my boyfriend 20 year old male today if maybe he would like to go down on me and he told me politely that he wouldn't because of masculinity and ego. So basically what I'm asking is how does going on it. Going down on a woman effect masculinity because I definitely don't see anything nonmasculine about it. But I respected his decision because we both want to do what we're both comfortable with but it sucks because I do give him head lol but he pleasures me fingers and rubs my clit. He just doesn't do head. But he said in the future. Maybe he might that's smart. Um, so I think this is sort of it's it's relatively obvious what's going on here is that the guy doesn't want to be in the more submissive role. It makes him uncomfortable doing something where he's not extracting pleasure where he's not. Where it's not you know where it's it's not even partially about him I guess it is a bit about him. They're men and it's always kind of grosses me out when I read those but they're men who will say things about how you know they could just go down a woman for for hours and days on end and it grosses me out because it's like.
[43:03] Mike: You shouldn't do anything involving a bodily function for that long like something something will go wrong eventually? Ah, but but so there are men who get something out of it. Um, but it it is definitely not a position where you're taking the dominant role typically um and it's. Yeah I mean it's something like let's say this like if you took a set of guys who were friends like say there I don't know there's the same fraternityity or maybe that's a bad example. They're just friends who hang out at a bar on Thursday nights or something a set of men and and and you said to them look you guys have to there have to be sex acts I'm going to require you. To like watch videos of each other's sex acts and just see what the you know? what? what would be the what would be the the one that they struggled against the most well of course if they were you know anything involving. Pegging and things like that. But I mean this would be sort of higher on the list than you know him get the man giving doggy style sex or getting a blowjob like those would be ones that they would be more inclined and this this vibes with me. This is how I would feel too I mean I would want I would. Would definitely if if I if I had to have one video of me having sex shared on the internet I would probably pick me getting a blow or something like that or something. Yeah, something where I seem kind of masculine and dominant. Um whereas yeah, something where I'm more passive would not be great now people in the comments here you know are pointing out hey you're.
[44:28] Mike: Pleasing a woman that's compelling you know blah blah blah blah blah and that's true. Um I actually agree with that and so I I also struggle with like well what's what's really going on here in my mind like why? Why do I sort of agree I mean like I don't agree with this guy refusing to do this but I understand where he's coming from. That it's not It's sort of out. It's a little bit atypical I mean 1 thing I could point out is that I think that when women are asked to do more dominant things they don't really love it. A lot of the time that would be you know things like being on top ah sitting on a guy's face. For example.
[45:06] Mike: Whichever direction they're facing and I should point out for Keith's benefit here that I mean I just I've been counting as I watch pon and I watch a lot of it. The percentage of time I have been paying attention to this I have a the percentage of time that when people. Ah. Do this act. The woman is facing toward the man's sort sort of head toward the headboard call it versus toward his feet and my tallies at fifty fifty and both are above 10 I have to I have to find it here. But it's something like 1717 so there's an awful lot I mean this this act doesn't show up in porn that much There's an awful lot there. Um, anyhow so I so I understand I understand why? Ah, but anyway so women yeah women have a similar a similar sort of typical response to what they do and don't want to do here ah to men and yeah, it's just yeah and and there there are elements.
[46:03] Mike: Elements of what happens during sex that are weird right? I mean you can think back maybe to being in high school or something and what you would talk about with your friends probably nothing but the most likely sex act you would talk about would be getting a blowjob or fucking the least likely would be things where there's no woman involved some masturbating or. Things like this and well and the absolute least likely would probably be you know receptive you know oh I I gave a blow to somebody etc. Um, but yeah I mean obviously he needs to get over that because it's not ah, it's not productive in an intimate atmosphere. Um, okay, let's move on to another one. Ah, my 34 male girlfriend 28 female never wants sex but regularly masturbates to porn. It sounds like ah sounds like the the genders should be reversed here. But it's it's a woman who masturbates to porn and does not want sex and the man. Ah. Complaining about this? Um, okay, my girlfriend of over six years now has always had a significantly lower sex drive than me. It was okay first because we did have a fair amount of sex 2 to 3 times a week but now we are down to like once or twice a month. The situation has made me more understanding and educated on women's sexuality as I've done so much research on this over the years because I really love my girlfriend and I want this relationship to last. We've come such a long way and flourish over this is awful I also try to ensure she orgasms when you do have sex as we found a position which allows me to thrust her while she uses her vibrator on her clitters at the same time. Okay, that's believe I thought I thought he was going to say that just the position gets her off and then I was gonna I was I was.
