YMMV - Your Mileage May Vary Podcast

YMMV is a weekly podcast about SEX and RELATIONSHIPS.

Enjoy YMMV? Please click the above button to subscribe to the show!

To listen to an episode, just scroll down and press the play button.

Episode 173: Squirting From Skene's Glands, Flatulence, Wiping Up After Handjobs, Rejecting Butt Play

Team YMMV | 7-15-2024 | 1:00:35

Read The Transcript

Keith has a serious problem while touring Southern Africa: Access to high-quality porn. We take it for granted in this day and age, but it relies completely on high-speed Internet access. How much porn per day should a man prepare before such a trip, and what should he do if he runs out?

We dive deeper into questions of squirting and what esoteric places the fluid might be coming from. If it were a religious debate, you might be able to call it a "squirt of the gaps" argument being made by the pro-squirting contingent.

And, it seems Keith is aroused by his own naked image in the mirror. Perhaps this is more widespread than we might have thought?

We get a lot of our questions from Reddit, so for our listeners' enjoyment, here are links to some of the questions we discussed this week:

https://ymmv.me/173/flatulence

https://ymmv.me/173/handjob

https://ymmv.me/173/butt

Episode Transcript

Transcript automatically generated by a robot. Apologies for any inaccuracies.

[00:00:02] Keith: Hello and welcome to Your Mileage May Vary. We talk about sex and relationships with frankness that is often controversial, but mostly in good faith. We have an amusing list of topics today, including how to get comfortable with your partner's flatulence, how to deal with the semen after a surreptitious public handjob, and how to politely tell your partner that you're not into something.
[00:00:17] Mike: Hmm.
[00:00:23] Keith: After an extended unexcused absence, I have a sliver of internet with which to host this podcast today. So I am coming to you from Lusaka, the capital of landlocked Zambia in Southern Central Africa. And Keith, my co-host is Mike. And can you hear me now, Mike?
[00:00:41] Mike: I can hear you fine. Yeah, I'm not in a landlocked part of a country in Africa. I'm i'm in Nevada actually.
[00:00:46] Keith: Oh, I didn't even notice. We had to turn off the video that we normally use to see each other because it's a ration bandwidth here.
[00:00:57] Mike: Yeah, there's a heat wave in the San Francisco Bay area, so it's much cooler up in the Lake Tahoe area. um
[00:01:03] Keith: what What do you think the temperature in the middle of the day in Zambia is?
[00:01:03] Mike: so
[00:01:09] Mike: Well, it's in the southern hemisphere, right? So i' it's a little tricky.
[00:01:11] Keith: Yes, it is.
[00:01:13] Mike: So I'm gonna guess, but I think it's close-ish to the equator, so I'm gonna say 75.
[00:01:20] Keith: uh pretty close yeah it's uh i think i got to 82 today um no they were a former british colony so they drive on the left and everything's well actually the british use miles right okay
[00:01:25] Mike: Okay. Do they use Fahrenheit? Yeah.
[00:01:40] Mike: Yeah, it's a little complicated. they've They have, because of their proximity to Europe, they get, they get kind of mixed up. Do the people there generally acknowledge how much the British Empire did for them, how great it was to be a colony or are they opposed to that?
[00:01:53] Keith: I would say that is not the prevailing opinion.
[00:01:57] Mike: Funny, because I mean, if you kind of sort the countries in the world by former British colonies and not former British, like point being that like being a former French colony is much worse, put it that way.
[00:02:08] Keith: Yeah, I wonder if, like, I don't know, Senegal or something has lower GDP.
[00:02:18] Mike: I just think that the the sort of his the the the governmental system that they inherited is not as stable.
[00:02:18] Keith: and
[00:02:23] Keith: Oh, I see. The history of oppression or whatever.
[00:02:25] Mike: yeah Oh, they all oppressed they all oppressed a lot.
[00:02:27] Keith: Yeah, I don't know.
[00:02:30] Mike: I mean, the worst was the Belgians, of course. but
[00:02:32] Keith: Right. Yeah, i don't I don't know enough about the details, other than that the prevailing opinion is that colonialism was bad. Zambia in particular is sort of odd. It's 99.2% black, so there are other
[00:02:49] Mike: Please, please, African-American Keith.
[00:02:51] Keith: ah No, not in Zambia. The colonialists just basically left. There is no there are no northern or non-global south people left here anymore. But oddly, the country is 96% Christian, I believe. So that relic remains, for better or worse.
[00:03:19] Mike: Probably a lot of mega churches.
[00:03:19] Keith: um There are, in fact, I ah traveled from Livingston, which is near Victoria Falls, to Lusaka, the capital today. And um I didn't see any other tourists the entire day until I arrived at my hotel. And at my hotel, I saw there was like a table at the at the restaurant of a bunch of white people and ah with American accents. And I was wondering, maybe they were here for a safari or something. But no, of course, i I could overhear their conversations and they're here to do some sort of proselytizing to the locals and try to convert them to whatever sect of Christianity they are.
[00:03:59] Mike: They're switching, they're just switching their sect. Now, you said that you've gotten a fair amount of action in this country and in other countries on Tinder.
[00:04:07] Keith: Yeah, so I switched my location to Lusaka, um, this morning. So it's, it's 10, 24 PM m here right now. And I probably switched it around 9 a.m. So i call it 13 hours, 14 hours. And let's see here. Yeah, I have 135 likes since I inbound likes since I, um, switched now.
[00:04:31] Mike: Wow.
[00:04:36] Keith: That would, I mean, that blows out of the water any kind of, like in San Francisco, I get like maybe one like every other day. um
[00:04:44] Mike: Yeah.
[00:04:45] Keith: And so, you know, and I'm guessing there's more Tinder users in San Francisco than in Zambia. um And when I was in Eastern Europe, I would see something like this, not not to this magnitude, but I would have a bunch of inbound likes, but in that case, most of them were prostitutes. And I haven't actually been actively trying to, to meet anyone here.
[00:05:04] Mike: Hmm.
[00:05:08] Keith: And so I'm not sure if these people, um, mostly I've been very, very, very busy.
[00:05:10] Mike: Why not?
[00:05:15] Keith: Um, but also I think my ideal setup when I'm traveling would be.
[00:05:24] Keith: I want to take someone out to dinner. I get lonely. like I want someone to talk to. And if ah some sort of sexual chemistry emerges, then I might be interested in pursuing that. But um mostly I think I'm less sex-seeking than the other tourists that roll through town. and so When I try to talk to people generally, i this can be a problem like when I'm traveling in someplace like Europe, where if I'm traveling, people like suspect that I'm looking for one thing on Tinder, and it's not for a dinner partner.
[00:06:06] Keith: and so But anyway, here, there's a bit the English is the national language here, but most of them speak a local language. There's something like 73 languages here. um Anyway, there's a bit of a language barrier and then the the cultural barrier like trying to explain like what I'm looking for on Tinder is not easy to do.
[00:06:32] Mike: I see. And if you were OK, so your general impression is that these women are liking you because they just want to have sex with you.
[00:06:43] Keith: No, I suspect that the poverty level is so high here. that there's some other kind of hopeful reason for wanting to meet me.
[00:06:57] Mike: Hmm.
[00:06:59] Keith: But I'm not, I mean, I'm not sure. and I don't know, I haven't really tried striking up conversations. i even Even if I'm not interested in meeting, maybe I should just to get a feel for whatever that side ghost might be.
[00:07:13] Mike: That's sort of interesting.
[00:07:14] Keith: All right, I'll take that as a piece of homework.
[00:07:18] Keith: just to see how it goes. I have seen on a lot of these women's profiles that they'll say, not interested in hookups. but You see that on Tinder everywhere. I think women just say that reflexively because, of course, on the other side, most men are interested in hookups. And so, yeah.
[00:07:37] Mike: For sure.
[00:07:38] Keith: um
