YMMV - Your Mileage May Vary Podcast

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Episode 167: Pillow Princesses, Cow Fetishes, Complementing Nude Photos, Aggressive Fingering

Team YMMV | 5-10-2024 | 1:01:20

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It's complicated, as a man, to know how to respond to receiving a nude photo from a female partner. The obvious answer is you should be complementary, and not respond with a dick pic or similar. But then, how strong should the complements be? Is she forcing you to interact with her insecurities?

We struggle often to define the term "fingering" as it applies to women. Is it an internal or an external act? And, what could be going on with a woman who needs deep, aggressive fingering to (sometimes) get off?

Is it smart for a man to tell his partner that her ass is "too bony" for doggy style sex? And, what does the term "pillow princess" mean?

We get a lot of our questions from Reddit, so for our listeners' enjoyment, here are links to some of the questions we discussed this week:

https://ymmv.me/167/fingering

https://ymmv.me/167/cow

https://ymmv.me/167/dirty-photo

https://ymmv.me/167/pillow

https://ymmv.me/167/bony

https://ymmv.me/167/cow

Episode Transcript

Transcript automatically generated by a robot. Apologies for any inaccuracies.

[00:00] Keith: Hello and welcome to your mileage may vary. We talk about sex and relationships with frankness that is often controversial but mostly in good faith. We have an exciting list of sexy topics to cover today including the lost art of fingering a couple with a wait for it cow fetish. Ah, man with an unusual reaction to a nude from his wife and more I'm Keith my co-host is Mike hi Mike hello Um, when is the last time we've been physically in the same room together a while but I think it's like a year right? to do I think it's more than a year I think we went skiing at some point. Last year but it would have been before may yeah that was a while that is that normal for friend friends that live five miles away as their crow flies. Yeah yeah, probably not totally normal now. Okay, um.
[00:57] Keith: But it's not like you're seeing other people so feel I don't feel too too guilty there people want to talk about the support group I just came from I mean so I mean yeah oh we go San Francisco with key I went to a support group and learned that the other people are a lot more. Messed up than I am that's what I learned. Um, yeah, I'm not sure if you want to go through the rogue gallery with the audience thought about the one that was on the hell allll. So yeah I went to the support group because my therapist said for anxiety issues I should go to what support groups I found one in San Francisco and it was pretty interesting and mostly I learned that my issues are less pronounced than other people's that was the least overall problematic even though yeah when your your own problems always seem very large to yourself anyway, there was one woman there who was thirty years old very attractive she takes a drug because she if she doesn't she hears voices so she's likeschizo effective. She said it was I think and her boyfriend has told her that if she stops taking the drug that he will kick her out and she wants to stop taking the drug. Do you think she should stop taking the drug. This is why I wanted to know what the voices said I don't really understand how this works like can you tell that they're not real and if that if so that doesn't matter right? I don't know anything about that kind of schizophrenia and I guess if you're like.
[02:29] Keith: If. All the voice says is like you're so awesome. But I assume it doesn't I Assume it says like hey you should go jump out the window or something right? terrible. So in that case I would stay on the medication. Maybe there's side effects to the medication that she doesn't like yeah I think she mentioned oh yeah, she said makes her tired all the time so she can't go to the gym as much as she wants to. So The boy mentioned she's in good shape. Yeah yeah, she's wearing yoga pants. Maybe that's why he wants bed. It's all the mens workroom rather chairs oriented facing her a wait actually wait. She would be an even better shape if not on the metds perhaps because she'd be less tired. She could go to the gym. Yeah I mean I Super boyfriend was actually looking out for well and also. That a safe assumption. Well yeah I mean as we were discussing before the show like I mean this scene. Yeah I mean these kinds of situations can easily be where the boyfriend's just getting a lot of sex and the woman It's not doesn't really on. Yeah, we don't know enough to know right seem very nice. Okay, well. Maybe you can sliper my information right? Ah yeah I mean they I told you there's a dinner tomorrow on Night. We could go and you could either ride the ride the Halol Hu a coast I'm not thrilled with my recent dating.
[03:46] Keith: Adventures misadventures. But I don't think I'm going to resort to the to this one quite yet I'll keep that in my back pocket fo case. Thanks deteriorate. Ah yeah, some lot of there's a lot of really troubled people out there. A lot of oce a lot of I quite an experience but but you know. Good opportunity is a place where you can talk openly about your own problems too. So can actually find it sort of useful. Um, well my mental health update for this week is ah downloaded this game called baseball nine and. It's ah it's a mobile game and you have a team and the more you play you get points so that you can recruit more players but you need to play a lot and you need to like watch ads that's like a way that you can get more currency and. They have it gamified just right? so that you I really found it quite addicting. Were they video ads yes, so I mean yeah, it's a little surprising to me that advertisers are willing to pay for an ad that you're required to watch but I guess that's yeah, not that different than a. And ad during sports matter or something on the Tv. Yeah yeah, yeah, you're basically beholden or obligated to watch ah and if you try to like go to a different window. It'll it'll it won't count so that they have that.
