Your Mileage May Vary: The L Word, Period Masturbation, Eating Lube, Weak Erections, Climax Sounds, Heart Emojis

Episode Transcript

Transcript automatically generated by a robot. Apologies for any inaccuracies.

[00:00:00] Keith: Hello, and welcome to Your Biology May Vary. We talk about sex and relationships with frankness that is often controversial, but mostly in good faith. I'm Keith, my co-hosts are Mike and Ali. Hi, guys.
[00:00:10] Mike: Hello.
[00:00:10] Ally: Thanks. Welcome back.
[00:00:12] Keith: Yes, thank you. ah Mike, do you you run your AC at this time of year? I remember when I was in Tahoe and you refused to heat the apartment when Ali and I were visiting.
[00:00:20] Mike: It's a house, but yeah, I don't I like to keep things around 55 to 60 degrees.
[00:00:23] Keith: Sorry.
[00:00:27] Mike: It's comfortable. It's my comfort zone.
[00:00:29] Keith: Yeah, it's ah mid-80s in my apartment right now. It's awful.
[00:00:34] Mike: Yeah.
[00:00:34] Keith: um And Ali, just before you started recording, you revealed that you do not know what a titty twister is?
[00:00:42] Ally: No, please explain.
[00:00:45] Keith: ah i just i I don't understand how this has never crossed your desk. like This is a very common
[00:00:51] Ally: Why don't you tell me what it is? Maybe I know it under another name? i
[00:00:55] Keith: Yes, but but just knowing what it is after I describe it to you won't sufficiently explain how you haven't heard the ah term titty twister.
[00:00:55] Mike: No.
[00:01:01] Mike: It's because it doesn't happen to women. This is why I was curious. The way the way it came up in in my world as I was going to bed last night and I searched, I tried to find a video of a woman getting a titty twister and all I found was this episode of House where he's like, you know, apparently if you work in a hospital, you always have medical problems.
[00:01:14] Keith: Yeah.
[00:01:19] Mike: So ah Dr. House was like not breathing or something.
[00:01:22] Keith: All right.
[00:01:22] Mike: Don't ever work in a hospital is the net of that. but And they gave him a titty twister to wake him up, but that wasn't so done on a man.
[00:01:27] Keith: Ah.
[00:01:29] Mike: I think this is only ever done on men, partly because I think on a woman, it's substantially harder to find the nipples, right? Because there's just so much more surface area.
[00:01:38] Keith: No.
[00:01:38] Ally: So it's just it's just pinching the nipples, is it? and
[00:01:41] Mike: Keith doesn't agree.
[00:01:41] Keith: There's more surface area, but because of the shape of the surface area, it it's sort of guides you to where the apex is, which is where the nipple is. On a man, you can't really see you don't get the the mound to see the top of to know to know where those the nipple is.
[00:01:53] Ally: Yeah.
[00:01:55] Mike: I'm confident.
[00:01:58] Mike: Okay. But, but if you can see, then you can find the nipple easily, right?
[00:02:02] Ally: yeah
[00:02:03] Mike: I'm talking about like, I guess, but if you, if you gave me a male torso and I had to like close my eyes and find the nipples, I think it would be much faster than a woman because she could be wearing a bra that elevates them or that not wearing a bra.
[00:02:03] Keith: Well, in both cases.
[00:02:12] Mike: They're lower like and there's various different configurations.
[00:02:13] Keith: Oh, no.
[00:02:16] Ally: So wait, so it's just pinching the nipples in like an aggressive way or like a mean, a mean way or something?
[00:02:19] Mike: No.
[00:02:19] Keith: Oh, yes. Sorry, Ellie. Yes.
[00:02:22] Mike: You pinch them and twist.
[00:02:24] Keith: Yeah, normally mean. Yes.
[00:02:26] Ally: Okay, yeah, no, no one's ever done that to me.
[00:02:27] Keith: It happens in men's locker rooms a lot.
[00:02:31] Ally: A lot?
[00:02:31] Mike: It not a lot.
[00:02:32] Keith: Yeah, like middle school and high school locker rooms.
[00:02:32] Ally: and Okay.
[00:02:32] Mike: It happens. It's possible.
[00:02:35] Keith: It's one of the risks.
[00:02:36] Mike: It's painful. Uh, and I'm sure you've never had that done to you, right? aie Yeah.
[00:02:40] Ally: No, no.
[00:02:42] Mike: Okay.
[00:02:43] Ally: I've never done that to anyone either, male or female.
[00:02:43] Keith: I still.
[00:02:46] Keith: Are there other like male hazing things that don't happen?
[00:02:51] Ally: Well, I've never had someone pee right next to me where I could see them peeing.
[00:02:51] Mike: Yeah. Yes.
[00:02:52] Keith: women
[00:02:54] Ally: like
[00:02:56] Keith: ah
[00:02:56] Mike: Is that intriguing to you, Ali?
[00:02:58] Ally: No, I just think that's like a potential hazard of being in a mail locker room.
[00:03:04] Keith: Well, they don't like helicopter around while they're peeing.
[00:03:04] Mike: Will you pee into the toilet?
[00:03:06] Keith: Yeah. You you pee in one direction and in a reliable vector.
[00:03:06] Mike: Yeah.
[00:03:09] Ally: yeah
[00:03:09] Mike: And you also don't look, this is why like, you anyway, you don't look to the side. Typically there's there's a cultural norm. And if you look at someone else's penis, if you're like, say peeing in a trough at a stadium, like, well, you just don't, because if he sees you looking, then now you get to have the like, what you looking at, are you gay conversation?
[00:03:20] Ally: Yeah.
[00:03:21] Keith: It's a major faux pas.
[00:03:26] Keith: Right, right.
[00:03:27] Ally: and Yeah, yeah.
[00:03:27] Mike: and That's a disastrous conversation, isn't it?
[00:03:28] Keith: It's not done, yes.
[00:03:30] Mike: Yeah.
[00:03:31] Ally: So when they say don't cross the streams, that would be like difficult to do because you're not looking at the other guy's penis and you're also not turned toward him in any way. like I thought it was about peeing.
[00:03:39] Mike: Don't Cross the Streams is from Ghostbusters, isn't it?
[00:03:43] Ally: It's not about peeing.
[00:03:43] Mike: No, it's about the little death rays they have to get the ghosts.
[00:03:47] Ally: Okay.
[00:03:47] Mike: Although maybe it pre predates that there's some peeing, but I think it is originated Ghostbusters.
[00:03:51] Ally: Okay, fair.
[00:03:52] Keith: It did. I mean, yeah, Egon tells what Ray not never to cross the streams. It's a good tip.
[00:03:58] Mike: I don't know. I've only watched the ah the version with the women.
[00:04:02] Ally: Oh yeah, of course.
[00:04:02] Keith: You haven't seen the 1984 Ghostbusters, Mike.
[00:04:04] Mike: I'm just kidding.
[00:04:05] Keith: Okay.
[00:04:05] Mike: No, I'm kidding. I wanted to mention the women one because I've never seen it, but I've heard it was ah typical of most woke remakes, just garbage. Well, actually all woke remakes.
[00:04:15] Keith: ah
[00:04:16] Mike: There are no good woke remakes. It's impossible.
[00:04:18] Keith: You didn't like the Barbie movie. I guess that wasn't a remake.
[00:04:21] Mike: That's not a remake. No, I didn't like it ah to the part that I remember.
[00:04:23] Keith: I'm shocked.
[00:04:25] Mike: and we watched My wife was watching SNL this weekend and it's we agreed it's terrible.
[00:04:31] Keith: Oh, this was the debut of season 50, right?
[00:04:31] Mike: Same problem.
[00:04:33] Mike: it's just They just can't be funny because they every ever they can't step on anyone's toes.
[00:04:39] Keith: Everything's a landmine.
[00:04:39] Mike: It's like it's it's yet's like it's like humor it's like North Korean humor. It's just impossible because like you could get you know have them drop a grenade on you or something.
[00:04:47] Keith: Right.
[00:04:47] Ally: Do you like jelly roll?
[00:04:50] Mike: No. I know who that is and I saw that.
[00:04:54] Ally: Okay.
[00:04:54] Mike: It's got a lot of facial tattoos. It's really nice.
[00:04:56] Ally: He does. Yeah. I liked the first song.
[00:05:00] Mike: Yeah. I mean, someone like that can't stack up to someone like Axl Rose. I mean, give me a break. Like that the the musical icons of today are just garbage.
[00:05:07] Keith: It's a simpler tattooing patterns though.
[00:05:09] Mike: Or Mick Jagger or whatever. Like, I mean, it doesn't matter the era. Like it just all went downhill in like 2000.
[00:05:15] Keith: All right, let's move on. I'm crossing titty twister off the list here. um I was thinking about something and Allie, and I wanted to save this to talk about with you, which is,
[00:05:18] Mike: Yeah.
[00:05:27] Keith: Okay, when women go to like a music festival or a bachelorette party or a Halloween party, they dress and behave in a way that is different than their normal behavior when they, for example, go to a bar on a Friday night with their friends.
[00:05:32] Mike: the
[00:05:34] Ally: Okay.
[00:05:44] Keith: Or like when they're in Vegas, Vegas also liberates them to to behave in this this like mode two, let's call it.
[00:05:44] Ally: Yeah.
[00:05:50] Ally: um But you think not like when they go to Disneyland or something like you think it's specific.
[00:05:51] Keith: Do women
[00:05:54] Keith: No, it's like no it's like different than like when they go even to a bar like they're closed off and less overtly sexualized
[00:06:01] Mike: You mean like, yeah, you mean in a bar where they're just there with their friends. The the difference being that they, and in all the situations you mentioned, there's the possibility, in fact, the probability of them being the center of attention if they're attractive enough.
[00:06:13] Keith: Yeah, they're almost inviting it in a way that they seem not to in other situations. All right, so let's use Halloween for an example.
[00:06:17] Mike: Yeah.
[00:06:18] Keith: like ah you know For most women under the age of 40, they dress in a scantily clad way. Do we need to debate that or do we agree with that?
[00:06:29] Mike: It can happen.
[00:06:30] Keith: It can happen.
[00:06:30] Ally: I think I have one.
[00:06:31] Keith: It almost always happens. All right. so
[00:06:33] Mike: No, because again, like, and this is a criticism my wife gives with our podcast generally is when we talk about women, we're assuming the women are more attractive than say 80% of women. The ugliest 20% of women do not do that.
[00:06:43] Keith: All right, okay, all right, fine.
[00:06:44] Mike: But yeah, the the women we care about do.
[00:06:47] Keith: All right, there's a plurality of women who um take the opportunity to dress um scantily.
