Your Mileage May Vary: Bi Or Gay? Seeking Soreness, Faking It, Losing Erections, Oral Requests

Episode Transcript

Transcript automatically generated by a robot. Apologies for any inaccuracies.

[00:00] Keith: Hello and welcome to your mileage may vary. We talk about sex and relationships with frankness that is controversial but mostly in good faith I am Keith my co-host is Mike and I'm flying blind today since Mike did the show prep. Do you? How should we start the conversation mike.
[00:19] Mike: Well I think our listeners I know actually that our listeners are curious about how your trip is going. You've gone to the western part of Africa ah former soviet republics kind of in not not near Ukraine not near the wagner group. You haven't been shot up I don't think.
[00:25] Keith: Yes, yep.
[00:35] Keith: Nope All good. Yes.
[00:35] Mike: And then now you are in cyprus I believe which is an island on the eastern part of the Mediterranean which is notably split between a greek part and a turkish part I think correct me if that's wrong now.
[00:42] Keith: Nice that is correct. Yeah, there is some dis put youed border here and there's a dejore and de de facto treatment that it's yeah wait which ones which ones which de facto is yeah, there's a de facto. Split but right.
[01:01] Mike: De fact is what's really going on. Yeah, the ah I mean I'm this just identifies me as like a white westerner I've heard like the the greek part is the good part and I'm sure that's like totally like if you go to a certain demographics like they'll say the exact opposite and I totally know that. So yeah.
[01:14] Keith: Yes, that is correct. But if you were to measure good by average gdp. You would you would that would be the correct analysis. The greek part is is richer has much more tourism. The infrastructure is better and then you know there's.
[01:23] Mike: Okay. Okay, yeah.
[01:32] Keith: Big cultural difference The cultural. The Turkish part is way more muslim For example, um, but I haven't been to the Turkish part yet I think I'm going to I haven't I think it's safe to do so you can cross the there's like ah, almost like a demilitarized zone that. You can cross fairly easily and there hasn't been any conflict for I think decades So right? Well yeah, and I think the arguments are decades old because this has been the de facto way for so Long. There's not much.
[01:54] Mike: I'm sure both sides actually want tourists and so they're not going to cause issues some incident.
[02:07] Mike: Is site is yeah, go on go on I was going to ask some questions but I'll hold them till till later. Yeah.
[02:08] Keith: Anyway, this is a sex podcast. Not a geopolitics podcast Mike that's fine. Yeah, so I've been to 8 Eight nine countries since we last spoke I went to Senegal Gambia guinea basau and Cabo Verde in West Africa and then I went to Georgia Armenia Azerbaijan and people debate whether that's Africa or Europe they they would like to be culturally Europe. But yeah, oh yeah, sorry um, Asia or Europe. Yes.
[02:39] Mike: You mean Asia yeah, that was only ah 8 or 7 or something.
[02:47] Keith: And then I went to italy for a few days to see my mom and my sister and then now I am in where am I I'm in cyprus now. So I think that's 7 let's 2 Yeah 9
[02:57] Mike: Um, good which country has the most attractive women in your estimation of the ones you visited because these are not common ones to visit people might sort of be interested in.
[03:10] Keith: Yeah I think Georgia or Armenia I went on a date in Armenia actually ah ah, almost comically so and so the the 2 most famous I guess.
[03:13] Mike: Really oh Armenia okay, do they all look like the kardashians or.
[03:24] Mike: Um.
[03:27] Keith: Armenians are well I guess the Kardashians are a group and then there's another famous Armenian Do you know who it is. It's sharer. You know the the singer. Yeah, right.
[03:34] Mike: And I um know oh sure of course. Yeah, she's Armenian That's right I think there are others. That's the thing. But yeah.
[03:43] Keith: And if you walk around keeping it in mind you you see cher and the Kartas and basically every woman there. It's it's almost creepy. It's like when you find out who ah a girl's father is and you and maybe maybe the father is a famous person you can ah you can just see the dad.
[03:50] Mike: Who.
[04:03] Keith: In the in the girl and it's yeah, it's a little bit I don't know if it's disconcerting but it's it's weird I am not particularly attracted to the Kardashians or share. But I did find Armenian women very attractive.
[04:17] Mike: That's good and how did you make your love connection there or like connection all right? How did you find a woman to go on a date with okay.
[04:22] Keith: Love Connections a little strong. Ah we met I've been using Bumble and Tinder hinge doesn't really I don't even know if they operate in those countries. Well they must because I don't know how the geo-fencing works. Um.
[04:39] Keith: But I haven't switched my hinge location. So yeah, tinder and bumble and I think we met we did meet on bumble and bumble is a little bit useful here because bumble forces people to say something first.
[04:48] Mike: Okay, and it's it's go ahead. Yeah, and.
[04:57] Mike: Pride.
[04:58] Keith: Ah, forces the woman to say something first and that is even more important here than in the us and the us there's not that much difference in response rate. But if somebody matches with you on tinder and you say something. Even my mildly interesting. They usually respond but on on tinder here or there they didn't and so bumble created like an extra filter there. But anyway yeah, she was she was 24 25 she lives with her parents. She has a job. She's.
[05:20] Mike: Her.
[05:34] Keith: Irritated with Armenian men because almost all of them are irritated with her for having a job. They feel threatened by it or they think she should just be in the kitchen. Um, ah she works for a food.
[05:44] Mike: What is her job.
[05:54] Keith: Delivery app. It's not one of the American ones and no, no, no, no, no, no, she works in there I don't know what they call it custom restaurant relations She tries to bring new restaurants on board. So so I guess it's sales or something.
[05:56] Mike: Like she drives the little moped.
[06:05] Mike: Out there already? yeah.
[06:13] Keith: Yeah, and ah, she'd only had like 1 serious relationship in her life. But that only lasted five months I mean she's young. So I guess that's not that strange. Um I think yeah I mean I'm just great looking and charming. Um.
[06:23] Mike: What was her interest in you other than the obvious.
[06:33] Keith: She spoke english quite well and she spoke a number of languages so you know one of the problems in Georgia and Armenia have is ah their languages are kind of ridiculous. They're not close to um, you know the other.
[06:37] Mike: Um, okay.
[06:52] Mike: Right.
[06:52] Keith: European languages and so she speaks Russian because Armenia was a russian ssr until 91 and she speaks english and she speaks Armenian but she was eager I think because of how well she spoke english.
[07:04] Mike: Okay.
[07:11] Keith: Or I'm not sure which came first that the the chicken or the egg here but she was eager to talk to people and so I think that was part of her motivation. There was definitely no motivation to hook up or anything she seemed to really like me. Um.
[07:29] Keith: When I mentioned that I was going to cyprus she expressed that she might have liked to have come but it takes like a month to get a visa for an armenian person to go basically anywhere. Um she had a story about ah.
[07:40] Mike: Fair point.
[07:48] Keith: Going to Europe and actually getting deported back to Armenia and yeah I think that's right, that's right, yeah, almost every country makes it extremely difficult for them to go anywhere because they don't want them to.
[07:54] Mike: Right? People countries are afraid of them being economic migrants. Ultimately.
[08:06] Mike: Right? okay.
[08:07] Keith: Stay there and to get a visa yeah, you have to do all this super irritating stuff. It is it is actually quote unquote easy to get a cypress visa and that if you fill out the application. You'll get it but you need to yeah you need to show a proof of employment and. Ah, you need to show them your bank account and various different pay stubs and you need to have where you're staying and a return flight and all this stuff before you even get the visa and so yeah, it does the United States imposes this on travelers from a lot of places too. We just never.
[08:37] Mike: Makes sense.
[08:43] Mike: Right? That's right? yeah.
