Your Mileage May Vary: Where To Place Your Semen? Hard Penis Feel, 69 Positioning, Inaccurate Tinder Pics

Episode Transcript

Transcript automatically generated by a robot. Apologies for any inaccuracies.

[00:00] Keith: Hello and welcome to your mileage may vary. We talk about sex and relationships with frankness that is often controversial but mostly in good faith. We have the usual assortment of nonsense to discuss today including ideal 69 positioning a rather impressive description of how hard a penis feels whether unperky breasts are turnoff and more I am Keith my co-host is Mike hi mike okay
[00:26] Mike: Hey Keith I have something to say at the top while people are still listening. Ah we so we took advantage of this thing on Youtube where you can um, automatically have your podcast be over there and we now have drumroll for subscribers. Pretty good right? but we actually have a fair amount of like we're actually.
[00:38] Keith: Yes, wow.
[00:44] Mike: People are watching on there which is weird. Ah I tried to create a channel before and got banned ah but I guess Youtube's looking for more revenue although can they even monetize your mileage may very well time will tell anyway, if people like the show you can go to Youtube and just search your mileage may vary and just subscribe and it helps us with the algorithm. It doesn't cost you anything? um.
[01:00] Keith: Huh.
[01:03] Mike: You know and then ah the downside of course is people can see how well my plea works. You know we'll see in a week or whatever I'll probably be 6 Yeah.
[01:07] Keith: Yeah, that's true. Yeah, we've been outed if I subscribe can people look at an account and see what they're subscribed to.
[01:17] Mike: I don't know that's a good question and that's yeah, like 1 of the problems with having a sex podcast is people don't want to as we know like sort of out themselves as listening to it. It's a little secret hobby. Yeah yeah, 2
[01:23] Keith: Right. Yeah, it's reske. Yeah, um I had a thing today I had a date tomorrow with a new person and we matched on hinge and we you know set up the time for the date. And we exchanged instagrams and I feel like the pictures that she chose for her hinge profile misrepresented what she actually looks like.
[02:01] Mike: Interesting I like I'm going to go on an limb here and guess that the hinge profile was not attractive enough and actually she's way more attractive.
[02:10] Keith: Yeah, right I wish ah now I don't understand why women. It's the same person and it's not a weight thing. It's like just that the the pictures she chose are the lighting's good or there's some sort of filter.
[02:18] Mike: What's the okay.
[02:27] Mike: Yeah, she's a little bit of a 2 face Scott got yeah yes.
[02:27] Keith: Or they just they they overt. Oh yeah, that Seinfeld reference. Ah yeah, it just over it oversells her a bit and anyway I canceled and I agonized a little bit about.
[02:44] Mike: Um, oh.
[02:47] Keith: Whether I should say why I was canceling and I yeah sorry it's not easy to share and it's boring for the show Anyway, so.
[02:48] Mike: Well I'm a little bummed out that I can't see the delta here like I don't know if you have well you canceled. So why do you care? Got it got it and it's true. Okay, so you agonized over to weather to.
[03:03] Keith: I Could show you later.
[03:06] Mike: Yeah, you agonized over whether to be honest with her about the rationale I mean obviously well it sort of doesn't matter is this gets back to your desire to be honest, right.
[03:15] Keith: Yeah I said something came up which is technically true.
[03:22] Mike: True you're you're too ugly came up um, something came into my brain. Ok how ok I do think it would be interesting for our listeners to understand like how this is kind of an extreme thing. You did So what is the level of delta.
[03:26] Keith: Yeah.
[03:39] Keith: Um, I almost never do this I.
[03:41] Mike: Yeah, what's the level of delta here like is it are you mostly is it mostly like hey this woman's not attractive enough for me to date or is it. You're just mad at her because there is a delta time. Okay I would in almost yeah.
[03:50] Keith: It's a little bit of both like I feel like she was misrepresenting in a sort of fraudulent way and 2 It's not yeah like I I wouldn't I wasn't look I wish I was less vain. But I think humans just are.
[04:06] Mike: And.
[04:08] Keith: Like I wish I was still excited to meet her after I'd seen what she really looks like but I wasn't and.
[04:13] Mike: Um, and it's not usually it would be weight would have been and that's I know you said it wasn't weight and the reason why I would say it would be weight is because that's pretty changeable but this is not changeable. This is like facial features or something like like maybe it's as if she got plastic surgery before it's It's a filter.
[04:21] Keith: Um, all right.
[04:26] Keith: Yeah I mean it's a little bit hard to imagine but you know imagine somebody you know is an 8 and then you see other photos of them that reveals her 6 like the classic thing is like somebody wears sunglasses and all their photos.
[04:28] Mike: Something something changed.
[04:36] Mike: Um, and there are 6 Okay, yeah.
[04:46] Keith: And then you finally see a picture of them without sunglasses or without makeup or with lighting that isn't low and it's like oh okay I see what's actually going on here like she had she had somehow chosen 5 or 6 photos that.
[04:57] Mike: Okay.
[05:04] Keith: Didn't really represent what she looks like.
[05:06] Mike: Was the conversation with her was the flow of the conversation you're talking. She sends you the Instagram you send her yours and then you immediately say I have something game up. Okay, no okay, but the the next message.
[05:16] Keith: No like a number of hours passed I actually canceled it. Yes.
[05:24] Mike: Was that.
[05:29] Mike: Um, ah so it's obvious that it's in relation to such. She's going to deduce that all right she might she might deduce. It's deducible.
[05:32] Keith: Um I don't think I don't think so I don't think I think it would be hard for someone to conceive of this conversation like she doesn't she can't imagine that like.
[05:41] Mike: For not for a man for a woman.
[05:48] Keith: She was catfishing to this level.
[05:51] Mike: I don't I don't know if that's true because I mean my experience is that women ah do obsess over their looks and it's up very very concerning to them ah to the typical woman.
[06:00] Keith: Yeah, but these other pictures that she's posted to Instagram she chose as well. It's not like I'm getting you know like candids from her photo roll and the the worst you know the bottom of the barrel there.
[06:06] Mike: Is.
[06:13] Mike: Um I I know I I Just think that it's like um, you know how women typically women have better color vision than men I Think there's some scientific research or double blind. How would you double blind up in some studies.
[06:22] Keith: Um, well some women it's interesting I think you know some there's people typically have 3 cones and each each cone is sensitive at various parts of the visual spectrum some women and no men have four cones.
[06:33] Mike: Um, right.
[06:36] Mike: Um, right right? yes.
[06:40] Keith: So they have like hyper color sensitivity and then some people have 2 cones men more than women and when you have 2 cones you're missing sensitivity in one part of the spectrum and that's what color blindness is.
[06:51] Mike: I think there's okay yes I think that's all true I think there's also some there's something about my like my 3 cones are not as good as I don't think I'm interacting with a lot of women that have four cones I just think that they're some, there's something about the way they see color. That's a little better. It's like yeah I mean like I think that I am.
[07:06] Keith: Cones are better somehow.
[07:10] Mike: Like I'm fairly ah musical and I think that I hear things that other people don't hear same thing right? like so I'm better on that and I'm less good on visual anyway. So along those lines I think that when a man sort of writes a woman on a scale of 1 to 10 Maybe men could get down to one decimal place. Maybe.
[07:14] Keith: Okay.