[00:06:54] Mike: All right.
[00:06:54] Keith: ah And also it like, you know, when they go to Bonnaroo or what's what's the one in LA Coachella or music festival,
[00:06:55] Ally: sure
[00:07:00] Ally: andt Yeah, I definitely agree with it with for festivals. I think there's a broader spectrum of Halloween parties, but like, yeah, okay, festivals, I'm with you.
[00:07:10] Keith: Okay.
[00:07:10] Mike: Mm hmm.
[00:07:10] Keith: So why, I mean, would women prefer to always be able to dress and I think it's not just their dress. I think maybe how maybe it is just their dress. I was going to say, I think they're also behaving in a slightly more open or available way, but maybe that's not right.
[00:07:28] Mike: They're not available. You think they're available?
[00:07:31] Keith: Well, they go from like one out of 10 available to, you know, 1.6, but
[00:07:36] Mike: Hmm.
[00:07:38] Ally: I mean, a festival is just like an open air club or a rave, right?
[00:07:38] Mike: I mean, this is.
[00:07:41] Ally: It it is a a party. Like, you know you're going to be dancing with people you don't know.
[00:07:46] Keith: Yes. I would think that that would be a time, i would I would think that would be a good time to dress conservatively and you know protectively.
[00:07:49] Ally: Oh, yeah, I see why I'm more available.
[00:07:49] Mike: this is
[00:07:56] Mike: This is like saying that Taylor Swift, who famously never wears pants on stage, is available in that situation. She's not available. She's just the center of attention, right? That's that's the thing. that These women aren't, unless they get wasted, and and I realize that a lot of
[00:08:05] Keith: Okay, fine.
[00:08:09] Mike: one night stand, like these sexual encounters involve alcohol. ah So okay, then that that they they get confused, but they're not actually, they don't want to be available if they have control of their faculties.
[00:08:19] Ally: like But Keith, you're asking is that some kind of like expose of their true nature and that like during the day going to the grocery store or something they wish they could dress like they were going to a festival but they don't?
[00:08:29] Ally: Is that what you're asking?
[00:08:30] Keith: I don't know. Yeah. I mean, I think the like red pill perspective would be like, oh, these sluts always want to do this. And, you know, they just feel liberated to do so on this day. And this is revealing some true nature. But is that the case? Like what's going on?
[00:08:47] Ally: It's a party. I guess that's like saying, you know, you want to wear a prom dress going to prom and you enjoy doing that and it's fun for you. Like, does that mean you want to wear a prom dress every day? Like, no, it's a special occasion.
[00:09:03] Mike: So when something so yeah the more special an occasion, the higher percentage of your breast is shown to public to the public that sort of you have that in your that sort of in your analysis.
[00:09:03] Keith: to duress provocatively.
[00:09:14] Ally: No, but generally, like, fancy dress and particularly costumes. I think there's more leeway to be more exposed. Like evening gowns, you think of more breasts being exposed than like a work dress.
[00:09:28] Keith: Is there a situation where they where women they where women reliably wear more?
[00:09:37] Mike: cover themselves more.
[00:09:37] Ally: Skiing?
[00:09:37] Keith: Skiing. I was going to say skiing as well.
[00:09:43] Ally: Funerals? Funerals, definitely, yeah.
[00:09:44] Keith: It feels like these things funeral since and and downhill ski and um it feels like the these events provide a permission structure for women to
[00:09:48] Ally: yeah Sure.
[00:09:57] Keith: embrace their sexuality in a way that maybe they're hesitant to in the normal course of affairs.
[00:10:07] Mike: They just want attention and they want to fit the social norm also. So they're wearing these clothes. um I mean, yeah.
[00:10:14] Keith: Okay, so but the cultural permission structure is provided by these things. So Santa con or a music festival or a Halloween party It's sort of, it's okay for women to dress this way.
[00:10:23] Ally: um
[00:10:27] Keith: But.
[00:10:28] Mike: Well, I mean, the the the canonical kind of counterexamples would be like the skiing thing and then like going to the beach and wearing a bikini. Right. I mean, these aren't, or or just actually just being at the swimming pool and just wearing, like when I do masters swimming with, and there are women there, uh, which there often are, they're wearing tight.
[00:10:35] Keith: Yeah.
[00:10:42] Keith: Nice.
[00:10:45] Mike: I mean, they don't, women don't wear, they wear very, very, very revealing things to swim, even if they're just there to exercise. Right.
[00:10:51] Keith: Yeah, I've always wondered that about swimming if those suits are helping them swim faster or not.
[00:10:58] Mike: Well, of course, as opposed to what, like a wearing of pants.
[00:11:04] Ally: Wearing a wrap, right?
[00:11:04] Keith: A burkini.
[00:11:07] Ally: Yeah.
[00:11:08] Mike: Yeah. They're not doing it to show off. Like it's just sort of a, it's the cultural expectation.
[00:11:13] Keith: Yes, but when a woman dresses as like sexy Dracula, she is doing it to show off.
[00:11:14] Mike: Yeah.
[00:11:19] Mike: Yeah. To get attention.
[00:11:19] Ally: Yeah. Well, I guess I'm I don't know if this is actually a kind of example, but like I went to an Indian wedding and two years ago and wore a sari and like it probably wasn't more revealing than the average dress because there's a lot of fabric involved.
[00:11:31] Ally: but It was definitely fancier, right? It had sequins and it was like very bright and stuff. And like the event gave me the permission to do that, right? Like it was fun to wear.
[00:11:40] Keith: Yeah. I mean, if you were sorry, just walking around your job one day, that would be considered. You might actually get fired for that. That's like cultural appropriation in a way that's like somewhat unacceptable. Like definitely somebody would complain. and ah
[00:11:53] Mike: Hmm. What did you, Keith, what did you wear to the Folsom street fair this weekend?
[00:11:57] Keith: I didn't go.
[00:11:58] Ally: ah
[00:11:58] Mike: Oh, that's.
[00:11:59] Keith: ah I went years ago.
[00:11:59] Ally: no
[00:12:01] Keith: You've heard this story. Maybe I've told it on the podcast before, but I was like walking to a restaurant and I didn't even know it was when I first moved to the city, I didn't know that Paulson Street Fair was a thing. And like it suddenly.
[00:12:10] Ally: Oh, you thought they did that every weekend? You were like, this street is wild.
[00:12:12] Keith: Yeah, I'm like surrounded by like all these men and like assless leather chaps. And ah out of one of the sex shops came a man being led on a leash by another man.
[00:12:16] Ally: Yeah.
[00:12:23] Keith: And they were filming it, I think as part of like the intro to a porno or something. And I was in the background, so I've never been able to find this video, but there's some porno out there where I'm like walking by, jaw on the ground, um watching this scene unfold.
[00:12:41] Keith: So, yeah.
[00:12:43] Ally: If you found the video, would you watch the whole thing?
[00:12:44] Keith: um No, I don't. I think Mike is more of an anthropologist and his, you know, porn like testing and experimenting.
[00:12:54] Ally: yeah
[00:12:56] Keith: I really just stick to the hits, which is a man having sex with a woman ah with the focus on the woman.
[00:12:57] Ally: Yeah. so
[00:13:04] Keith: That's that's what I like.
[00:13:06] Mike: The penetration of hairy anus is rough.
[00:13:08] Ally: Oh, probably literally rough, right?
[00:13:09] Mike: its
[00:13:09] Keith: Yeah.
[00:13:11] Mike: Yeah.
[00:13:11] Keith: Yeah.
[00:13:12] Ally: Yeah.
[00:13:13] Mike: Well, I think they use enough lubrication to sort of control for that, ah the pulley the hair pulling aspect, but they still could be an issue.
[00:13:21] Keith: I have a related question. and and allie Okay, I'm not going to put you on the spot here, Ali, but I'm not asking you about your asshole. What percentage what percentage of female assholes do you think are harry but yeah that have air hair around them?
[00:13:40] Ally: i i I don't know. I mean, I assume Asians don't and everybody else does. Like I shave that area ah as part of my general vaginal shaving.
[00:13:51] Mike: How much hair comes off when you when you when you do that a lot You get stubble them you get anal stubble I Think you must
[00:13:54] Ally: what here comes I mean, I feel like it's
[00:13:56] Keith: yeah how
[00:13:57] Ally: and I don't know. It's like the same as the the hair that's on like your upper thigh, I guess. Like it's not pubic hair. Or like leg hair. No? Well, not that I notice, I guess.
[00:14:09] Ally: It's like it's very fine hair.
[00:14:11] Keith: It's finer, so the stubble is...
[00:14:13] Ally: Like I don't get stubble on my thighs, you know?
[00:14:17] Mike: Interesting.
[00:14:18] Keith: Because the hair is fine enough. You do get stubble, but you can't feel it.
[00:14:19] Ally: Mm-hmm. For sure, yeah.
[00:14:23] Keith: Yeah, because my experience, well, if porn was the guide, then 0% of women's assholes are hairy.
[00:14:30] Mike: Right.
[00:14:31] Keith: Or, you know.
[00:14:31] Ally: they're like waxed everywhere, right?
[00:14:33] Keith: Yeah, pres presumably.
[00:14:33] Ally: And like 100% of women's like vulvas are hairy. So you have to assume that.
[00:14:40] Mike: Not not below a certain age.
[00:14:42] Ally: Well, true, but I said women.
[00:14:45] Mike: Oh, my bad, sorry.
[00:14:47] Keith: But even with most of my long-term partners, I don't remember their, I mean, maybe they were assiduously making sure I never had to experience their hairy assholes, but I don't remember.
[00:14:56] Ally: and So yeah, I've never looked at it. I don't know if the hair is like Noticable.
[00:15:02] Keith: You should look at your asshole. We've been through this before on the podcast, but like you should just take a mirror sometime just to know.
[00:15:07] Ally: Okay. I'm not going to like it.
[00:15:10] Keith: No, I didn't like it when I did it to myself. um
[00:15:14] Mike: I like mine.
[00:15:15] Keith: But I don't regret it. What was it?
[00:15:17] Ally: Okay.
[00:15:18] Keith: Was it aesthetically pleasing or you or was it aesthetically displeasing in a way that you were thrilled about Mike or what was it?
[00:15:23] Mike: No, it's that it's, it's, it's neutral, but that's, I mean, that's better than the alternative.
[00:15:28] Ally: Yeah.
[00:15:28] Keith: Yes.
[00:15:28] Ally: What color is it?
[00:15:30] Mike: Well, I don't remember that.
[00:15:31] Keith: The, the skin. Yeah. Well, yeah.