[00:07:39] Mike: Have you gotten any from profiles that you would potentially be interested in hookup with if you, are or are I mean, yeah, are you attracted to any of them? Are they compelling or?
[00:07:48] Keith: Uh, I don't know if this is like, uh, I to think about this. I don't think it can, is it? Okay. Is it racist to say that I'm not as attracted to black people?
[00:08:02] Mike: It probably is, but I also think that it's fine to say because people have preferences, um you know?
[00:08:08] Keith: Huh. Or if I said, yeah, I'm not, what if I said I'm not as attracted?
[00:08:10] Mike: like they're therere
[00:08:12] Keith: i'm I'm white myself. What if I said I'm not as attracted to white people? Would that be considered racist?
[00:08:19] Mike: No, because you can't be racist against white people, right?
[00:08:21] Keith: OK, and what if I said i I'm not attracted to Asians? like Is there some sort of hierarchy where like, OK, can an Asian, but can ah can a black person say they're not attracted to white people, and would that be OK?
[00:08:30] Mike: There is.
[00:08:35] Mike: Yes, that's okay. the the Yes, there is a hierarchy and the way the hierarchy work is
[00:08:36] Keith: OK, yeah, all right. So all right so this is just this is just a cultural construct, then.
[00:08:40] Mike: Yeah.
[00:08:42] Mike: Yes. It's a it's the oppressed, oppressed, oppressor hierarchy.
[00:08:42] Keith: It's sort of meaningless.
[00:08:46] Mike: So because you would be viewed as the oppressor of certain people, then you're not allowed to say you're not attracted to them because of their skin color, but the but the opposite they're allowed to because you're, because they're the oppressed.
[00:08:56] Keith: I don't think I'm not attracted to them because of their skin color.
[00:08:57] Mike: Yeah.
[00:09:00] Keith: Like I'm attracted to some of them.
[00:09:01] Mike: Okay.
[00:09:02] Keith: It's just that for every 100 inbound likes I get in someplace in the United States, I'm attracted to maybe five of them.
[00:09:03] Mike: Sure.
[00:09:13] Keith: And then in this case, I'm attracted to maybe two of them.
[00:09:14] Mike: Okay.
[00:09:16] Mike: No, that was what I was curious about.
[00:09:16] Keith: And I, you know.
[00:09:18] Mike: is it So it is two, it's not zero. Like there are actually some pretty interesting ladies. You just don't have the time to to to ah meet up with them.
[00:09:24] Keith: Yeah.
[00:09:26] Mike: Okay.
[00:09:26] Keith: Yeah, or the or the interest. Although, yeah, maybe that implies the number is lower than two, I'm not sure.
[00:09:34] Mike: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:09:34] Keith: but I have been very busy, so yeah, I mean, I think maybe over the next couple weeks, maybe I'll be a little bit less busy and I can turn an eye toward this a bit more, but yeah, I don't know.
[00:09:35] Mike: I mean, if the number was zero, you know.
[00:09:45] Mike: Sure.
[00:09:48] Keith: I wanted to litigate a couple things from I guess two episodes ago now. you've You have recorded an episode with Ali that I haven't heard yet.
[00:09:58] Mike: Right.
[00:09:57] Keith: And so I don't have any comments on that. But ah your solo episode, ah for starters, I really liked it. I thought your justification for the podcast, which is basically what I think the first half of that episode was about, was was pretty strong.
[00:10:15] Mike: the response to the the not i'm almost enemy of the show.
[00:10:15] Keith: you
[00:10:19] Mike: It's somebody we both have met or at least know who who took issue ah with yeah kind of the framework of the show, basically taking issue with whether men kind of have the right to express these things or something without some kind of disclaimer. But go on. I think you're going to litigate something.
[00:10:34] Keith: Right. i think she would say I think she would say, in her ah own words, something like, yes, this is very sophomoric. It is not very wise about the female perspective or experience. And the content you're making is maybe even harmful and in some way, or at at the very least, stupid.
[00:10:55] Mike: i don't think she'd know yeah I think she would argue you stupid, but I think that behind that just lies a deep insecurity because it's it's not it's painful to to be sort of judged on your appearance that way, the way men do. I understand that, but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Just because something's painful doesn't mean it's not true.
[00:11:12] Keith: Right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, I mean, our listeners can go back and listen to that episode if they haven't. I thought it was a really good sort of, I don't know, summary of the male experience and how, and how maybe counterintuitively it is not very well represented in popular culture.
[00:11:32] Mike: Right.
[00:11:33] Keith: Um, but I did want to pick a couple of votes about a couple of things. So, uh, that listener emailed us about, uh, squirting and for, for non-longtime listeners, they may not know the history of this, but, uh, neither Mike or I believe that, uh, when women squirt that they are secreting anything other than urine. We we believe that squirt is mostly urine.
[00:12:04] Mike: almost completely. And I should say this person who sent in this these articles has sent us yet another article, which I appreciate it.
[00:12:09] Keith: Oh, okay.
[00:12:10] Mike: This is a person that's very motivated to to um defend this narrative. yeah
[00:12:16] Keith: Now, I thought the crux of the articles that they sent in was something about the Skeens gland, which I've since done a little bit of reading about, and you didn't mention it in your defense of our position, and so I thought I would steal man a little bit here. ah Now, importantly, I don't actually hold this position, but ah the Skeens glands are apparently, two there are two in women and they are on either side of the urethra and they produce, they secrete lubrication, which is useful during sex.
[00:12:42] Mike: Yeah.
[00:12:46] Mike: Yeah.
[00:12:55] Keith: It makes sex more comfortable for women. And apparently also that lubrication can help against, can help protect against certain diseases, which may just be that it helps avoid tearing or something. Um, but maybe, maybe it also has some sort of antibacterial in it or something, but there is, there are glands that do secrete a fluid.
[00:13:10] Mike: Yeah.
[00:13:17] Keith: And I think, I don't know if that is the only place that female lubrication gets secreted from, or if it's just one of the places.
[00:13:23] Mike: It's not, no, there's a substantial amount of, yeah, there's a substantial amount of lubrication from inside the vagina, of course.
[00:13:29] Keith: Okay. Well, in any case.
[00:13:33] Keith: I'm perfectly willing to concede that some of the fluid in, you know quote unquote, squirt, could have whatever is being secreted by the skein's gland, but it's gonna be trace amounts. And that's the the primary thing here. like A lot of women seem to think in some men that there is some mysterious other fluid that it you know is the female ejaculate. And yeah, it's just, that's not right.
[00:14:17] Keith: Uh, say something. Can you hear me? Hello. I can hear you. It would be odd if you can't hear me.
[00:14:40] Mike: Thank you.
[00:00:04] Mike: Test.
[00:14:46] Keith: Yeah, I can hear you.
[00:00:07] Mike: OK, so if you can just continue. i don't Yeah, I don't know what happened.
[00:14:53] Keith: This is discouraging. Okay. Yeah. The last thing I said was that, uh, I didn't, I didn't.
[00:00:17] Mike: Did you pause it or did you?
[00:00:20] Mike: No, that's fine. So there's just a break at 14.
[00:15:04] Keith: Yeah. I, the 14, 15 was, it was around then.
[00:00:24] Mike: OK, so just continue where you left off. It's fine. I heard almost everything.
[00:15:08] Keith: The last thing I said was, um, something like some people think that there's some the third fluid and that's, that's not right. And the last thing I said was right.
[00:00:38] Mike: Okay.
[00:00:42] Mike: Okay. So you want to continue or you want me to go ahead?
[00:15:25] Keith: So, well, you should probably say like, yeah, I agree or yeah.
[00:00:49] Mike: So what was the last thing you said again?
[00:15:33] Keith: I said that some people seem to think that there's some third fluid and, you know, that constitutes the the majority of, of you know, squirt and that's not right.