[07:29] Mike: I think women can get down to like two decimal places they're like oh no, she's a she's a 7.32 I Just think they're hype so hyper vigilant about that stuff and I just don't like yeah there's something weird I Almost think that you should ask her what's going on to understand and and just be like why. Why are your photos different because right it's It's actually kind of curious like what's going on she does Okay I disagree with you I think that she must because I think women are so sensitive particularly photos of themselves. They're incredibly knowledgeable about their own pluses and minuses.
[07:52] Keith: I Don't think she knows.
[08:08] Mike: Yeah, and she might want. Ah, there's another thing she might want the feedback.
[08:10] Keith: Your hypothesis is predicated on the fact that she doesn't care about the photo. She publishes to Instagram and that that it that's like definitely not the case and then it ah but because she posts more to Instagram she she doesn't have time to.
[08:18] Mike: Um, no I think she I think she does.
[08:27] Mike: No I think there's some other factor that that I don't understand here because I think I think 2 things 1 I think she cares a lot about the photo. She posts to both platforms and two I think that she is actually in a in a better position than you to gauge her own attractiveness because she's female and it's herself and so.
[08:28] Keith: Pick the best of the best.
[08:37] Keith: I Agree with that part.
[08:43] Keith: I Don't think so yeah, yeah I think people are bad at at self-evaluating. We actually know this because there's that website photo feeler. Um, which you can upload a photo to and it'll rate you.
[08:47] Mike: I hear you this is where so I think there's a third thing here like maybe. Okay, okay.
[09:02] Keith: For attractiveness and yeah, like people routinely have bad photos of themselves on dating on dating sites and that's like the number 1 thing that comes up on the tinder subreddit is like.
[09:04] Mike: Um, okay.
[09:16] Keith: If you are unsure about your photos upload them to photo feeler and confirm that they're good photos of you.
[09:19] Mike: Is that? Okay, so this I'm I'm ignorant here is that advice given to men as well as women because for men I Know of course men would get that advice but do women get that advice.
[09:30] Keith: Well I don't know and then the thing that you really care about is yeah like if let's say there's a ah pile of 30 photos are women able to identify the top 10 fairly accurately and men unable to that's what you're really asking here.
[09:42] Mike: This is what I I'm hypothesizing and I think they could rank them better than men. But I hear your point you're basically arguing maybe they can't because they're not attracted to themselves or something I don't know.
[09:53] Keith: I Don't yeah.
[09:57] Mike: Like Beauty magazines Cosmo. All this crap is aimed at women and it's always beautiful women. It's all it's standards of beauty women are obsessed with this.
[10:03] Keith: I Mean imagine these women yeah but women also like constantly have like weird dysmorphia right? So like they like put on like way too much makeup so they look like a clown or they lose like so much weight that they're no, but like this thing that like women are not able to.
[10:10] Mike: Okay, well this is a third thing. This is the third thing I'm looking for.
[10:21] Keith: Like your hypothesis is that women are able to self-evaluate very well and I don't know if that's true.
[10:23] Mike: A typical woman a typical woman and I'm I'm hypothesizing. There's something else wrong with this woman. There's something else going on right? So if she was a normal like this is this is an unusual state of Affairs you've you've brought this up because it's unusual and I'm saying I don't think I think there must be another factor.
[10:40] Keith: Um, yeah.
[10:43] Mike: Explains it and I think you should find a delicate way to probe with her Why why? her baiting app photos is it I mean you've already said no to a date like what.
[10:50] Keith: There's ah Mike it's totally impossible. Yes, even if I even if I knew her well like people just don't like thought experiments the way that we do like. If this happened to me I would be like yeah, let's like get to the bottom of this and figure it out but like she just should be like yeah you're such an asshole and you know.
[11:12] Mike: Well I don't even really understand it because I don't I yeah because I I am curious to see these photos later. But um, yeah I'd like to understand it better too I believe I believe you that that's I.
[11:19] Keith: Yeah I looked again during this conversation and yeah I now like trip trippoli because it's not good contents and I can't show you the side by side like it's It's not interesting. Yeah.
[11:24] Mike: On your phone. Why don't you hold them up so I can I'll write Jesus I'm so desperate to see these though all right I don't want to? yeah.
[11:37] Keith: Um, yeah, you just got to take it on faith like the listeners. Do yeah, this actually happens a lot I mean as you know I date a lot and people are always like demanding to see photos of the people I'm dating and I really don't like doing that.
[11:43] Mike: But that's true I'm in the same boat as you listeners.
[11:52] Mike: Um, of course why.
[11:58] Keith: Ah, there's a number of reasons the main one is it has like 0 upside for me in all situations I guess like if they're like exceptionally hot somebody might give me like a feather in my cap but that doesn't have much value to me and then.
[12:10] Mike: Okay.
[12:14] Keith: What almost always happens is somebody will like say something critical and it's like I don't It's not like you asked me to do you a favor and now you're being a dick like it's just not useful and then. I Don't know like what the outcome of like any relationship is going to be but if I do end up like liking the person I don't want to have like you know on record me having a discussion about the way they look.. There's There's just no upside for me. Um.
[12:37] Mike: Um, right.
[12:47] Mike: Um, yes, this is a you you have a Manhattan project risk I got it wasn't it a Manhattan project where like ah if you date someone and they don't know what that is then it's like a ah red flag because they're not smart enough and so it's like it's like if somebody.
[12:51] Keith: What's the Manhattan project risk.
[12:57] Keith: O.
[13:04] Mike: It's just an example of a thing where somebody could oh they didn't know that and then it's like well now now you're screwed because they it's this thing that this person thinks about your person you're dating and blah blah Blah Yeah I got it.
[13:06] Keith: Oh right. Right? Yeah, like generally when I'm in relationships I am pretty careful to run a pretty strong Pr campaign for the person I'm seeing and you know like with my family and friends and stuff and. I've sort of become aware over the course of my 43 years that not everybody does that which is a little bit irritating.
[13:38] Mike: Well, the confusing thing for other people if you're doing that is then when you break up and you reveal things. The person's like oh and so then they are confused because you were doing that and so yeah, it's an interesting ah question What the right approach is.
[13:45] Keith: Yeah.
[13:51] Keith: Yeah I mean the the reason to do what I do is you don't want your friends like judging you for seeing someone and like these situations are often kind of complicated and so I'd rather keep it I would rather keep the issues to myself unless I think it's.
[14:06] Mike: Um, yeah.
[14:10] Keith: Something that I'm unsure about and then I might get some value from some advice from friends.
[14:16] Mike: Sure sure Yeah I mean it's ah it's tricky. Yeah judgmental friends.
[14:20] Keith: I I Definitely can't ever see this woman that I canceled on now I don't think I wanted to anyway. But if I did and she found out about the podcast and she heard this episode might not go well for me? No, she'll just be like.
[14:31] Mike: Maybe she would tell you she would who what do you mean? not go well, what's she gonna do like shoot you shun you you didn't you said she was a 6 that's above average. You did you said.
[14:40] Keith: Ah, can't believe you think I'm ugly I didn't I actually didn't say she was a 6 I said I made up a hypothetical person that went from an 8 to a 6 that's right.
[14:50] Mike: Oh my bad, My bad my Ben Okay yes, you haven't said anything. Actually you've just said that one set of photos was not as good as the other set of photos That's it. That's all we know and then you talked about clown makeup and some other stuff that like.
[15:00] Keith: That's right I didn't that was just subjective. There's no objective.
[15:07] Keith: Ah, but that was hypothetical as well. Ah, ah, right right? All right? Let's move on so at the end of last show I told you there was this topic I've been wanting to broach for a while.
[15:09] Mike: Oh and I hear you yeah was totally irrelevant. Yes.