[00:15:35] Ally: Is it just skin colored? It's just like the same.
[00:15:38] Keith: I don't remember in my case, actually.
[00:15:39] Ally: Okay.
[00:15:41] Mike: Yeah, it's hard to remember that.
[00:15:42] Keith: I don't understand.
[00:15:43] Ally: Okay.
[00:15:44] Keith: the brownish discoloration that you sometimes see there. I don't think that's poop. It's like some sort of callus, I think.
[00:15:53] Ally: Hmm.
[00:15:54] Keith: Right?
[00:15:55] Mike: thickened skin, probably. Yeah, I mean, there are people that bleach area, ah particularly for porn or for aesthetic reasons.
[00:15:56] Keith: Yeah.
[00:15:56] Ally: Yeah.
[00:16:00] Keith: Right.
[00:16:01] Ally: Hmm.
[00:16:02] Keith: Yes. Yeah, okay. All right. Well, I'm glad we got to the bottom of that one.
[00:16:07] Ally: Oh, wait, I was going to ask you about lube. like do you Do you use lube, I don't know, like every time you have sex?
[00:16:09] Keith: Oh.
[00:16:14] Ally: like Some of the time, do you wait and see how wet your partner is? like Do you enjoy the sensation of lube?
[00:16:21] Keith: Mike.
[00:16:23] Mike: No, I don't enjoy lube. And I'll tell you, I was watching a cam girl yesterday and she, this is really common with cam girl. She was using lube as they, they have to, I mean, they're not aroused, right?
[00:16:37] Mike: You know that.
[00:16:38] Keith: Oh.
[00:16:39] Mike: And then they always wind up putting the lube in their mouth.
[00:16:42] Ally: Hello, okay.
[00:16:43] Mike: And I just think that if you're in that industry, you just have to get comfortable with eating lube.
[00:16:48] Ally: Hmm.
[00:16:49] Mike: Uh, but that's, yeah, I mean, like it's, that's one of the reasons I don't, they're not great. I mean, it's, you know, there's the same issue with condoms, right? I mean, there's sort of an odor associated with condoms.
[00:16:57] Ally: Yeah.
[00:16:59] Mike: Um, yeah.
[00:16:59] Keith: My guess is that lube is made to be tasteless or flavored to be tasty in a way that's good, but it might be a little bit like tofu, which is it like absorbs the flavor of what it's been around. So the lube's been around your genitalia.
[00:17:10] Mike: That doesn't help.
[00:17:13] Keith: That's not good.
[00:17:14] Mike: Potentially potentially risky there. So no, I don't Appreciate lube nor do I although I have in the past had a partner where lube was involved in and as a guy Yeah, you're always going to wonder I definitely would thought to myself this person is not that aroused
[00:17:30] Ally: Okay, yeah.
[00:17:31] Mike: Yeah, so that's like that's a reality that ah if if people, no matter how much somebody assures you on a Reddit forum, oh, the guy is going to be concerned about that. that this is He's failed to arouse you sufficiently or you're not in the mood or something.
[00:17:45] Ally: Yeah.
[00:17:46] Keith: Yeah, I think that's unfair to women. Like some women, I think, I mean, of of course it's a spectrum and some women are going to be a 10th percentile witness creating and their partners probably worry.
[00:17:56] Ally: Yeah, I've had practitioners Yeah, I've had partners who like brought it or indicated that it was available at like the first encounter and then basically like never brought it up again. So I assume it's just like a wetness issue.
[00:18:08] Ally: But maybe, I don't know, maybe they like it. But then when I didn't want to use it, they didn't.
[00:18:15] Keith: Really? I don't think, I don't think there are men that really want to use lube unless maybe they're, unless maybe they have penis issues, in which case lube can help with that.
[00:18:17] Ally: Yeah.
[00:18:25] Mike: Ali has a lot of penis issue people she works with.
[00:18:28] Ally: Yeah, well, so that guy, like, brought lube for the first time, but then, like, hasn't used it since, I assume, because the regular witness is fine, like, yeah.
[00:18:34] Keith: I think the first time having sex, no, I think the first time having sex has higher risk of impotence.
[00:18:43] Mike: Impetence.
[00:18:43] Ally: Lube helps with interest.
[00:18:43] Keith: because they're they're nervous and excited. It does, because if it's easier to get in, if everything's just a bit slipper more slippery, slipperier, then ah you don't need to be as hard to reliably initiate sex.
[00:18:52] Mike: Mm hmm.
[00:18:53] Ally: Yeah. You get harder.
[00:18:58] Ally: Oh, okay.
[00:18:59] Mike: Oh my goodness. That's a pet peeve for me in porn when guy when the guy is only like 70% erect and they're having sex.
[00:19:05] Keith: Yeah.
[00:19:05] Mike: I just clicked to the next porn immediately.
[00:19:06] Ally: Yeah.
[00:19:07] Mike: That's just...
[00:19:08] Ally: Yeah, I i require maximal hardness.
[00:19:11] Mike: Obviously you don't, Allie.
[00:19:11] Keith: at least 90.
[00:19:13] Ally: Well, I mean, given the circumstances, you know, as hard as possible under the circumstances.
[00:19:13] Mike: Obviously not. wall Oh my goodness. You've got to make a lot of compromises, Allie.
[00:19:22] Ally: Yeah, it's just in life, generally.
[00:19:22] Mike: that
[00:19:24] Ally: Yeah, men have let me down repeatedly.
[00:19:26] Mike: And it's just sad because if you were, if you went to say a gay bath house or just any bath house, the penises that would come through those glory holes would be so hard.
[00:19:38] Mike: I promise you they would be.
[00:19:38] Ally: Right? But they'd be so gay, like they'd be offended if they found out that it was a woman on the other end.
[00:19:41] Mike: Okay, fine.
[00:19:44] Mike: Sure. I shouldn't have said gay, but like if you, let's say that you posted an ad on Craigslist and said, Hey, I've got a shower curtain with a hole that I've cut with scissors in it hanging up.
[00:19:50] Ally: A shower A shower curtain?
[00:19:52] Mike: This is what people do. This is a real thing. and Yeah.
[00:19:56] Keith: No, it's not.
[00:19:56] Ally: That's not it.
[00:19:57] Keith: We have to reset the episodes without talking about glory holes counter from one back to zero.
[00:20:02] Mike: this is true
[00:20:02] Keith: So here we go.
[00:20:03] Mike: this is true that
[00:20:03] Ally: It's see-through, it's not a glory hole.
[00:20:06] Mike: You don't have to, you don't have to have it. See, you can, you can buy a, ah you can buy a opaque, an opaque shower curtain and absolutely, which is kind of gross because that means your body is sort of against this material that some other guy jizzed on.
[00:20:08] Keith: It's translucent.
[00:20:17] Ally: Yeah. I don't think that counts.
[00:20:21] Mike: I've seen many a, an ad. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen what I would consider a properly constructed one. But the point is if you set one up, if you set one up and you did an ad, you would get some hard cocks.
[00:20:30] Ally: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:20:33] Mike: I promise you.
[00:20:33] Ally: Yeah. I just think you'd have to call it something else. You can call it like a glory drape or whatever. But like to me, a glory hole is that like the only part of the person's body that you would ever see or get a sense of is the penis.
[00:20:45] Keith: Oh, there's a safety aspect.
[00:20:45] Ally: if you Yeah, if it's like, you know, their body is pressing against like a sheet essentially, and you can see all of it, like that's not a glory hole.
[00:20:54] Mike: It's opaque, but OK.
[00:20:55] Ally: Yeah, but you can, you know, you can see the outline, like if I can see balls through a sheet, that's not a glory hole.
[00:21:02] Keith: Well, and I think the ability to like leave without having any possibility of needing to interact with the person, that's that veil comes down a little bit as the curtain comes down.
[00:21:02] Mike: All right.
[00:21:04] Ally: Right,
[00:21:07] Ally: right yes, that's part of it too.
[00:21:09] Mike: You realize that OK. But you realize that the the object that the penis is inserted through needs to be pretty thin, because if it's like a cinder block wall, then it's not even going to make it all the way through.
[00:21:12] Ally: Yeah.
[00:21:21] Mike: I mean, those things are like eight inches thick.
[00:21:23] Keith: Not if you're hung like me, Mike.
[00:21:26] Mike: No comment.
[00:21:30] Keith: okay um Let's move on. um This person says, male partners have issues with my orgasm. I don't know if this is a dude thing or a me thing, but I've slept with multiple men who have made it clear that they don't like the way I orgasm.
[00:21:38] Ally: Bye.
[00:21:43] Keith: This is apart from the more ordinary stuff, like just not caring if I had one or pouting if I didn't because it hurt their ego.
[00:21:49] Mike: yeah
[00:21:49] Keith: I guess I'm too loud and intense about it. Two have flat out said it scared them. A few more laughed at me. It's hard for me to get there with a partner in the first place. So when it does happen, it's very strong. To me, this is crazy because if someone comes in front of me, I consider it an honor and I'm not going to critique how they do it.
[00:22:04] Keith: It's an incredibly intimate moment, but the only common denominator here is me. So maybe I am too intense. Has anyone else encountered this? um Okay. I brought this up because I am trying to imagine a way a woman could orgasm that I would be perturbed.
[00:22:18] Ally: Yeah.
[00:22:20] Keith: Like I, she, yeah, the first 20 comments are all, can you describe how you orgasm?
[00:22:21] Mike: Really?
[00:22:24] Keith: And she like refuses to. So.
[00:22:27] Mike: I mean, just, this is silliness. Just, just go onto any porn site and search for an Asian woman orgasming. And now I don't know if it's performative and fake, but it's really common in that community for the women to behave in a way that I find extremely off-putting and annoying when they, when they quote unquote orgasm.
[00:22:43] Keith: If you were able to believe that they were, okay, ah keep in mind here that in those porns, the women are usually faking the orgasm. In this case, yes, but in this case, yes, but this woman is actually orgasming.
[00:22:52] Mike: always. Yeah. But they're doing the things they think people do during orgasm. So go ahead. Yeah.
[00:22:59] Keith: So if if an Asian woman were making those weak whimpering sounds and I knew that they were actually orgasming, I think I might like that.
[00:23:10] Mike: It's not weak whimpering sounds. They get really loud and like start screaming and stuff like that. It's just dumb.
[00:23:15] Keith: Yeah, OK.
[00:23:16] Ally: That could be it, because it says to have said it scared them, and a few laughed. Yeah, I'm also having trouble picturing the normal ones.
[00:23:23] Mike: Ali, what sounds do you make while orgasming? And are are they different when you masturbate from when when you're with a partner?