[08:46] Keith: See it. Um I Guess the the most interesting thing she said is ah I asked her when she does date people where how things go physically because if she goes anywhere. Her parents will notice so she can't just like sleep over at someone else's place and something like that. Her Mom is a little bit more liberal but her dad and Brothers basically think she has never dated. Anyone.
[09:08] Mike: And her parents expect her to maintain her chastity until marriage.
[09:21] Mike: Okay.
[09:25] Keith: And she I think I'm 80% sure she's had sex. She didn't say so explicitly. But she implied that it was she implied the ah the expectation from many armedian men that she be a virgin is super frustrating.
[09:43] Keith: So.
[09:43] Mike: Ah, be a virgin for marriage or a virgin just to date and have sex with them I Assume it's the former. Um, yeah and I mean she's ah she's in a lot of she's putting. There's some risk for her particularly if she were to.
[09:46] Keith: I Didn't ask that. That's a good question.
[09:58] Mike: You know, do something your parents didn't approve of presumably I don't know. Yeah.
[09:59] Keith: Right? right? Well at the very least she would lose a place to live and then she's 24 25 and so she's starting to get to an age where many people would consider her like a spinster and then it's.
[10:05] Mike: Right.
[10:18] Keith: There's all this pressure on her to get married and start having children immediately. She actually wants that she she wants to be a house mom but she will it bothers her that people expect her to want that she wants to yeah, she's looking for a slightly more liberal version.
[10:35] Mike: I See that's interesting. So that's the only person you've dated you went on a day with okay.
[10:38] Keith: So yeah, I've been in in in Africa I didn't spend much time on on the apps I was I was pretty busy and then whenever I would match with somebody there. They would almost always be a prostitute I actually found that in Armenia and. Azerbaijan and Georgia as well. It's a lot it um very it very quickly shifts to that? yeah.
[10:58] Mike: And what's the indication there. They just immediately say how much or something or how much you'm willing to pay. Okay, okay and what what? Ah do they were there any dollar amounts discussed.
[11:13] Keith: Yeah, there were ah yeah, okay I'm trying to remember where this was I think it was in Azerbaijan and I actually got 3 people to tell me their prices and one told me.
[11:20] Mike: Then.
[11:29] Keith: 300 I think it's not no no no no I think it's monarch. What's the currency to a lot of countries here. It's ah no, it's it's monarch which is around. Ah.
[11:29] Mike: Dollars. Okay, we can leave it as an exercise for the listener to figure out what that actually is worth.. It's it's It's probably not $300 The penny. Oh. It's not okay.
[11:48] Keith: Ah, 2 to 1 so $2 is is one monet so a $300 engagement would be $150 and then somebody told me 200 mono and then somebody told me 100 mono and all of those were for presumably a few hours.
[11:54] Mike: First.
[12:04] Mike: And kind.
[12:05] Keith: Like I think 3 hours and so ah, fifty bucks for 3 hours sounds a little low.
[12:15] Mike: Well I mean it depends on where the cost of living where you are ah it's I'm a little grateful that a monarch is not a penny is that would have been pretty brutal. It was $3 sure
[12:16] Keith: No I understand why it's lower but jeez. Yeah, would have been depressing right? There's probably places in the world you can go where it's effectively free I think Thailand has that reputation I don't know if it's actually true.
[12:32] Mike: Sure. Yeah I mean it just depends on the average wage in the area right.
[12:42] Keith: Yeah, yeah, um, 1 more thing on that armenian girl. She said that her I was like how would you prefer things to go when you start dating somebody like especially if you are interested in western men.
[12:59] Keith: How do you? Yeah, how would you like it to go and do you think you will be able to execute that strategy and her preferred method would be to go on a number of dates. Um, like I think she said 10 and then.
[13:14] Mike: Move.
[13:17] Keith: Introduce The man to her family and then at some point after that have sex and she recognized that most western men probably wouldn't have patience for that but she was hoping to find one that would I She was quite attractive. So.
[13:23] Mike: Right.
[13:37] Keith: And that is sort of the prevailing wins in that area. So she may be she might be able to find that right right? right? right.
[13:41] Mike: So you just have to go back to Armenia you've done 1 date you have 9 left meet the family maybe convert to a different religion or to a religion etc.
[13:55] Keith: Yeah I don't know what the ethics are like let's say I move to let's just say let's yeah let's say I moved to Yeravan in Armenia it's a really nice city by the way I mean I was there in mid -june so the weather was perfect and everyone's outside all the time and so yeah I don't know what it's like in the winter. But. Um, yeah, like let's say I did find it quite easy to to match with people and if I could start dating there I think I would have to apply a filter before I met people I would be like look have you and.
[14:29] Mike: It seems likely that in it in a more traditional society. You'd be running an actual physical risk if if for example, her father These people's fathers and brother Brothers don't think yeah yeah, some kind of did they've got some some threat behind them.
[14:38] Keith: Oh retribution. Yeah yeah I mean one one thing that's better in those countries is that age Gap relationships are very common. People wouldn't people wouldn't look twice if there was a.
[14:54] Mike: Um, noka.
[14:57] Keith: You know man in his forty s talking to a woman in her mid to early 20 s um, but yeah, like I suspect. Ah yeah I did I don't know if there's a if if she was Unusual. Or I mean I'm sure she's usual for some certain class of women there but there may also be a more westernized class of women I just didn't go on enough dates to establish that.
[15:26] Mike: Sure sure it's I mean yeah, you'd need more data points to be sure, but it's not surprising that you would find somebody who's more traditional makes sense. Yeah.
[15:33] Keith: You know, right? Yeah I think I would have to apply some filter questions. Um, should we move on all right? I'm going to.
[15:44] Mike: Yeah, let's move on.
[15:50] Keith: You've you've done the topic research here. So I'm just going to start from the first one you added and then we'll we'll see where we go.
[15:57] Mike: You're sort of defending you're you're protecting yourself in case, the topics are really strange or can or contain really bad grammar I hear it That's right.
[16:04] Keith: That's right I'm absolving myself of responsibility here. This person says my wife admitted to faking it for the last fourteen years brutal ah hey I'll throw away as my wife knows my main account my wife and I have been together for 14 years married 8
[16:12] Mike: It's right.
[16:20] Keith: We've had some issues over the past couple years tied to having kids and other items that led me to seek a separation. We were separated but still living together for about a month and a half and during the time we both became very honest with each other I admitted I was completely unsatisfied with our sex life especially in regards to her apparent lack of outward desire. She admitted that she was faking it most of the time now most of the time most is better than all but maybe most was her way of saying all.
[16:40] Mike: Um.
[16:44] Mike: In some ways most is worse though because it's like it's like all, it's possible that she just has never had an orgasm most it's like now she has yeah she's like much more culpability but okay.
[16:55] Keith: Right? She knows what she's missing Yeah yeah, I mean this, there's a number of weird things here like if they had issues over trying to have kids but they were together for six years before getting married. Why didn't they discuss maybe as a physical issue anyway. Ended up having a near-death experience and it sort of changed my perspective I realized I really wanted to stay a family and I wanted to work on things to try and keep our home together since then I thought they didn't have children. Whatever since then my wife has been more proactive with sex to show she is working on things I have no problems having sex with her in those instances because I want to have sex and come.
[17:20] Mike: Are.
[17:33] Keith: Outside of those occurrences I have 0 desire to do anything physical with her and I think that her faking it has a lot to do with it. I'm not sure if there is any working on this or not I fear my brain is trying to keep things together but my heart has its own Opinion. And advice would be great. Okay, so he's saying he's only interested when she initiates because he's worried that he's imposing on her otherwise.
