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Episode 190: 100 Man Marathon, Ball Stretchers, Hate-Sex Logistics, Masturbation Privacy, Amusement Park Shenanigans

Team YMMV | 12-16-2024 | 1:04:34

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Keith and Ally take the reins without Mike, but the lack of a third chair doesn’t stop them from diving headfirst into a bizarre mix of sex, relationships, and logistical puzzles. The duo kicks things off by discussing the viral story of Lily Phillips, a British OnlyFans model who attempted to set a world record by having sex with 100 men in one day. From red eyes to conveyor belts, they pick apart the mechanics, ethics, and deeply strange implications of a culture that produces such stunts—all while trying not to picture it too vividly.

They then tackle a question about a woman obsessed with her boyfriend’s testicles. Ally proposes space heaters and ball stretchers as solutions to optimize his "dangle," while Keith investigates the more esoteric paraphernalia of the internet's ball-stretching community. The pair debates whether the whole post might just be a ruse to start a niche fetish discussion, and by the end, neither of them is convinced it isn’t. Keith reluctantly closes his browser window, now resigned to weeks of targeted ads.

Later, they examine the case of a man convinced his girlfriend is intentionally destroying his belongings to incite rougher sex. Is she a strategic mastermind, or just tired of vanilla? The hosts offer advice -- kind of -— while reflecting on their own experiences of staying in relationships for all the wrong reasons.

Finally, Ally shares a dream involving Mike, an amusement park, and an audaciously inappropriate photo op, prompting a deep dive into ride-photo plausibility and whether Disney’s surveillance systems could catch a staged indecent act. The episode wraps with musings on awkward dating situations, misguided attempts at communication, and the ever-relevant question of how to properly introduce strap-ons into a relationship.

Episode Transcript

Transcript automatically generated by a robot. Apologies for any inaccuracies.

  • [00:00:01] Keith: Hello, and welcome to Your Mileage May Vary. We talk about sex and relationships with frankness that is often controversial, but mostly in good faith. I'm Keith, and today it's just me and Ally. Hi, Ally.
  • [00:00:11] Ally: Hey, I miss Mike already.
  • [00:00:13] Keith: Yeah, I think this might be the first episode ever of Your Mileage May Vary without Mike, but I can't remember if I hosted an episode by myself.
  • [00:00:24] Keith: I think I did with my ex-girlfriend at least once.
  • [00:00:27] Ally: Yeah, I remember that.
  • [00:00:29] Keith: Have we done one, Solo?
  • [00:00:30] Ally: No, I don't think so.
  • [00:00:31] Keith: Okay. All right. Well, here we go. Um, so there's been a news story this week, which I heard, I don't remember where I first heard it, but I saw Ben Shapiro did an episode on it today.
  • [00:00:34] Ally: and
  • [00:00:48] Keith: And so it must've hit mainstream, but it's about this ah only fans model named Lily Phillips. Have you heard this story?
  • [00:00:55] Ally: Yeah and I saw a video interview with her.
  • [00:00:58] Keith: Okay. Yeah. So my exposure to Lily Phillips first came, must've been a few months ago in, it was on Pornhub. She was in some video and she is British and pretty attractive and young. I think she's 23, but I think for only fans, she did this gimmick video where she attempted actually successfully.
  • [00:01:25] Keith: had sex with 100 men, and she did this in October, I believe. And there's been a video circulating around, I don't know why, but somebody interviewed her. Do you know what the the video of the interview of her, what what show was it?
  • [00:01:41] Ally: I don't even think it was a show. I think it was somebody who was with her, helping her with the 100 Men stunt and asking her questions about it because it seemed like it was right after, like her eyes were still red from what I later learned was getting cum in your eyes will make them red, which makes sense.
  • [00:01:47] Keith: Oh, gosh.
  • [00:01:56] Ally: um And she was just talking about how it made her feel sort of dissociated and bad in a way.
  • [00:01:56] Keith: Ah.
  • [00:02:02] Keith: Right. Yeah, I guess I'm now remembering, yeah, I believe they made a documentary about this and maybe the clip that started going around X and Truth and Blue Sky and TikTok and whatnot is from that documentary.
  • [00:02:04] Ally: know
  • [00:02:08] Ally: Yeah, yeah.