[05:18] Keith: Back door fixed anyway and you like you like lower the volume and put the phone down while yeah, that's what I do yeah but you figured a huge I actually know what huge percent of people I do this I have a friend who work has worked or did work with advertising for pornhub. Okay, and he said that. The the advertisements on porn nub and related sites are community setup so that ah you can cancel it or you can skip it. But but the problem is that the the box on the phone or the computer to skip the ad It's kind of small and he said that like when they would measure where the clicks when you you know, somebody clicks the ad happened they would always be like 1 right? like right? So even the the quote unquote conversions were were fake. Yeah, so but yeah, it's perplexing because they have ads. They still have ads to lose sights and I don't understand why just must be very tiny cpm and actually I've actually looked into that for for the podcast and it's it's not that low. But I'm not sure the ads that I was getting served and I'm only halfway through this story. There's that there's a dark turn. Ah. Are pretty compelling in that they yeah they know that they need to try to capture your attention. So we're seeing these ads for this game called ah king kingdom fantasy kingdom or something that's that's not what it is.
[06:53] Keith: But and then the game told me that I could get more gyms if I played this other game and I was like oh this does zo me a doctor. So I tell this other game and oh my god this other game. It's candy crush like. Maybe it's a I've never played candy crush I've I've seen it played. Yeah ah but it it's the same mechanic where you get a grid of tiles and you move one tile at a time to try to create blocks or patterns of 4 or whatever and then. You get points and everything moves very much like a you know like a casino game might and there's there's lights and sounds and anyway I downloaded that this morning and I'm on level 83 now and I don't know how long it takes to play each level but the levels get harder and and the the reason you download it has these gems that cross-apply the other game I mean I don't know if I care about the other game anymore and I'm wondering where this is going like what's next like. I mean eventually I mean they've they've really figured out the gamification mechanics on this game so you get there's like 5 different currencies and you have different There's like timers for like different events that are going on.
[08:26] Keith: And it encourages you to join a guild and you can see how you're doing against your guild mates and there's enough people playing it so that like you're around. They know how much you're playing and they put you in a guild where like you're going to be moving at around the same pace as them and they really do have they know how to make it addicting. They've they've figured out how to trip the brain so that it finds this very compelling I mean we played that remember that stupid clicker game clicker heroes. Yeah yeah, these progression games on the face sound like how could that possibly be compelling. But they have the reward mechanic at just the right rate. Um, we we tried to make a game ourselves and yeah it was hard to figure out like that exact secret sauce. Um, but yeah I am not pleased with where this goes and then yeah like around. The ultimate here might just be getting on a fentanyl trip like you get to a point where everything in your brain has been you know set up so that you can't tolerate boredom or any kind of lack of stimulus. We're sort of like this with our cell phones you get to a crosswalk. You're you know it's it's 7 seconds until the thing's going to turn to green but you pull your phone out or the line at a grocery store like we just can't tolerate boredom anymore, but this is that on like steroids. It is kind of terrifying and embarrassing. Um so it is this reminds me the other guy I mentioned at the.
[09:56] Keith: Support group who has such bad ocd that he had to stop using all digital devices and he showed up with a a phone that was like a Kindle it was an e-ink display phone because he can't use any digital devices at all I you not a listener to the podcast. Well, he can't be because how would he even set up upon the l cd this guy ad was that he apparently is that he obsessively and compulsively would rearrange like the the icons on his phone or a computer or whatever to keep them to what end because he wanted everything to be clean all the time. And so he would just like he these people have these ocd people just have obsess. They have yeah compulsive behaviors. Yeah I guess I'm looking for a reason but maybe they're risk I don't think there is the reason is because like his parents mistreated and he was little or something like that. But yeah mean and of course while I wanted to ask various people what they're ocd. Ticks were I think that's probably not that cool like hey can you do your things for me show me wash your hands 12 times in front of me or whatever right didn't do that. Yeah I was just grateful I don't have any such ticks. Yeah, next week maybe right something. To look forward to anyway I and uninstalled both games. Smart now. Both games have a thing in the settings where you can like delete your history I couldn't bring myself to do that. But.
[11:29] Keith: It's basically like a kill switch I think it would be uncompellling to rebuild so you're worried that you're going to reinsolll? yeah yeah yeah I need like ah I cannot self- terminate I need somebody to do that for me I think maybe you want to you maybe have it on baby after the show I'd have to reinstall it to do it. Yeah, seems seems a little too fraught. Yeah, so anyway, hopefully I can restrain myself I went for a run this evening and I've run three days in a row which normally would not be impressive I've run five hundred days in a row in the past. But ah yeah. Things are things are getting better all right. This is depressing. Um this person wonders about fingering just something I've noticed after seeing a tweet and made me think about it have men forgotten how to finger or is there just something wrong with me for context went out the other night and got to that stage of being horny drunk where you can't help it be horny. Okay with the male experience I talked to a guy I fancied and 1 thing led to another which led to him fingering me outside after thinking about it a bit I've realized that fingering has seemed to lose the spark. It had a few years ago when I was younger. But I'm not sure if that's just me or not ah I mean this doesn't sound like the most romantic setup here. Well the word fingering always is ambiguous right? because it's is it thing is it pushing the finger in and out of the vagina well or is it is it rubby or clit with his finger or're both.