[17:51] Mike: Yeah I think this is sort of I think I think I've I've read other posts that that had this same kind of idea behind them. Basically a guy having So yeah, having some experience where I guess a woman could have it too. But I think it's typically a guy where like he concludes that. Ah, he he loses trust that she's capable of enjoying it if she didn't initiate essentially.
[18:18] Keith: Yeah I can imagine that too I mean yeah I mean once you get it in your head that your partner is having sex out of rote obligation I don't know how you dig out of that hole. Um, you would need.
[18:31] Mike: Yeah, it's a difficult hole.
[18:35] Keith: Whose fault. Is it.
[18:38] Mike: Oh the woman's of course not I mean I think that I yeah.
[18:41] Keith: Why isn't it hers I mean let me let me just present a case here. I mean if you've gone 14 years and the sex has been bad and your partner didn't know it was bad like whose fault is that that can't be I mean. I guess and in in some way. It could be the man's fault and that maybe he's slowly been mailing it in. He doesn't say if things used to be better or not. But if she's been faking the whole time and not communicating it. It's a little bit unfair to blame him for that I think.
[19:15] Mike: Yeah I mean I think I mean I think this goes along with the pathology that often arises where there's 1 partner that just is has has much more interest than the other they care a lot more than the other and so then what's the other partner supposed to do the one who has the lower interest like. Like well you know I don't mind this but but any sort of like heightened enthusiasm will be kind of fake. It's not yeah.
[19:38] Keith: Yeah I think the lower libido partner needs to tell them like they need to make it clear and then they need to go through some therapy or some attempt to make it better. And then if that doesn't work then they basically need to decide whether they want to end the relationship or not.
[20:02] Mike: Um, but make it better. Do you mean modify their own libido or make it better in some way That's just external to them and if so what like what would be what would better look like.
[20:06] Keith: No. I Think in the case of women. It may often be the case that they don't really know what gives them pleasure So There's I think a number of women out there who very rarely masturbate and the the delivery of an orgasm is a little bit of a mystery to them and so they could do some work to.
[20:22] Mike: Sure.
[20:30] Mike: But what if they yeah.
[20:30] Keith: Rectify that or to change that maybe maybe maybe after you know a month long commitment to masturbating every other day actually I have no idea that would be interesting to have a woman on to talk about how long it took them to figure out how how to reach orgasm. Reliably.
[20:49] Mike: It's tricky because I mean I try to like I tried to approach a subject like this with Allie a couple weeks back and she um, the problem is she wants to have sex with her partner twice a day any woman that's going to come on a sex podcast is going to be.
[20:58] Keith: Right? Oh yeah, they might remember a time in their in their teens where things were a little bit more difficult. But yeah I did yeah I mean.
[21:04] Mike: Not the right woman to ask this question too. Okay, yeah.
[21:17] Keith: The the female orgasm remains a mystery to many. Um.
[21:19] Mike: But it could I mean it doesn't just have to be about orgasms. It could be just that they just they just don't It's not they don't have such a drive for it and so then ultimately there's no way to cloak it as anything other than them doing it for their partner. It could be the man too doing that. Doesn't have to be the woman.
[21:40] Keith: Yeah I Guess that's true. There could be various things at play though like um I can imagine a man. Let's say the man is the lower libido partner. Ah, but if he enjoys masturbating but not actual partnered sex.
[21:55] Mike: Who would ever be like that who.
[21:56] Keith: He could lay off the masters I can of who could who could this be ah I could imagine because I have done this I could imagine laying off the masturbation a little bit to increase desire for partnered sex.
[22:10] Mike: Right? But I and and I think that for men most of the time when a guy is lower libido. He is masturbating a lot I Think what's unusual about women is that they just sort of turn their sex drive off and so that makes it much more difficult because it's yeah, it's challenging.
[22:17] Keith: Yes.
[22:25] Keith: Yeah I mean we have to issue the the not every man not every woman caveats here but I would guess in general that's true I don't think men do you know if men who go on antidepressants or other libido suppressing drugs.
[22:29] Mike: And I yeah sure Yeah, and so it's difficult to know exactly.
[22:45] Keith: Do they do they masturbate less too.
[22:48] Mike: I Mean my I have some personal experience although not I So I I It's all Annene data. But I mean look I've talked to somebody who had the experience of basically not being able to get an erection. So Then it's like what would be the point. Ah my own personal small amount of experience with this. Ah, is like you can you can It can take a lot longer to Orgasm. So you're like and it's pretty frustrating if you start and then you can't finish which I think is one. It gives me some compassion for women because I think that's a thing that could happen so they're like well I don't want to start if I don't think I'm going to be able to finish and so you know.
[23:13] Keith: Yes.
[23:19] Keith: Ah, yeah, right.
[23:24] Mike: That's a kind of a downer. Um, of course for a woman if you get a vibrator you know that usually works So I don't know it's it's it's it's like enduringly confusing to me why in a world of vibrators. All women don't masturbate at least like once every other day because it's like why? not? It's basically a free drug.
[23:32] Keith: Okay, but I mean.
[23:43] Keith: Yeah, if there was a device that I could use that meaningfully improved my orgasm experience you better believe I would have it I would have a travel one I would have yeah.
[23:43] Mike: You can take.
[23:55] Mike: Sure well but I mean forgetting about orgasm like if there was just a device that like gave me waves of intense pleasure for 30 set. Whatever for some number of seconds ah reliably with 10 minutes of effort I think I would do that daily.
[24:04] Keith: Yeah.
[24:10] Mike: Don't understand a human being that doesn't well. But I'm but I'm saying but the point is that it doesn't have to be like sexually related like I would do it if it was like you know a really good like you know when you get a not a sports massage but it's a massage that's more of for like pleasure relaxation.
[24:10] Keith: Didn't you just wait. Didn't you just describe an orgasm like setting orgasm inside by ok.
[24:26] Keith: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[24:29] Mike: Yeah, if I had somebody that was willing to do that for me 10 minutes a day I would say yes, probably you know I wouldn't always use it because I'd be busy or something but I I don't really get saying no to that. So that's a confusion I have about the female condition that they're like.
[24:39] Keith: Is it shame.
[24:43] Mike: I Assume it's just like the feeling that I that I've had in my life before where I just my sex drive goes away and I just don't want to and so they just have that much more often.
[24:52] Keith: Um, but wouldn't they want the device for the times when they do have the sex drive.
[24:55] Mike: Here you now? Yes I I would think so yeah and and also to your point I mean there's probably a connection between doing it regularly and having a sex drive. So.
[24:59] Keith: Yeah I mean.
[25:06] Keith: Um, what percentage of you know Coastal living Western women have a sex toy a sex toy.
[25:12] Mike: I don't know the answer that. Yeah I know that the percentage the percentage you masturbate is surprisingly low this percentage you masturbate is surprisingly low. It's like it's like under 50 regularly.
[25:18] Keith: Um, any deviation any deviation. Go ahead.
[25:26] Keith: Yeah, yeah, that's hard to relate to? um yeah I don't know what this man should do about his wife faking it for 14 years I mean I don't have high hopes for digging out of that hole either for him.
[25:30] Mike: Yes.
[25:42] Mike: Thankfully, he's he's probably he's probably on already on the having fun hobbying subreddit along with their discord and their private sub by the way with this stupid I'm not because you have to post a video of yourself.
[25:43] Keith: Psychologically or for her physiologically.
[25:53] Keith: You're a member of all those now.
[25:57] Mike: And I could make a fake 1 having sex with a sex worker blah blah blah and you know whatever I'm not going to do that with this thing with this thing. Yes, with this thing where you have ah all these subredits that shut down this happened during your trip. Maybe you haven't been a as of.