[00:00:57] Mike: Okay. Okay. So I'll jump in now. Yeah, I mean, the thing about it is that the quantity ah that needs to be produced for actually squared as far in excess is my understanding of what's possible via the schemes, Glenn. I mean, you can actually sort of dissect that part of the anatomy and see that there's not much fluid, sort of not much area there to collect fluid.
[00:16:04] Keith: Right.
[00:01:23] Mike: And the the other thing is these studies actually put chemicals into the woman's bladder to verify what was the fluid coming out and it is coming from their bladder.
[00:16:12] Keith: Right.
[00:16:15] Keith: Right.
[00:01:35] Mike: So I just don't think it's not plausible.
[00:16:17] Keith: Right, right, right.
[00:01:38] Mike: Yeah.
[00:16:19] Keith: Yeah, I mean, the next part of research could be, like is there some sort of musculature that can cause spasmatic contractions around the skein's gland to like so ejaculate fluid? But there's obviously not, so that doesn't need to be done.
[00:01:50] Mike: Right. Yeah, this is just this just comes down to your. Yeah, you have people that have a belief system that they want to defend and don't want to cope or interact with reality. I think that's where you're at on the squirting topic.
[00:16:43] Keith: Yeah, yeah.
[00:02:04] Mike: Ironically, I mean, yeah, we get a lot of. We get some amount of hate. theyre very Yeah, like it's to put it this way. It's to the point where if you if you go into the sex subreddit and question and say, look, I think Squirt is urine, you might get banned.
[00:16:59] Keith: Yeah, I think that's right. Yeah, it's like the science is very clear on this and yet the ah maximum sort of sex positive
[00:02:22] Mike: So, yeah.
[00:17:11] Keith: community perspective is that, quoting that science is ban worthy or something. It's it's it's an odd an odd thing.
[00:02:37] Mike: Right. Right. Well, it's not. I mean, I think this is just sort of a sign of the times like you people uncomfortable things. This is this is the way people handle uncomfortable things. They these days they sort of ban them on social media. So and then it's just a question of who defines what's uncomfortable. And typically that's using the oppressor oppressed framework.
[00:17:36] Keith: Yeah.
[00:02:57] Mike: So since women are oppressed, they get to ban what they they get to be in charge of banning things. Whereas men being the oppressor do not get to.
[00:17:46] Keith: Yeah, but why do women want to, to the extent that it is women, I think there are some men that really wish it was some other fluid. And so I'm not even sure it's it's women who are like setting the the weird, incorrect agenda in this case. but Oh.
[00:03:19] Mike: i think I think it is because because it's embarrassing to be peeing during sex. But I mean, you're you're right. that like like Look, and here's another point. like I've talked to a couple of guys who had partners who scored it. You've had a partner who scored it. And like I'm not sure you would actually care if it was urine.
[00:18:13] Keith: Yeah.
[00:03:34] Mike: right Because the thing actually that's exciting to the man is that like she's lost control of her body. She's so excited.
[00:18:19] Keith: Right, right.
[00:03:39] Mike: So the guy doesn't really care. it's So I do think it's the woman. And this relates to the other... Yeah, go ahead.
[00:18:25] Keith: I think I might be even more grossed out by Squirt now because I dated this person I think before we started recording this doing this podcast and at the time I may have been a little bit naive about what it was or at least we've talked about it so much now that I'm more just sort of convinced that it's some sort of incontinence ah that is caused caused by vigorous rubbing.
[00:04:07] Mike: Yeah.
[00:18:51] Keith: And so, yeah, like a little bit of the mystery and fun of it has been removed for me. And so I think I might be even more inconvenienced by it now than I was then.
[00:04:19] Mike: Sure. Yes. Yes.
[00:19:04] Keith: Okay, you also talked about clits and people trying to enlar enlarge their clits.
[00:04:27] Mike: Here we go.
[00:19:10] Keith: Now, I thought that was a very interesting discussion.
[00:04:30] Mike: Yes.
[00:19:14] Keith: My thought that I like just kept thinking about was, okay, does the click glow wider or longer when you go through these various initiatives to enlarge your clit?
[00:04:46] Mike: So ah this tells me that you didn't watch the video of the woman who basically has a small penis.
[00:19:30] Keith: I did not.
[00:04:51] Mike: Yeah. This is so, so ah in Africa.
[00:19:33] Keith: but Listen, Mike, I get like, I get like six bytes of data a day. Like I don't, I have to ration it.
[00:04:57] Mike: Okay.
[00:19:39] Keith: Yeah.
[00:04:58] Mike: Yeah. You don't want to use it. You don't want to waste it on what does that mean about your masturbating? Are you like using audio? Did you have to save a bunch of videos before you came to Africa? Like,
[00:19:49] Keith: OK, I actually had this as something I wanted to talk about. So do you want you want to do so now?
[00:05:15] Mike: Well, like I'll answer your question quickly, just so people aren't left hanging.
[00:19:57] Keith: OK.
[00:05:18] Mike: I mean, basically the clip becomes more and more similar looking to a small penis with the head of the penis, you know, as you'd expect from a man. So I would say enlarges in all directions. It gets wider, taller, longer. It just starts looking like a penis.
[00:20:16] Keith: I mean, I feel like the section is applied on ah at a certain vector and that might cause it to engorge.
[00:05:46] Mike: Oh, I don't think most of the clip enlargement is hormonal, not through suction. I'm not entirely sure suction does much.
[00:20:32] Keith: Okay. Okay.
[00:05:53] Mike: Yeah.
[00:20:35] Keith: Okay. All right. I guess I thought that. people were taking the hormones and using some sort of suction device to to encourage the hormones to something something.
[00:06:01] Mike: They do. Yeah, they do all of the above. They're trying to they're trying to um they just want a bigger clip, man. why I don't understand.
[00:20:55] Keith: And then
[00:06:15] Mike: And and I did ask Ali on the episode, you haven't heard yet about like if she would want to enlarge her clit and I think the net was basically no, but people have people can listen and hear what she said. I mean, because Ali does not enjoy oral, she does not enjoy oral,
[00:21:05] Keith: Okay. i'm yeah I know. No, I understood the premise for the question for asking her. You thought that there could be an end around to make her enjoy oral more.
[00:06:32] Mike: but which made me
[00:06:36] Mike: Yes, I had this realization then that the worst sex possible would be you and Ali doing 69 because neither you're punishing each other completely because neither of you enjoys receiving oral that much.
[00:21:28] Keith: Right.
[00:21:30] Keith: Right.
[00:06:50] Mike: So, okay. But yeah, we should talk about your master, how you're, how you're, how you're tolerating this.
[00:21:32] Keith: Right. OK, yeah, so um I did bank some porn before I left for this adventure, but I have exhausted it. Like, it's like, ah um you know, like the the original Africans, you know, ah millennia ago would have to move. They they they were doing some art agriculture, but they would have to move because they exhausted the soil and the soil could no longer grow plants. Like, I i still feel
[00:07:21] Mike: Right.
[00:22:03] Keith: I still have the porn in my downloads for folder. And it's porn that I used to like and and indeed ah did achieve a result from viewing. But yeah, now yeah ah now it may as well just be the yellow pages or something. It's not it's not useful to me. And I can't actually bring myself to to delete it because i'm I'm wondering if if I'm here long enough, maybe I could go back and the soil will have refreshed itself somehow. I'm not sure.
[00:07:49] Mike: Yeah, I also wonder if you, how much how many individual, like how many let's put it this way, how many minutes of video did you bank?
[00:22:37] Keith: Right. So here's the thing. I used BitTorrent to download a bunch of videos and I don't like videos that are just like six minutes long or something.
[00:08:04] Mike: hu
[00:22:49] Keith: and In fact, when I'm on Pornhub or or wherever I'm searching for porn, I often put the filter to 20 plus minutes because I don't like feeling rushed. And i ah it's not that I like the story.
[00:08:20] Mike: You like the story.