[13:00] Keith: Yeah, unclear so if it if it but I agree that fingering describes both of those activities. Yeah I have a feeling. It's the first one and I have a feeling with what this sounds like to me is just that maybe the emotion of excitement that she once felt when a guy would sort of violate her that way is now gone. It's become too too too much a part of her daily life and it's not exciting anymore if I okay I'm I'm 43 let's say I meet a 35 year old lady. And bring her back to my place and we're on the couch what amount of fingering is she expecting. Ah again, we get to this definitional thing about which type of I did it like the fingering where you rubber clip would be appreciated. A finger inside her vagina while you're giving her say oral or doing something else to her clip would be appreciated. Yeah, just just ramming your finger and out of a vagina with no other context would probably be never I urge I've been with someone who really liked it when. I would use 2 fingers going in and out of her basically as hard as I could and as fast as I could when you say as hard as you could it was exhausting. We were at we were at this apartment. Okay and she would sit against that wall there on the floor on the floor. Yeah, and I remember I would.
[14:33] Keith: Sitting on the floor. Yeah I don't know why sort of slouch down I mean yeah, she would be slouched down and then I would get like on my hands and knees like I would have like 1 hand to to like support myself. Okay, and then my other hand going in and out there's and you you have 2 fingers in the the paths of your fingers are one upward. Yes, okay, and would you. You would just be going in and out where you werent yeah she did want I mean I wasn't meant to be going in and out and downwards I'm meant to be going in and out and upwards. So I am getting sort of the backside of her clit or at the g spot there. Um would she complain if you went downwards. No, but I think she instruct. Instructed me that she wanted you know the the upward direction and we and so there's another thing I didn't understand which like when you're going as hard as you can does that mean that like I mean as hard as you can could could get all the way up to like imagine I'm imagining when a punching back? Yeah, it's like would you have to slow down as you reach the terminus. And we're gonna pull back or would you actually make it so you would collide your knuckles with her vulva and you can't really because you have like the webbing between your fingers. Um, and I think I was using my index and middle finger. Yeah there's like. A little bit of a natural cushion. There. Okay so like you can't like bang into her that hard and my recollection is I basically had to go as hard as I could go but I might not be remember and also your knuckles are pointed down toward her heus so that wouldn't be like the more sensitive area.
[16:08] Keith: Yeah, true. Yeah yeah, and I've been with other women that seem to like that. But for like a briefer amount of time like she wanted me to do that for longer than I could and it was I don't know if she was disappointed I don't think most men can do that. For very long it it requires so you think you could do it. You had a age by this I guess I was going to say a few minutes okay if you're really getting into it. It's quite exhaust. Yeah yeah and she would require would you require more minutes than you could deliver. Yes, so I don't know if she would require. She would want um and then sometimes she would orgasm and sometimes she wouldn't it seems like a pretty unfortunate need for a woman to have she would squirt sometimes it was not that great because one. You know I have to do like a anaerobic exercise. It's both aerobic handate and anaerobic and then you know she would squirt just not what and would you, you're left handed right? Sometimes I would alternate because it's not something she probably could do to herself for I think. I remember at some point feeling a bit used but whatever like I kind of liked it. Yeah, this is probably a device you could have gotten do that too. Yeah I think this is unusual I do to I I was just bringing it up because I think I think you use the word. Never okay, yeah, so it's a.
[17:44] Keith: But yeah I think most women would prefer some if we're if we're just talking about the the the penetration part I think I think some women it to it basically does nothing for them. Some women do like some stimulation on their gspot. Yeah, um.
[18:03] Keith: And then yeah I guess that's those are the 2 I think that the there might be a third thing but I've never seen it well I think that just the stretching the oh there's the violation aspect right? Also like this threat like they're the they just the stretching of the opening. Yeah. We gonna should we get into fisting here like I mean I've never I have never even tried fisting. No one's ever asked and it's and it's not like all them a fetish of mine does it have the issue that it has like if you ever tried on someone else's ring. And you try it on one finger and it goes over loosely and then you try it on the next one and actually do you do you have a wedding ring. Yeah, okay, so okay I have very little experience with rings because I've never worn one but I might will try on someone else's or my sister's is or something and you get to the point where. Yeah, like you're sort of afraid to go over the knuckle yeah to go over the knuckle because you're not sure you'll be able to get it back off land and I've had the experience where like I got it on I can't get off and then you get this like sort of wave of of panic does that happen with fisting like do you get it in there and then like getting it out is not no because. Because you could normally to get it to get your hand in you would sort of like tuck your thumb. Yeah between your you're minimizing the surface area right now you can then once there's of course a lot of like once you get through the opening There's a lot of space inside of the lady.
[19:33] Keith: Yeah, but that's not the problem. The problem is getting it back out but the baby is you can make a fist in there so you've got your wrist going through the opening but you yes you could make it so it's you're never going to actually get stuck but you can you can sort of pretend. It's oh I can increase the surface area by making a fist thats what you're saying. Okay, yeah, I've never had anyone request that. Well I mean sometimes you just have to do I'd look if I were interested in doing it I probably could have found some number of fingers you'd ever put into a woman's that. I've probably tried 5 I mean it's pretty awkward. 4 is pretty awkward. Yeah, like what do you? Even so when you say 4 you mean everything except the thumb right? Okay and then when you get the thumb in there. It's like okay now I have this like weird pyramid thing. It's yeah, it's not who tried that but I've tried it but you know and neither one. Nobody was abreast. Okay, so anyway is is this gal looking what does she mean I don't know if she's curious about why this fingering episode outside the bar when she was drunk but the stranger wasn't romantic. Or if that experience just made her think about fingering generally and she's wondering if it's a lost art. Well I mean outside of a bar. A guy's not going to be able to do such a great job. Yeah I mean what was she hoping for right? Um, and yeah I mean typically I mean did he wash his hands. Probably not.