[26:03] Keith: Whoa That's the requirement. Wow.
[26:12] Keith: Of course I'm aware. Yes.
[26:16] Mike: Okay, affected. But I was gonna say affected. Um because you you've been a busy beaver. Um, so yeah and they've been shutting down because this api. Whatever some business stuff is not very interesting. Ah, there's also been I think it's I think it's basically caused some moderators to figure out. They can private their subredits which is sort of annoying.
[26:21] Keith: Um, ah.
[26:35] Mike: So there have been Ah, there been a few ones that I enjoyed going to like there was one. There's of course sex who are sex workers which is like questions for sex workers. There's there's also ask an escort but there was one called sex workers only that there was.
[26:37] Keith: I see.
[26:50] Mike: You know if if a guy posted in there. He'd just get banned immediately and it was entertaining to read and now that one's gone private which is too bad because I I would enjoy I enjoyed seeing what the ah the intimate gossip among the sex were. It was all very gross and like meaning it's not doesn't turn you on. It's all like.
[26:50] Keith: Right? yeah.
[27:08] Mike: Oh guess what? a John did to me yes or you know this guy stiff me for money or whatever. True yeah.
[27:13] Keith: Yeah I mean not everything has to be sexual to be interesting though I think that would be interesting to read about and understand the zeitgeist. Yeah I have thoughts on this Reddit thing but we'll talk about it offline um, but that is frustrating. That I mean it's not going to be long and before Reddit cracks down on the porn I think we'll see I saw I saw um I would not feel comfortable about storing content. There.
[27:37] Mike: Um, Imger has not actually removed the porn by and large yet. Yeah, so.
[27:51] Keith: That I care about. But for now it it remains.
[27:53] Mike: Any concerns in these more conservative countries by the way about like your daily regimen of Porn surfing and beating off or whatever you need to do.
[28:01] Keith: I Thought about this. Okay, let's say you're a hotel owner and people people use your wi-fi if they're not on a vpn. You can easily snoop what websites there? What websites they're visiting.
[28:08] Mike: Ah.
[28:15] Mike: You could see what websites you you can't see any more than that though, just what website they're but going to because it's all encrypted it is they all it all is.
[28:24] Keith: Ah, if it's if it's Ssl right? Okay, okay, you can't see the path of the Url if it's Ssl. Okay.
[28:34] Mike: No, you can't all you could you could see the the domain name lookup request so you could see that these are requested the information for pornhub.com or whatever. But I mean if you're going to iir hey that's this is one of the reasons that like if I'm on my work computer on the work network I go ahead and.
[28:39] Keith: Yes, right.
[28:52] Mike: Sort of porn. It just doesn't make any difference. There's no way for them to know I'm doing it.
[28:54] Keith: Right? right? Okay, well, that's how exciting.
[28:58] Mike: And if they've if they know and they're like in a crack down on me. They better hurry up because like it's they're and they're moving pretty slow over there. Yeah, it's more than yeah, it's yeah.
[29:07] Keith: Right? right? Yeah, you've been getting away with this for for decades I I was imagining a hotel owner having like a 4 monitor set up where he could see what all of his customers were surfing at any moment. But.
[29:24] Mike: I I used to work at a small company long ago back before all this encryption business where we had some software that was installed on people's computers that could see all the different web pages they went to and would send them to a central place for advertising purposes.
[29:25] Keith: Sounds like that dream is not possible.
[29:31] Keith: Yeah.
[29:42] Mike: This was before all the privacy considerations that are now you know that this would of course be intolerable now and one of the cool things was. You could get. People's not only the sites they went to but their passwords for the sites often. So I got like ah yeah, like ah pro accounts or whatever on a bunch of porn sites which was great.
[29:44] Keith: Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[29:51] Keith: Right. Right? Those were the days that's too bad. All right. This person says my wife states I should ask for oral. How can I ask? Tactfully oh I like this? Okay, all right me 38 year old male and the misses 36 year old female have been married for 10 years.
[30:00] Mike: Yes.
[30:10] Mike: Um, now.
[30:15] Keith: And've always had a healthy sex life and we really enjoy each other immensely sex is semi-regular and I always make sure she gets her o by whichever means she desires that is a little suspicious. She has always stated.
[30:28] Mike: Yeah, a little.
[30:31] Keith: But should I ever want to oral whether it's that time of the month or not I should not I should just ask but this is what bothers me How the heck do you do this without seeming like a total doge wait. Why does it matter whether she's menstruating if he's receiving oral.
[30:39] Mike: Um, right.
[30:46] Mike: Oh because ah because her interest is likely lower. Although that varies some women it increased and the B there are certain activities that are off the table and so this would be the main activity that's happening and he might feel like you would probably.
[30:52] Keith: Yeah, yeah.
[31:03] Mike: That he he would be imposing on her. In fact I have to assume that this is a blocker for you because if you're not interested in oral from your female partner. Do you get a hand job from her like what would even happen. You just avoid her altogether.
[31:15] Keith: Why can't you have sex which why can't you have sex when she's menstruating.
[31:20] Mike: Oh you can. But I mean people it's messy people you know.
[31:24] Keith: It is I've I've experienced that mass many a time. Okay, so this.
[31:29] Mike: Oh this is so your your go to move. There is to just go ahead and say look I don't mind it. Let's put down the rubber sheets slip and slide. It is huh I don't think that's that common.
[31:35] Keith: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of women are uncomfortable with it. But then okay, let's let's say they're uncomfortable with it then they're definitely going to be uncomfortable with me going down on them when they're menstruating which I.
[31:46] Mike: Yeah I mean for obvious reasons It's like.
[31:54] Mike: Ah, yeah, that's right, No no, this is this is.
[31:58] Keith: So they're basically foreclosing on an orgasm for themselves unless yeah, but if again if they're uncomfortable with having their vagina interacted with and they're probably uncomfortable with having their vagina interacted with.
[32:01] Mike: I think of masturbate or you could figure them I mean but hang on.
[32:10] Mike: So hang on on a scale of 1 to 10 where one is just a normal sex encounter and 10 is like a children kind of a really bad children's haunted house with blood just everywhere right? That's one that's 10
[32:22] Keith: Yeah.
[32:25] Mike: Ah, how how where where's the furthest you've gotten up on that scale in one of these ah red scare encounters you've had with a woman How how frightening has it become bloodwise.
[32:39] Keith: Ah, pretty frightening I wouldn't use the word frightening but it makes a mess.
[32:40] Mike: Okay, so you've had an encounter where like like okay, you've had an encounter where like let's say that somebody pulled the fire alarm or something and you had to quickly get dressed and run of your apartment and I just happened to happen by and looked in your apartment I would think somebody was murdered I might.
[32:55] Keith: I don't think it's that much blood I think it's also yeah I don't know how much blood a woman loses over the course of like her peak 6 hour amount of bleeding during her menstrual cycle but it's not that much. It's.
[32:59] Mike: Okay.
[33:10] Mike: Okay, and you.
[33:14] Keith: It's a lot and because it's such a dense substance it you know can seem like more than it actually is like if you drop a few drops of blood in water. It makes the whole you know container red.
[33:20] Mike: Um, yeah, do you have a right? Well we're it's designed to some extent the the part of the point of the the way our eyes work and stuff is to be alerted to this particular color. But do you have a special like do you have like a rubber sheet.
[33:33] Keith: Yeah I don't have a rubber sheet but I would throw a towel down.
[33:40] Mike: Okay, okay, like a dark colored towel a white towel.
[33:46] Keith: Um I don't have I think my towels are like Light Brown or gray or so I think they're light brown. Yeah, they're Light Brown
[33:52] Mike: Do you fetishize it. Do you feel like does it make you feel stronger because it's like you're stabbing her or something I could sort of get that. Ah, you just don't care. Okay.