[47:39] Mike: Prepping a harangue about that. But okay, the vibrator makes it checks out. She probably is orgasming. She says she enjoys having sex most of the time but just never is in the mood but then she masturbates to guy on guy porn almost every day I've also walked in on her masturbating to porn just a few minutes after rejecting my advances. Yikes. Tried to compromise again by asking what that we masturbate together when she feels like it since she prefers masturbating. But even that doesn't seem to work as she never asks me to masturbate with her and rejects me when I bring it up. She says masturbating with her vibrator while watching porn is not as sexual for her as it's more of a stress relief I understand that some people masturbate as a quick fixed relief tension. But to be honest I feel like it is somewhat unhealthy when your mind is conditioned to only enjoy masturbating to porn as a way to release tension whether it makes you orgasm in 1 minute or 1 hour dedicating this much time to masturbating to orgasm almost leaves no opportunity to actually think or feel the need to have sex to me. It seems like some kind of porn addiction am I wrong for thinking this way. I mean the genders here. This is a situation that would in most cases sort of be the reverse. Although probably the guy would do both you to be available for both activities. Although you know I think that I think in this day and age i'm. I'd be relatively confident that a large percentage of men have actually turned down sex for masturbating instead and and it's for the same reason actually so this makes sense to me. It's basically you well I'm trying to remove myself from it a little although I'll bring myself into it in a minute. You're basically trying to avoid the complexity of.
[49:17] Mike: Would have to happen to sort of get that release in a full act. So I mean 1 obvious 1 is you don't want to deal with the other person you know desire for pleasure. So you don't have to deal with that if you're going to just masturbate. You could just sort of do your own thing another thing is that like there might be kind of intimate heart bringing myself and and like intimacy related things here that you know you might not feel like doing you don't in other words, you feel like getting a release but you don't actually want to sort of you know? Yeah you, you're not interested in another person in a real another real life human at that moment and. I've got to think this actually is common for men. It definitely is a thing that happens to me where like I don't it's much more mechanical I just want to sort of get on with my day and have this experience. Um, and there's another part for men which is that like there's more. There's more of a variety of experience available via porn is that addiction. I mean maybe um I don't think that it necessarily has to lower well for this guy um of this woman rather it obviously looks like it lowers her interest potentially in her boyfriend. Ah but it doesn't have to do that I think that you could you could do both and I don't really this notion that he's a dick. To porn or she's addicted to porn rather I don't think is exactly right because I think that it serves a different function I mean it can porn can move over and serve the same function as sex. But I think it generally serves a different function. Um, ah, particularly for men. But in this case for a woman. Um.
[50:52] Mike: So yeah I don't in in terms of my personal. My personal experience with this It's definitely like I think I mentioned that it's more like not just yeah, just not wanting to have to sort of ah think about and care about the other person's experience all the time. Ah, and I mean I think that I think that's probably a pretty common common experience. Um. Somebody says that they they think that her sex drive has devolved down to a dopamine release addiction I think that's what a sex drive partly is. It's not completely true. Um, although you can ask yourself as a man for example, ah well I mean I asked Allie. Yeah, last week you know if. Ah, she thinks that her sexual experience is heightened by doing the thing that physically would would impregnate her if she were interested in having kids not on birth control, etc, etc and she sort of thought no but I'm skeptical of that I think that there's some subconscious dimension to that. Um, and. Ah, you could say something similar for men. Ah, would you find sex compelling if there were if orgasm for if it weren't pleasurable. Would you do that anyway I've actually not really considered this before. Um so I mean basically the experience would be like fingering the woman with your penis. Be sort of nothing going on I guess it would be like if you took viagra but you just had not you know, no interesting sensations there and you just did it for a while and then some stuff came out and that was the end. Um I don't think I would be interested in doing it then like I mean aside from if you wanted to have kids I think that would be the rationale I think it would just be a thing people generally wouldn't.