[21:07] Keith: Typically sort of these types of situations. It's easier to manipulate the guy's genitals than the woman's because and which you know like squat down or put her leg up on something or it's just sort of complicated. So yeah I mean outside of a bar. So. I think that most of it is sort of like the violation aspect. Yeah, what is have you ever experienced a now like like for example, have you ever been like at a dance club or something and a woman like now your hand endure her. No. Ah, ah, Hu not so sure now. Yeah. The guiding thing I have had my handguided to the region. Yeah I think that's happened a few times and I I was like embarrassed and didn't ah um, it's odd. Yeah I guess I should just go for it. Well it depends on you mean I don't like it's so performative right? like it's not like they're gonna get off. Yeah, but they're just like they're trying to yeah they're trying to arouse me or something well and it might be arousing to them too that they're kind of like. Putting themselves on display. Yeah, yeah, there's like ah exhibition something. Yeah they're teasing. Yeah they like that? Yes, so I'm sort of denying them that pleasure by being yeah what they want for is want you to like put your fingers up there and then like smell your fingers or something I guess yeah.
[22:44] Keith: Yeah, that all sounds awkward or you can put your e and perform it then put it put your fingers in their mouth right? I've seen that in the movies is that a movie thing. Ah well, it's this like spitting and mouthing. Is making it to like more mainstream stuff. Oh yeah yeah I saw it in some movie recently not a porn not a porn now. It's like a mainstream movie that seems like something that the actor or aress might not love doing. Ah you gotta. Risk it for the for the Oscar how many it takes did they have to do god I didn't consider that do they have fake spit somehow probably no I have no idea with their a-list actors maybe in po I'm trying to think it's who usually said is it's the guy usually fitting in the woman's mouth. Yeah, 1 yeah, that's dominant and receiving is submissive. Okay, ah, do you think adults finger less than like you need like is is so I think ah adults dry hump less. And teenagers for sure. Okay is fingering somewhere on that spectrum. Probably well again, it gets to the definitional aspect. But like yeah I mean massaging the clit to try to bring a woman to orgasm is like's but that's different for this for the sake of this conversation.
[24:15] Keith: Pumping the fingers. yeah yeah I would say I think that's like a less common. It's like less of a thrill because at some point both parties know it's not doing much or likely not doing much well I have to assume like. For example, when you like when you make the transition with a new girlfriend or a new. Partner from not having done anything sexual doing something sexual like probably usually it all happens in 1 hour say yeah and that's less gonna be less common when you're a teenager. Yeah. Take years in some cases well which you might give my kiss for like a period time right? right? right? right? and insulin and right? Yeah, yeah, you have like a fourmon fingering era before you move on to blow jobs or whatever right? and so as an adult you'renna skip over all of those things right? Yeah I v pretty quickly. Yeah. But there are some things that that that cover all the generations like Piv right? like that doesn't go away. But I mean I think this woman's intuition that you know fingering is a lost art is kind of right I mean I don't know exactly what she means by her question but ah. Yeah I think certain aspects of fingering and yeah that you're right? We don't have good vocabulary here because we need to be separating. We had a coworker that called it. Finger blasting. Well sure I think finger blasting can also be got in the clip though. Well.
[25:46] Keith: I bet sure what he meant when he was he was mostly using midterm provoatively right? So who knows all right? Let's move on what's the next thing here. Oh this cow thing. I just thought this was funny. It was the most popular thing on the sex subreddit this week. My wife and I discovered a fetish we love and don't know how to explore it. So I don't know how to explain it. But my wife and I have been exploring a little bdsm. She loves being submissive to me and it works well but the other night we took it further I asked her to move for me. Led us to realizing we have a huge cow breeding fetish because we rolled with it and was like the hottest sex we ever had I was milking her boobs making her moo she was talking about her breast etc. We want to take it further but have no idea how first comment here is good. I like in your bravery to that of the first man to ever eat an oyster or a mushroom I feel like asking my wife to move during sex would just be tempting death sure you know it's kind of a so I'm assuming she gets on her hands and knees they pretend like her breasts are under. Yeah they're swinging down right? no. That's got to be the main Allure I I think yeah, certain kinds of like animalizing the sexual act I think is fun. What is what's the opera set of anthropomorphizing animalizing. Yeah, don't know.
[27:15] Keith: Um, yeah, like just really leaning into like the animal like you know instincts is a thing but specifically a cow. Yeah like like the commenter mentioned seems a little risky. Yeah, probably just allowed them to like. Psychologically break for you more or something like that I don't yeah I don't know what other things could they do can their alligators put a bell around her neck go up the ca yeah, get get some ah spots tattoo I my intuition here is just though like this is like. Dominant submission stuff. So it's like she just wants to yeah she wants him to be more or well she the situation calls for more of like a role play or more differentiation between the roles that they both age play. Yeah, just I don't know. People are weird man like ah I don't think Ai could make that up. It's just you know the ai would make up the people moving humans are just kind of weird on their own. Yeah um, all right? This person says we've touched this topic before but I don't think I had. And answer to my satisfaction. So we're going to do it again. I send my husband a dirty photo and I don't understand its reaction I'm 32 and my husband is 38 we're coming out of a long period of having a dead bedroom. Not everything is fixed yet. But we're making more of an effort to be intimateent flirty and touchy to make sure we don't slip back into old ways.