  • [00:02:16] Keith: But yeah, what I saw was She's talking about getting railed by 100 men, and the documentary interviewer asks her how she felt, and she's she's pretty bubbly generally, or at least her affect is fairly bubbly, and she starts sounding sort of chipper, but she pretty quickly breaks down and then starts crying, and that's the thing that's been making the rounds, because now everybody gets to commentate on, you know, what does it mean that there's this OnlyFans culture that
  • [00:02:42] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:02:47] Keith: would demand somebody having sex with a hundred people in one day. And yeah, what is, what does this all mean? So what, Oh, and bizarrely, she's apparently gonna go for, even though she was so distraught by this first 100, she's now gonna go for having a thousand men in one day. Did you hear about this?
  • [00:03:08] Ally: Yeah, that seems hard to pull off.
  • [00:03:13] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:03:13] Ally: Even just time-wise, how long does it take to switch out men? one i I presume they're not all on the same bed.
  • [00:03:20] Keith: Right.
  • [00:03:24] Ally: like One of them has to open the door. One of them has to you know pull his pants down or something. I don't know if she can do it, but I wasn't.
  • [00:03:30] Keith: My understanding is they have thought about the mechanics of it. They have something like a conveyor belt and I don't know if she's on it or the manner on it or how it works exactly, but the world's record is 919 in a 24 hour period.
  • [00:03:35] Ally: Oh, OK.
  • [00:03:39] Ally: yeah
  • [00:03:45] Keith: And that was set in Poland in 2004.
  • [00:03:45] Ally: Okay.
  • [00:03:49] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:03:49] Keith: um
  • [00:03:49] Ally: I think one of my exes went to college with a woman who did something like this back in the 90s, and it it may have just been blow jobs, but she like did some porn that was 100 guys in a row or something, or like maybe it was just 50 guys.
  • [00:04:03] Ally: um
  • [00:04:05] Keith: Would you expect there to be rigorous s STD testing before this?
  • [00:04:11] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:04:12] Keith: And is STD testing, uh, false, um, negative proof proof enough that, um, like if you, even if the false negative rate is 3%, if you have sex with a hundred or a thousand guys, right?
  • [00:04:24] Ally: Right. Yeah.
  • [00:04:30] Keith: You're basically guaranteed. to, uh, be exposed. So how does that maybe that maybe the false negative rates of all the different STDs that you could possibly get is low enough.
  • [00:04:44] Ally: Yeah, I don't know. I would expect her to be concerned about that also. I mean, they're using, they're using condoms, right? And they, she is maybe using something.
  • [00:04:52] Keith: Are they coming?
  • [00:04:54] Ally: Oh, what does it mean to have sex? I guess I assumed if it's just one insertion, maybe you can get through a thousand guys if they each get like, you know, literally just five seconds.
  • [00:04:57] Keith: Right.
  • [00:05:04] Ally: I assumed that to count, they would have to come.
  • [00:05:08] Keith: Well, and you mentioned the red eye.
  • [00:05:10] Ally: Yeah, I, right. I guess they can come. anywhere on her. I had heard that the explanation for her eyes being red was that when you get like 100 guys coming on your face, like enough of it gets in your eyes that it irritates them. but ah
  • [00:05:23] Keith: Yeah, maybe she was just crying.
  • [00:05:25] Ally: Yeah, it just seems implausible. So I mean, I was going to ask you with like, so I think, you know, the most recent of a sexual encounter that I've had back to back was like having sex. And I think this was like, you know, in grad school or sometime when I was dating a lot, like having sex with one guy one day, and then the next day having sex with a different guy.
  • [00:05:42] Ally: And even that seemed fairly close together.
  • [00:05:45] Keith: yeah
  • [00:05:48] Ally: So I was wondering, yeah, like do you feel like you would feel the way that she did after doing this?
  • [00:05:48] Keith: i
  • [00:05:52] Ally: And like how would you feel as one of the guys who is experiencing this? Does it seem like it would be dehumanizing on both ends?
  • [00:06:00] Keith: Yeah, I don't expect the men to feel dehumanized or badly. They know what they're getting going into this. They're not going they're not undergoing basically an ultramarathon of sex having like she is, right?
  • [00:06:12] Keith: They just show up.
  • [00:06:12] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:06:13] Keith: It's a bit weird. Somebody probably checks their ID. They have to like submit their STD test results.