[15:25] Mike: Um, yes.
[15:26] Keith: And I think it'll be an interesting discussion but I didn't really want to bring it up because I think it reveals something about me that certain people might find um risky or something and so. Thought about this some more and I'm just going to say what I think about this I would like we were discussing like oh there's some way to bring this up without like you know making it arbitrary. But I think it'll be better if I'm just honest, it's like because okay so occasionally I have sex with new partners without a condom and usually.
[15:44] Mike: Um, okay, okay.
[15:53] Mike: Okay.
[16:02] Keith: This is done after exchanging sti results but not always which is why I get sti results in the first place. Um, and usually it's done when I know they're on birth control. But also not always and so I occasionally find myself in a situation where I am having sex with someone and I don't want to come inside of them because I don't know if there's.
[16:26] Mike: He.
[16:42] Keith: Pregnancy risk.
[16:42] Mike: Do you think I just want to ask something. Do you think in in such a situation and we let's let's avoid the topic of how often let's just assume it's happened once not not common just avoid like any sort of whatever. Do you think that in those in that situation. Yeah, do you think in that situation.
[16:51] Keith: Okay. Judgment.
[17:02] Mike: The woman is thinking god he didn't ask about birth control like is it because I've heard that kind of ah critique of men I guess repeatedly from women that men just don't don't bring it up if they don't if the women doesn't Doman doesn't bring up. So do you get any sense of whether maybe you. Yeah, this is do you understand my question like like are you concerned about her basically judging you in this situation or is she just totally game for it and it's not important. Okay, okay.
[17:26] Keith: Yeah. I Don't know that's a good question I would say my most common experience is this happens more often than not even women will say don't worry I'm on Birth control.
[17:45] Mike: Um, that's what I sort of thought. Okay.
[17:49] Keith: And that is good to hear I guess but it also implies that they've said don't worry I'm on birth control with other sexual partners which means that they're having unprotected sex which means that they have higher Sti risk.
[18:08] Mike: Um, okay, that's true I mean prea presumably. Yes.
[18:10] Keith: So yeah there I'm not sure you know Net Net That's the greatest thing to hear. But.
[18:18] Mike: I mean you sort of know that's got to be true generally because the sdi's got to make a living too if everybody didn't if everybody stopped doing this there'd be they would die out and the Sti has got to make a living I mean it's got to you know circulate right? So there must be this look.
[18:23] Keith: Right? right? Yeah, it's got to spread.
[18:37] Mike: Here's the truth is this is really common. The truth is this is really common people like to ah virtue signal that ah everybody does this all the time everybody uses condoms and pills and and you yeah, what is that thing you? Yeah yeah.
[18:47] Keith: Right? Well this is why this is why I was hesitant to bring this up is I don't want the judgment from our listeners that you know oh my god you don't use condoms 2000% of the time and.
[18:57] Mike: Right? right? But the truth is that this is you're probably I'm going to guess you're significantly more careful actually than the average man based on the things I've heard from women repeatedly that actually men seem to not in most cases even think about this or care.
[19:10] Keith: Right. Yeah I think we've heard from women on this very show that they're surprised that men like in their mind. It's It's outrageous for a man not to suggest using a condom.
[19:15] Mike: And that's why I asked the question about whether you thought that you know yes.
[19:30] Keith: You know they'll say they'll make all these excuses not to use a condom'm like oh you know I can't stay hard or it doesn't feel as good or whatever and from the woman's perspective. They're like ok sure but I don't know you like what are you doing? um.
[19:35] Mike: Right.
[19:44] Mike: Could be your perspective. Yeah I mean I don't women are just are are people just like men and make decisions and I think that I have to I mean I sort of like to be on some level optimistic about people and I like to think look these women aren't all being taken advantage of the vast majority of the time.
[19:50] Keith: Um, yeah.
[20:02] Keith: Right.
[20:04] Mike: Sexual relations are consensual even if it's a one night stand. Even if it's early in a relationship and the woman has decided that it's okay I mean she's horny or whatever and there you go? yeah.
[20:09] Keith: Yeah I just mentioned the flip side of that card which is that yeah like my overwhelming experience is that women will say don't worry I'm on birth control.
[20:19] Mike: Yeah, and I mean but at the same time they ought to be worried because they could contract an Sti from you right.
[20:25] Keith: It's the same thing as ah as like a man not wanting to use a condom strongly implies that he didn't want to use a condom with the last 3 women either and a woman saying don't worry I don't want to use a condom implies that she said that to the last 3 men and so.
[20:33] Mike: Um, guess.
[20:38] Mike: Sure.
[20:42] Keith: Yeah I mean of course there are situations where men impose on women but I think most of the time It's a decision made by both parties and we can discuss how stupid that is um but I think a more interesting discussion is.
[20:49] Mike: Right.
[20:57] Mike: Um, right.
[21:01] Keith: Right? So I'm in this situation where I am sleeping with a woman or I am having sex with a woman and yes I'm inside of her and I am ready to go I'm gonna I'm gonna come now I don't want to come inside of her.
[21:05] Mike: Yes, you are you are thrusting on.
[21:21] Keith: And we have not negotiated beforehand where I'm going to come So What should I do now should I ask in the moment you know where do you want me to come or you know in Porn they often like that. Well they'll be like a cut and then they're like you know their their mouth is. Somehow is suddenly present but that's not that's not realistic either and like I can't just like pull out of her and like shimmy up to her mouth I could I could sorry ah you're right? where we're we're whiteboarding here. There are no bad ideas.
[21:44] Mike: It's true. Sadly, you could one a way you could do that? yeah. I like the idea of shimmying too. That's so yeah, the problem there is that you have to actually so if you think this through in most cases you have to get your legs over her legs first right? I mean she's if you're in the missionary position. She's got her legs. So so it's actually more than shiming you have to kind of do this obstacle course. Get up to her.
[22:06] Keith: Oh right? That's right. Um, right.
[22:15] Mike: Face and then ah her arms are there potentially so there's a question of what's happening there. Also she might be surprised like what's going on this all happens kind of quickly too right? I mean you probably have depending on how close you are. You might only have 5 seconds to ah um, enact this maneuver this sort of.
[22:21] Keith: Um, yeah I mean there's a.
[22:25] Keith: Yes, yeah.
[22:34] Mike: Remediation for the potential pregnancy. Yeah.
[22:36] Keith: Yeah, or you weren't close enough and now you're like over her mouth but like you're not. You don't really need to come anymore. Yeah, in others, there's a few problems a few potential problems here.
[22:48] Mike: Has that happened to you That's kind of funny so you're you're just basically sitting on her breasts beating off That's here, you're like this is not a good look. Yeah.
[22:58] Keith: Ah, this is like a potential issue. Yeah, this is like how no I mean do do you go do I Shim me back down now and go back in like what's the so anyway I I've long what it is to discuss this because I don't think I'm the only man who's ever encountered this.
[23:08] Mike: That's interesting. Yeah.
[23:13] Mike: Right? yes.
[23:14] Keith: You know set of conundrums and then it's different depending on what position you're in. You know if you're in doggie style like now what do I do do I like come on her back. Do I Just like pull out and like come on my bed like what what is like the proper thing to do in each situation.
[23:32] Mike: In each position. Basically um so I mean it's obvious these the the positions have to be penis in Vagina positions because any other any other thing you're doing there would be no pregnancy risk. That's all we're talking about here. Um, yeah so bullet. Blow anal.
[23:34] Keith: Yeah.
[23:38] Keith: Yes.