[00:23:04] Keith: It's that like if I like what's going on, I'm probably going to want to seek to a couple of different places. And if it's only six minutes, then there's there's nowhere else to go. like There's just whatever's happening, and then and then you're done.
[00:08:36] Mike: Okay.
[00:23:17] Keith: and so And so anyway, the point is, minutes of video isn't quite the right metric because I can only use a video once, because I'll i'll you know i'll start it. And like if the plot is interesting, I might watch that a little bit before skipping ahead, um past the blowjob scene, of course. And um yeah, I can use a video like once or maybe twice, but it's not as good the second time. And yeah, I downloaded, like, I think number of videos is the right metric.
[00:09:07] Mike: So what is the right metric you add? Yeah. Okay.
[00:23:54] Keith: And I brought like 15 and the other was woefully inadequate also also because I knew that this was like a precious resource I was like each each masturbation session was was less satisfying because normally I would like watch one video and if you know I didn't really like.
[00:09:17] Mike: Oh, that's yeah.
[00:24:15] Keith: the model, then I would skip to the next one and then skip to the next one. But because I knew that would exhaust my resources quickly, I was a little bit hesitant to do that. And so, yeah, the whole thing hasn't been great. I'm a little bit excited about when we finished recording today.
[00:09:51] Mike: because you have good internet there and you're going to be able to at least in principle get something.
[00:24:33] Keith: yeah like they Yeah, I mean, good as in quotes, yeah. And actually, when I was in Namibia, all the hotels blocked Pornhub. It wouldn't have been useful anyway, because the internet was so bad.
[00:10:04] Mike: Maybe this is how they increase the birth rate in these countries is they block the porn sites. So the guys are forced to do it the old fashioned way.
[00:24:53] Keith: Okay, I just checked Pornhub is not blocked here, so hooray.
[00:10:18] Mike: Good.
[00:25:01] Keith: Yeah, they could have explained it, yeah. Where am I? Zambia has had a 50% population increase in the last 10, or since 2010.
[00:10:29] Mike: I blame the Clinton and Gates foundations for that.
[00:25:13] Keith: ah Can you, what? Can you put some hair on that?
[00:10:36] Mike: Sure, i think they've I think that it's this ah general ah altruistic impulse that causes Westerners to try to do things like decrease infant mortality, improve medical care, things like that, but then you would just have immediately get the knock-on effect of this massive number of children because it doesn't it doesn't actually solve the underlying social ills and the first reaction of a ah a society when you kind of give them healthcare care is just to have a ton of babies.
[00:25:38] Keith: Oh, interesting.
[00:11:06] Mike: so
[00:25:47] Keith: Right. Right.
[00:11:10] Mike: and and And the issue is that, I mean, the the knock on issue of that, let's see. is you have massive African immigration into Europe and the knock on effect of that is now you have far right extremist parties winning elections in Europe and that could actually impact Westerners lives. Maybe they'll confiscate the Gates and Clinton Foundation's money and it'll sort of be this full circle of like, yeah.
[00:26:08] Keith: I see.
[00:26:13] Keith: are Are you aware of the hand wringing going on amongst NGOs that get funded by the Gates Foundation?
[00:11:41] Mike: I'm not sure about the hand wringing, say more.
[00:26:24] Keith: there's Well, so Bill and Melinda, well, first they separated and then they I think they got formally divorced, but they were both still running the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, but Melinda is leaving the foundation and taking, I think, half the endowment with it.
[00:11:58] Mike: OK.
[00:26:39] Keith: And so the thousands of NGOs that get funded by the Gates Foundation are now left worrying that maybe they'll be the 50% that lose funding or have funding reallocated.
[00:12:13] Mike: Yeah, certainly a risk. ah Yeah, I mean, it's.
[00:26:55] Keith: it's a It's a big risk.
[00:12:17] Mike: Yeah.
[00:26:58] Keith: um you know Melinda may have other priorities for her philanthropic giving.
[00:12:22] Mike: Yes, what's interesting, to yeah, that that's concerning. What's interesting to me overall is that these are take Bill Gates as a very smart guy and even you know you so in principle you might say look what he does is going to be much better targeted much smarter much better managed than what a government would do and yet he falls into the same trap of first-order thinking like not you know oh I'm gonna I'm gonna help this problem and not asking yourself the obvious question which is like if you fix that problem what problem arises next
[00:27:32] Keith: Right.
[00:12:51] Mike: and they just they just do the same thing governments do. of like They solve the first problem and then the second problem is just a catastrophe.
[00:27:39] Keith: You should be pleased that must most I was going to say much most a lot of the EA community is
[00:12:58] Mike: um
[00:27:49] Keith: coming around to the point of view that the best intervention you can give is money. So these things that were like you know trying to drill wells or trying to give malaria bed nets or trying to do deworming are falling out of favor a little bit in favor of just giving microloans.
[00:13:25] Mike: Yeah, i also i don't I'm not sure whether that's beneficial or not. I think it's it's ah it's hard to say.
[00:28:11] Keith: ah Yeah, I think I know your opinions on this, but just the part where giving money and letting the people who know make the decisions rather than somebody from 10,000 miles away trying to decide what's best for them seems to be ah in vogue currently.
[00:13:52] Mike: Sure. But I mean, whatever, like people, people like getting money and they're certainly not waxing poetic about, as you've said, about the colonial era when Europeans kind of actually ran their societies. So they don't like that either. So maybe money will work better.
[00:28:45] Keith: Right. Yeah. Anyway. All right. This is a sex podcast. So, um, what porn would you say save up in such a situation?
[00:14:09] Mike: Yes.
[00:28:54] Keith: Like now that I know, ah I didn't know that things were, that the internet was going to be this bad. I thought I would just have to go like, say five days, but I think I've, I've been here for, I don't know, four weeks now. And yeah, it's a problem.
[00:14:28] Mike: Yeah, I would probably just go on BitTorrent and download to a thumb drive or something, some like massive collection of porn that I, and I wouldn't like triage it or curate it too much.
[00:29:15] Keith: I feel like, okay, so you would look for one of these like 30 gigabyte packages.
[00:14:42] Mike: Or larger, I mean, because a thumb drive can contain a lot of data. So yeah, I would look for just, you know, hundreds of hours, just figuring there's got to be some good stuff in there and, and you've run into the key problem of lack of variety. So.
[00:29:36] Keith: Yeah, but I feel like you would get so much noise to signal there.
[00:15:02] Mike: That's true. That's true. But I mean, some, I think we get some value out of the hunt, right?
[00:29:44] Keith: so
[00:15:06] Mike: The chase.
[00:29:48] Keith: Yeah, but the chase will be less, less fun because on Pornhub I can put in a search term and then it might say, you may also like, or, you know, related or, you know, or or if I change my mind, I can switch to a different whatever. But if you just download a ah huge dump, you're just going to be like hunting and pecking around for whatever.
[00:15:26] Mike: It's true. I mean, there's no perfect solution and and until there's an AI model you can download that just generates porn on the fly for you.
[00:30:13] Keith: Oh man.
[00:15:32] Mike: There'll be no perfect solution.
[00:30:15] Keith: I know i can I can hardly wait for six months from now.
[00:15:38] Mike: Right.
[00:30:19] Keith: Six weeks six weeks from now at the rate. We're kind of currently going out. All right, let's let's do some of these things I teased in the in the intro here All right, this person says my boyfriend's farting as a turnoff and he continues even though we've discussed it Help me out y'all.
[00:15:44] Mike: Mm hmm.