[34:01] Keith: Ah, no I Just I think I don't mind. Yeah I don't mind the blood that much and it's sort of a little bit arousing because they don't either.
[34:18] Mike: No, you just said that some a lot of them. Don't like it I Guess the ones that say yes to this don't mind.
[34:23] Keith: Yeah, if yeah, the ones that say they don't like it I don't then rape them I Then we don't have sex Um, but but I understand what you're saying sorry that the whole reason we got down this little segue is when many women are menstruating the thing that.
[34:28] Mike: Okay, okay, okay, so okay, so this is.
[34:40] Keith: Becomes more on the table is her giving him a blowjob. That's why he mentioned it.
[34:45] Mike: That's right and so rights which is what I assumed. Yeah, that's why I brought that up so he ah hit. Yeah, yeah, sure.
[34:49] Keith: Yeah, all right? Let me continue. Let me finish the thread here. So he says I've been told by her if you don't ask you don't get and my God I do want to ask I'd love to take her up on the offer. But my mind just buckles under the pressure anxiety sets in and I don't want to change her opinion of me.
[34:57] Mike: Right.
[35:06] Mike: Sure that makes sense.
[35:08] Keith: In short, she tells me to ask but I just can't do it without telling myself that sounds totally selfish please help. Ah yes I mean I I hear him I don't understand why other people don't also.
[35:16] Mike: Selfish. Okay.
[35:25] Keith: Have issues with these ah one direction sexual experiences.
[35:31] Mike: Um, but but your issue is the Selfishness Selfishness issue.
[35:36] Keith: Yeah, I'm not sure I would use the word selfish because over 120 episodes of this podcast I've come to understand that selfish might not be the right framing but it is 1 directional.
[35:52] Mike: Well, okay, let me say the thing that it would cause for me because I'm not sure I've I know it's not about it's's sort of about intimacy but a little bit different. Um, everything here is but it's for me, it's that I don't like the um, kind of supplicating I don't like the power inversion I don't want to have to go. Like hey I need this thing that's embarrassed embarrass I feel embarrassed. It's like I don't want to I want it to be bidirectional and I want. Ah yeah, like I don't I don't I don't want to feel Needy. Like it feels very anti-masculine to me to be like oh hey I need this help with this thing like I can't reach the light bulb. Yeah, okay.
[36:28] Keith: Yeah, now that I that I totally understand even if I were completely comfortable with receiving blowjobs I think I would not like having to ask for it and I actually sort of disagree with her expression. What did he say if you don't ask you don't get.
[36:38] Mike: Right.
[36:48] Keith: I mean that means that the man needs to initiate every time I guess and that seems that seems fraught for a number of reasons. The first is what are the rules like.
[37:03] Mike: Well maybe she asks Sometimes yeah I mean I I still think the best solution. Best suggestion here is that one where the woman like does something to indicate. She's willing or interested then or something so there's some subtle signal where he doesn't have to ask exactly he can just.
[37:08] Keith: Yeah, maybe maybe I doubt it. But maybe.
[37:16] Keith: Yeah, yeah.
[37:23] Mike: Initiate ah and that makes him feel more powerful and more in control. It's like by ah as a woman by making him adopt a more submissive posture like that. It's kind of a turnoff for him and it your it's actually is a barrier because it doesn't it doesn't set the mood right.
[37:34] Keith: Right.
[37:41] Keith: Yeah,, that's exactly right I don't I Yeah I think the woman in this particular case should yeah she should recognize that. It's nice for the man to feel like she has some desire for him and. She's basically creating a circumstance here where it's very clear. She doesn't He's just doing him some sort of like favor to give him physical release.
[38:08] Mike: I Mean on the other hand, The woman gets some pleasure out of having him ask for something being needed in that way I Just think that him initiating in a more class right? initiating a more classic way I think should accomplish that objective I don't like yeah I mean.
[38:17] Keith: I Guess although I think she sort of knows that.
[38:27] Mike: He he he wouldn't initiate some other person. He's in a shade with you and et etc.
[38:34] Keith: Yeah, all right? Let's move on. Um, this person says men can't keep erections with me I'm 27 female and have started to notice for the past few years a trend among guys that I sleep with both casual and committed partners. They almost always go soft during sex.
[38:43] Mike: Um.
[38:52] Keith: First time it happened I didn't think of it that much. But after repeated occurrences I'm starting to think it's something wrong with me common denominator after all, not really pretty at all I'm more than a bit over. So mike why am I going to continue reading here like 2 which is there's let's go out just for the.
[39:04] Mike: I might have read that one too fine. Okay, you got me, you got me I might have read that one too fast. Go ahead and finish it and we can just quickly just Okay, yeah.
[39:11] Keith: Yeah, we could speculate about other things that it could be but with yeah there's some guys that will be willing to sleep with me but most don't want an actual relationship god this is okay I know there's a threshold for how attractive someone has to be to sleep with and a completely different and higher threshold for dating. And usually fall into the sometimes okay to sleep with but never date category for most men based on my past experiences this is this is almost hard to read I have had a relationship for over three years now and my last boyfriend wasn't super into me I ended up being a placeholder and he got married soon after we broke up. Yeah.
[39:32] Mike: Oof yeah.
[39:44] Keith: I've noticed with me that guys will be able to maintain an erection for some foreplay but during actual sex that will go soft and be unable to finish. They always swear up and down it has nothing to do with me. That's nice anyway. But the fact that this happens so often makes me believe otherwise key in observation I usually get ghosted after that So kind of solidifies it that. Could be that the man's Embarrassed. It's probably not but it could be I mostly given up on having a relationship ever again. But I've started feeling similar about sex in general every time I have sex now I'm reminded of how things were different when I was younger and thinner. Oh cheese. Okay I don't really want to do an activity that now serves to reinforce How unattractive I am. Become the last resort does anyone have any advice or experience with anything like this. Let me see the first comment.
[40:29] Mike: I Just want to say something I so she did say that she was more than a little overweight that was the comment that you sort of paused on right? Yeah, so um, I've never thought about yeah I've never thought about this in detail before really at all, but it makes me wonder whether because there is some kind of an epidemic.
[40:33] Keith: Um, yeah, more than a bit overweight. Yeah.
[40:46] Mike: Maybe epidemics too strong of a word but there's an increased significant increase in teenage suicide particularly among young women and it makes me wonder if this is part of that because there's also an epidemic of a true epidemic of obesity and you know people ultimately do Index on.
[41:00] Keith: Yeah.
[41:04] Mike: Ah, fecundity Fertility attractiveness all these sorts of things like they're not just it's not just people being surface skin deep. It's these are indicators of health and mental and physical health go together etc. And so yeah I don't know like.
[41:17] Keith: Yeah I'm sure depression correlates with weight.
[41:23] Mike: And it could go. You don't know which direction it goes I mean it could be the weight causing the the depression. Um, yeah I mean this is it's ah it's a thing to tackle head-on I think my advice would be yeah you you know the problem here and you need to acknowledge it and it's fixable. That's the cool thing. You don't have.
[41:28] Keith: Right.
[41:41] Mike: Patriototic cancer. You're overweight you can you can do it.
[41:43] Keith: Yeah, although once you've been substantially overweight. It's harder to get your weight under control ever again. Although like these these weight loss drugs like Ozempik really work. So um, ah.
[41:47] Mike: True.
[41:56] Mike: How do you know that? Keith.
[42:00] Keith: I Have a I know someone who uses it and it has been extremely effective. But anyway I mean it's talked about a ton. You've you've read about it right.