[23:45] Keith: Um, oh true. Yeah yep.
[23:49] Mike: Mutual Masturbation anything like that it doesn't matter. Okay and I presumably let's see so that the ah the values you want to optimize are you want to avoid weirdness meaning you probably want to be able to have sex with this person Again, you want to get your semen away from her vulva.
[23:59] Keith: Right.
[24:06] Keith: Yep.
[24:07] Mike: Right? You want to be shooting it away so that it can't so I mean in other words pulling out and then just beating off onto a revolva is not what you want to do like that Obviously but that that's the same right? um.
[24:16] Keith: Yeah, that would be better than coming inside. But you know non ideal.
[24:24] Mike: And yes, it's sort of an awkwardness but avoidance thing. Um, okay, well let's I think maybe it be Yeah Okay, okay.
[24:32] Keith: There's other considerations like the cleanup after like do I want it on her body in a way that she can sort of like self-contain it on you know, might while I go get a towel or while she awkwardly walks to the bathroom.
[24:46] Mike: I could remind listeners assiduous listeners may remember something like a hundred episodes ago we did an episode where somebody innovated a sex move where he it's called the come slap where you actually are in this situation. You come into your open hand your palm and then you slap the woman with the.
[25:03] Keith: Right.
[25:05] Mike: Come filled hand and he actually did this. Ah so it was and it was well received because the woman ah enjoyed a dominant submissive play. Ok, but so there's there's there. There are things like that you could even do? um so let me let's start with.
[25:08] Keith: Yep, always an option.
[25:15] Keith: Um, hard to fathom. Yeah, but that doesn't tick a few boxes number 1 is.
[25:26] Keith: If if I have it prenegotiated anything. It's unlikely that I know that she's going to be into the come slap. So let's let's let's strike the come slap from the ah possibilities here.
[25:35] Mike: I Hear you I like the idea that you're like you like what baby? That's my thing. It's my signature move. Um, she's just so surprised.
[25:41] Keith: Like but what did those bandits at home alone. Do they had like some oh they left the water running or something that some they had some signature move that they left at all the places they burgled.
[25:47] Mike: Oh there are lots of things. Yeah I'd only watched the first movie. Sadly so I'm not not up how many sequels were there. There were like 7 of them or something.
[25:58] Keith: You're not a home alone expert. Um I were there really then they're still making him but Coy Culkin is in his forty s would be kind of funny.
[26:05] Mike: I don't know I'm guessing I could ask chaty bt I guess but yeah I don't know that'd be kind of funny actually that I could see like Adam Sandler making a movie like that. It's like home alone adult. Anyhow I want to ah, let's start with them.
[26:16] Keith: Yeah, okay, yeah, anyway, back back to where to come? Yeah, yeah I know what I normally do in this situation and I don't love it.
[26:23] Mike: The woman on top position because it hasn't been mentioned at all. But and this is an interesting one. Um.
[26:31] Mike: Okay I mean so she's let's assume that she's kneeling over you in this sort of normal kind of rocking up and down position. Her breasts gently swaying near your face. You're getting close I'm guessing that you have to lift her up and then.
[26:33] Keith: Should I should I just say it or is that too much of a tease.
[26:45] Keith: Who. Yeah, exactly.
[26:50] Mike: Beat off onto your own stomach. Okay, um, how well received is that typically okay you think you have a good solution isn't there some risk like if you're particularly excited that you could shoot yourself in the face.
[26:56] Keith: I Think that's fine. It's fine.
[27:05] Keith: Yes, this is yeah this is a risk that's occurred. It's it's more like your chin. But yeah.
[27:09] Mike: You say? yes so quickly I Assume that's been a problem for you and then you laugh about it or something I guess she could like lick it off if you're into that sort of thing you're not.
[27:18] Keith: Yeah, usually on a first sexual encounter women are not willing to engage in all the things that they might otherwise they're they're trying to seem normal. Not always.
[27:35] Mike: Um, yeah I Wonder if that's a good strategy. But yeah I.
[27:37] Keith: Not always I wonder if it's a good strategy too. Maybe they should deploy the full range of like sexy behaviors.
[27:42] Mike: I Think they're probably all. Yeah, they're seeming normal. They also they're testing you out to make sure they're terrified. You'll make fun of them if they do something or whatever that you'll mock them or they'll some social punishment will happen.
[27:52] Keith: Yeah, and there's like weird danger aspects for women that like men don't have to consider like like if they're like oh um, you know, go harder or something.
[27:56] Mike: Such as.
[28:06] Keith: Risk that the bands go to like take a little bit too much liberty there and start you know, slapping them or whatever it may be.
[28:11] Mike: Um, right I thought I was thinking you met after the guy ejaculated and I thought well the gun's unloaded. So it's probably pretty risk free at that point. Ok, um, ok so you lift her up I'm not.
[28:16] Keith: Yeah, that's true. Yeah yeah, true.
[28:24] Mike: Okay, so in that position you have to get her off your this is this why like it seems like a simpler position because she has to she actually has to be maneuvered off of your penis. Otherwise she's it's going to happen. So there's that makes it.
[28:33] Keith: Yeah I mean if I say I'm going to come and then it's obvious that I'm trying to pull out a really you know, malicious actor could slam down and like make that difficult. But.
[28:52] Mike: Ah, okay, yeah, there is that risk and if she weighs enough, you might actually have trouble sort of levering her off of your penis at that last moment. Um.
[28:53] Keith: Most women will cooperate in my experience. Yeah, yeah I have not run into that problem.
[29:07] Mike: I Mean the only other thing I can think of that you could do there Well other than something preposterous like getting up I'm assuming you remain reclining would be to encourage her to put it in her mouth.
[29:16] Keith: Right? That that's ok, that's the only other thing I was thinking of and yes I agree I could also like roll over and like come on the bed instead of on myself. But unless you're at a hotel like I don't want to do that to my sheets.
[29:21] Mike: But that.
[29:33] Mike: Right? right? Well Also wouldn't it decrease like the experience a little bit because you're turning away from looking at her which probably amps set up a little bit right.
[29:35] Keith: And I definitely don't want to do that to their sheets. So.
[29:47] Keith: Yeah, and it's kind of weird to like you know quickly pull out you know, kind of you shover to the side so that I could roll over a du buy side like but that's not very considerate.
[29:59] Mike: Right? right? Um, yeah I mean I guess you could come. You can always come in your own hand but okay, fine. So I think that I think that and okay so what? So the problem with this.
[30:08] Keith: It's a little little hard when you're on your back though.
[30:11] Mike: To come on your hand right? You'd have to kind of contort your wrist a little bit and so forth right? if you but if you so then what do you do? Now you have this mess on your stomach. Do you encourage her to get you something to clean it up with. Do you just go ahead and you.
[30:13] Keith: Yeah, it's backhanded. Yeah.
[30:29] Mike: You rub it in I don't know.
[30:29] Keith: Like a lotion. No I think I I normally offer to go get a towel where I'll go to the restroom and just Kleenex and rinse rinse off a little bit but that one's the that one's the simple one Mike like the the.
[30:40] Mike: Okay I see okay um, and I know Okay, so let's let's do dogy Maybe so you're between her luscious orbs. They're pounding away.
[30:47] Keith: 2 harder ones are missionary and doggy. Okay.
[30:57] Mike: And ah you I Guess the concern is you don't want to put First of all, there's this risk that like her body's shape kind of a contour kind of aims toward her vagina. So if you get it too close. It's going to kind of go that direction. So.