[00:30:36] Keith: I a female needs some advice My boyfriend farts when we're in bed together in sexual circumstances or right before slash after sex But also in general and in front of others and I find it a massive turnoff I've tried to explain to him before how I don't like it and my boundaries around it Example requests are not in sexual circumstances. Please just get some distance from me and fart. Please don't fart around other people while I'm there, etc. So the honest conversation has been had. Is this too restrictive? He argues that I take it too seriously and there's no harm done. He has a point and sometimes it's funny, but I find it so gross most of the time. It makes him extremely unsexy, but nothing seems to be reaching him. I feel like I'm trying to put on an unbothered face despite it being gross. We're both adults and he doesn't have any digestive issues.
[00:31:19] Keith: How have people dealt with this in the past? Should I just stop fucking him when I'm too disgusted by it?
[00:16:45] Mike: Yeah, I mean, she's right.
[00:31:26] Keith: That might and that might work, actually. She is right. For starters, reverse the sexes here. and like i would be absolutely I mean, I've dated a lot of women who, for a very long time, like leave the room to fart around me. um
[00:16:59] Mike: And you preferred that?
[00:31:43] Keith: I don't like my answer to this, but I think that once women get comfortable enough around me to fart, I feel like that's like a symptom of a larger thing, which is some of the mystery and chase are gone. And I mean,
[00:17:25] Mike: Hmm. So it's not just the direct thing of this kind of gross thing is happening that you don't really want to experience.
[00:32:18] Keith: Yeah, I think I'm a normal man and that like, ah ah yeah, like i in my brain, I sort of place women and their bodies on a pedestal. And I have this, you know, image that, you know, they there's some sort of perfection. And of course that is extremely unrealistic and it's unfair for women to have to, debate you know, pretend to behave that way. And so i'm not I'm not making an argument that this is the way it's thing should be, but ah certainly if an apples to apples comparison, if one of these apples is farting all the time, I'm going to prefer the one that's not.
[00:18:18] Mike: Yeah, i'm i'm I'm imagining a little bit. I mean, you can extend this situation out to something that resembles a typical two-person prison cell where they have like their bunk, maybe a table or a desk, and then they have a toilet, right? All in one room that they have to occupy.
[00:33:14] Keith: Yeah.
[00:18:35] Mike: Now, I don't think anybody would would want to be in that situation where ah Like you have your living room and right in the middle of it. There's a toilet and this is the place where people shit ah Males or females would not want this situation because yeah, it's just like not pleasant and this is like a this is a Less aggressive version of that, right?
[00:33:27] Keith: yeah Yeah, arguing by extremes, I think everyone would agree with what you just said, which is nobody wants
[00:19:02] Mike: Yeah prisoners don't like it in fact, there's their whole protocols they come up with to to deal with this exactly it actually
[00:33:44] Keith: like
[00:33:48] Keith: give each other some privacy.
[00:19:09] Mike: well, it's awful, right? I mean, it's, you know, it's, you know, you're locked down for the night and one of you needs to take a shit and it's like, great.
[00:33:57] Keith: Right.
[00:19:17] Mike: I mean, you know, so basically if you're in the bottom bunk, maybe you're horizontally like three feet away from this guy taking a dump. It's not great.
[00:34:06] Keith: Right.
[00:19:26] Mike: But there's also nothing he can do. So like you have to, yeah, there's, you just have to sort of tolerate it. Um, they do have protocols where they'll sort of,
[00:34:13] Keith: Right.
[00:19:36] Mike: I don't know. I think they can light a candle or something. I'm not sure. I think they have various things they do, but still not great.
[00:34:21] Keith: Yeah. yeah ah Yeah. Well, I guess try not to get incarcerated. ah
[00:19:47] Mike: But in terms of communicating with a guy who who is doing this, and the yeah, I mean, he's basically creating this difficult communication problem because her position is sort of the obvious one. And he's essentially jeopardizing access to sex here for like no reason.
[00:34:45] Keith: Yeah, I think she would.
[00:20:05] Mike: Nobody has to do this.
[00:34:47] Keith: I don't know if she was asking facetiously or not, but her question, should I just stop fucking him when I'm too disgusted by it? I think the answer is yes. like he He should make an effort to knock it off. And it sounds like right now he's not even taking seriously which is what she's asking him. Now, maybe she hasn't properly said, like look, man, like I know that like like our bodies have like natural things that they do, but I would prefer if you didn't turn it into a meme where like every time you need to fart, you like come over and like make a big production out of it, which is what it sounds like he's doing now. And yeah, like he's just being kind of juvenile about it, I think.
[00:20:47] Mike: Yeah. And, uh, and there's the obvious statement that it's somewhat likely that this type of behavior this is more like a, it's like symbolic or whatever, that there's some other situations in their life where something like this happens. Uh, and it's probably equally problematic there, right? I mean, there's, yeah, I mean, like this comes down, this comes down. I mean, the like the reason why a lot of the sort of female mate selection behavior is to sort of find this kind of disrespectful behavior or whatever, and it's likely that there're other there are other areas. So while this itself seems like a silly thing, it could extend beyond, and it's such a normal thing for a person to be willing to alter their behavior in this type of situation. So it's concerning.
[00:36:17] Keith: Yeah, I'm working on an analogy here.
[00:21:40] Mike: ah
[00:36:21] Keith: Okay, so so I've discussed many times how I have problems separating the way I feel about women that I'm romantically interested in and respecting what they say and think and, you know, being a a good modern feminist.
[00:22:01] Mike: Mhm.
[00:36:42] Keith: ah from what most women seem to want in the bedroom, which is a somewhat alpha or dominant ah male behavior. And ah most people seem to be able to get over that contradiction with a lot more comfort than me. But maybe my experience is sort of like this bathroom experience where like I know that my partner shits, but I don't like to, yeah, I don't like to mix that with foreplay because yeah, those things I would like to keep separate and indeed should be kept separate to maintain positive a helpful arousal.
[00:37:29] Keith: And so, yeah.
[00:22:48] Mike: You would not want to perform a female blumpkin on a woman.
[00:37:33] Keith: No, I would not.
[00:22:53] Mike: Giving her oral while she's on the toilet.
[00:37:37] Keith: No.
[00:22:57] Mike: No, I don't think most men, I'm sure there's some men that would, would, is there any attractiveness level of a woman that you would be willing to do that?
[00:37:39] Keith: But ah ah look, we've we've been through this before. When I'm maximally aroused, I will basically do anything if if I'm attracted to someone.
[00:23:15] Mike: Interesting.
[00:37:57] Keith: Now, after, I think I would have some regret. But like if you were like, oh, who's like a famous hot person?
[00:38:06] Keith: Taylor Swift. Although, don't I don't think I would with Taylor Swift.
[00:23:27] Mike: Hmm.
[00:38:10] Keith: She annoys me. um not I'm like not sexually attracted to her.
[00:23:31] Mike: Yeah, OK.
[00:38:14] Keith: like I can intellectualize that she's like an attractive lady, but she bothers me on 17 different axes, and so like I just don't.
[00:23:36] Mike: Yeah.
[00:23:40] Mike: Sure.
[00:38:22] Keith: But OK, let's say I really like Taylor Swift, and you said, um You know, Keith, you can, um, you, yeah, you can spend an hour with her, but you know, for the first 10 minutes, she's going to do this thing.
[00:23:48] Mike: This is our fetish.
[00:38:35] Keith: and And I don't remember what a blumpkin is. That's it. She takes a shit on my chest or something. Is that what it is?
[00:23:59] Mike: No, no, no. Blumkin is when you give you she it's normally a blowjob given a guy to a guy who's on the toilet pooping.
[00:38:43] Keith: um Oh God.