[28:48] Keith: Was in the shower tonight and I decided to take a sexy photo to send him I've not been overly body confident for a long time a contributing factor to our dead bedroom. So sending him something that wasn't perfectly staged and framed felt like I was pushing my boundaries sent off the photo got dressed and went out to the living room. He was playing video games which is fine. And hadn't looked at the pick yet. So I went to play around on my phone on the other side of the room after 20 minutes he looks at the photo I was hoping for a while you look gorgeous or maybe even if I were lucky something a little more sexual instead. He turns to me and in the spookiest count draccula voice I've ever heard I don't know how to do it. Counteracular voice says boobs and reply to my picture with a gif of a ghost and then went back to his game now I understand he may not have been expecting expecting boobs and that was just his knee-jerk reaction but I can't help feel bit a bit confused and maybe disappointed I don't want him laughing or joking every time I send him a picture. I stop sending pictures do I pretend like the ghost boobs thing never happened and just get over it. Do I talk to him about it a bit lost and would appreciate some other perspectives on this please? Okay, the thing that we've talked about before is girl sends you a nude. Yeah, what is the appropriate response. not a dig pick ah yes not a dick pick. Ah I assume the appropriate response is like you look so hot or something or oh I want to fuck right now. Okay, but then what if they send another one the next day
[30:19] Keith: Like you almost need it'll look so hot. You almost need a quiver full of like generic. You look so hot comments right? I could do you chat jbt for that I mean doesn't like the emoji of the what is an eggplant repeatedly. Yeah, you did the eggplant and then the ah the three water droplets. Yeah um I wonder what Chet Gp says a good response to ah to a nude is male nude is let's not get answer it. It's very very slightly off color right.
[30:56] Keith: Refuse to help you out my prediction. Oh God and responding to a depiction of a female nude in art. Well what it say now I bet it's a text message.
[31:11] Keith: Can vary significantly based on context if it's unexpected or Unwelcome. It's important to set boundaries if it's from someone you're closely involved with and it's conceptual. Make sure your response is respectful and considerate of the vulnerability involved in sharing such images response. Thank you for sharing this with me, you look Beautiful. Can affirm your respect and Appreciation. You think that would have been better than the ghost emoji with no because it's it sounds mechanical and this is my issue with the quiverful of you look hot synonyms is that. Yeah, she really it. It is vulnerable for a woman to do that and if I'm mailing it in on the response they're going to be able to detect that I think and so it needs to feel genuine and I don't know how to do that because it's obvious when like I'm just rotely saying something. Ah, versus like feeling something and so yeah I don't know I don't have a quiver of like enough. What's the issue is is it like is it that you did you ever want a picture of a naked woman sent to you I think I do guy.
[32:27] Keith: But I don't want to onboard their insecurity and I feel like I sort of am required to because if I don't respond perfectly then I'm worried that you know they're interpreting my response in some way that I don't want them to like i. I want to say like hey thanks, that's great I'm not going to like I'm not really interested in like it's not phone sex if you're texting yeah text sex text sex. Oh sexing sexing right? That's right, that's the word we got there. Ah. or I'm generally not or I've never really tried what would okay so what would the worst response be like 1 thing that I've done when I get texts from somebody who I don't know if they're like spams or somebody who doesn't know who they are is I will take a I will look up on. Internet a picture of a man with a gigantic pod and I will send the picture back I will take a picture of that. Yeah is that the worst thing you can reply. Ah I do that sometimes too with spam text messages I just respond I respond with like an outrageous picture but actually probably the worst thing you could do would be to be like wow that's. You look disgusting. That's the worst thing that would be so out of pocket that they might interpret it as sarcasm. Yeah okay like they would be a little bit annoyed that like she doesn't like that he made a joke out of this but it's not as bad as like not affirming.
[33:58] Keith: Her and it yeah like saying something So outrageous. Um is there a way that you could respond that it's clearly not sarcastic. Um, yes, basically get Across. You're your. Can see your skin tag in this bra like if there's some like you could pick like some flaw. Yeah yeah I mean right, it would have to be some kind of specific. Yeah, just targeted Nastiness Yeah, okay, okay, so okay, so that's the worst right? okay. Can we do better than that. Yeah I mean ah.
[34:40] Keith: Well, you can be neutral like thanks for the pick. Yeah thanks, Thumb Just thumbs Up. Thumbs out of the heart. Ah that you could do the salute emoji. Um, right. Yeah, those things are like sort of neutral but also like that's pretty bad right? because you're not affirming Them. You're sort of dismissive right? This It's not good how long how many times like on Ballpark have you been put in this is it common for you to be pleased. Yeah yeah, and what is your common respect other rather than the Annoy. Um. Noture What to do It is annoyed I Definitely can't communicate that right. They don't want to onboard my annoyance. They're just trying to do something flirty and nice right? Ah, what was the sorry. What was the question.. What's your typical what you typically do? oh.
[35:33] Keith: I think I have I think I say something like. Yeah I think I try to use like hyperbole like oh my gosh you're so spectacularly attractive or does that work I think okay. I think it's good enough. But I think it's like 7 out of 10 or 6 out of 10 you give something better that you could improve. Yeah I think they're a little bit disappointed at the reaction like she even says in her. Um and her thing like she's not sure what she's she wants.
[36:10] Keith: She's like I can't help but feel a bit confused and maybe disappointed I don't want him laughing or joking so you you shouldn't make a joke right? because that's sort of dismissive. Yes, um, but she doesn't know exactly what she wants.