[31:06] Keith: Yeah, maybe drip down back in over the asshole into the Volvo.
[31:15] Mike: You and you don't right? I'm guessing you don't want to just like nut on her anus which would be too close anyway. But also that's kind of aggressive for one of these early dating situations. Um I you okay go in her hair.
[31:24] Keith: And if you're not on her back. It can like they're usually sort of ass up and you know head is lower than than their than their butt and so there's a downward slope toward their head. So. You know, depending on my enthusiasm which being an early sexual encounter is probably quite high. You know I might be nutting on her mid to upper back or higher and then and then gravity is going to like pull it down toward their their hair or whatever. That's not.
[31:46] Mike: Um, yeah, yeah.
[31:59] Mike: Um, I was also imagining. You might actually have a little bit of trouble if if she's in the sort of face down ass up position. It might actually be a little bit hard for you to get your penis up over her butt right? like you may not actually have enough height to easily.
[32:13] Keith: It depends on the height of the gal. Yeah.
[32:18] Mike: Right? So that's so then yeah if you're kind of in this lower position. You actually need her to like smash down on the bed or something to enable this behavior. So what is your typical solution here.
[32:24] Keith: Yeah. Maybe I can use like my hand to raise myself up a little bit I don't know I don't have a.
[32:33] Mike: You don't have it a solution for this position.
[32:39] Keith: I Don't like my solution for this position.
[32:43] Mike: Some people in porn I've seen the guy kind of turn to the side and come on one of the butt cheeks who okay your solution isn't that you put it in your go ahead.
[32:49] Keith: Yeah, normally I just come underneath. Normally I come underneath them so it like makes a mess on the bed underneath them. Yeah, where I pull out right when I'm about to.
[32:59] Mike: With your hand you like beat off.
[33:07] Keith: Orgasm anyway. But yeah, maybe I use my maybe I use my hand to to assist. Yeah.
[33:10] Mike: What? Okay like I just want Even yeah, even in the situation where you pull out because you're about to orgasm. Do you just like you don't like ruin your have a what's so-called Ruined Orgasm Do you you use your hand to sort of make it more pleasurable. Okay, ah yeah I don't like that solution either I.
[33:21] Keith: Yes, yes.
[33:28] Mike: I bet that has not been a so it just goes on to the bedclothe or whatever.
[33:34] Keith: Yes, but the problem you have here is the alternative is putting come on their back. Maybe that could reach their hair. Yeah, that's right? um.
[33:42] Mike: Um, they might have a shirt on too right? um.
[33:49] Keith: And you know this this hasn't been discussed So like I think most women would be are okay with getting a partner semen on their body but it's kind of bold to do that without asking. It's not that old but it's a little bit bold.
[33:56] Mike: Hack.
[34:02] Mike: Um, can I back up one second here yeah wait like when this happens do you think the woman is surprised that you don't just come inside.
[34:16] Mike: I think she would be yeah ok so that so this whole dilemma.
[34:16] Keith: Um, probably yeah I think probably it's almost like a charade like I'm I'm like pretending I think they're not on birth control or something.
[34:32] Mike: Sure Yeah, they're well in some ways you're you're calling them a liar because.
[34:38] Keith: Well, it depends if they if depends if they've said they're on birth control or not.
[34:43] Mike: Um, well let's say they have It's actually I wonder if that creates some mental something for them because they've told you they're on birth control. You did this anyway. Um, and they.
[34:50] Keith: Let's see what you're saying.
[35:00] Mike: There's really assuming they're telling the truth there really would be no downside for the man to coming insider. It's a positive or neutral neutral to positive. Okay, but you've not you've not had any consequence of that.
[35:11] Keith: Not that I know of but you know if if a woman is filing that away as a negative that I probably wouldn't ever know.
[35:16] Mike: Um, okay.
[35:21] Mike: I So I think I'm deeply against this behavior you have of coming under her body that seems terrible like ah.
[35:25] Keith: Ok, you think it would be better if the 2 choices are on her back or on her back as a surprise or under her body. You would you would elect for on her back.
[35:36] Mike: I Would either do that or I would elect to change positions I I think I might elect to change positions.
[35:40] Keith: Well ok, you're you're you're admitting. This is a difficult problem then yeah ok all right, Let's move on to missionary.
[35:48] Mike: Well, because of the shirt thing and so forth. Okay, um, yes so I assume here I mean it's so the I assume your solution is to just come on her stomach. And the problem is yeah, you have to prop up your why because she can see it probably.
[36:03] Keith: That that is the standard one. Yes, which is less aggressive than on her back. Well, it's not going to get in her hair. Um. Her breasts sort of could provide a shield to stop it from getting too too high up there. Um.
[36:24] Mike: Is that have you have you seen that function well like is that actually ah is that real or is that just an imagined male fantasy thing.
[36:30] Keith: I think it's a little real because 1 thing that I've done is I'll pull out and then I can sort of lower my body so that my penis is sandwiched between hers and mine and then I can sort of use the pressure there to. To finish the orgasm so instead of my hand I'm using the pressure of like my weight against her body.
[36:51] Mike: Um, right? So right? So her body becomes the proverbial sleeping bag or Jim Shorts I got it up.
[37:00] Keith: That's that's right for for non longtime listeners I won't make any sense. But yeah, it's it. So there's not that much space for like it's more contained.
[37:11] Mike: How in an early encounter with one of these lovely young ladies. How long are the ropes that you usually blow like tip I'm just curious like how what are we talking about here but you have some insight I mean is it are we talking like six inches like two feet
[37:21] Keith: Um, well in this case I can't really see and like normally it's.
[37:30] Mike: Like what how far? what's the Blast Radius I Don't think my blast Radius would be that high but go ahead. Yeah well if your penis is your penis is the cannon and then it's like yeah how far from the.
[37:33] Keith: I Mean it can go I think it goes. It's not Radius you're asking for like plus distance.
[37:47] Keith: Um, yeah, yeah, it's well yeah Radius would be like when it lands how big of a puddle does it make ah it it depends like if I'm like smashed against her body it like can't really go that far.
[37:48] Mike: Find distance. It's not an explosion. It's true.
[38:03] Mike: I don't I don't like the sound of the smash against the body at all just like intellectually, but but but how far does it go if you're not smashed against the body. Let's see you're doing the no yeah.
[38:04] Keith: That's one of the advantages of that.
[38:11] Keith: It can go as far as I want like if I pull out and like let's say I'm like kneeling over her like I'm I bet I could reach her face half the time.
[38:23] Mike: Huh kneeling over her but you're below her legs. Okay so two and a half feet or something. Okay, that's pretty decent. Ah right? Okay, it's that's a decent.
[38:24] Keith: yeah I guess yeah I mean really, it's just the first roper to like the minute attenuates.
[38:39] Mike: Distance you're getting there I think that's that's well I mean just even judging from like porn that's like a decent kind of it might be oh I think it's but yeah I think it's definitely more than fiftieth percent I I thought you're going to say something like ninetieth percentile. Um.
[38:42] Keith: More than more than Fiftieth percentile.
[38:52] Keith: We've talked about this before like measuring seem in volume anyway and like trying to figure out what percentiles are there but it.
[38:59] Mike: So aren't you worried at all that when you're smashing because you can't get up over her legs. So the smashing The body's thing seems like there's some vulva contact risk. Okay, okay I Still don't.
[39:08] Keith: Now there's some risk but I think I've perfected the technique here. Okay so I'm open to suggestions here.