[52:26] Mike: Do ah so that suggests to me that ah sex drives are related to sort of I mean sex drives are sort of fundamentally kind of addictions. Ah you know so your your your pleasure seeking which makes sense to me. That's why sex is pleasurable and so saying that you know so saying oh you're addicted to this thing that your so you know that your body. Makes pleasurable because it's trying to get you to reproduce is a little bit. Yes to me? Um, what makes more sense to me is that yeah she to you she doesn't want to deal with her boyfriend. She wants to she just wants to have orgasms and and be able to move on. There could be various reasons for that ah problems in the relationship and so forth. Um, but I don't think that it's not that far fetched I actually think a guy would kind of understand that. Um, yeah and I mean maybe it's a lot of these things wind up just being fatal to the right relationships and maybe that's the right diagnosis. Okay, here's another 1 girlfriend grabbed my balls and I'm confused I'm a 20 year old man and my girlfriend 29 year old female are almost have been together almost seven months we have an amazing sex life bla blah blah sometimes she fondles my balls while which I enjoy it's relaxing for both of us one month ago we wrestled for fun and she grabbed my ball. She didn't squeeze. You didn't inflect pain on me but she owned my manhood I was shocked. She smiled and said now you are mine now say you are mine I couldn't say anything I she saw how scared I was and kissed me sounds like a kind of I would like to have a Literotica chat gpt that does better Literotica than this this is not that high test. She released me gave me water.
[54:02] Mike: And told me she's going to do it more and besides finally she grabs them from time to time somebody squeezes lightly until I say she is the boss I like being a sub in bed I like being fondled and I've always been an interested in soft cbt. So That's ah, not cognitive Behavioral therapy. In this case, it's cock and ball torture but this felt different. Ever since I'm waiting for her to grab me but I'm terrified of her power I feel Weaker dominated and excited at the same time when I ask about grabbing she says your balls are amazing. They let me pleasure and control. You enjoy it? How is this possible. Why do I Want to risk risk myself I'm so confused. Yeah so I mean I don't think that's confusing although I think that. Ah. I Mean he's lucky I Guess if he's found somebody who wants to do that because I think that I mean the the demographic or the the size of the demographic of men that want to be submissive like this and women that want to be dominant is sort of smaller than the other way around. And so he's you know it's I Guess he's lucky if that's what he Found. Um I don't think that it makes sense to me that there's like I mean it makes sense to me the the power play that's going on here. The woman sort of like enjoying probably lightly enjoying the fact that she can hurt him. Of course you know there are lots of ways to hurt somebody. So It's not. Not that unusual the thing. Um someone suggested they should have a safe word which I guess makes sense. Although frankly with that kind of thing like once you've been Injured. It might be too late like there's not the the time lag between her doing the thing that could potentially injure you and.
[55:37] Mike: You being pretty badly injured is pretty short I have a few other topics here that I'd like to get to someone I sort of run through them a little more quickly I actually didn't know if I'd make it a full hour this episode. But I think I talked at more length than I expected to about the Trans Topic. What should I do while he's coming. After he pulls out of me to come I tend to this sounds fake I tend to whip around and deep throat it while he's orgasming because I don't know I just feel that would feel good for him I always find it awkward to watch him nut into his hand into his hand or on me even though that's really hot. Also just really like the taste feeling of sperm going down my throat. It feels intimate and erotic. My question is what do men prefer while they're coming is it too sensitive for you guys when we suck on it while you're Climaxing. Do you prefer pressure look at this sounds like somebody's looking for a porn but I'll answer it as if it's not should we just leave you alone to spasm into your hand. That's another question. Okay, that one's probably a no. Um, generally speaking men don't care ah for the most part, what men like is the sort of emotional engagement of the woman. So leaving you to jerk off into your hand is not going to be on the menu but basically all of the other things. Ah work it depends on the guy in terms of like is it too sensitive to suck on it while they're climaxing. In fact, there's ah, a fair amount of this that happens in Porn. There's like in porn like sometimes there will be guys who where the woman does this and obviously the guy's fine with it and I always it always bothers me because I don't like that I like less. Um.