[36:27] Keith: Yeah, like she says something like ah yeah, like she wanted or yeah, she might want something like more more sexy. But she doesn't want. They definitely don't want a dick pick I think there are certain cases where they might want a dick pickic but what printed out the picture she sent you with a color quitter and then send her a picture of your dick like with come on it like so in other words, you just ejaculated on the picture is that would she like that. That is a thing right? That's called um, tributing hu I was unaware of tributing really is that a thing that people will like send to girls on Chatterbait they'll be like hey I Just yeah I Just so I just orgasm thinking about you? Well yeah, they'll or they like doll.
[37:14] Keith: Send him a tribute of a folder of 100 vote a hundred something like Jesus Christ there's like there's like yes that they tribut a as a band. Okay I doubt that a woman wants that I wonder if a certain kind of woman might like that. I saw but it's like oh I had this but I hold this power over. Yeah I saw a porn today that might be sort of on point. It was a woman. It was well. It was not untrue is fake but it was when we we have appeared to be a text of video text message sent from a woman's phone. She was sucking a guy's cock and then he ejaculates in her mouth and she swallows it and then looks at the camera and then it says something like um I just swallowed all your boyfriend's come something something something so he's I guess he's my boyfriend now. Wow and so. Point being like it's like it's a little bit on pointed that it's like it's like very practically saying look this you know I control the semen of this person right? So maybe the attributing thing would somehow get that I have to assume it's wrong. It's the wrong thing to do because of the dick pick thing and stuff. But. Yeah male males like sexual urges and like extreme masculinity are almost never wanted right? Um there's like yeah brief windows where women want that but I'm not sure that's what they want when they're sending.
[38:45] Keith: Ah sex you're you thing I mean youre thing sort the out over the top compliment seems right to me I don't know I mean you know maybe some listeners can yeah write in and give us some tips here but like yeah I Just don't know what to do because. And I'm also hesitant against hesitant about advancing the proceedings like if I say something too good. You know now maybe she sends another picture and now I have to go to like number 2 in my Quiver which is not as good as a number one was number two I don't know but and it can't be. You know the same as you you know? Oh my gosh You're so spectacularly attractive it needs to be.. They also don't want something I couldn't specific I was going to say maybe something ah specific about the photo. So.
[39:40] Keith: You know oh your legs look so great in that light or I love the way your figure looks smart and that yeah suggests that you're really paying attention to right? and it's and it's personal to them. You can try pasting the photo into chatchup pt and seeing like what it notices although it might complain that you've pasted it. Yeah and. Have the problem that then your I guess by the ex-girlfriend has now been added to chat Gpt's training data set. Oh yeah, where I did upload. Some nudes of you to chat you be honey. Why am I coming up on your searches. Yeah, um, yeah.
[40:18] Keith: I was wondering if instead of glazing the photo myself and printing it could I just upload the photo to chat Gpt and say can you make this look like I printed it and and glazed it now it would it would not do that but could I say like and. And spilled icing sugar on it like you know like is there's some like euphemism I can do filled tap. Youka right? to 10 gvd is really stubborn in its purity. But you know with's some good prompt engineering. Maybe we could get it to do it. Um, all right? Let's move on. Um, oh yeah, okay, this is you have some like intuition about anatomy that sometimes I don't have ah this person says my boyfriend tells me doggie hurts for him because my ass is too bony. Apparently every time we've tried to fuck doggie style. He says that it hurts for him to thrust as my bony ass and quotes keeps hitting against his pelvis. Yeah I'm not upset that he told me but he could have not put it so bluntly I'm quite skinny and I don't know if there's anything and can do about this because I do like the position I couldn't envision this. Why not I mean the the like she would have okay so there's the back of her hip bones right? That's that's those must be the bones in question here. No I think it's the it's the bones you sit on is that not part of the hip bone it is. It's also it's part of the same part of the pelvis. Yeah, the same.
[41:50] Keith: Pelvis. Okay, if you're sitting in chair and you imagine like the bones that are there? Yeah, okay, now if you're bent over those are pointing toward the man. Yeah, but for 1 I think they're a little bit lower than the vaginal hole but maybe not lower I would think maybe be major benil. What is lower and higher. We go a little bit hard. Definitely yeah. Not aligned in such a way that they would be poking into him is what I've generally mean would be if a woman was skinny enough. Yeah I've never had this issue. Well most women have are that skinny in the but area I mean even a skeleton.
[42:30] Keith: Ah, man I Want to say something here now I can't now. Ah yeah, okay I think this is okay, we we can decide if you what I did out later I dated a person who is anorexic. Okay and she was very very very skinny and I don't recall this problem.
[42:48] Keith: Well could all good good really to where she I mean she still had body fat on her so she did carried it. Yeah but I feel like this person can't be materially skinnier than the person that I dated she's doing much better now by the way. Good. Yeah maybe she can join my support. Yeah, maybe. ah shia yeah anyway ah but yeah the ah it's it's something I can imagine I've not experienced this myself but I can't I can. It's not impossible for you to imagine it. You know? Okay, it's a mistake for the guy to complain about it I felt of course of course, of course. And I'm I'm suspicious that that's what's actually going on here I I wonder if there's something about her figure in that position that he doesn't like oh interesting that would probably be her suspicion as well. There's some. There's someterior movie. Yeah, or maybe her butthole smells. Yeah I've had that issue. Um, or he doesn't like seeing her vertebrae or whatever it is right? like but maybe it's her tailbone poking. Oh that's not that's that definitely doesn't have the right ankle I would I wouldn but because that's above the asshole. Yeah. We think it would poke him in a softer part of his body and so wouldn't be relevant, but maybe yeah would be poking and sort something I'm reaching a raft on myself here trying to maybe she has a particularly prominent. Yeah, she could I don't know I'm fifty fifty on this guy I think you might be lying. Yeah.