  • [00:06:18] Ally: Yeah, yeah.
  • [00:06:18] Keith: They get like interviewed. there's the There's probably like a security person to make sure that, you know, because they can't possibly vet these men very well, so they need to
  • [00:06:24] Ally: Mm-hmm.
  • [00:06:30] Keith: um But for them, yeah, they just show up, they insert, and I'm not sure if they actually come or not. So if they are coming, like I bet they get, you know, five minutes and then they have to like shit or get off the pot.
  • [00:06:42] Ally: Yeah, okay.
  • [00:06:42] Keith: And if they're not, they're probably just penetrating her for 30 seconds or something and then ah told to take a hike.
  • [00:06:46] Ally: Hmm.
  • [00:06:48] Keith: And so, yeah, my expectation is the men, it's like a ah weird, but most largely forgettable experience. um
  • [00:06:56] Ally: Yeah. Would that be appealing to you to participate in?
  • [00:07:00] Keith: I don't think I could get over the disease risk.
  • [00:07:04] Ally: um Yeah.
  • [00:07:05] Keith: um If I could, I might do it just anthropologically. I might be interested in participating in such an experiment.
  • [00:07:12] Ally: Okay. Yeah. if If you were guaranteed to be number two or something, number three in line with the disease risk, feel low enough then?
  • [00:07:17] Keith: Right.
  • [00:07:20] Keith: Right. Yeah, I think I might. I mean, to what end, like it's, I'm not sure. I don't know. I mean, she is an attractive young lady, although I'm guessing it feels a bit perfunctory.
  • [00:07:34] Keith: Uh, but she's, she's not giving it her all.
  • [00:07:35] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:07:37] Keith: Although maybe if you're number two, but but she she's not worn out yet.
  • [00:07:40] Ally: No, she's probably like, you know, high energy wants to like get it over with really quickly for the first like hundred, you know, like if you lose time at the beginning, you can't make it up later.
  • [00:07:41] Keith: It's still the first inning.
  • [00:07:49] Keith: I do. suspect, especially for the thousand one that she can't be coming or sorry, they, the man is becoming, no, she's definitely not the man can't be right.
  • [00:07:57] Ally: No, no, no.
  • [00:08:02] Ally: Yeah, i' I'm just interested in like the logistics of this, but you know let's say that it like it's 1130 and she's reached the thousandth one. Is she going to spend 20 minutes with that guy because she has 20 minutes?
  • [00:08:10] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:08:14] Ally: Maybe.
  • [00:08:14] Keith: I don't know. I mean, 18 hours is like a thousand minutes. So that's one minute per dude. And that's if like, there's no, I mean, you know, the one has to like physically walk over to the table or the bed or whatever.
  • [00:08:20] Ally: um
  • [00:08:26] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:08:26] Keith: Like one minute is just, yeah, I don't know.
  • [00:08:32] Ally: Yeah, it does stretch the definition of what I guess I would consider having sex with someone.
  • [00:08:39] Keith: It must be like 10 strokes or something. they but Yeah, anyway, we can of take it as a follow-up item to figure out what they're counting as having had sex with, but yeah, it can't be orgasm.
  • [00:08:43] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:08:49] Keith: because Anyway, what I wanted to say though is that if it was to have an orgasm, that would be kind of a cool record to go for. because that takes some real endurance and like the woman can do things to like speed up the man's rise to orgasm.
  • [00:09:06] Keith: And so like the amount of men that she could do that for inside of a 24 hour period would be sort of interesting.
  • [00:09:06] Ally: Hmm.
  • [00:09:13] Keith: And you might imagine having a condom division and a no condom division, but you might also imagine not. I mean, the no condom division, or sorry, the condom division would have a bit of a disadvantage because men are not as sensitive and might take them longer to come.
  • [00:09:31] Keith: But the, yeah, if they're not wearing a condom, then, I mean, she gets sort of filled with a lot of semen. And so that might slow subsequent men down because of their disgust.
  • [00:09:44] Keith: And so, yeah, I'm not sure.
  • [00:09:46] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:09:47] Keith: I'm not actually sure. The mechanics of this are sort of interesting to ponder.