[00:23:30] Ally: I don't make a sound when I come when I masturbate, but I will one with a partner.
[00:23:36] Keith: And do you think that's performative, or do you think it's your overcome?
[00:23:36] Mike: Like what?
[00:23:39] Ally: It's performative.
[00:23:41] Keith: yeah
[00:23:42] Ally: It's performative, yeah.
[00:23:43] Keith: A performative might be the wrong word. I can imagine doing it, it's like half performative and half sort of fun to ham it up a little bit for the camera.
[00:23:53] Ally: Yeah, I guess. I mean, you want to give some indication. You don't want to be straight faced.
[00:23:57] Keith: Right.
[00:23:58] Mike: Howie, what's the most common word you say while we're guzzling with a partner?
[00:24:03] Ally: Oh, I don't like say words. It's just like, you know, moaning noises, like kind of, oh, that sort of thing.
[00:24:10] Mike: Okay.
[00:24:10] Keith: Not Oz.
[00:24:12] Ally: Some eyes, yeah.
[00:24:12] Mike: Do you find the, are they low pitched, medium pitched, high pitched?
[00:24:13] Ally: and
[00:24:16] Ally: Higher pitch than my normal voice. Yeah.
[00:24:19] Mike: Okay.
[00:24:19] Ally: My normal voice is pretty low, so yeah.
[00:24:19] Mike: I've got a picture of it. Yeah.
[00:24:22] Ally: so I have experimented with like, you know, saying the other person's name. Some people like that, some don't.
[00:24:29] Keith: They, really?
[00:24:29] Mike: Uh, okay.
[00:24:30] Keith: They, who didn't? Did he give any more hair on like why he didn't like it?
[00:24:34] Ally: Well, okay, I mean, I guess and nobody has said like, don't do that.
[00:24:36] Mike: I wouldn't like it.
[00:24:37] Keith: Really?
[00:24:40] Ally: But I guess they've just seems to be sort of.
[00:24:45] Keith: They were non-clussed or something.
[00:24:46] Ally: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:24:47] Mike: Yeah, that's right.
[00:24:48] Ally: a good like
[00:24:48] Mike: I don't like it because they, they're, they're trying to involve me. They're trying to sort of take something from me. I don't want that.
[00:24:53] Ally: Oh, yeah.
[00:24:54] Mike: Like leave me out of it.
[00:24:55] Keith: No, they're trying to give you agency.
[00:24:59] Mike: No, no, they're trying to like, they're trying to like, um, they're trying to couple with me. That's what they're doing. It's gross. Like, like, look, you're.
[00:25:06] Ally: For me, it's like I'm trying to indicate that you're responsible and that this is somehow you know different from like me masturbating and orgasming.
[00:25:10] Keith: Right. Yes.
[00:25:14] Ally: you know like It could be any guy.
[00:25:15] Mike: No, but it's, but I'm just an avatar.
[00:25:16] Keith: yeah
[00:25:17] Mike: Like it could be any guy.
[00:25:20] Ally: That's true.
[00:25:20] Mike: That's the problem.
[00:25:20] Ally: and In this particular instance, it's you, but it could be anyone, yeah.
[00:25:20] Mike: So that's not right. Well, that's not believable then because you're just, you know, Now, if you sit now, if you on purpose, like aggressively said someone else's name, that would be cool.
[00:25:31] Ally: Oh, interesting.
[00:25:32] Mike: That would be awesome. Yeah.
[00:25:34] Ally: He would like that.
[00:25:35] Mike: Like, Oh, Joey, yeah Barack.
[00:25:35] Keith: Oh, Barack.
[00:25:38] Mike: That'd be awesome. That's true.
[00:25:40] Ally: um
[00:25:41] Mike: That's true.
[00:25:41] Ally: yeah
[00:25:42] Mike: I do often when masturbating a picture, Hillary Clinton.
[00:25:42] Ally: Oh, good.
[00:25:45] Keith: No, you don't.
[00:25:46] Mike: Yeah.
[00:25:46] Keith: Or maybe when you're trying to not get it up.
[00:25:48] Mike: No, I do. And I, you know, I'm telling you when, when, uh, in the 1992 election, she was pretty attractive and, um, yeah, see.
[00:25:54] Ally: Oh, 1992 Hillary. Okay. Yeah, I like that. That's very feminist of you.
[00:25:57] Keith: 1992 Hillary.
[00:25:58] Mike: No, she was just attractive.
[00:25:59] Keith: thanks so I don't know.
[00:26:00] Ally: Well,
[00:26:01] Mike: No, she was a pretty attractive woman.
[00:26:03] Keith: You like this type, this sort of like Elizabeth Holmes, Hillary Clinton, Marissa Meyer type.
[00:26:03] Mike: I disagree, Keith.
[00:26:07] Mike: Oh, definitely.
[00:26:08] Keith: Yeah.
[00:26:09] Mike: Definitely.
[00:26:10] Keith: Yeah.
[00:26:10] Mike: I do.
[00:26:10] Keith: This this is not my cup of tea, but at least you're consistent.
[00:26:11] Ally: Yeah.
[00:26:14] Mike: Not a long enough chin, huh?
[00:26:16] Keith: I guess not. Need a more pronounced jawline. All right. Oh yeah, this is another one I need, Ali's input on.
[00:26:22] Ally: Me?
[00:26:23] Keith: Do you masturbate
[00:26:24] Mike: Wait, Keith, hang on, hang on, hang on. You didn't say what sounds you make.
[00:26:28] Keith: during my I think I make pretty normal sounds.
[00:26:28] Ally: me oh
[00:26:30] Keith: I will grunt and moan a bit.
[00:26:34] Mike: and Okay.
[00:26:35] Keith: and And then of course there's the crying.
[00:26:37] Mike: And are they different between masturbating and PIV?
[00:26:41] Keith: um
[00:26:45] Keith: Maybe, but yeah, this is what I was thinking about when Ali was saying that it's performative. It's a bit performative, but it's also a bit fun to sort of You know, like, I
[00:26:57] Ally: Do you say actual words? Do you say like, oh my god, or I'm coming or something? Or like, is it just sounds?
[00:27:02] Keith: might announce sometimes, especially if I'm not sure they want me to or not yet.
[00:27:04] Ally: ah then
[00:27:08] Ally: OK.
[00:27:10] Keith: There there could be like a timing issue, you know, because they're always, women are always so close to coming with me if they just need a a couple more moments.
[00:27:11] Ally: Yeah.
[00:27:17] Keith: um You know, I want to give them a chance.
[00:27:20] Keith: But yeah, I don't,
[00:27:22] Mike: You should review that episode yeah that Ali and I did where it's someone said that 4% of women orgasm from PIV alone or whatever it was or some such a low number that the numbers it's zero.
[00:27:29] Ally: Yeah.
[00:27:30] Keith: huh I guess I'm one of the lucky 4%.
[00:27:32] Ally: um um
[00:27:34] Mike: No, it's the woman, not the man.
[00:27:36] Keith: Wow,
[00:27:37] Mike: So so it's 4% each time. So if you have sex with 10 women and they all do it like you're just delusional because it's.
[00:27:41] Keith: I mean, what are the odds over the like thousands of sexual encounters I've had that all of them would have orgasm from PIV?
[00:27:48] Mike: Really low.
[00:27:49] Keith: Yeah, that's more likely than life getting, less likely than yeah life showing up on another planet.
[00:27:50] Mike: Really low.
[00:27:53] Mike: incalculable. Yeah.
[00:27:56] Keith: All right.
[00:27:57] Mike: Right.
[00:27:57] Keith: Do you masturbate during your period? So I'm 38 years old and well-versed in masturbating, but I've recently developed an all-time high, incredibly insatiable sex drive. I have to get myself off at least once a day or I'll go feral.
[00:28:09] Keith: I've never been this horny before, ever.
[00:28:09] Ally: no.
[00:28:11] Keith: So in the past, I was always able to go five to seven days without it. Let's just say the hormones are hormone-ing, W-H-O-R-E-ish.
[00:28:16] Ally: Ah.
[00:28:20] Keith: I require vaginal and clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, but I'm not sure how to do that while on my period without making a huge mess everywhere or staining my toys. Do y'all ladies masturbate during your monthly menstrual cycle? Any tips to prevent creating an accidental crime scene that doesn't leave me feeling like Carrie at the prom?
[00:28:36] Mike: Jesus, dude.
[00:28:39] Ally: I am not, like so I'm not 38 yet, obviously. I am not looking forward to that. It gets worse, I guess. here hard and I'm going to get hornier.
[00:28:45] Keith: i think
[00:28:47] Ally: How is that possible? No, I.
[00:28:48] Keith: I'm guessing this woman has not had a child. I think there might be some biological thing, but I don't know.
[00:28:53] Ally: OK.
[00:28:54] Keith: I'm wildly speculating.
[00:28:56] Ally: So I'm fine with masturbating during my period, but I don't require vaginal stimulation, so I'll just like leave a tampon in.
[00:29:04] Keith: Ah, that makes sense. That's why she clarifies that she, okay.
[00:29:08] Ally: Yeah.
[00:29:10] Keith: Is your sex drive lower a little bit when you're menstruating?
[00:29:13] Ally: Yeah. And then after my period stops, immediately it's higher for like three or four days, which I think correlates with hormonal fluctuations.
[00:29:21] Keith: Huh.
[00:29:24] Keith: I would expect it to like peak during ovulation. And then, so right after menstruating, I would expect it, I guess I would expect it to be, you know, X at all times, except during ovulation and then during ovulation three X or whatever.
[00:29:35] Ally: Hmm. Hmm.
[00:29:38] Mike: That makes biological sense.
[00:29:39] Keith: But that's
[00:29:40] Mike: I want to understand, Ali, your level of horniness. It's so high that you're it it makes you uncomfortable.
[00:29:46] Ally: No, but like i was a student right I was assuming it would decline ah you know as I get older.
[00:29:48] Keith: why she was a little late today to the podcast.
[00:29:50] Mike: Is that right?
[00:29:55] Ally: But this woman is indicating that as I get older, it's going to increase, which is weird.
[00:30:00] Mike: So you've found it to be ah thus far since puberty, you've found it to be fairly constant.
[00:30:00] Ally: That doesn't make sense to me biologically.
[00:30:10] Ally: Yeah. And I think it it varies a lot more based on like whether I have a partner or not. like If I am having sex regularly, it's higher.
[00:30:20] Keith: Hmm.
[00:30:21] Mike: It's higher. Okay. Okay. Interesting. That's the opposite of what a man would say.
[00:30:28] Ally: Yeah.
[00:30:28] Mike: I think and in general.