[00:24:06] Mike: But I'm imagining a female version of that, which would be even more aggressive because you're your your face is really.
[00:38:50] Keith: I'm like going down on her while she's shitting.
[00:24:12] Mike: Yeah, your face is really going to be close to the the poop emerging, et cetera.
[00:38:57] Keith: Oh boy.
[00:24:17] Mike: Yeah.
[00:39:00] Keith: Yeah, I think I would. I think I would.
[00:24:23] Mike: Yeah. yeah
[00:39:06] Keith: Because, but there has to be like ah ah a light, a reward at the end of that Odyssey.
[00:24:30] Mike: I understand.
[00:39:13] Keith: um Like I get to like go brush my teeth and like dip myself in acid.
[00:24:36] Mike: Oh, the poop wouldn't go in your mouth.
[00:39:19] Keith: ah Well, i would hope I would hope not, but as you pointed out, that you know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
[00:24:39] Mike: But.
[00:24:45] Mike: Yes, yes, it's a lot of problems.
[00:39:27] Keith: it's It's awfully close, yeah.
[00:24:48] Mike: Yeah.
[00:39:29] Keith: so All right, let's let's move on here. um Oh, yeah, I liked this one. I thought this was a good pragmatic question, and I didn't really have a great answer for it. all Hand jobs in public spaces. How to deal with bodily juices. Maybe a pretty silly question. All you adventurers, ah peeps that play in semi-public places and get a hand job there, how do you deal with the sperm? ah Example, given a hand job in a movie theater, just come in your pants and waddle home with a wet spot. Come in your pants ah or clothes and clean it clean it off, ah plus end up with visible stains again. Be an ass and come on the ground chair so a poor poor worker has to clean it up. Come into tissue, et cetera. Stop before the end and continue in a more private setting later on. Really curious how people deal with that aspect. So I think this is a good question. like what
[00:40:23] Keith: What happens at the end of a movie theater hand job?
[00:25:45] Mike: One time I got a hand job in high school and ah wiped it up with like a $20 bill, which I'm sure I then subsequently spent.
[00:40:28] Keith: Uh-huh.
[00:40:35] Keith: They're not very absorbent. Although I think since we were in high school, they have reformulated the the dollar paper.
[00:26:02] Mike: ah
[00:40:43] Keith: So maybe the old ones were more absorbent.
[00:26:04] Mike: It was not very absorbent, but it was able to sort of, it's true that it did not really absorb it like a paper towel, but it did sort of remove it from the skin.
[00:40:50] Keith: Yeah.
[00:26:11] Mike: And then there was just, you could just fold it over and sort of smoosh it and it ah then dried.
[00:40:55] Keith: Hmm. Yeah.
[00:40:59] Keith: Okay. I mean, yeah.
[00:26:21] Mike: Maybe I washed it off before I spent that, I'm not sure, but I'm i'm just not sure. So that's that's always a risk. When you take paper money from somebody, it could have nut in it.
[00:41:11] Keith: aren't there Aren't there rumors about how there's traces of cocaine on like most dollar bills?
[00:26:34] Mike: Oh yeah, for sure.
[00:41:16] Keith: Yeah, okay. So probably probably also traces of semen.
[00:26:40] Mike: So another yeah another thing that's relevant to this that you'll see, you're familiar with come walk porn.
[00:41:28] Keith: I don't think I am.
[00:26:49] Mike: Okay, so this is a woman who, and I don't know why this is arousing to people, I do not find it arousing at all, but basically a woman gets a facial and then she walks around in public with the semen still on her face.
[00:41:41] Keith: Oh, Lincoln, there's something about Mary. Oh, I forgot this triggers you.
[00:27:05] Mike: Well, it's not my favorite, but it triggers me, but but I mean the, I don't like it, it's, yeah, it's sort of,
[00:41:49] Keith: but don Don't you have some complaint about that scene and there's something about Mary?
[00:27:16] Mike: I don't know. It's gross.
[00:41:59] Keith: You were like, anyway.
[00:27:18] Mike: But yeah, that's the thing. I don't find cumwalks attractive either. They're gross. they don't They don't turn me on at all. But but this is a ... You can find an entire subreddit or multiple devoted to this genre.
[00:42:10] Keith: Oh, it's just a dominance thing, right? Like, like look what I've done to her.
[00:27:35] Mike: Presumably. I mean, it's yeah but that may so that's a thing. but But I think that in most cases, it probably gets wiped off on like either one, like a paper towel or something, or on like pants, I'm guessing.
[00:42:28] Keith: I mean, It's pretty presumptuous to bring a roll of paper towels to the movie theater with you.
[00:42:36] Keith: like Your 16-year-old date is like, ah what is that for? um you know I don't know how you do that in such a way that...
[00:28:08] Mike: Yeah, I'm not sure.
[00:42:50] Keith: yeah
[00:28:09] Mike: I mean, you definitely see in porn, at least, but this is in porn, like the woman just lean over and take it in the mouth, which makes some sense.
[00:43:00] Keith: Yeah, but difficult to execute in a movie theater.
[00:28:20] Mike: Yeah. That, and I think that usually the hand job here is to is, is like supposed to be less intimate than oral.
[00:43:11] Keith: Yes, I think a hand job is is second base, right?
[00:28:30] Mike: So that's what's happening.
[00:28:35] Mike: I thought second base was like touching her breasts.
[00:43:18] Keith: Oh, I think you're right.
[00:28:39] Mike: I'm not sure.
[00:43:20] Keith: It's third base that's sort of unclear then because, yeah, okay.
[00:28:42] Mike: Yeah.
[00:28:44] Mike: Those bases are tricky.
[00:43:28] Keith: Yeah, I mean, I think the answer is one of the reasons why hand jobs are like just not that great is because even yeah, where does the semen go?
[00:28:54] Mike: Yeah. Where does the semen go?
[00:43:38] Keith: and Also, they don't feel as good as any of the other options.
[00:28:57] Mike: Right.
[00:43:41] Keith: All right.
[00:29:00] Mike: I mean, she could, she could put it in her hair.
[00:43:41] Keith: this Just like, and there's something about Mary. Yeah, if she has long hair.
[00:29:06] Mike: No, but like actually use it as like some kind of condition or like kind of kind of massage it in. Yeah.
[00:43:53] Keith: well I mean, that's that's awfully male-centric of you. why Why couldn't the man put it in his hair?
[00:29:18] Mike: That's true. Yeah. The man could do it as well. It'd be like hair gel. I actually don't know. Yeah. i' um My guess is the typical answer here is it's not great. And yeah, I'm sure the chair of the movie theater winds up getting a lot of it.
[00:44:09] Keith: I have
[00:29:32] Mike: ah Maybe if they have popcorn, they have napkins.
[00:44:16] Keith: this vague reflection recollection of my dad telling me about,
[00:44:23] Keith: Maybe it wasn't my dad, but I don't know who it could have been other than my dad. My dad was telling me about porn theaters, but why would he be telling me about that?
[00:29:49] Mike: Oh, sure. Those I think have largely disappeared. I was in the part, I was in the theater district of of San Francisco and I noticed that the main one there is gone.
[00:44:34] Keith: They did, but yeah.
[00:44:40] Keith: I think he was telling me, or he was making a joke about like, you know, you should wear a rain jacket when you go in there and, you know, shoes that you don't care about because the floor is kind of compromised.
[00:30:11] Mike: Sure.
[00:44:53] Keith: But yeah,
[00:30:13] Mike: Yeah.
[00:44:57] Keith: it's just, yeah, men aren't really meant to be masturbating in public.
[00:30:21] Mike: Yeah. It's like i I went running yesterday in an area that's a gay cruising spot. And I know this from my usage of the site sniffies dot.com to double check. And I, before I went for a run, I went for, a yeah, I walked, I went for just a quick walk around this like sort of pond and there were a lot of used condoms on the ground.
[00:45:11] Keith: But that's why you chose it.
[00:30:39] Mike: So maybe that too, you could use a condom to matt to do the hand jog.
[00:45:24] Keith: I've never understood the use condoms on the ground phenomenon.
[00:30:47] Mike: Well, what else would you do with it?
[00:45:29] Keith: Like, why are you having sex on the street? Like, I can imagine like,
[00:30:56] Mike: What are you kidding?
[00:45:38] Keith: ah No. Okay. I can imagine like, that you know, there's a pile of them, like in a place underneath a ah freeway, underpass, overpass, or, you know, ah off the side.
[00:31:06] Mike: Yeah.