  • [00:09:50] Ally: Yeah, she has to take breaks at some point right to get squeegeed out or just to go to the bathroom. I mean, how is she going to pee during this time?
  • [00:09:58] Keith: ah That's actually a good point, right? Because like if you're trying to do a thousand men, like a seven minute break isn't really acceptable. you Maybe she could squirt as a way to evacuate her bladder.
  • [00:10:06] Ally: but Yeah. Right. Yeah, I think that. makes it slightly less appealing for the guys coming right after that who now have to.
  • [00:10:19] Keith: Well, they could um they could ask the men ah which ones are squirt fetish people.
  • [00:10:25] Ally: o
  • [00:10:25] Keith: and ah but sent Send in that cohort right after she's squirted or right when she's feeling like she needs to pee.
  • [00:10:26] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:10:33] Ally: Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Like, do you want to line them up in some way? Like, do you want to have ah a lot of variety in penis length or shape or have like all the big ones first and then like littler and littler ones as the day wears on.
  • [00:10:41] Keith: Right.
  • [00:10:47] Ally: That would be my assumption is that you want like micro penises at the end.
  • [00:10:49] Keith: That is probably what you want. Yeah, because it, I mean, it really has nothing to do with her pleasure. um And so you're just trying to minimize chafing or or um cervical damage or whatever.
  • [00:10:57] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:11:01] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:11:05] Ally: Yeah. You know who they should consult on this is Diddy.
  • [00:11:06] Keith: um
  • [00:11:10] Keith: I have not been following this story. So what is the deal? Like, what is he accused of?
  • [00:11:17] Ally: I'm not really sure either. I mean, yeah,
  • [00:11:19] Keith: He had sex parties or something with young people?
  • [00:11:23] Ally: I don't know what the actual charges are. My understanding is that he organized a lot of sex parties that used an incredible amount of baby oil and went on for a really long time and he videotaped them.
  • [00:11:31] Keith: Oh, right.
  • [00:11:32] Ally: But right, presumably there was somebody underage there or somebody who felt like they were being kept captive there against their will or some kind of sex trafficking thing.
  • [00:11:41] Keith: I see. Okay. And like, did Jay-Z get tied to that this week or something? So Jay-Z is accused.
  • [00:11:49] Ally: Jay-Z got accused of some form, I think, of statutory rape, or maybe just rape, rape. But I don't know if it was at a ditty party.
  • [00:11:55] Keith: Or both.
  • [00:11:57] Ally: and In fact, I think it wasn't at a ditty party, because it was just one person.
  • [00:11:59] Keith: Okay.
  • [00:12:01] Ally: And she like ran away to a gas station and called her dad.
  • [00:12:06] Keith: Hmm. Well, I mean, how else would she get home?
  • [00:12:11] Ally: I don't know. like Yeah, the subway, I guess.
  • [00:12:14] Keith: ah Driving, that's for sure.
  • [00:12:16] Ally: yeah
  • [00:12:16] Keith: oh Yeah, okay. um All right, well, we have our usual collection of sex topics. Are you satisfied with our Lily Phillips discussion?
  • [00:12:27] Ally: yes
  • [00:12:27] Keith: All right, me too.
  • [00:12:29] Ally: hu
  • [00:12:30] Keith: um All right, this person, is a young man, and he has a mother who is ah has some boundary issues.
  • [00:12:41] Keith: So he says, my mom doesn't know how to knock. She only does after she barges in. If I lock the door, she goes and opens the window, since we have a big window connecting both rooms.
  • [00:12:51] Ally: Yes, sure.
  • [00:12:51] Keith: His room's a repurposed balcony. If I manage to block the window, she opens the other door, the door that connected their room to the previous balcony. And I definitely don't have a way of blocking that door. The window and the other doors stayed to save money while they were repurposing the balcony into my room. We only have one bathroom at home, and every single time I use it, be it for peeing, taking a dump shower, and she always needs to use it, or conveniently and casually, my bathroom time coincides with her needing to smoke a cigarette, or two, or three, depending how much time I'm spending in the bathroom. She always smokes just outside the door and behind the elevated bathroom windows. The point is, making you aware she is there, doesn't matter what you're doing, it doesn't matter if she needs the bathroom or not.