[42:04] Mike: Um, interesting I know about it. Yeah, my concern about Ozemmbbik any of these sorts of things is some sort of of ah mental a lot of these things have some kind of mind altering properties like making you not quite as smart like. Well anyway, there's there's some history.. There are some various data points and so I think if you can solve this without a drug you should if you cannot Well yeah, you should consider it talk to your doctor though.
[42:28] Keith: Yeah, I'm not sure I'm not sure what's worse being overweight or being overweight and having your mind. Yeah full faculties so being less overweight and having some sort of hamstringing effect.
[42:43] Mike: Yeah, but I want it all see I want it all. So I'm willing to accept some pain true I Want to keep it I want to keep it all. Yes, that's right.
[42:48] Keith: Mike we have it all. We are both in shape without yeah, well keep not eating that much and exercising that's the ah, that's the tip I don't know if people know about that that fad diet.
[43:02] Mike: Just the tip. Yeah.
[43:05] Keith: Yeah I mean look ah there are other things that could be she could be dating people who are older than they were when she was when she was younger. But yeah I think I know.
[43:13] Mike: It's not. It's the weight. We're not doing listeners any services by pretending. It's not that it's that people people Index a men and but look everybody indexes really hard on this even though Society's changing standards are changing. They still do and if you have a low.
[43:17] Keith: Yeah, off.
[43:28] Mike: Ishbm I you're going to do much better and it's true for men and women.
[43:30] Keith: Yeah, all right? Let's move on my boyfriend misses being with men and I need some advice presumably. This person is a woman hi looking for some advice from people who have gone through this experience before my boyfriend 26 is by and confessed to me he misses being with men.
[43:38] Mike: Yes.
[43:47] Keith: Not sure whether I should let him scratch his itch solo or suggest that I be included Mmf Threesome I'm just nervous to suggest the wrong thing that will affect a relationship as I've heard of so many threesome horror stories on here. Oh maybe she's a listener to our podcast.
[44:01] Mike: That's possible. No.
[44:06] Keith: Well um, dear Dear writer. Yeah I don't.
[44:11] Mike: Um, he's gay he misses he misses other guys.
[44:18] Keith: I Mean let's just remove the bisexual component here for a moment and let's say I've been dating someone for a while and I tell her I Miss sleeping with other checks like what I mean it's the same answer. It's like too bad or you know we're going to have a serious relationship about what having a.
[44:22] Mike: And.
[44:38] Keith: Open Ethically non-monogamous relationship looks like but there's no,, There's no aspect here if if if he's only missing sleeping with other men then yeah, that's that's a problem now I think some. Very sex positive person might come along here and say like well there's things that a man can do to him that a woman can't and maybe it's that that he's missing. But I doubt it I suspect. He's just gay and that's why he misses men and not women.
[45:04] Mike: I think I mean there probably are physical aspects of it. The misses as well. But.
[45:10] Keith: Yeah, that's that's the thing that makes you gay.
[45:15] Mike: Um, right, it's It's true. It's true. Yes, yeah, this is ah I don't know I'm I'm afraid I'm I'm afraid another one of your friends is going to call me a misogynist um or misogynistic.
[45:20] Keith: Um, what do you? What? what should she do like.
[45:32] Keith: Yeah, yeah.
[45:34] Mike: Ah, chat Tpd did not agree by the way chat Gp T went through the entire transcript and said I was not misogynistic so there put that in your pipe and smoke it.
[45:39] Keith: I I read that I read I read that output from chatt gbt and that was as much of a clean dismissal of her ah of her claim that I could it was so good. It was suspicious Mike like it. It was.
[45:49] Mike: It was awesome.
[45:56] Mike: I didn't know I didn't write it I didn't I was I was I was actually being lazy that that week and I thought I'm just going to I was and I was irritated I was genuinely irritated because I don't look these people were far enough into the podcast that probably someone you're dating won't listen this far. Um these these these women.
[45:57] Keith: That's amazing. Yeah.
[46:12] Mike: They're just if they just listened to like 50 episodes. They'd see that you and I agree on a lot of things. So if the anything they say about me, they're just dissing you too. So what doesn't make any sense.
[46:17] Keith: Right? That's right I Think the misogynist accusation comes I think if somebody listened to us talk for like 10 minutes they would. I Don't know if justifiably is the right answer but they they might reasonably come to the conclusion that we are ah on the unwoke side of various woke spectrums. But I don't think we actually are I think the candidness that we use is. So unusual that it's being missed Mistook for um, misogyny.
[46:55] Mike: You know? Well I'm I'm interested in somebody. You know if there are people that have things that ah they believe objectively that heath or I say that are false that are provably false that are like clearly Wrong. We're in the wrong very interested in that. Um, but yeah I mean ah I think objectively ah male bisexuality is suspicious like it's not.. It's it's suspicious I think that most I think most of the time. It's just a gay guy. Yeah.
[47:21] Keith: I can imagine enjoying sleeping with partners of either sex I just think that for it to be exactly 50 Fifty is is unlikely.
[47:30] Mike: I Can't really imagine it because I can introspect and see how my brain is wired one way and I believe that gay men's brains are wired the other way and owen I and I read some data like I think it last week I Read some data on the podcast about how. Ah, when looking at Trans Porn or whatever with with porn like gay men and straight men their appreciation of men in male and female bodies is exactly opposite when you do Surveys and also you do um, ah when you look at where their eyes go and so Forth. Ah Gay men are not attracted to females.
[47:59] Keith: Yeah.
[48:07] Mike: Ah, it's not that it's not some other thing they're just they just don't find females attractive and so it's really hard for me to get my arms around some guy who's attracted to both.
[48:15] Keith: Yeah, okay, all right? So we both strongly agree that homosexuality is a thing. Ah why does homo mean liking the same sex.
[48:22] Mike: Oh for sure.
[48:31] Keith: What does homo mean what does the root homo mean so but not not same.
[48:34] Mike: Isn't it one.
[48:37] Mike: And then you're probably right? It's probably same. You got me on that one I have to think about it.
[48:42] Keith: I Just don't understand why homosexual means gay but okay, in any case, Yeah, but it it requires it. It requires some sort of leap.
[48:51] Mike: Um, it's probably same.
[48:54] Keith: To understand bisexuality because Bisexuality is completely different than either the hetero or homosexual experience.
[49:02] Mike: It's odd. It's odd and and actually the data I read last week suggested that bisexual people sort of found the women a little less attractive and the men a little less attractive which didn't seem right to me I thought it would be like max sound on both like so that's kind of sad actually. Ah, it's like ah I'm about half attracted to women and half attracted to men. So it's like you're attracted to no one.
[49:18] Keith: Yeah.
[49:20] Mike: I Mean that's well I Hope that's not what's going on for somebody because it's fun being attracted to one of the genders. Um and I wouldn't want to miss out on that. Yes.
[49:26] Keith: Yes, can confirm. Yeah, all right? Well so her boyfriend is gay. Let's move on ah partner wants to feel sore afterwards I enjoy. Healthy sex life with my partner I often ask her if she's interested in trying anything new and most often she says no I like her sex the way it is recently though she said how much she enjoyed her vagina being sore afterwards. This was a big shock for me I always made sure to not go at her too hard to avoid poking her cervix to make sure she wasn't having to walk funny the next day but guess there's a level of slight discomfort where it's nice to be reminded about the night before imagine it's like getting a good workout in I absolutely don't want to make her raw. We choose to use condoms for additional birth control and less cleanup. So sometimes friction issues can't sneak up if we're not diligent about the loop I know being raw anywhere can really suck but between the legs is especially bad. Sorry. Does using condoms just do do condoms absorb lubrication in any way I would think that condoms if anything would mean you need less lubrication for starters, most condoms are actually lubricated and for another skin does absorb some lubrication and I don't think latex does.