[00:30:31] Keith: Yeah, the more sex I'm having, the lower my sex drive is.
[00:30:34] Ally: o That's too bad.
[00:30:38] Keith: Well, I mean, it motivates me to try to find sex.
[00:30:43] Ally: Yeah.
[00:30:43] Mike: Right.
[00:30:45] Keith: um
[00:30:45] Mike: Yeah, it's unclear. I guess, your yeah, your motivation is squarely in the having a child camp. So if you just had a child, then you would stop being horny.
[00:30:55] Ally: Really? I hear that people get horny while pregnant though. Isn't it like the last trimester you get horny because like having sex helps you get ready to birth or something?
[00:31:02] Mike: Sure. I mean, there's that's possible, but once once you've had the kid, then you will not be horny or like it'll because you'll be dealing with a kid.
[00:31:03] Keith: Wait.
[00:31:06] Ally: Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.
[00:31:10] Mike: Now, if you just if you just repeatedly, and this is something that our government is, or there are at least a lot of folks that want to enable, if you repeatedly have late-term abortions, Uh, then you could just keep that high level of horniness.
[00:31:25] Keith: There might be hormone supplement ways to achieve the same end.
[00:31:28] Ally: right
[00:31:29] Mike: It's not as fun though.
[00:31:30] Ally: still
[00:31:31] Keith: I mean, you got to keep the abortion doctors in business.
[00:31:34] Mike: Yeah. And you could also potentially donate the tissue to folks for eyes and yeah, or maybe, yeah.
[00:31:34] Ally: and no
[00:31:38] Ally: ah stem cells or something yeah i mean I don't know if having an abortion makes you less horny. like
[00:31:44] Keith: Wait a minute. Can you sell aborted fetuses for their stem cells?
[00:31:49] Ally: I don't know if you can sell them, but like you can get themselves from them.
[00:31:51] Mike: In China you can, I'm sure.
[00:31:53] Keith: There are labs that would like to use that would like to have those. There's like a stem so cell shortage.
[00:31:59] Mike: Well, but don't they, I mean, they also have like retinas and stuff. I mean, they're fully formed. I mean, at least at a certain stage, they're fully formed.
[00:32:03] Keith: Depends when you.
[00:32:05] Ally: Depends when you're doing this, yeah.
[00:32:06] Mike: Sure. So you could sell lots. I mean, it seems like there's a lot of like little ligaments and stuff you could sell.
[00:32:12] Keith: Who needs an infant cornea? I need like an adult cornea.
[00:32:16] Mike: I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Well, yeah, then I guess you would need to keep the fetus alive longer.
[00:32:24] Keith: Yeah, you'd have to have the child.
[00:32:25] Ally: until it becomes an adult, yeah.
[00:32:25] Keith: I mean, if you want, if you want to, if you want to use your kidney, although apparently adults can use children's kidneys.
[00:32:26] Mike: But if
[00:32:31] Keith: I've heard that.
[00:32:32] Mike: you can find a way to keep it in the woman's body, then it's still her body, her choice. So if you have like a 14 year old male inside a woman's body and then you could just harvest the organs, but that would take 14 years.
[00:32:38] Keith: Yeah, up to five years.
[00:32:44] Ally: and
[00:32:47] Ally: why would Why wouldn't you just grow the cornea like in a Petri dish outside? like That's going to be easier.
[00:32:52] Keith: We don't know how to do that yet.
[00:32:54] Mike: Yeah, we don't have to do that.
[00:32:54] Ally: usually kind of do.
[00:32:55] Mike: And also what we have here is a horny female body. So I was trying to sort of monetize that.
[00:32:59] Ally: Right.
[00:33:00] Keith: Yeah, I guess we don't.
[00:33:01] Ally: Now I'm much more in favor of tissue engineering.
[00:33:04] Mike: and Okay.
[00:33:06] Keith: Okay, that's no fun.
[00:33:07] Mike: Suit yourself.
[00:33:08] Keith: All right, this is this is getting into territory that we don't cross on this show, even though we purport to be about relationships. What are signs that someone truly loves you and it's not just lust?
[00:33:19] Ally: ah No idea. Next question.
[00:33:21] Keith: Now, I.
[00:33:24] Ally: Zero zero experience.
[00:33:24] Mike: Why would you even care about such a thing?
[00:33:26] Ally: I don't know.
[00:33:28] Keith: Right. um Do you think that like. Okay, the vocabulary word love is something that's always kind of bothered me. Like, I don't know what people mean when they say that. But I've been told that people don't like it when I say that. So I try to tone it down. But yeah it's not like there's some binary thing where like now you're in love. But like,
[00:33:51] Keith: ah This person is probably asking this because they're deciding whether or not they want to sleep with somebody. And the answer there is that like it's almost certainly lust. like Some dude wants to bang you, and that's probably going to be the case for your first sexual encounter with every partner you ever have.
[00:33:59] Ally: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:34:06] Ally: yeah
[00:34:06] Keith: like it's unless you know is one it is Go ahead.
[00:34:08] Mike: Well, Allie told me that she, Allie told me that she would prefer to have sex with someone she's in love with so she can explain, probably define what she means by that.
[00:34:15] Ally: Yeah.
[00:34:16] Keith: no
[00:34:18] Mike: What do you mean by that, Allie?
[00:34:19] Ally: I mean, someone whose well-being I care about and who I enjoy talking to and for whom I want good things.
[00:34:29] Mike: And that's never happened before.
[00:34:29] Keith: Hmm.
[00:34:31] Ally: No, it has. it and it's It's hard for me to tell if they feel that way about me. So I would have a hard time answering this question.
[00:34:41] Mike: They, whether they care about your wellbeing.
[00:34:41] Ally: i
[00:34:44] Ally: Yeah.
[00:34:45] Mike: Hmm.
[00:34:45] Ally: But I would say like Keith's assumption is correct, that the first time you're having sex with someone, you almost certainly do not love them.
[00:34:45] Keith: how do you Yeah, maybe you've been friends since middle school or whatever.
[00:34:50] Ally: Unless I guess if you've known them for you know a multiple years or something, maybe. Yeah.
[00:34:58] Keith: Yeah.
[00:34:58] Ally: Yeah. um but Keith, like have you been in a relationship where you told someone that you loved them?
[00:35:05] Keith: Yeah, but I mean, i've been I don't know what it means to say that.
[00:35:07] Ally: OK. And how long did you like wait but within the first month of dating, or in the first six months, or first year of dating?
[00:35:10] Mike: I sense regret.
[00:35:14] Keith: and like There comes a point in relationships with women where not saying it is just more harmful than good.
[00:35:17] Ally: Or like did you feel like it was the right time?
[00:35:26] Keith: Like I should just say it even if I don't know what it means. or
[00:35:30] Ally: Oh, like they're already saying it to you?
[00:35:33] Keith: Yeah, usually there's like a There's like a race and then, well, there's not a race cause I'm never going to say it first, but I don't know.
[00:35:41] Ally: Really? Interesting.
[00:35:43] Keith: Maybe I said it first when I was younger and and more naive, but yeah, you get to a point in a relationship where like, you know that she wants you to say it and it doesn't harm me to say it except for that after I've said it, it creates an expectation that I'm more committed.
[00:35:44] Mike: Hmm. Hmm.
[00:36:06] Keith: Right.
[00:36:07] Ally: Yeah.
[00:36:08] Keith: Like if I'm feeling uncertain about somebody, it's kind of rude to just perfunk to really say, I love you.
[00:36:09] Ally: Yeah.
[00:36:14] Ally: Right, it creates the expectation that you care about their well-being and want good things for them.
[00:36:17] Keith: Right.
[00:36:17] Mike: Ali, what are the mechanisms you use to try to elicit this pra profession of love from a guy?
[00:36:18] Ally: but
[00:36:24] Mike: Because you're the one, you do want that, right?
[00:36:25] Ally: I do want it. I wouldn't say I tried to elicit it. In my last two relationships, I wasn't
[00:36:30] Keith: You want him to feel it.
[00:36:31] Ally: Yeah, in my last two relationships, I was not the first to say it, and I don't really remember in the relationships earlier than that. ah
[00:36:38] Keith: But can you inspect those moments and think about whether you think they were saying it because they were overcome by some emotion or whether they were saying it because they thought this was the time that I'm supposed to say this thing?
[00:36:50] Ally: No, in in In all of the cases that I remember, the feeling was this is way too early to say this, but it's awkward to like keep dancing around it or to say things like, I really, really like you.
[00:37:02] Ally: you know um Yeah.
[00:37:03] Keith: But wouldn't you prefer to, to have like a vocabulary discussion?
[00:37:05] Mike: And that's so gross.
[00:37:08] Keith: Like, like love is not like, there's no like biological concept of love. I mean, there's something where like oxytocin gets involved when you think about a person or some shit like that.
[00:37:13] Ally: Yeah.
[00:37:17] Keith: But like, you know, when the average like 22 year old girl is like hoping that her, you know, boyfriend says, I love you.
[00:37:20] Mike: Is that
[00:37:25] Keith: She's, she's imagining something almost supernatural, right? Like, oh, like our relationship has has reached this place where it's more meaningful and and and we're in love now.
[00:37:29] Ally: and
[00:37:31] Mike: right?
[00:37:35] Keith: And that's not a thing.
[00:37:36] Ally: but do you think that
[00:37:36] Keith: And so I don't like that, like adults, I mean, I'm 44. So like, you know, the people I'm saying that I love hypothetically are are closer to my age.
[00:37:43] Ally: Yeah.
[00:37:46] Keith: um
[00:37:47] Ally: yeah
[00:37:48] Keith: ah So.
[00:37:49] Ally: Do you think my standard for love is
[00:37:50] Keith: yeah
[00:37:53] Ally: extreme because like I guess I'm not too restrictive with it like I tell my friends that I love them and I do mean that I care about them and want good things for them etc like I don't you know not yet but it's come what does what mean no
[00:38:02] Mike: You never told me you loved me, Ali.
[00:38:06] Keith: What does it mean?
[00:38:06] Mike: Oh, man.
[00:38:10] Keith: um Like, does that mean that you would sacrifice your life for that person?
[00:38:19] Keith: um
[00:38:20] Mike: I think it means she'd suck their cock.
[00:38:20] Keith: Okay. What does it mean?
[00:38:22] Ally: yeah
[00:38:22] Keith: It means you would sacrifice something. it Yeah, like they've they've like what does it mean?
[00:38:28] Keith: Yeah, see, you're you're like wincing your face.
[00:38:28] Ally: like Like, what is this scenario?
[00:38:30] Keith: You don't know what to say because it's like this it's this abstract sort of,
[00:38:34] Ally: It is.