[39:18] Mike: Um, not a huge fan of this technique I think that it's well I think I would I think I think that the kind of traditional porn technique of just pulling out and beating off onto her stomach would be more preferred. Ah I think there's an element. It's.
[39:29] Keith: I see.
[39:36] Mike: There's something a little weird about what you? Yeah, it's like the dry humping feels a little weird to me. It's a little I'm not sure what I think that's kind of awesome. Yeah, you're like that you're you're.
[39:42] Keith: Um, I feel like it's a little weird to be like kneeling over a new partner beating off.
[39:51] Mike: You're showing sort of dominance. You're showing who's in control you're like look this is this is what I'm going to do now the other one. It's like feels kind of what does it feel. It feels kind of juvenile to me or something. It's like oh this is I'm going to.
[40:03] Keith: Yeah, it's almost like I'm embarrassed or something. There's there's like a but there's like an awkward. There's an awkwardness to it.
[40:08] Mike: Maybe yeah, you're not, You're not on display. Yeah, and I mean women in general like where is your face when you're doing this because I don't totally understand her legs typically would be kind of back or would they be down when you're doing this ah fraudage thing it varies. Okay, where would.
[40:19] Keith: Men Yeah variies. Yeah, they could be next to each other and then I can whisper sweet nothing's in her ear while I awkwardly orgasm.
[40:26] Mike: Your faces be relation to each other would your face be kind of off this. Okay, okay. Yeah I think but I I think that when look I think that in general although I'm not sure in an early encounter I think in general women get kind of pleasure out of seeing the guy get pleasure and so you're you're sort of depriving her of that. Yeah I mean like.
[40:51] Keith: Um, yeah, it's like oh look what I did. Yeah.
[40:54] Mike: When you come let mean I see this when you come inside with whatever whatever the situation may be in this position is it basically the same your or or do you can she see your face clearly.
[40:58] Keith: Are.
[41:06] Keith: That I think varies I think sometimes probably with newer partners I'm probably further away from their face and then for like long to long with long term partners like yeah like having your heads next to each other can be sort of intimate. You're not going to like that.
[41:16] Mike: And car.
[41:23] Mike: Um, okay, it's okay I can I'm doing better with intimacy these days a little bit. Um, but ah so you you would have your full bodies touching each other more commonly with a longtime partner.
[41:29] Keith: Good job.
[41:39] Mike: Are you sure that's not just because why is it not an option with a new partner.
[41:39] Keith: Um I don't know if it's more Common. It's just an option in a way that it isn't really with a new partner like you want to be you want to be careful, you sort of have to read the room but some women are looking for some intimacy in early sexual encounters. And other women are just looking to dissociate and it just depends.
[41:56] Mike: Ah.
[41:58] Mike: Um, whoa dissociates A big word I mean a strong word for what do you think? what? What do you mean by that present.
[42:02] Keith: All right? They want to not be necessarily thinking about me, you know like they're enjoying the feeling of of having sex. But it's it's less about building a relationship with me and more about you know, getting their physical.
[42:19] Mike: Huh and you think that you like sort of being on your arms with locked elbows sort of up like that maybe does that better or which one does that better? Sorry Okay, okay.
[42:20] Keith: Needs. Met.
[42:27] Keith: I think being closer to their head is probably more intimate and so you know yeah, but they can just close their eyes or do whatever they want.
[42:35] Mike: But they can't see your face right? So There's like it's like you're more generic when you're closer to her but what I'm saying is that I I could make an argument that the situation where they can sort of like put back in the context of the where to put your load. Ah. The one where you sort of be pull out and beat off and like you're on full display I could see that being more intimate because you're being more vulnerable you're revealing more or something than if you have your head close to theirs. Okay.
[43:06] Keith: I Don't think so I think it's like I think when you have your cock out and you're like beating off in front of someone I think I think the man is more vulnerable and the woman can just be like oh this is this thing that like the man needs to do and like. Someone might be like oh Wow, that's cool that I was like able like my body was able to inspire him to do this but like yeah the thing with like having your heads next to each other is that it's just yeah, like it's a form of intimate Contact. Um.
[43:24] Mike: Um, roa.
[43:34] Mike: Yeah.
[43:39] Mike: Hey you're probably right? Yeah I always thought that beating off in front of women was the most intimate thing you could do I mean it is vulnerable I mean it's sort of embarrassing right.
[43:49] Keith: Yes, it is but it's also kind of dominant. It's tricky. It's a tricky one.
[43:57] Mike: Yeah, okay, yeah, so I mean I yeah the ah I I think that I would be somewhere between the beat off onto her stomach and I really don't like the slip and slide thing and putting it in her mouth I think I'm between those 2
[44:09] Keith: Um, Okay so this conversation has been like largely useless to me you. But you admit that this is a awkward situation that in the position where she's on Top. The the best solution is to just come on my own stomach. The the solution when the solution when I'm in doggie style I should yeah change positions. Um, and then if I.
[44:27] Mike: Um, that's clear.
[44:30] Mike: To change positions look dogie style I Yeah I mean I think that like a lot of that like doggie style is very nice to penetrate fully when you're orgasming and so like when you remove that it's I don't know. Okay, but go on. Yeah yeah, and then missionary.
[44:42] Keith: Yeah, yeah, it's like what are we even doing here. Yeah, and then in missionary you don't really like any of the solutions either. But you recommend beating off Okay well and and.
[44:51] Mike: No no I think I like the beating off or the in the mouth solution. Although I I'm ah acknowledge the shimmy risk and complexity.
[45:00] Keith: How do you even bring that up. You know, let's say this is a first sexual encounter. Maybe I bring it up before um before I'm close.
[45:05] Mike: So I have't answered that so you're you're you're thrusting? No, you're thrusting you're getting clothes and then you you got your mouth near her ear and you say baby you're about to get a mouthful right? That's what every woman wants to hear.
[45:19] Keith: Yeah I mean if they're down to do that They would like to hear that.
[45:27] Mike: I Think they would never like to hear that like that those exact words baby? Um, ah baby you I Hope you like slurpes I hope you like warm slurpees.
[45:36] Keith: Ah, ah ok, you could say yeah like ok this is another like general question should one say I'm going to come in your mouth or can I come in your mouth.
[45:45] Mike: Hungry.
[45:54] Mike: I mean I prefer I'm going to.
[45:56] Keith: Yeah, but what would women prefer it depends on the woman.
[46:00] Mike: Um, yeah, it's I mean I guess you could always say no, you're not ah how about how about this. How about this I need to come in your mouth.
[46:06] Keith: Yeah, but a lot of women can't verbalize any of their wants during a sexual encounter that makes it slightly less demanding.
[46:21] Mike: She's like she's like no, you don't ah then you then your your needs are not going to be fulfilled today sweetie yeah I'm not sure it's yeah I mean I don't think that most couples sit around like actually negotiating these things. So the guy winds up having to try things and then.
[46:28] Keith: Ah, yeah, yeah.
[46:39] Mike: Find out what is going to be permissible and what won't be so.
[46:40] Keith: Yeah I think it's basically sloppily collectively bargained over a number of sex having sessions. Yep.
[46:46] Mike: Um, yes I agree. Ah, but yeah, this slip and slide I'm still not totally clear on how it works and I just I don't if I was a girl I think I'd just be weirded out by that like what? what's happening now. What's he doing? What's he doing.
[47:02] Keith: Right.
[47:05] Mike: I Guess she could feel probably the pulsing of your cock pretty well because it's on her skin. So that's kind of interesting.