[00:45:49] Keith: But like, sometimes you'll just be like walking down the street and they're just like there on the sidewalk.
[00:31:12] Mike: Yeah, so there are two answers where I live. in the Oakland Hills. ah There are a lot of kind of turnouts in the road that have beautiful views of San Francisco.
[00:46:05] Keith: Yeah.
[00:31:24] Mike: And you see a lot of these around there. And and and and I've actually seen the action before.
[00:46:10] Keith: Oh.
[00:31:29] Mike: i It's prostitutes. Guys drive up there. Oh, it might. No, sorry. It's prostitutes and just like young people having sex. But honestly, it's mostly prostitutes.
[00:46:15] Keith: Yeah, high schoolers, yeah.
[00:31:37] Mike: and And then with the gay cruising places, I mean, I guess I would say like the condoms are a positive sign because it means they're using condoms for their sex, which is great. Good for them. Although so many people use ah PrEP now and there was a study I saw, research that came out like less than a month ago that says that there is a new version of PrEP that is believed to 100% make it impossible to get AIDS, HIV from somebody, which is fantastic. And so yeah, that's what's going on there is these guys are having probably anal sex out you know at their cruising spot and then they they throw the condom on the ground.
[00:32:12] Mike: Which is gross, but I sort of can't blame them because it's got semen on one side and shit on the other side. so And like, actually, I mean, the raccoons and so forth probably thank them as well because that's a meal or the crows or whatever, like just little bits of food here and there.
[00:46:58] Keith: yeah it's there's nothing there that's uh yeah i mean i it's probably going to be well if as you pull it off now yeah it's going to be the brown
[00:32:28] Mike: Depends on whether you which which side they get, they get the the white or the brown.
[00:32:40] Mike: Depends, no, no, I think normally, yeah, the brown's on the outside because typically when you pull a condom off, you sort of keep the, you kind of squeeze the base and yeah.
[00:47:27] Keith: Yeah, I was thinking for a second. Yeah, I was thinking, yeah, it would invert when you pull it off, but of course it doesn't. It it just sort of slides off.
[00:32:53] Mike: Well, you wouldn't want it to invert because then the semen would be, yeah.
[00:47:36] Keith: No, you wouldn't, because the whole point is to contain the semen, right?
[00:32:59] Mike: That's right.
[00:47:40] Keith: All right. um All right, let's move on. This person says, my girlfriend won't stop putting her fingers up my butt. I am a 19 year old male and in a gap year abroad in Sweden.
[00:33:08] Mike: Hmm.
[00:47:53] Keith: Must be nice. And found a girlfriend. Oh, Swedish girlfriend. Good job. We got intimate soon after our first few dates.
[00:33:17] Mike: Yeah.
[00:48:00] Keith: The second time we had sex, she started touching my butthole. Thought it was an accident because she likes to play with my balls, but it happened again last night, but further up. I was super drunk and barely even realized what she was doing. What should I do? it is It is making me uncomfortable, but she is beautiful and her head is fire and I don't want to mess anything up.
[00:33:38] Mike: Okay. Oh, her head is fire, meaning she's good at giving blow jobs.
[00:48:20] Keith: um
[00:33:41] Mike: I get it.
[00:48:22] Keith: Yes, I thought she was like really pretty or something, but maybe maybe she's also bad, but that's not what he means.
[00:33:42] Mike: Okay.
[00:33:46] Mike: Yes.
[00:48:27] Keith: so Um, okay. I chose this. Why did I choose this? I, I, how do you, how do you politely tell somebody, uh, that you don't want them to do something?
[00:34:03] Mike: Well, it's always going to be.
[00:48:45] Keith: I think this is probably the most common one, which is I don't want you to touch my butthole. I often have the experience, especially in early sexual encounters where I'm not completely comfortable with someone where, and I'm getting better at this, but ah due to the therapy of ah the last 100 episode arc of this podcast, but yeah, where I need to communicate to a partner that I don't necessarily want them to blow me.
[00:34:31] Mike: Right.
[00:49:12] Keith: and I don't know how to do that in such a way that they don't feel like maybe she really likes touching his butthole. Maybe that's her thing. And for him to tell her she can't do that is going to be ah disappointing and maybe sort of unfulfilling.
[00:34:52] Mike: Yeah, I mean, it's it's well, I mean, the person is always going to at least feel sort of rejected. Right, because you they have this thing they're trying to do and you're saying no to it. And then that.
[00:35:08] Mike: Yeah, could ruin the mood, call it. So there's definitely the risk of that. um And you also don't want to like stop the proceedings and have a complicated conversation, right?
[00:50:00] Keith: Yeah. Yeah, you definitely don't. and I mean, men take advantage of this, right? Like, um you know, when when men get ah resistant women, sometimes they just like keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing. And then the woman feels a little bit badly. And, you know, people argue about what constitutes consent and no not consent. and ah nonenthusiastically given consent, but yeah, this is all around, but that's all around the same, we didn' it but if you reverse the sexes and we sort of ignore the consent part for a minute, like let's let's say these are like two partners that really like each other and they've sort of tacitly consented to to to basically anything, how do you how do you say, you know, maybe, you know, keep it out and out of the but back door there?
[00:36:03] Mike: Right.
[00:36:14] Mike: Well, I think most of the time people just sort of ah guide the person's hand or whatever away from that area ah gently.
[00:51:02] Keith: Right, and after you've done that three times, they get the idea.
[00:36:24] Mike: Yes, I think that's normally what happens. um Particularly so for a man, it's
[00:51:07] Keith: I think that's normally what happens, too.
[00:51:11] Keith: But it sounds like in this case, he has done that, and then she just keeps going for it.
[00:36:37] Mike: Yeah, that's unusual.
[00:51:18] Keith: Maybe she thinks that's that's her move. Maybe her ex really loved it, and she thinks that all men are like that, and they're young, and and you know she's sort of overfit a line to one data point.
[00:36:47] Mike: It's possible, I mean, it it's possible that like it turns her on, although usually that would, this is the problem that women face more than men in these types of situations. Usually when a woman's doing something to a man, she's doing it because she thinks he'll like it. When a man's doing something, it could be just because it's he's trying to amplify his experience. So that's a little bit different, right?
[00:51:47] Keith: Right.
[00:37:07] Mike: He's trying to sort of intrude on her. um And so then I think you're more likely for him to sort of sulk or pout or something, ruin the mood.
[00:51:51] Keith: Right.
[00:37:18] Mike: And so this is yeah for women, I think this is a complicated ah situation to manage.
[00:52:06] Keith: Yeah, I.
[00:37:25] Mike: And I think it comes up a lot.
[00:52:09] Keith: i think I think if he were to tell her like sort of aggressively, like, hey, I don't really like butt stuff, can you not do that? If he does that like mid-coitus, that's probably going to end that particular instance. like he He should probably do it yeah when they're not yeah like when they're having dinner together or whatever.
[00:37:51] Mike: Right.
[00:52:32] Keith: because because Because her feelings may be hurt. And that is that can be that can be a problem.
[00:38:00] Mike: Yeah, although a lot of and a lot of times a guy can simply. take charge a little bit and that because he's taking charge, then he's controlling more of what happens. I think it's a much bigger problem for women.
[00:52:53] Keith: Yeah.
[00:38:12] Mike: So even in the moment, a guy can a guy can kind of change the power dynamic a little bit in the situation and resolve it in a way that for a woman is much, much, much more complicated. and
[00:53:04] Keith: right yeah yeah i mean would your advice for this man possibly be just tolerated sure or or maybe
[00:38:23] Mike: so
[00:38:38] Mike: Well, I mean, that's another question is, you know, maybe he would like it.
[00:38:43] Mike: You know, Swedish.