[44:24] Keith: And but you you think you can you can and you can imagine it anyway. I could imagine. Yeah I don't know. Do you know? what? the expression pillow princess means yeah pillow princess I believe is a woman who just lies there basically does nothing during sex. Yeah. And I googled this ah hilariously Google has a Dd for this pillow princess a common term amongst lesbian circles and queer women pillow princesses are a type of bottom who don't reciprocate some or all sexual acts those lesbian pillow princesses are usually femme though. Not always often lesbian. And range from sweete to bratty and everywhere in between. Okay, this I think has been co-opted by the heterosexual community. What is that call to her a word for that heterosexual community. Yeah I mean straight people. Um, okay, here's what she says. But relationship of almost two years and it's the first long-term relationship I've ever been in. This is basically the first time I've been intimately intimately involved with someone when we first started dating I had a pretty low sex drive and bad relationship with sex. But as I got more comfortable with my partner over time sex started getting better and actually something enjoyable for me. Because of this my partner was always initiating when we first started and even now he's the he's the one to start taking things further I always try to actively participate and be enthusiastic in sex. But I'm also pretty submissive in nature and my partner is more dominant so I'm on the receiving end of most most of the time.
[45:55] Keith: He says he usually focuses on me because it takes longer for me to orgasm and he fizzles out more quickly once he comes so I usually finish him toward the end and then things wrap up I always feel a little guilty that I'm so passive in sex. But when I bring it up. He insists he doesn't mind. He always seems to do so much more for me than I do for him. Being on the giving end and receiving less physical pleasure is something people enjoy and can be satisfied by so she's saying he's putting a lot more work into giving to her 70% of sex is him on top slash fingering me. He says he enjoys making me moan and seeing feeling the physical response of. Of him pleaasuring me and that's enough for him. We've talked about it and he always assures me that he is but I can't help it feel a little guilty have I accidentally become a pillow princess I ah I thought this was interesting because I think most. Of sex in these sort of I don't know sex positive community which is largely the the sort of thinking there I think is largely dominated by women influencers I think. The way they and imagine sex going is the man takes some time to pleasure the woman and once she's orgasmed then it's sort of his turn isn't there that that book she comes first. Um, and.
[47:28] Keith: What what? she's describing here. Sounds like that like you know he's yeah sounds normal Basically like I'm not sure what she imagines herself doing to be more involved but ah, it's sort of up to the man to lead the proceedings generally.
[47:48] Keith: Yeah I mean I don't really know I mean I guess you can have a situation where the woman is or dominant. Ah that certainly happens. But yeah I mean the man ultimately is you this just sounds normal. So yeah I don't know. Not sure exactly what she wants to do I mean the the obvious things would be getting moral or getting on top I guess yeah I don't remember but I think the first comment. Yeah, the first comment is whenever you're feeling guilty give them a no expectations blowjob allow him to lay back and relax while you do all the work. Doesn't have to be fifty fifty just whenever you feel like it. Um, yeah I mean whatever her feeling of guilt is misplaced because she is not understanding kind of the the relative the value exchange that's taking place right? So yeah. Yeah, like his orgasm is so awesome. But and it's like it's like getting access to a vagina is a high value thing right? So you're yeah, you're giving him access is already quite ah quite a lot of value and so feeling guilty like I yeah can it's surprising I just think this is something where like women don't. Always understand the value exchange that's going on in sex. It's confusing about? Yeah yeah I think she yeah I think she's just I think she's fine. Yeah, but notwithstanding the guilt she should.
[49:23] Keith: Work on that but she she has no based on what she's described. There's nothing to describe nothing to criticize there all right? This person says my girlfriend has been an absolute freak with everyone. She's dated slept with except for me she she's 29 tells me. It's just because she oversexualized herself when she was younger that it was mostly performative and lacked true intimacy I understand this but at the same time I'm I'm young and I want intimacy? Yes, but also ache for wild filthy nasty sex I don't want the lacklaster sex life of suburbia. Communicated about dozens of times we've communicated about this dozens of times I feel like I've never gotten a real answer makes me feel like I'm not good enough in bed for her to get dirty with I've never been insecure like this before What do you think her reasoning could be I think it's I mean unfortunately I think being insecure about is reasonable I do too. She yeah there's something. There's something about these previous partners that she was responding to that he doesn't provide. Yeah, he's not to yeah, it's it's I mean essentially he's asking for her to initiate wild sex and my response to be like what happens if you initiate wild sex. Yeah. Based on what he wrote I think that sounds right like the very going to Reddit and posting about your insecurity is the problem like he he needs to be more alpha slash dominant to unlock that in her.
[50:55] Keith: Right? And she's probably saying all the right thingsngs? Um, but I mean there's a possibility that she decided she didn't like that or there's some change in sex sex drive. She's experienced. It's not impossible.
[51:15] Keith: Yeah, but he's faced with the probable reality that she just doesn't sexualize him well or that he's just too. He's not.. He's not doing what's needed and he's not like the thing is he's saying oh I want this but then he's not going out and getting it right? Well online. She just doing it then she's probably not going to say no or yeah at least like take steps in that direction I Guess it's possible that those things that she was doing in the past she didn't really want to do she was She was just going along with it and so absent to partner requesting or forcing it on her. Ah, it just doesn't happen and so she may actually be happier with this situation. Probably not probably.. It's the case that um, all of those things were consensual in the past and she kind of liked it. But. But would you say if he tried to become more assertive and she basically stopped him I mean that's the nightmare. Um, and you can imagine that being ah ah you know at least a plurality of outcomes here where yeah, she's sort of put him in a box of.