[57:10] Mike: Ah, action during that period of time. Um, but you so so yeah, always so it makes me cringe a little bit to see to see that in porn I'm sure they're guys where it's the opposite where they're like wait. Why is she why she you know now doing nothing to him while he's orgasming but generally the main thing. Is that is the sort of engagement and involvement of the woman like seeming like she's interested in it. So I mean things that would be bad would be you know wherever it goes like acting like it's gross or getting upset about it although you could get upset like 30 seconds later and maybe the guy wouldn't care as much. Um, but you know there's there's. There's a time and a place. Ah yeah, and yeah, so generally it sort of doesn't matter as long as you seem interested and involved and excited.
[58:01] Mike: I'd like to do 1 more topic here. Why do men Jack Hammer so this is something that came up a bit last week with Allie where we were talking about something that comes up a lot in porn and I'd like to actually find one that we can watch that ah demonstrates this habit that men have but basically men in porn. Um, very very very vigorously masturbating because probably they have death grip. Anyway, it's something that comes up in death grip obviously being nothing where men masturbate so much and so vigorously that they that's the only way they can orgasm. So this woman says I've recently started a new relationship and the guys. Great in every way I adore him. But when it comes to sex if I'm on top and controlling the situation in speed. It's perfect. But when he takes control. He'll Jack Hammer like there's no tomorrow the speed does nothing for me at all and borders on uncomfortable. Yup, my bits are sore afterward I've only come across it twice now. Is there. A reason some men do this can you not orgasm unless it's fast and furious or do you think it's what we women like. Spoken to my girlfriends none of them. Enjoy it. How can I gently tell him I don't like his style is it possible. This is the main way he gets off I don't want to ruin sex for him but equally I don't enjoy lying there wishing he'd finish up quicker so this gives you an example of a thing that a woman might be thinking during sex that would differ from kind of the hoped for or dreamed of. Ah, thought process the guy has I think that it's it's it's likely both that he this is what it takes for him I mean it could be a number of reasons but most the most likely is going to be death grip. He's just masturbated so furiously in his life that he's not he just has limited sensation. It could also relate to circumcision.
[59:34] Mike: Types of circumcision. Ah, the other thing is there is a lot of content out there that suggests that this is what a woman wants I I think for a man I don't think women I think women don't understand I mean as confusing as their own bodies might be for them and of course it depends on the woman. Can be doubly so for men and particularly because there's basically a lot of fake news out there. A lot of false information that would tell a man. Oh you know this is something that's Great. So There's a lot a ton and incredible amount of porn where women sort of encourage men to have this behavior. They act as if this is what they enjoy and to be fair. For some period of time. It could be enjoyable for the woman for various reasons and they're also I mean particularly if he's enjoying but also just this notion of like him being you know it's just a very vigorous thing and that can be exciting. But if it's all that Happens. It's not going to be what the woman wants. It's not going to work for her. Um. And a much better way for a man to understand what women want is to you know, watch them masturbate. Um, you know see yes, see what they or maybe they could show them. You know what? what is a form that they Enjoy. So. It's very likely that this woman actually needs to ah have that sort of tough conversation with the guy.
[59:44] Mike: Whether or not he needs to sort of like dampen down his masturbation frequency I'm not sure about that but like he may actually genuinely not understand what ah women enjoy in the bedroom and may just be confused about that and it wouldn't be that surprising given the the culture doesn't exactly help in that in that territory. Ah, so that yeah I think this is this Jack Hering hammering thing is I actually think it's um, moderately common I've heard it in person from a number of women in my life. Um, and it's confusing to them and it's also sort of depersonalizing or dehumanizing a little bit because the the thing I've heard I mean it's it's analogous to this thing of like being used as a flashlight. Which of course some women find exciting and I think many women would find it exciting for a period of time right? It's like they're being put into a role. The problem is when it's all that happens and then it's like well you know what? what can I hope for in this situation. There's not There's just not much here for me and that's that's the kind of situation that's being described here and I think that's. That's more common than you might think. And yeah, it's challenging for men to get good information. That's why we try to provide actual information here on womemv so anyway, that'll do it for episode 123 of your mileage may vary. You can reach us at the normal places. Ah, y mmvpod at Gmail.com and Twitter at Ymmvpod but we always enjoy getting feedback and suggestions or questions from listeners. Of course if you send us a question please indicate whether we can use it on the podcast we we generally don't reveal. People's identities or that kind of stuff but we would like to know if we can use it.
[59:54] Mike: Um, and we'll catch you next week