[00:53:27] Keith: if he tells this ah Swiss, not Swiss, Swedish young lady, that you know if if he doesn't execute the the removing of consent perfectly, he may lose all opportunity.
[00:39:04] Mike: Well, yeah, I'm not sure. I mean, this one could be fairly benign, but I mean, you certainly could have situations that are more aggressive. Like what if she pulls out a chastity cage for his cock or wants to do cock and ball torture.
[00:53:57] Keith: Right, right, right, right.
[00:39:17] Mike: She's like, I'm going to get my ah high heels on so I can crush your nuts under the heel, which curiously is something you can find online videos rather.
[00:54:03] Keith: Yeah.
[00:54:07] Keith: Yeah, I'm aware that there are videos of both. um I don't...
[00:39:29] Mike: How does how does his testicle survive that punishment? It's you think it would just be a one and done. It would destroy the testicle.
[00:54:17] Keith: I... Yeah, I'm actually squirming just having this conversation, something about my mere neurons are...
[00:39:43] Mike: Yeah.
[00:54:25] Keith: Yeah, I don't understand how that could be arousing. It seems... Yeah, I don't know i don't have that kink.
[00:39:58] Mike: Well, yeah, if you do.
[00:54:39] Keith: Alright, I have... I think we have time for one more, and this one's kind of fun.
[00:40:05] Mike: Sure.
[00:54:46] Keith: What does it mean if I get turned on by looking at my own hard penis? Pretty self-explanatory. I get really turned on.
[00:40:10] Mike: Oh, I talked about this with, ah I talked about this with, uh, well, let's do it anyway.
[00:54:54] Keith: Oh, did you?
[00:40:14] Mike: I did, but go on.
[00:54:55] Keith: Okay. Okay. Uh, I have the experience I've been staying in, I think mostly staying and in inexpensive hotels, but I'm in a pretty nice hotel tonight and a nice hotel, of course, in Lusaka is $80 a night.
[00:40:18] Mike: Here we go.
[00:55:08] Keith: Um, and yeah, there's, there's some mirrors, uh, around here and, uh, yeah, like occasionally when I'm in, I don't have like a good mirror set up at my home. or a good mirror setup for admiring myself when I'm naked anyway. ah But yeah, like sometimes when I catch myself in a mirror when I'm masturbating, I will note that, yeah, I don't know if I'm like attracted to myself, but seeing myself can make me a little bit more aroused, I think.
[00:41:01] Mike: Sure.
[00:55:42] Keith: and Do you you have that experience at all?
[00:41:03] Mike: Yes. I've experienced that too. I mean, I, yeah, I don't think that it's, it's not like kind of a, I think it's just that you associate hard erect penises with sex.
[00:55:45] Keith: Okay, okay.
[00:55:54] Keith: Oh, maybe.
[00:41:14] Mike: And so it's like, Oh, look, there's sex is happening.
[00:55:57] Keith: Yeah.
[00:41:17] Mike: This is good.
[00:55:59] Keith: Yeah.
[00:41:18] Mike: Um, if it, if it grossed you out, that would be sort of concerning. I don't understand. I don't know and really understand how that relates to seeing other men's erect penises. Um,
[00:56:09] Keith: I don't really think I get the same thing when I see other men's erect penises. I mean, well, every time I look at porn.
[00:41:33] Mike: Well, how often do you see other men's erect penises? Okay, fine, but in real life.
[00:56:20] Keith: Oh, oh, you think there may be some sort of uncanny valley going on with porn that that wouldn't, and I mean, never in real life. In fact, I wonder if I've ever seen,
[00:41:53] Mike: Yes.
[00:56:35] Keith: what maybe in like a middle school or high school locker room or something?
[00:41:59] Mike: Oh, I've seen an erect male penis when I went to Baker Beach in San Francisco and there were these guys. Well, I've seen guys butt fucking each other and guys just jerking off.
[00:56:48] Keith: Yeah, but that was it. That was at long range.
[00:42:11] Mike: It was medium range. It wasn't that long. Oh, and also I have been in a gym shower ah like as an adult where a guy was just in another shower stall just with his erect dong looking at me. But it wasn't sexual.
[00:57:07] Keith: You know what?
[00:42:27] Mike: The thing about that is it wasn't sexual. He wasn't like beating off.
[00:57:12] Keith: I think I have seen, yeah, there's a sauna at the swim club I belonged to, and I think occasionally there is a ah couple men. And then I i belonged to that crunch ah downtown in San Francisco, and they actually routinely had issues with members behaving inappropriately in the public shower area.
[00:42:45] Mike: Yeah. Sure.
[00:57:35] Keith: And they they would put signs up like, please don't do this. Yeah, I think once or twice i saw I would like go in and there would be like two men in there. So yeah, I guess I have seen it, but it's certainly not often enough for me to know if I have like some sort of response. And like, even when I'm like, even as I tell the story about being in like hotel rooms, it's not like I, you know, disrobe and then like carefully place myself in front of the mirror. it's It's more if I just like catch myself. I don't seek out looking at myself.
[00:43:26] Mike: Right, right.
[00:58:07] Keith: Yeah.
[00:43:27] Mike: I agree with you. I mean, I've had the same experience, so I think it's normal.
[00:43:33] Mike: Yeah, like it's it's, you know, I think it's just related to, yeah, association with sex and act having sex actively.
[00:58:20] Keith: yeah Yeah, I think there could be situations where
[00:43:41] Mike: And it doesn't like, look, when I watch a porn, it doesn't turn me off that there's a guy's erect penis in it. I'm not focused on it, but it's not a negative. It's normal.
[00:58:37] Keith: ah like If I felt like I was in danger from an erect penis, it might turn me off.
[00:44:01] Mike: Yes. Yes. This is the thing. The erect penis ultimately has a, has an aspect of being a weapon. So it's tricky.
[00:58:49] Keith: I don't really know what my like ah erection or arousal response is to being in fear. like I'm not in fear very often, generally, um in the way that that women probably are.
[00:44:16] Mike: Yeah. Right.
[00:59:01] Keith: So I don't really know what my response is.
[00:44:23] Mike: I've I've thought about before about like what would be my what would be my reaction if I went into like a gay bathhouse and I think it would be extremely negative because of fear because of fear I would i like the way I would interpret it as like oh one of these guys is gonna rape me which is not true of course but that's like I wouldn't want to
[00:59:10] Keith: Right. I think so too. they Yeah. Right. No, but I think that might be the right primitive response.
[00:44:45] Mike: Yeah. I wouldn't want to manage the interactions when the guys started trying to initiate with me. Like, like, it's like, Oh, now I have to say no, but I have to do it correctly.
[00:59:31] Keith: Right.
[00:44:53] Mike: And like, why are you in the bath house then, et cetera, et ceterat cetera, et cetera.
[00:59:34] Keith: Yeah.
[00:44:57] Mike: Yeah. And there's certain things you can't unsee. I also think it would be, yeah, it might be difficult to possibly,
[00:59:44] Keith: You might get some PTSD.
[00:45:06] Mike: I'm not sure I want to, to witness a kind of aggressive male sex in the flesh, so to speak.
[00:59:53] Keith: Have you ever been to like, like a gay bar or a club that's predominantly gay?
[00:45:17] Mike: Yes, sure.
[00:59:59] Keith: Okay. Yeah, I, I have too.
[00:45:19] Mike: But not they're not naked.
[01:00:01] Keith: And I, I, yeah, I've had the experience where I'm being like hit on by multiple people sort of aggressively, and but that's more annoying than, than threatening.
[00:45:26] Mike: Right.
[00:45:31] Mike: Yeah, this would be different. This is threatening visually as well as like they could actually do something to you. So I've never really had the desire even to to witness the goings on.
[01:00:22] Keith: Yeah.
[00:45:42] Mike: Yeah.
[01:00:25] Keith: All right. Well, that's enough for this episode. I think I should have slightly more reliable internet. So yeah we've got this episode with Allie, and then hopefully I will be back the following week.
[00:45:50] Mike: Great.
[01:00:35] Keith: In any case, that will do it for this episode of Your Mileage May Bury. You can send us feedback or questions to ymmvpod at gmail dot.com. That's ymmvpod at gmail dot.com. ah We pay $10 for feedback. So if you want that money, let us know how to get it to you. And thanks for listening and we'll catch you next week on your mileage may vary.