[00:38:35] Keith: ah nebulous thing.
[00:38:35] Ally: Yeah.
[00:38:36] Keith: um And I don't like that about it.
[00:38:36] Ally: Yeah.
[00:38:40] Ally: It's kind of like, you know, if they're upset, it hurts me a little.
[00:38:40] Keith: like
[00:38:46] Keith: Yeah, but yeah but that that's on a spectrum and is a bit subjective and on a case-by-case basis, too.
[00:38:46] Ally: Not the same amount it hurts them, I assume. But, like, you know, I feel like I need to, like, fix it if they're hurt.
[00:39:00] Keith: Like I would say like all of the relationships that I've had in my life, including with my, you know, friends and family where I've, where I would say I i love a person.
[00:39:08] Ally: ah
[00:39:08] Keith: It's, it's just, well, I wouldn't say I love a person because I don't, yeah, I don't have like good codified rules in my mind about what it means.
[00:39:16] Ally: Yeah, so you don't say I love you to like your mom or your siblings.
[00:39:20] Keith: I do to my mom and my sisters and occasionally my father and we do it. We never did this when we were younger. Like at some point, I don't know, maybe I don't know.
[00:39:27] Ally: Okay.
[00:39:29] Keith: I saw a therapist for a long time. He might've convinced me that I should tell my family that more often. And so maybe I started the meme where we like say it at the end of phone calls and like, you know, when we leave after family gatherings and stuff.
[00:39:41] Keith: And it's kind of nice. Like I like the sentimentality aspect of it, but that doesn't, uh, like it's,
[00:39:45] Mike: He never says it to me, ever.
[00:39:49] Ally: Oh, so you know, one thing related to that, that it was really awkward was like my ex had kids and the youngest one would say, I love you to me, like when we were partying or something in the center.
[00:39:49] Mike: No.
[00:39:59] Keith: Yeah.
[00:40:01] Ally: And like, obviously I did not love her. But like, what do you say to like fucking like a 10 year old
[00:40:04] Keith: Obviously, why isn't it obvious?
[00:40:06] Ally: Oh, well, I mean, previous discussions we've had.
[00:40:08] Keith: Do you love your cat?
[00:40:10] Ally: I do, and I say I love my cat all the time, but like, I didn't love this little girl, but like, you know, a 10-year-old is saying, I love you.
[00:40:12] Keith: Wow.
[00:40:16] Mike: What did she do?
[00:40:16] Ally: Like, I don't know what she'd do.
[00:40:16] Mike: What did she do wrong?
[00:40:17] Keith: Yeah.
[00:40:19] Ally: She was just not very smart and kind of annoying.
[00:40:20] Keith: She existed.
[00:40:22] Ally: And yeah, like, I don't feel like, I don't feel like she's an interesting person, um but maybe she'll grow up.
[00:40:22] Keith: Wow.
[00:40:23] Mike: Wow.
[00:40:26] Mike: Do you have some sort of an eye?
[00:40:27] Keith: Beyond yeah it's just being 10, I mean, 10-year-olds aren't very smart and can be kind of annoying.
[00:40:31] Ally: Well, that's true. Yeah, I mean, it might change as she gets older. But what I'm saying is like, I said it back because like, you know, I'm not gonna like, have this in depth conversation with a 10 year old about like, you don't actually mean that and you know, like, because I don't think that she actually means it in like an adult way either.
[00:40:39] Keith: Sure, sure, sure, sure. Right.
[00:40:45] Ally: It's like, that's what she says to her mom, I guess when she leaves and like, but yeah, it it felt very awkward to say it, not meaning it, which makes me think that other times I've said it, I have meant it because I haven't had that feeling before.
[00:40:52] Keith: Hmm.
[00:40:59] Keith: It's easier for, go ahead, Mike.
[00:40:59] Mike: I think it's just, i keep i keith I think this is just a way, this is just, um if you imagine like a social graph of say your friends, and then this is just a different level of social graph that's created. So Ali and you, whatever happened to your heads, this set of people that you would apply this to, and then they have a set of people for them, and it's a different social graph. And women care about this more because they care deeply about status.
[00:41:25] Keith: Yeah.
[00:41:25] Mike: cultural status, which makes sense because it matters like when if you're the one going to bear the child, it matters a lot what your status is.
[00:41:32] Keith: Is this related, is this related to the thing where many women will have like seven quote unquote best friends?
[00:41:32] Mike: And I i just yeah.
[00:41:40] Mike: Yes, I would argue, yes, it's the same thing.
[00:41:41] Keith: Huh.
[00:41:42] Ally: All right.
[00:41:43] Mike: And then like again, clicks.
[00:41:43] Keith: Like a status thing.
[00:41:45] Mike: Yeah, it's I think women like to form these sort of statuses. I think if an interesting question would be whether gay men play this game. They probably do, but less.
[00:41:53] Keith: Oh yeah. Uh, yeah, it probably depends on, there are some gay couples that are, yes, that's what I was going to say.
[00:41:57] Mike: A lot of gay men have more feminine personalities.
[00:42:00] Keith: Right.
[00:42:01] Mike: Yeah. But if you had two like bears, like those two guys who go to the Folsom Street fair and sit in the, um, the pea pool together, like I bet they don't have a lot of people.
[00:42:09] Keith: ah
[00:42:10] Mike: They say, I love you too. Cause they just don't need to. They're like, look, we don't care about status that much.
[00:42:15] Ally: I feel like gay guys are gonna be more freer saying it in a semi-joking way. You know, they'd be like, love you, bye. But like, yeah, I guess to literally like sit in front of someone and stare in their eyes and say, I love you, maybe like that would be.
[00:42:26] Keith: Yeah, gay guys are more emotive in general.
[00:42:26] Mike: but something incredibly
[00:42:28] Ally: Yeah, yeah.
[00:42:29] Mike: that's That's an incredibly female thing to say, though, right? Because you're basically saying that they use the words, but they haven't connoted the status. So you're like, lasered in on the status. They're like, oh, if they just say it in a jokey way, that doesn't create the status graph that's important to me.
[00:42:42] Mike: Look, the status graph that matters to them is who's lucky Pierre that night.
[00:42:43] Ally: and Yeah.
[00:42:46] Mike: The semen, the semen, you just follow the semen. It's like following the money. In the gay community, you follow the semen.
[00:42:53] Ally: Yeah.
[00:42:53] Mike: And you know, you know who cares about whom. Like if if, if I'm giving you my semen or if I'm taking your semen, I'm not sure which way it flows, but yeah.
[00:43:00] Keith: Which way is the higher status direction?
[00:43:00] Mike: Yeah.
[00:43:02] Ally: Yeah.
[00:43:03] Mike: It's, well, it's not even status though. It's just a semen flow. Like, like if, if, if, if two gay, if, if guys stop, fuck, look, here's the thing. Like if you don't fuck enough, the guy's going to get lose interest.
[00:43:12] Keith: Uh huh.
[00:43:14] Mike: If you, if you had a partner who told you they loved you a lot, Keith, but would never have sex with you, you would lose interest.
[00:43:15] Keith: Maybe.
[00:43:20] Mike: Whereas the woman wouldn't necessarily Ali would because she's really horny, but that's unusual.
[00:43:22] Keith: Right.
[00:43:27] Ally: But there's obviously a linguistically expedient way in which people say that they love even a person and don't necessarily mean it. Like if I say I love Radiohead, that doesn't mean you know the same thing.
[00:43:37] Mike: Oh, I know.
[00:43:38] Ally: like
[00:43:38] Mike: Sure. But you're, but you're still like, um I was just saying that like you, you're, you're lasered in on the the status element. You're right. That people can use the word. Um, like I love cheesecake or whatever.
[00:43:46] Keith: Are there, are there concepts?
[00:43:49] Ally: Like I love Taylor Swift. Yeah.
[00:43:51] Keith: Are there other languages that have a more well-defined concept of what, or they use, they they have like several different words for love that mean like different things, like German, maybe, or Chinese.
[00:43:51] Ally: and go
[00:43:51] Mike: I don't, I don't.
[00:43:57] Ally: Yes.
[00:44:01] Ally: Yeah, Greek does, right?
[00:44:04] Keith: Okay.
[00:44:04] Ally: Latin does. Yeah. Spanish has a difference between like kind of like friendly love and erotic love. Yeah.
[00:44:10] Keith: Hmm.
[00:44:10] Ally: But isn't there, is it is it Greek that has like the three kinds of there's like friendly love and then like passionate love and ah yeah, there's ah nothing yeah,
[00:44:10] Mike: That's true, actually.
[00:44:17] Mike: You're talking about agape and Eros. Yes, agape is the love of all humanity. Yeah, there probably is. Sure.
[00:44:25] Keith: Yeah, but that's still not going to get to the core thing that I dislike, which is there's this nebulous concept of romantic love, and there's some point in time beyond which not declaring it becomes awkward.
[00:44:40] Keith: And it's just...
[00:44:40] Mike: Well, because the woman wants the status transfer and you're not giving, she's sure.
[00:44:43] Keith: Yeah, but it's just socially constructed.
[00:44:44] Ally: yeah
[00:44:44] Keith: It's not like, it's not like oh, something happened in my body or in my mind where like now it's right to say that I love it someone. it's it's that but It's that a sufficient amount of time and interactions have passed where not saying it will make her feel badly.
[00:44:53] Ally: yeah
[00:45:00] Keith: And so now I must say it. And that is lame.
[00:45:02] Ally: So, Keith, I think what it's just missing is some acknowledgement that you care about her in some way. like I think when you're in these situations, if you said something like, hey, I have a hang-up around saying I love you, but I do care about you very much, and I want you to know that I care about you, like I think that would have the same emotional effect.
[00:45:18] Keith: OK, so saying, I will sell you, I love you, but it's meaningless to me is probably not the way to go.
[00:45:24] Mike: It depends on your love language.
[00:45:24] Ally: Yeah, I think you should frame it positively, not negatively. That sounds like you're framing it negatively.
[00:45:27] Keith: yeah All right, well, I haven't had to cross this bridge for a number of years now, so.
[00:45:36] Keith: Yeah, OK.
[00:45:37] Mike: These days I could imagine you just telling a woman that your love language is liking their Instagram posts and that would be enough.
[00:45:44] Ally: Yeah, you could say that.
[00:45:44] Keith: I mean, I think
[00:45:45] Ally: You could say like, when I heart react to a message, I really mean it. That's my heuristic question.
[00:45:49] Mike: That's true. That's why Keith, when Keith, when I react to your messages, I always use the heart.