[47:08] Keith: Yeah, maybe but if I don't have the pressure exactly right? She might be almost wonder if I've even come especially if we're sweaty or at least or at least it enters her mind.
[47:18] Mike: Maybe I just think it might be yeah I put it this way I'll put it this way Keith I've never thought of doing that before and I've watched a lot of porn a lot. So then you go well.
[47:25] Keith: I Don't know.
[47:34] Keith: Well Porn never ends in this way because there's no, there's no question that the man's going to either come into and the vagina or the mouth.
[47:42] Mike: Um, no that I that's totally wrong. Actually if you go to the um, the the girls finishing the job subreddit like 1 of my irritations about that subredit is the vast majority of them are on the face or like on the stomach. Yeah.
[47:44] Keith: Well.
[47:54] Keith: Yeah, that's true I don't think the vast I think vast majority is a bit strong but theyre you're right? It's non 0
[47:57] Mike: Yeah, a lot of point but they but face face is really common but it's yeah, it's not internal which irritates me I want. Ah I don't really want to see the semen but the yeah, yeah yeah I know.
[48:08] Keith: Well, there's a there's a paradox in the porn thing like how do you? How do you show that the man is orgasmed without showing that the man is orgasm. So if he does it inside. You can't see.
[48:20] Mike: Yeah, they should have some sort of like Ph tests they do litmus tests to show look see. There is semen present I'm not sure they could just fake that but I So anyway I This is a unique I don't love the fact that you've invented a unique. Okay maybe I should love it.
[48:25] Keith: Right? Fake the page does.
[48:37] Mike: You've invented I think a somewhat unique sex act that I've never performed never seen that you do to solve this problem. That's very creative I Just don't and I don't know I think ah but you realize that it's going to be that suggests strongly that it's goingnna be the first time a woman has ever experienced this.
[48:45] Keith: Thank you.
[48:56] Mike: You never gotten like any critical feedback. Okay, they don't care. Yeah, that's the reality. Yeah okay I I Just think they must view it as unique and unusual.
[48:58] Keith: I have it but I don't exactly solicit it I have someone that I can ask let me take a note here.
[49:13] Keith: Ask? Yeah I almost did there we would have had to peep it out. Okay I I have a note here. Um.
[49:16] Mike: Well don't say the person's name I be a annoying edit. Okay.
[49:26] Keith: Okay, we're running a little low on time I think we can get to 2 of these topics though in our last ten minutes all right? So the first one is about 69 positioning and um, short and sweet sex. Why is the woman usually on top during 69
[49:29] Mike: Um, ok, let's do it.
[49:34] Mike: Go.
[49:43] Keith: I see women are on top during 69 most of the time men really are on top almost never I'm always on top during 69 but 1 to switch places this time with my boyfriend and wonder what the outcome would be why are men rarely on top.
[49:53] Mike: This person I'm going to hear it's like retard index 7 like what's it's obvious it's obvious why the man is usually on the bottom. No wait what what? Keith? okay.
[50:02] Keith: Ah, yes, men are heavier. Well, there's 2 things I think men are heavier and then also the woman can't control the blowjob as well as she can if the man's on top.
[50:15] Mike: It's this I think that typically let's see in a 69 position I don't think that people are typically like putting their full weight on each other either direction because the woman needs to be back a little bit from the penis to engage with it right? She can't be.. The guy could be fully pressed up against her body but she needs to sort of be not so I don't think you're going to ever put your full weight on I mean if you're putting your full weight on her during 69 and you're on top. Then that means she's completely deep throating you the whole time and that's probably going to be fatal.
[50:44] Keith: Yeah, but it doesn't have to be full weight Mike there's I know but like women. Yeah, it's it's harder to modulate one hundred and eighty pounds than it is for a woman to modulate a hundred and twenty pounds I do
[50:49] Mike: Um, okay, but the man can modulate I mean plenty of sex acts require the guys.
[50:58] Mike: Um, okay I think the main issue is the other one. The the ah you're you're fucking her mouth and that's kind of an aggressive ah experience for women and she's in a position where you can't see her.
[51:02] Keith: I Do too.
[51:07] Keith: Um, yeah.
[51:15] Mike: And so you could be suffocating her or something weird going on and she she'd have to like slap your thigh or something to indicate right? And so I think most people there's some negotiation that would be required for that now I mean he could just do the tip he could keep it at sort of a safe distance.
[51:20] Keith: Yeah, like tapping out in a and M a match.
[51:34] Keith: Um.
[51:34] Mike: Ah, that's by the way for like a week there was this Tiktok trend. It was about I'm curious if you've seen this one. It was about or wherever you get your content. It was about sun roofs and cars. What was it called.
[51:39] Keith: Oh no.
[51:52] Keith: Ah, what.
[51:53] Mike: Sunroof challenge or something and the basic idea was that a woman opens the sunroof and then has her guy a guy lie on the top of the car with his dick hanging through it. So it's sort of like a um milking table. Yes, and there was a lot of suggestive content for like a week
[52:06] Keith: Milking table.
[52:12] Mike: All playing the same little clip of music I'm sure on Tiktok about this, you did you? you miss this? Ah, this social media trend. It was sort of tiresome because I okay so I was like oh that's that's interesting. So I tried to find a porn of it and there aren't any so I said well okay.
[52:13] Keith: Yeah I did miss this? yes.
[52:27] Keith: Oh so it's all people pretend pretending to do a porn.
[52:29] Mike: This is just some weird like Gen Z Yeah well, they're just it's the thing is that whenever there's one of these trends a lot of the female run accounts. They will jump on the trend because they want to get more followers and views and stuff right? I Assume there's yeah they can get money from tiktok.
[52:40] Keith: Um, yeah, yeah, eventually. Yeah.
[52:47] Mike: Least until Congress shuts them down. Um, anyway, yeah, it was some kind of a trend around that. Ah, it's no it was called the hamster It was the hamster had something to do with like you know a hamster water bottle has like the little tube that comes out of it.
[53:04] Keith: Ah.
[53:04] Mike: And that was they used the word. It was like hamster or something the hamster challenge or something I don't know. Yes, um I mean 1 thing that I've noticed with them milking tables is that.
[53:06] Keith: Oh I see because the tubes coming down I see.
[53:20] Mike: There is this issue of if a man is in that position as balls are going to hang down naturally kind of over is the shaft of his penis and so cleverly like well-designed milking tables a lot of times we'll sort of deal with that and put his balls in it. Yeah, yeah, there's like some like kind of fabric or something that can sort of hold the balls back.
[53:28] Keith: Um, there's like a little scoop or something to hold your balls whoa. That's kind of cool.
[53:40] Mike: Or they'll have yeah or they'll have like a one of those cock ring kind of deals to kind of like control. The location of the balls. Yeah, and so this so this wouldn't work that well is the point you've what.
[53:46] Keith: Um, yeah I've yeah right I've had various massage table experiences and some are much better than others in terms of the bells and whistles of how they support your head hanging off the end of the table.
[54:06] Mike: You're just saying you've gotten massage is not like a weird massage porn fantasies. Okay too bad. Okay.
[54:08] Keith: No, no, no, no, no sorry these are these are g rated massages. Um, one other thing on the 69 thing is you can just do it sideways I think that's probably best.
[54:18] Mike: I Think that makes it difficult. Well the woman getting her legs spread sufficiently sideways is tricky right? There's going to be a tendency to for the vagina the vulva to close close for business.
[54:24] Keith: Oh that's true.
[54:32] Keith: There's a exercise called clamshells which is you lie on your side and you bend your knees about ° and then you sort of like lift your knee up and it's supposed to be good for like.