[50:42] Mike: Ah, that's a good question I My general impression is that condoms do actually cause more dryness though I mean isn't that your general impression I'm not sure why like why that happens? Well no I have an idea.
[50:51] Keith: Probably because the sex isn't as good.
[50:58] Mike: I think I have a better suggestion which is that any sort of natural lubrication. The penis is producing is trapped inside the condom So like your contribution I think that when you're no, no, not that but I've I've I've been told.
[50:58] Keith: Okay. What lubrication does a penis Oh like a little bit of precom you mean versus by cut is by Penis Sweating lube.
[51:16] Mike: That during partnered play might so during masturbation my penis produces very very little substances until the end then it produces a lot or um, um a moderate amount.
[51:22] Keith: Yeah, ah yeah, right.
[51:28] Mike: Actually a moderate amount but the um I've been told that during partnered play. It produces a lot more which would suggest that in the during the acts that would suggest that actually it is potentially a meaningful contributor.
[51:41] Keith: Huh. Okay, maybe yeah, maybe it's that the the material of Latex causes chafing more than skin does.
[51:44] Mike: That's one idea Also you might actually be trapping some sweat like.
[51:55] Mike: I could be yeah.
[51:58] Keith: Yeah, I'm not sure all right Anyway, this guy says my penis is normal so I can't give it. Yeah yeah, my penis is normal so I can't give it to her on size alone. Can't give can't give what to her? Okay I decent endurance if I take it easy.
[52:01] Mike: Wait wait you skipped over the fact that this oh you're you're continuing. Sorry go ahead.
[52:09] Mike: Give give soreness.
[52:15] Keith: But if I have to go hard and fast I'm afraid I won't last long enough I'm in decent shape though I can lift her a little and I don't run out of breath does anyone have any advice on how to give her the good soreness that she wants okay soreness where where are the places that women can get soared. Ah.
[52:27] Mike: Um, I'm going go with fisting. Yeah.
[52:35] Keith: Does there.
[52:39] Mike: Yes.
[52:39] Keith: Does there? Okay so you can get sore front like around your you can get some bruising around the vaginal opening right? because the the guy is like smashing too hard. You can get some. You can get some chafing.
[52:50] Mike: Sure Yeah, and some sort of stretching kind of ah yeah I mean like ah if you if you've taken like a really big poop you might have experienced in your life like some.
[53:07] Mike: After effects where you're sort of like oh yeah, that was that I feel that still although it doesn't last all day I would point that out like I've never had that it could last a few minutes and.
[53:10] Keith: I was a doozy Yeah, no, it doesn't I think when I've gone a long time between having sex and it's It's been a while for me. Ah.
[53:24] Keith: The first time you have sex you get like some abdominal and some like groin and you know maybe some glute sort muscle soreness because you haven't used those muscles lately.
[53:33] Mike: Hu that's not something I paid attention to I'm Okay, you must be more vigorous than I am have longer dry spells. Yeah could be that could be sure.
[53:41] Keith: Now I think I have more I've more yeah I have much longer Peaks and Valleys on account of not being married um and then yeah I guess you can get cervical soreness. Although. That is that like yeah.
[54:01] Mike: I've had that described to me as like cramping before. So yeah, like period cramp. So not really sore to me. Soreness here is going to be stretching probably you know chafing a little bit of bruising.
[54:16] Keith: What do you speculate it. It is she's looking for. Is it one of those or all of them.
[54:17] Mike: Ah, kind of stuff.
[54:26] Mike: Ah I mean I I think it's some sort of desire like I think he's right that she wants to have some sort of memory of the act afterward. So it's probably going to be the story. Oh you don't What do you think it is.
[54:31] Keith: I Don't no I think again I think whenever we we get questions that are adjacent to this all the time which is like I Just want my boyfriend to fuck me more and what they really want is for him to like initiate and be more alpha. And be more like obviously into it and exert more dominance and this is just yeah, that's just what she's saying here like she's communicating it in a sort of weird way. Um, and you can just tell from the way this guy writes that he's sort of insecure. Um.
[54:54] Mike: Um, and into her. Yeah.
[55:04] Mike: So if he so if if I was this guy and I misinterpreted that and I got should we're getting to bed and I pull out a rubber glove and I'm like I'm going to make you soar a night. She would be upset. She'd be like that's you don't get it. You don't you don't know what I want Okay, that's interesting.
[55:15] Keith: Ah, right? That's correct that is that is by speculation. Yeah, if you showed up with a balled up fist said. Okay I'm ready right? That's my guest. Yeah, um.
[55:29] Mike: Um, because that was my first thought. Yeah, okay.
[55:33] Keith: But let's say it was that she actually wanted some sort of physical soreness. Yeah I mean I guess go in dry and ah do do the like very vigorous humping to cause the bruising and maybe wear a Cox leave if you want to give her the stretching thing.
[55:47] Mike: So is how yeah you could. But I think you're right I I think you're probably right on this is what is your? what is your ah algorithm here that you use is it that you look for is it that you assume that when a woman says something curious like this. There's an ulterior motive and she's just trying to be polite is that how you process these types of.
[56:02] Keith: Yeah, that is exactly whenever like a woman has some sort of like unusual request about how she wants things to be different in bed. It's that she's probably not satisfied.
[56:06] Mike: Yeah.
[56:16] Mike: Does that go beyond in bed I mean is that have you found that that structure of ah interpreting female statements works more broadly. It might yeah like what you really are saying is this.
[56:19] Keith: No gosh.
[56:25] Keith: Probably yeah yeah I mean men famously, don't communicate and I think women can sometimes speak in code although women claim they don't and it's the men. Misinterpreting. But yeah.
[56:44] Mike: And that's how they get the rubber fist and the guy the the buy guy who misses his boyfriend and.
[56:51] Keith: Right? right? And yeah, the rubber fist guy says like you know I was just trying to make her happy. Yeah, do you think we have time for 1 more topic. All right? Let's see here.
[56:58] Mike: Right? Yeah, well no yes me see well hang on hang on. Let me see if there's 1 particularly good one here pressure on the lower. Oh yeah, I mean there's a there's a feeling weird after pegging boyfriend. Ah.
[57:16] Mike: Wants to feel sore how you did that? um the pressure on the lower part. Wow Organiz I feel a lot different. Okay go for it. Yeah.
[57:24] Keith: Let's do it since we've teased it already all right applying pressure on the lower part of the tummy I realized after all these years that the pressure on my lower belly part during Klitz stimulation is what will get me off and it's fucking amazing The other day I told this guy about it while foreplay and he tried it and it worked. I Don't know why we also tried to apply pressure on other area of my belly blow and around my belly button and it felt so good like this grammar. Why no one ever talked about this I discovered by coincidence because I realized that the only way for me to come while masturbating is when I do it laying on my stomach.
[57:49] Mike: Um, yeah.
[58:00] Keith: And when I do it on my back. It only works when I have a full bladder. Ah lol I know someone somewhere talked or wrote about this and it perhaps on me for not getting the proper sex education or any education I'm really so relieved.
[58:01] Mike: Um, aha.
[58:06] Mike: Huh.
[58:16] Mike: Um.
[58:17] Keith: But I know now how it works for me and what gets me off and I hope this might help some of you I sorry I'm so distracted by the grammar I Can you can you paraphrase what she wrote.
[58:21] Mike: Aside with the grammar. Yeah, she what she said actually was sort of interesting. She's one of these women who masturbates by lying on her stomach and kind of thrusting her pelvis against maybe a pillow or the mattress or something like that. That's like a common thing and often those women who have who do that have difficulty getting off with men.