[00:45:55] Keith: You do, actually. The first couple times you did, that was pretty awkward. But then I realized it was facetious.
[00:46:05] Mike: ah
[00:46:05] Ally: Yeah, I have a guy friend who sends the red heart emoji as like a reaction. I was like, this feels extreme.
[00:46:12] Keith: I do that on on Instagram if you double click somebody's ah message to you, it it uses the heart emoji. You can use other emojis, but the default one is the red heart.
[00:46:20] Ally: OK.
[00:46:24] Ally: Yeah.
[00:46:24] Keith: And yeah, that is another thing I don't like about our our current parlance and communication structure is yeah the meaning of the red heart emoji and how prevalent it is.
[00:46:33] Ally: Mm-hmm.
[00:46:36] Keith: Anyway, let's move on. ah This person asks, men who have stopped looking at porn completely, how has your life changed? And the first commenter says, I'm more attracted to my wife. I don't even find myself looking at woman and and looking at women and meat in real life with any lust anymore. My wife becomes the entire focus of my sexual life and that's been really healthy for my marriage. Okay.
[00:46:58] Keith: That sounds awesome. That sounds like a panacea if you could make it so that the only you know sexual oh you know satisfaction you crave is is from your partner. But at what cost? like What's the downside here? Are you just constantly sexually frustrated unless you're pawing at your partner?
[00:47:17] Mike: Look, he's not. That's this isn't accurate. He's sort of. But OK, let's let's just ah suspend his belief and pretend that that's what he's that's what's going on. ah I think that. ah
[00:47:31] Ally: As he's saying he doesn't like read erotic stories or like listen to audio the way that our other friend of the po does.
[00:47:36] Mike: Nobody, no, no guys read erotic stories.
[00:47:37] Ally: like Well, if he's decided he's going to give it up, has he replaced it with anything or is he saying that like he either masturbates like purely blank mind or like thinking of his wife or nothing or like
[00:47:37] Keith: Well, let's argue by extremes here. let's yeah but
[00:47:51] Keith: let's Let's argue by extremes here.
[00:47:52] Mike: Good question.
[00:47:53] Keith: Let's say you um are forced to live in a cave and the only other creature in the cave is you know a person who's like a five or something.
[00:48:03] Ally: creature Okay.
[00:48:04] Keith: Do they? so ah Alexa thought creature was anyway. um no Well, no, I think the CR sounds like an X and in some mispronunciations.
[00:48:09] Ally: like Oh, your wake word is creature. That's good to know.
[00:48:15] Ally: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:48:16] Keith: Okay.
[00:48:16] Ally: Okay.
[00:48:17] Keith: would that With that, I've like slowly become more and more attractive over time.
[00:48:17] Ally: So there's another person in the game. yeah
[00:48:23] Keith: Like what's your intuition here?
[00:48:25] Mike: Yes, because of prison.
[00:48:28] Keith: ah Yeah. I mean, did can you expand on that a bit?
[00:48:30] Ally: Hmm.
[00:48:31] Keith: I know what you mean, but maybe the listeners.
[00:48:32] Mike: I mean, just guys in prison start blowing each other and, and they, they get various stuff.
[00:48:35] Keith: Yeah, and then it goes further.
[00:48:37] Ally: Hmm.
[00:48:38] Mike: I mean, there's some guys that'll just, I mean, probably most guys just, uh, tolerate it. Uh, but, um, you're going to wind up with various behaviors that wouldn't exist otherwise.
[00:48:46] Ally: Yeah, maybe. I mean, you will kind of like habituate to them. I guess it depends on like, do you like them as a person?
[00:48:53] Keith: Now we're back to this. Do I do i love this creature?
[00:48:58] Ally: Right. I mean, like, you're already being forced to live in this cave and you refer to them as a creature, like,
[00:49:05] Keith: Yeah.
[00:49:05] Ally: You know, there have been people that I've hated for years and years, and like, ah continued exposure to them has not made me feel like, oh, maybe they're kind of hot. Like, no, I still hate them. So I feel like it could.
[00:49:14] Keith: Yeah, but but that's because you had the, you were able to compare it to experiences with other people, right? In this situation, the only possible sexual stimulus you have is from this this person.
[00:49:20] Ally: Yeah. Hmm.
[00:49:28] Keith: And I wonder if, yeah, I wonder if that's like the panacea. Like if if you're not feeling as attracted to your partner anymore, can you basically put blinders on and reverse that trend?
[00:49:42] Ally: Yeah, I think so. I mean, that's kind of what Stockholm Syndrome was about, right?
[00:49:48] Keith: I don't think Stockholm Syndrome is necessarily sexual, although it can be.
[00:49:52] Ally: Okay.
[00:49:53] Mike: Halle, you generally, when in a relationship, do have the urge to fuck other people, right?
[00:49:59] Ally: um
[00:50:02] Mike: It's okay by you.
[00:50:02] Ally: Definitely not, yeah, definitely not early on. I would say, yeah, maybe around like year three or something, like,
[00:50:10] Keith: You're three damn the unit, the unit I would use there as weeks hours.
[00:50:13] Mike: That's pretty specific.
[00:50:14] Ally: But not like, yeah, well, hours.
[00:50:21] Mike: Okay. So when you're, you, you are in a new relationship right now. Is that right?
[00:50:25] Ally: Yeah, yeah.
[00:50:25] Mike: Okay. So right now you have an emotional desire to remain exclusive with, with this guy.
[00:50:27] Keith: Well, there's some other that are concerning.
[00:50:32] Ally: Yes, but as we've talked about before, there are sexual issues that make
[00:50:37] Mike: We're sure. Sure. So, so you would, so that could be enough to cause you to want to have sex with other people.
[00:50:45] Ally: Well, the sexual issues mean that like, yeah, I do think about, you know, having sex with someone who doesn't have those issues, but it's not like a specific someone. It's just like ambiguously like, you know, ah wouldn't it be great if like, yeah.
[00:50:55] Keith: right I mean, yeah, I think in your ideal world, it would be him with a more functioning anatomy.
[00:50:57] Mike: and no
[00:51:01] Ally: Yeah. Cause I mean, like you're talking about like, do you have the desire to have sex with like specific other people, right? Not just like, Oh, you know, would I theoretically enjoy sex right now? Like,
[00:51:14] Mike: Well, I mean, we've we've established that you're looking for a friend with benefits that can give you take you to pound town properly, which to me is sort of similar to a guy being interested in a hooter's waitress.
[00:51:20] Ally: Right, right.
[00:51:26] Mike: like intellectually it's sort of a similar itch that's being scratched.
[00:51:27] Ally: Yeah.
[00:51:30] Ally: But it's, it's like, it's focused on like a specific person. It's like you're at Hooters and you see a waitress, you're not just like thinking about like an archetypal Hooters waitress. Or is that what you mean? Like when you say that it takes you weeks to want to have sex with somebody else.
[00:51:42] Ally: Is it like a specific somebody else or no?
[00:51:44] Mike: No, it's just the desire for variety.
[00:51:45] Ally: Okay.
[00:51:47] Mike: is there something that Is there something this guy could do to sort of like stop you from wanting to get go to pound town like that?
[00:51:47] Keith: It's both.
[00:51:49] Ally: ah
[00:51:53] Mike: I mean, if he said he loved you, if he
[00:51:56] Ally: Well, he has said he loves me.
[00:51:56] Mike: ah
[00:51:57] Ally: And if he fixed his penis, that would help a lot.
[00:51:58] Mike: No.
[00:52:00] Ally: We have talked about um other like the we've talked about the device and some remedies, and like he's going to look into it. So it's possible that this will have a happy ending.
[00:52:07] Mike: Oh.
[00:52:10] Ally: But um I'm skeptical.
[00:52:11] Mike: They won't, but the who who said it's.
[00:52:14] Ally: It's been a year and a half. It's like probably not going to resolve.
[00:52:16] Keith: Well, yeah, but I think you've recently become more communicative about it.
[00:52:16] Ally: but
[00:52:20] Keith: and
[00:52:21] Ally: Yeah, and before, I guess he wasn't having sex with anywhere near enough regularity to like care, I guess?
[00:52:27] Mike: Wait, given this, for sure.
[00:52:27] Keith: Or maybe there's shame around it. There's other reasons he might have not been.
[00:52:29] Ally: and Oh, I'm sure, yeah. Yeah.
[00:52:32] Mike: Ali, given this a new relationship, can you tell us the story of the first I love you?
[00:52:39] Mike: Who said it first?
[00:52:40] Ally: like He said it first. We were at dinner. And he said, like I know it was the same kind of thing.
[00:52:43] Mike: Okay.
[00:52:44] Ally: It was like, I know this seems way too early. like you i I feel very strongly about you in a way that is like a little bit frightening. like I want to say this, you know that kind of thing.
[00:52:52] Mike: well How did you react?
[00:52:52] Keith: jesus
[00:52:54] Ally: I was happy about it.
[00:52:58] Keith: She excused herself to go vomit in the bathroom.
[00:52:58] Ally: I think I you know said I love you too. No, I said I love you too. It was noticeable you know that we would say things like, you know I like you so much.
[00:53:09] Ally: I really, really like you. you know like ah yeah but What's the point of that at that point?
[00:53:10] Keith: Yeah. I mean, this is, this is such a, I hate that dance when like, yeah, you're getting to the point where like, you're going to have to say, I love you, but, but before you've actually declared it.
[00:53:13] Ally: like
[00:53:22] Keith: Yeah. You like tell each other these platitudes of like, yeah, it's almost like it could slip out one day or like but love you when you're, you know,
[00:53:24] Ally: and
[00:53:27] Ally: Yeah.
[00:53:28] Mike: With the, way you you didn't find it.
[00:53:30] Ally: And it's like, why treat it so preciously? You know, like why, I don't know, why artificially elevate this?
[00:53:34] Mike: Well, he said he's almost, he said he's almost scared of the emotions.
[00:53:36] Keith: because it's so symbolic for women. Yeah.
[00:53:39] Ally: Yeah, well, that's him.
[00:53:39] Mike: Didn't that gross you out?
[00:53:40] Ally: I mean, does it curse me out? No, I think I deserve these emotions. I think I'm great.
[00:53:44] Keith: he was He was just, was just pouring it on.
[00:53:44] Ally: I think more people should be in love with me.
[00:53:47] Mike: Oh, you have high self-esteem.
[00:53:49] Ally: Yeah.
[00:53:50] Mike: Okay, what could we do to lower your self-esteem?
[00:53:52] Ally: I don't know.
[00:53:54] Mike: All right, I have to work on that.
[00:53:56] Keith: we like well we'll We'll brainstorm offline.