[54:41] Mike: Um, yeah.
[54:47] Keith: Maybe your IT band or something or your glutes I don't know. yeah yeah I just like that it's called a clamshell.
[54:49] Mike: I like it when women do that at the gym I because you get they'll often do it in yoga pants then you get this sort of crotch opening and closing effect. Yeah yeah I I get it? yeah.
[55:02] Keith: Yeah, all right this person asks how does a hard penis feel. This is probably a stupid question but I'm a curious virgin when erect does a penis feel hard hard hard like closer to woodish feel or is it more like firm but has some squishy. Pretty sure I know the answer but I'm just a little curious I'm 25 by the way I don't know why she needed to say that last thing must be anyway, listen to this guy. The Corpora Cover Nosa are filled with liquid which is incompressible So the twin core is essentially solid but the corpus.
[55:25] Mike: Um, it's a woman I take it is such go ahead. Yeah.
[55:39] Keith: Spun Geosome underside and glands is less pressurized and therefore a bit softer. It has some give to it like the pads of your fingers. Finally, everything is surrounded by skin the skin of the shaft is not tightly attached to the underlying structures. So It can move up and down quite a bit grip your forearm and notice how you can move the skin back and forth an inch or 2 Skin is thin but soft and slightly stretchy. In other words firm but has some squishy is a good description. Ah ah the responses that come out are holy Fuck. We got a penis engineer here Lmao a cockateeer if you will I thought that was just a great.
[56:10] Mike: No.
[56:17] Keith: Succinct description.
[56:19] Mike: It sounds I got to be honest that it sounds a little potentially gb generated. It's so detailed. Um, but yeah, that's I mean yeah, they're basically describing the different places where the blood collects the place where you would have a problem if you had a priapism.
[56:22] Keith: Oh.
[56:36] Mike: That's 8 erection lasting longer than 4 hours or whatever because the blood doesn't flow you. It's in and it's a medical emergency now. Yeah.
[56:37] Keith: Um, yeah, yeah, what happens when that happens because it's supposed to flow out so there must be some blockage That's not allowing the blood to flow out.
[56:49] Mike: Yeah I got given medication by a doctor like a couple weeks ago that he said could cause priapism and I was like it's it's no, it's it's like it's one of those like point zero zero one percent. Yeah.
[56:55] Keith: Um, that sounds terrifying It's like ok well I'll never take this medicine.
[57:00] Keith: Point. Oh oh yeah, okay.
[57:05] Mike: Ah, but well there I think there are a number of medications that can cause priapism. Actually it's somewhat common not common, but it's like ah it's a possible side effect of a lot of meds. But ah yeah, it's It's just it's a medical emergency. That's all and I think that the thing they wind up sometimes having to do is. Put a needle in your penis and extract the the blind because it's not because it's not circulating properly. Um this 25 year old woman I So this like this makes me think of kind of some of the commentary I have sometimes about escorts and.
[57:22] Keith: Of. Right.
[57:40] Mike: Availability of sex for young men. There should be a safe place and or way for a woman in this kind of situation to interact with a penis. Um, you know what? I mean it's just like it's just stupid that it's taboo or.
[57:49] Keith: Yeah, like sprung on them so to speak.
[57:57] Mike: Yeah, it's like look I mean there should be there should be I'm not sure what but there should be some way for a woman to say look like I yeah safe like maybe there's an armed guard. They're like whatever but like yeah she should be able to just be like hey I want to go to the penis zoo and feel an erect penis like that that actually makes sense to me as a. Like not every woman should have to do that or something but I just make sense to me as like a possible request. Yeah, yeah, it's just not. It's it's not.. There's like a number of reasons I think it's not great for to be maybe maybe mystery is good in life I don't know but but I think a lot of times these kind of mysteries become kind of pathological.
[58:15] Keith: Sure it should have an option. Yeah, same same with breasts for men.
[58:34] Mike: Like they're afraid they don't they they build some crap up in their mind. But yeah, his description was good like it's ah it's not ah like a piece of iron your experience Keith is that your skin is is it more or less immobile more or less mobile than the skin on your forearm. The skin on your penis.
[58:36] Keith: Right.
[58:51] Keith: Less less. But that's because I have a very tight circumcision.
[58:53] Mike: When you're erect. That's interesting. Yeah, and I think mine can probably move up and down like have three inches or 2 2 to three inches it's more than my foreum for sure like definitely more than my forearm I feel like my forearms like.
[59:03] Keith: Yeah, must be nice.
[59:12] Keith: Yeah, playing with it myself. Yeah and wear on your forearm and stuff.
[59:13] Mike: an inch maybe an inch and a half I'm not sure depends on maybe how old you are my my skin's still pretty supple. Yeah. Ah, but my penis like definitely I think ah, an uncircumcised penis. It should be able to go basically the full length of the penis. So like it could be like six inches or something but I mine's like half that which is acceptable 0.
[59:27] Keith: Um, yeah.
[59:33] Keith: I Can't relate.
[59:36] Mike: And see that's the other thing I was going to say like your thing about the trapping your penis and doing the slip and slide with the woman I think that might not even really work for me. Yes I think something weird would happen if I tried to do that I'm not not sure what I just think that the the foreskin would cover my.
[59:41] Keith: Might be might be adaptive for me.
[59:51] Keith: Something weird.
[59:56] Mike: Head of my penis and like I wouldn't get off or something something on the other hand the more mobile foreskin might make it you could trap the foureskin between them and then kind of fuck the foreskin like it's a vagina which might be nice I mean it's basically what I do when I masturbate as I rub the foreskin up and down. So.
[01:00:08] Keith: Um, yeah, right? Yeah what I'm yeah I mean that's effectively what I'm doing I think I'm using I'm using the the flexibility of her skin.
[01:00:12] Mike: Which must be we are gliding.
[01:00:22] Mike: The thing you're by the way like we have to stop in a minute but by the way the um, the thing you're describing is not possible that that thing was also I didn't bring this up but it's impossible if the woman has pubic hair right? I mean because you would be.
[01:00:34] Keith: No no, you can go to the side of the pubic mound.
[01:00:41] Mike: Okay, if the woman had like ah ah, all of her pubic hair. It would be the whole area would be Yeah, so you're saying that that but would did does it just quickly does that does the pubic care situation play any role in your decision around this would it.
[01:00:43] Keith: Yeah, but how often does that happen anymore.
[01:00:54] Keith: I don't I I encounter Pubic hair. So rarely that it's hard to say yeah.
[01:00:58] Mike: Guy. Okay, it's just irrelevant. Got it. So youre you're in some ways. What? what if there what if there was like a problem with the waxing job or the shaving like Knicks or something without a play a role.
[01:01:10] Keith: I Don't think it matters that much because at that point of a sex having session. There's usually enough various secretion that there's some moisture there. So it's not dry.
[01:01:26] Mike: Um, I was thinking maybe your fetish was to irrigate women's razor burn with your semen could be a little bit all right.
[01:01:30] Keith: Oh that would be thoughtful, but no all right? That'll do it for this episode of your mileage may Vary. We famously pay $10 for any feedback we receive so to get that cheddar send us feedback to YMMvPod at Gmail.com You can also ask us questions there. Thanks for listening and we will catch you next time on your mileage may vary.

YMMVYour Mileage May Vary

Episode 162: Where To Place Your Semen? Hard Penis Feel, 69 Positioning, Inaccurate Tinder Pics

Episode Transcript