[52:28] Keith: More Beta What do you think we'll be going through her mind in that situation I mean she so he he starts to like whatever like he he he and he they're having sex. Yeah, he does something. She's like okay, he's hamping it up now she has a lot of pressure on her. Yeah, like maybe he like starts to like choke her lightly or something. Yeah, she's like oh and she's like ah yeah, and and then she's like oh don't do that but she would know she should know that if she does that that it could be relationship ending. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, she has like a real difficult choice there right? So they could. Yeah I mean they could also but did did he say they've discussed it. Yeah I think she just said oh that was that was then and this is now we've communicated about this dozens of times I feel like I've never gotten a real answer that. That's yeah, but that's probably True. He's probably meekly brought it up right? Um, yeah, That's really tough. There's yeah, there's a few possibilities there like he could he could. Ampped up which is probably not dispositionally something. He's really able to do. But if he does He's the he goes out on a vulnerable limb himself. Yeah, but then if you never try on then or now yeah, but you might not want to know the answer right? Um, but I don't know like look if you're you know if he's.
[53:59] Keith: Worried about having the ah boring sex life of suburbia then he may as well find out sooner than later and then move on if it's not going to work. Um, rather than always being you know, unsatisfied or disappointed or.
[54:17] Keith: Whatever, it might be okay I'm going to pick a topic at random here. Um this one's not bad. Are there. Any quiet sex positions. My bed is pretty squeaky and me and my boyfriend have noticed that missionary is pretty much the only sex position so Far. Doesn't make a huge amount of noise I still live with my parents. We've tried me on top but it's just too Loud. So always ends up back to missionary any suggestions take a fuck on the floor. Yeah, but it could be a crickie floor or maybe maybe they're. Against a wall. Maybe they're above with the parents or something interesting I don't really know why missionary would be quieter I've had this issue in the past Guy. Ah I don't. No, why Missie I don't remember missionary being particularly quiet. Everything is just kind of a little bit noisy. But if you do it Carefully, you can keep it relatively muted so you've had this issue when you're like a the family House. Avoid. My my family still doesn't know about this podcast but if they do someday. Okay I I'm sorry mom. But yeah, you don't want to talk about the specifics of when right when you've tried to keep the noise down right? Okay, Ah yeah I sort of agree with you that there's not.
[55:49] Keith: I mean I guess like physically speaking doggie style might be the best because you're not putting your weight on the other person. Yeah well or if you do like the standing doggie style. You might be able to avoid you can put your hands on the bed but just to brace yourself, but maybe with less weight. There's less movement on the bed so doesn't squeak as much. Ah, it also depends on whether you have a tendency to moan loud things while nutting I'm gonna fill you up. Yeah for the fire I Yeah I've been with women who claim to not be able to control their right.
[56:27] Keith: Vocalizations which is a lie and inviriating I mean maybe I'm that good. They're just totally what What's the opposite of catatonic man I guess yeah yeah. The real estate of Mania right? They're just so pleased with the ah your your come is like a is like a red bull straight into there an ivy of red bull. Um, okay, how.
[57:05] Keith: This person asks it wasn't me what do people do after they finish on a girl if you pull out and finish on a girl. What are you supposed to do get a paper towel and clean it up I'm genuinely confused because I feel like getting a paper towel or toilet paper to clean off a girl is weird people people still do it all the time. Anyone have any experience with this Anyone have any experience with this yeah billion billions billions of people have thousands of experiences and what you're supposed to do is of course kind of scoop it up in your hand and then driling into her mouth. Get as much of it down down the drain as you can and then continue with it with whatever's left is's just her problem right? Yeah, but if you wanted to be polite. Ah I could say what I do. We've discussed what you do sort of an not all over the I think we could we can set aside my peculiarities about where I not um, set for this thing for this conversation. Yeah, the nut. The nut has happened. It wasn't inside now. What. Ah I normally ah go get a towel and then ah depending on where the nut was sometimes I'll get some paper towels and put a little bit form water on it.
[58:34] Keith: So you can use that to clean first and then the towel to dry. Okay, but I probably only do that for the first few times and then at some point that results in too much laundry so then just paper towels. Okay. Yeah, the the linen towel service goes away after a while. It's kind of funny see really you you start off with cloth or you switch up switch up to paper towels I think selling in a relationship. Yeah, have you read anybody remark on that. Yes you have who is the I mean I just pointed i. I don't think that being ridiculous here like I don't think I should need to use a towel every time we had sex and if that's their expectation then okay I guess we can do that but then they're always like yeah okay that makes sense well he can also just swallow I don't offer that as a alternative but it does go without saying right. Um, all right? That'll do it for this episode of your mileage may vary. You can send us feedback or questions to ymmvpoditchgmaildotcom that's ymmvpoditchgmaildotcom if you don't want us to use your questions on the air. Let us know we actually have quite a few. We need to get to. We'll do that. We'll do that next up. So and we pay $10 for feedback. So if you send us feedback of any kind just give us your venmo or cash up or whatever and we'll send you $10 thanks for listening and we'll catch you next week on your mileage may vary.