[00:53:59] Ally: Yeah, OK.
[00:53:59] Mike: Yeah. So you took that as you you thought, Oh, this, this makes sense.
[00:54:01] Keith: Yeah.
[00:54:03] Mike: This guy is feeling things for me that scare him.
[00:54:04] Ally: ah
[00:54:07] Ally: Yeah, basically. Whenever somebody says, you know, like, oh, you're so different from anybody else I've dated, like, you're way better than any other partner I've had, I'm like, yeah, obviously.
[00:54:09] Keith: I mean, Ali, in retrospect,
[00:54:16] Keith: do you have any do you have the There was a scene in Fleabag, I think it was, where her partner says to him, says to her, ah you're not like the other girls.
[00:54:18] Mike: Okay.
[00:54:21] Ally: ah hello
[00:54:28] Keith: You're you're really smart. And he's like iss both revealing like you know this enormous misogyny and saying something that's sort of obnoxious.
[00:54:35] Ally: Yeah.
[00:54:36] Keith: um
[00:54:36] Ally: Yeah.
[00:54:37] Mike: Well, and or it suggests he only dates stupid women.
[00:54:40] Ally: um Right, that would be my opinion, yeah.
[00:54:40] Keith: Yeah, like everything about that statement is bad. um And do you feel like, you know, for like the three days leading up to this fateful dinner where he professed his love that he was, you know, he's stealing himself to to do this?
[00:54:53] Mike: Agonizing. Yeah.
[00:54:56] Keith: Like, was was he nervous to do it? Like, like, what do you what is your theory of the case for what was going on in his head?
[00:55:02] Ally: Yeah, I think he was really debating, like, is this too early to say this?
[00:55:05] Keith: Huh.
[00:55:06] Mike: it didn't you didn't feel any sort of kind of sadness.
[00:55:10] Keith: Disgust.
[00:55:10] Mike: Well, I would feel discussed, but you didn't feel any sadness because, uh, it's because of the cock situation. It's just like, Oh man, this is so sad. Like you're Oh,
[00:55:22] Ally: i'm I'm sad about the cock situation, but i to me, that's not tied to whether or not I love him or whether or not he loves me.
[00:55:27] Keith: Yeah, you're excited that he feels.
[00:55:27] Mike: come on. I guess you could get him into cuckold fantasies. You could say, look, uh, buddy,
[00:55:35] Ally: Right. No, but again, going back to like my definition of love, where it can apply to friends and so on, like I could love him regardless of the cock situation. I am sad about the cock situation. like I see these as a different problem.
[00:55:45] Mike: No, he's okay. You don't, you don't interpret this love thing as him trying to lock you down as an exclusive sexual partner. You don't think that's part of it.
[00:55:54] Ally: Oh, that's absolutely part of it.
[00:55:54] Keith: Well, that's part of coupling generally as people try to impress each other until they commit to each other.
[00:55:56] Mike: Well, there you go.
[00:55:57] Ally: Yeah.
[00:56:01] Mike: Right. So he wants you not to have anything other than his sort of busted up.
[00:56:01] Ally: Yeah.
[00:56:06] Mike: I mean, it's it's like if you have an NFL team, like I would roof, I roof of the Bengals and everybody knows that like the quarterback like has some problem with his knee that he had repaired and blah, blah, blah, blah.
[00:56:12] Ally: um
[00:56:15] Ally: Yeah.
[00:56:15] Mike: It's like, yeah, I mean, wouldn't you, wouldn't you rather have like a fully functional person?
[00:56:20] Ally: Yeah. And I think that he should feel some sense of obligation to me to like fix it as much as he can. I think generally men should feel bad about their physical shortcomings and try to fix them.
[00:56:32] Ally: But a lot of men don't.
[00:56:33] Mike: And the fact that he doesn't. Yeah, that's troubling.
[00:56:35] Ally: A lot of men don't. Yeah.
[00:56:37] Keith: Yeah, I think there's, I think there's shame or something. There's like, uh, I dunno, it seems like it would benefit them to figure it out. Right.
[00:56:47] Ally: does. Yeah. But even guys who have you know like weird moles or guys who are overweight or something, like I never get the sense that men feel like this sense of obligation to fix it.
[00:57:00] Keith: Maybe their experience is that it doesn't matter as much as it does to women.
[00:57:01] Mike: Well, it's it's hard.
[00:57:04] Ally: Maybe. I mean, it absolutely matters. like I slept with a guy who had weird moles all over his torso, and I was like, why doesn't he get this fixed?
[00:57:07] Keith: It does.
[00:57:12] Keith: Well, he was already inside of you. I mean, he didn't need to turn the lights off.
[00:57:15] Mike: Right, he finished. Did you ask to get put in the doggy style position so you didn't have to look?
[00:57:21] Ally: No, actually that was a guy who, that was a guy who like, no, i i I don't remember exactly why, but that was a guy where like it was difficult for us to have sex because I just like couldn't get wet, which could have been because of the moles, honestly.
[00:57:35] Keith: Oh, wow.
[00:57:35] Ally: Like we only had sex twice or like tried to have sex twice. um
[00:57:41] Keith: Gosh, that's such an indictment.
[00:57:41] Mike: Have you ever had a,
[00:57:42] Keith: if like We talked about this a little bit in the loop conversation earlier, but it's really an indictment against yourself if you're having a reliable experience of women not being able able to get wet around you.
[00:57:44] Ally: No.
[00:57:53] Mike: I think it could be.
[00:57:53] Ally: And I would think that he would you know put two and two together. it's I mean, if there's something weird about your body that is only revealed when you're naked, A, I think you should like disclose it upfront to anyone you might get naked around.
[00:58:04] Keith: Oh, you've said this. You've said this like on five different podcasts. No, I haven't been here to argue with that.
[00:58:07] Ally: Yeah.
[00:58:08] Keith: No, you shouldn't.
[00:58:10] Mike: Hmm.
[00:58:10] Keith: You should absolutely keep that shit to yourself and not self-sabotage.
[00:58:10] Ally: I think that is selfish and makes it seem like you're going to hide other things in the future.
[00:58:14] Mike: Hmm.
[00:58:18] Keith: For sure, but got laid. Don't care, right? Like it's.
[00:58:22] Ally: Well, okay, like I mean, if you want to have some kind of ongoing relationship with someone, I think...
[00:58:25] Mike: Keith, what are you imagining they would hide? I mean, ah these moles are are hard to hide because it's visible. Are you thinking, uh, I'm not even sure what you.
[00:58:31] Ally: Well, they were hidden by a shirt.
[00:58:32] Keith: Yeah.
[00:58:32] Ally: They were just like on his torso, so I couldn't see them until he took his shirt off. like
[00:58:36] Keith: The classic one would be an STD or a small penis or a penis that has a bend in the middle, right?
[00:58:36] Mike: Hmm.
[00:58:42] Keith: Like and some sort of ah thing that makes you less sexually desirable.
[00:58:48] Mike: Hyperspermia.
[00:58:48] Keith: but Like why would you reveal that? Now ah to Ali's point, let's say you really,
[00:58:52] Ally: To demonstrate trust and like to demonstrate that you care about the other person's experience. like
[00:58:58] Keith: do you think, yeah, I mean,
[00:59:01] Mike: I think women men's prior is the women just don't like the woman's like most women aren't as horny as you Ali.
[00:59:08] Ally: Sure. i mean I think I don't necessarily want to get into this at this point in the podcast.
[00:59:09] Mike: So.
[00:59:13] Ally: like This does get back to the like lady boy issue. right like if you If they think that you're not gonna find out if they're post-op and they're like, I could pass, should they still tell you? I think they should still tell you.
[00:59:23] Keith: Well, that's different than having a thing that you definitely will discover. I don't know, like, is it true that, I mean, it you agree that if they reveal, for example, that they have moles all over their body, that they're probably less likely to get laid, right?
[00:59:40] Ally: Somewhat, yeah, but it's not like, I mean, I think that would just be like good preparation, you know?
[00:59:46] Mike: You would have said it was OK and you would have done it anyway, I bet.
[00:59:50] Ally: Yeah, and maybe maybe it wouldn't even have bothered me as much because it wouldn't have been a surprise.
[00:59:50] Keith: In that particular case, what if,
[00:59:55] Ally: you know like Maybe I would have mentally prepared myself and then been able to get wet.
[00:59:58] Mike: Hmm.
[00:59:59] Ally: like It could have worked out better.
[01:00:02] Keith: Maybe.
[01:00:02] Mike: You were afraid he like had leprosy or something.
[01:00:04] Keith: There's downside risk too though.
[01:00:06] Ally: I wasn't afraid of leprosy. I just thought they looked weird. I don't know. I didn't want to touch them. They weren't answerous moles, I don't think.
[01:00:13] Keith: Yeah.
[01:00:13] Mike: Have you Ali, have you had a sexual experience that was like unreservedly positive?
[01:00:16] Ally: but like
[01:00:19] Mike: You have, right? There was the guy that beat you up. You liked that.
[01:00:22] Ally: Yeah, yeah. um Yeah, I'm sure I have. ah Well, that, I mean, the guy who beat me up, that wasn't unreservedly positive because he had that hang up about vaginal penetration.
[01:00:32] Mike: Oh, right. He wouldn't penetrate your vagina because it was, he was afraid of the teeth inside or something with the swords.
[01:00:32] Ally: um
[01:00:37] Ally: Right, right, right, yeah. You know, my high school boyfriend was, I don't have any you know serious reservations about, yeah, I'm sure there have been a few.
[01:00:49] Mike: But it's not, it's rare.
[01:00:50] Ally: It's rare, yeah.
[01:00:52] Mike: You're still looking. She's still looking for that. Her Prince charming Prince charming with a belt.
[01:00:59] Ally: Right.
[01:01:01] Keith: Most of mine have been have been pretty good.
[01:01:04] Mike: Brass knuckles.
[01:01:04] Ally: Maybe your standards are lower.
[01:01:05] Keith: right anyway
[01:01:08] Keith: ah And on one aspect, they definitely are. But on another, they definitely aren't.
[01:01:13] Ally: yeah
[01:01:14] Keith: So ah anyway, all we'll leave it at that. That will do it for this episode of Your Mileage May Vary. You can send us feedback or questions to ymmvpod.gmail dot.com. We pay $10 for feedback. So again, that's ymmvpod.gmail dot.com.
[01:01:27] Keith: ah Thanks for listening, and we'll catch you next week on Your Mileage May Vary.

YMMVYour Mileage May Vary

Episode 182: The L Word, Period Masturbation, Eating Lube, Weak Erections, Climax Sounds, Heart Emojis

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