[58:34] Keith: Okay.
[58:43] Mike: And she's saying that her experience is that this is made possible with a man or maybe lying on her back if she pushes down sort of on above kind of below her but belly button between her belly button and her clit with her hand which kind of while she's masturbating which kind of. Compresses down against the G spot externally or something like that which is believable to me I mean maybe that works.
[59:04] Keith: I have I have a thought here and I may be revealing some bad anatomy but it's been a few weeks. So I think I've earned a little leeway here. Ah could it be that her clit is more like.
[59:13] Mike: Yeah.
[59:20] Keith: It's like less exposed or or the part that she enjoys having pressure on or or being stroked is further up than the average gals.
[59:31] Mike: Yeah I mean I don't I think the the issue there is that yeah I mean you have to talk about like the fact that the clit is actually much larger than what's visible ah to the naked eye. There's a lot of it. That's under the skin and so. To the extent that you're talking about stroking that part of it. Yeah I mean like there could be.. That's what that's essentially what the G spot is. It's just on the inside. Um, and so yeah I mean there might be some way she can kind of reach it trap it between the bone.
[59:57] Keith: Um, yeah, but the G spot is on the G spot is on like the under. It's like on the other side I'm wondering if her click could be like recessed somehow.
[01:00:06] Mike: I don't I don't think that's what's going on here and and and actually the thing that I the thing that this makes more sense to me if she's sort of using that pressure also with something inside her vagina so they're but sort of trapping it between those 2 things.
[01:00:21] Keith: Yeah, she's yeah, she's smoshing it. Yeah, that makes sense.
[01:00:26] Mike: Although maybe she's like really thin and she's like pushing down hard enough that it gets all the way down to like her tailbone. Thats it's unlikely. It's very unlikely.
[01:00:30] Keith: Maybe although you wouldn't need to be that that thin I mean even if you have fat or muscle like if you push hard enough. You might be able to compress that although yeah I guess being thin would help.
[01:00:40] Mike: Now Yeah I mean but that's that's certainly what's happening with the G spot and it's interesting and that I mean yeah women who masturbate that way could try this I my experience I mean have you tried this move on a woman before abdomen.
[01:00:56] Keith: Ah, pushing on her lower belly. Ah upper groin. No I don't think I have I mean when you grind against and yeah, no, not explicitly no.
[01:00:59] Mike: Yes, yeah.
[01:01:08] Mike: Yeah I mean I found it to be sort of variable like some people like it. Some people don't so.
[01:01:14] Keith: Is the bladder nearby The clit.
[01:01:21] Mike: Ah, sort of I mean it's the not really.
[01:01:24] Keith: And and if and when it's full does that compress tissues in a way that might make clitoral stimulation.
[01:01:28] Mike: Yeah, would take up space. It would take up space. So yeah, right? that sort of makes sense. Do it would take up space so that way again, you have something that can kind of like operate like an item in your vagina sort of like giving you something stiff to work against there.
[01:01:38] Keith: Okay, okay, stay with me here is the bladder closer or further from the clit than the colon.
[01:01:50] Mike: I mean that almost doesn't mean it's the problem is there 3 dimensions here there 3 dimensions here. But what what were you going where you going with that.
[01:01:54] Keith: Yeah I mean maybe they should have a enormous meal 12 hours before to to fill their colon.
[01:02:04] Mike: Um, yes, this yes then then she can get like a female blumpkin.
[01:02:10] Keith: But but at least the orgasm would be at Broome.
[01:02:13] Mike: You don't. I mean the well I guess as long as you kept the it in your rectum Are you suggesting she actually used the restroom while masturbating or or having sex or she you can introduce the mass the other direction.
[01:02:21] Keith: No I'm just trying to I'm just trying to create mass not not just mass volume inside your your your body cavity.
[01:02:31] Mike: Yeah, you could ah you I mean in general I think when women say they like anal say they like having a butt plug do all these various things where they fill themselves up I think that's actually what's going on right? like that's what that's actually what's going on is you're basically filling up so you're taking up space so that there are more things to rub. The interior part of the clit against like that's why it's pleasurable.
[01:02:50] Keith: Ah, this seems awfully complicated. But maybe you're right? It must be right. There has to be there has to be something that makes them want to be filled otherwise.
[01:02:57] Mike: Um, yeah I mean it's just.
[01:03:05] Keith: They would be less attracted to penises.
[01:03:08] Mike: Well I mean there's also ah I think there's also an analogy to you know you you have told me that you get some psychological stimulation out of the act that could lead would lead to pregnancy right? like sort of put planting your seed and and there's some so there's a strong level of psychological like.
[01:03:19] Keith: Yeah.
[01:03:26] Mike: Psychological satisfaction the other direction I tried to get Allie to admit to having that even as a woman who does not want kids. She did not see the connection. But I think it's subconsciously there like having a man doing this to you is exciting as a woman you're being yeah.
[01:03:39] Keith: Yeah, Allie's total lack of desire for children might be informing that a bit but why she doesn't really like she was saying she doesn't fantasize about having seed.
[01:03:48] Mike: Informing which.
[01:03:56] Mike: Sure Yeah I mean you don't well in in the cases where you have had your sexual arousal like enhanced by the fact that you're planting your seed in someone you have not want to do impregnate them like it's not that it's just that you're able to see that your brain is like tricking you or.
[01:03:58] Keith: Planted and so.
[01:04:08] Keith: Right? right? Fair point. Yeah.
[01:04:14] Mike: Giving you an extra plus one because you're doing this thing that would do that and that's you know, just like you get a plus one if the woman looks like someone who is fertile Interestingly you don't get a minus one when she's on her period which would be very infertile.
[01:04:27] Keith: Yeah, there's various weird things I think I I mentioned to you a while back that I occasionally like pregnancy porn and that seems like the absolute like you you walk. The woman is definitely not impregnable.
[01:04:43] Mike: Yes, the the baby in there might be more impregnable than the woman there than neither one is. But yeah, no, that's I'm not ah I think the reason why that's compelling is just because it's the female form in a certain fashion that is.
[01:04:45] Keith: Impregnable when she's. Indeed that's correct.
[01:05:00] Keith: Yeah, all right I think we can wrap up here that does remind me I has there ever been a case in human history where a woman has been pregnant with twins that were months apart in terms of when the embryo was created.
[01:05:02] Mike: Enticing.
[01:05:19] Mike: Um I believe the answer to that is yes I think it's I think it's unusual and I don't think they could be like seven months apart I think they would be like a much joy I mean fraternal twins on some level are that um, but.
[01:05:20] Keith: Okay, so you can get pregnant while pregnant mathematically.
[01:05:32] Keith: I guess.
[01:05:35] Mike: Yeah, but the question would be can they be like a month apart or 2 and I think the answer may be yes, but but it's not going to be 8 Yeah I think the answer is yes, but it's but you yeah I mean if you at some point it's going to become difficult.
[01:05:37] Keith: Actually for turtle twins are exactly that. But yeah, can you get pregnant again when you're already a month pregnant. That's the question.
[01:05:52] Keith: We'll have to do some research and bring it to the next episode. But for now that's a wrap on this episode if your mileage may vary I didn't mention this at the start but you can e-mail us at y m n the pod at Gmail.com and if you send us feedback there we will paypal you or Venmo or whatever. Ah, you $10 for your insights just give us your account name. You can also ask us questions there. We will not use your name unless you tell us you would like us to and we thank you for your time and we look forward to catching you next time on your mileage may vary.

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Episode 124: Bi Or Gay? Seeking Soreness, Faking It, Losing Erections, Oral Requests

Episode Transcript