  • [00:13:28] Keith: Should I masturbate at night? Ha. There was this time I was so desperate I stayed away till 3 AM. m Well, she heard the bathroom door and, like always, tries to open it by force but can't because, thankfully, there's a lock. She gasps. Sorry, I didn't know it was occupied. I'll wait. Starts to smoke until until I was finished. Then she goes for a room again without using the bathroom. Do ah do it in my night then? ah Do it in my room at night then? I tried. I can't get out of anxiety thanks to the giant window at the other door and anxiety of leaving a smell.
  • [00:13:58] Keith: She doesn't mean bad, but she literally, and I really mean it, doesn't understand boundaries, like mentally, physically, other. She doesn't understand it. My brother and I confronted her about it, and it's like talking to talking to a toddler in the sense that she can't grasp the concept. It's like she's missing the part of the brain that helps you understand boundaries. I know it probably doesn't exist, but bear with me. Masterbate freely and let her catch you? Boy, I did it twice. She just closed the door, went away all embarrassed, and came back without knocking, of course, to talk about something else. I confronted her, and she still doesn't understand.
  • [00:14:28] Keith: I ended up even more embarrassed. The second time I did it on purpose, confronted her again and she just laughed it off. Then she got mad because I was mad and and didn't understand why I was mad. I don't know what to do. um Okay, the first comment I think summarizes this. Her behavior is very strange. This isn't even about not respecting boundaries. She's clearly giving you no alone time on purpose. She either has some serious control issues going on or she wants to catch you masturbating, which is even worse and I hope that's not the case. Has she always been like this? All right, what?
  • [00:14:59] Keith: in the world is going on here. And the reason why I wanted to bring this up is, yeah, I wanted to talk about my experience when I was young and trying to masturbate or have sex.
  • [00:15:06] Ally: Oh, yeah. No, I mean, this is very weird. And probably she has some kind of intellectual disability because like I know that um you know very autistic kids will do this. you know They'll just like open any door and like any closed door. I guess you know it's kind of like ah the way that a cat gets upset when you close the door. like It kind of doesn't matter why you've closed the door. They just want like the door to be open.
  • [00:15:27] Ally: um
  • [00:15:27] Keith: Can't you explain to them, I mean, a cat doesn't have the ability to reason and even autistic people have, they can follow rule sets.
  • [00:15:35] Ally: I don't mean normal autistic people. I mean, like, you know, the the nonverbal, like, really disabled ones.
  • [00:15:37] Keith: Okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah.
  • [00:15:40] Ally: So, like, they're, I mean, you can't really. But I mean, the the obvious solution for this guy is just to move out. But failing that, maybe he can get one of those stick kind of door stops for the bathroom door so that at least he knows that she can't open it.
  • [00:15:52] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:15:54] Ally: And like, yeah, she's going to be upset. but she is being unreasonable in this situation. It's almost described like a Looney Tunes cartoon scenario where there are so many doors and windows around his home.
  • [00:16:05] Keith: He was like whack-a-mole with all the various ways to get into his room.
  • [00:16:08] Ally: i't Right. yeah
  • [00:16:11] Keith: Yeah. Yeah. My thought was exactly the same as yours. He could buy go to Home Depot and buy like a bolt and mount it on the door himself.
  • [00:16:17] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:16:19] Keith: But yeah, just something to jam it would would be fine too.
  • [00:16:19] Ally: yeah
  • [00:16:22] Keith: But my word, like I don't know. I don't have children. But if I did, I think like as soon as they turned 11 or whatever, I would tell them,
  • [00:16:36] Keith: I don't want to see you master... lick it I don't know exactly how I would say it, but yeah, I don't i don't think like leaving masturbation unspoken helps anything. um And like I'm sure my son would be embarrassed with me bringing it up, but it would be a greater good if they knew that like it was an okay thing to do and that I really did not want to catch them, so we should like work out a system.
  • [00:16:45] Ally: ah
  • [00:16:59] Keith: um But yeah, and I definitely wouldn't be barging in their room.
  • [00:17:01] Ally: ah Yeah, I think that would be very awkward.
  • [00:17:04] Keith: i mean
  • [00:17:05] Ally: yeah Yeah, they should just be allowed to have privacy, particularly in the bathroom. I mean, that's a very reasonable request. Even if you're not masturbating, you want to poop in private. You want to shower in private.
  • [00:17:15] Keith: Right.
  • [00:17:15] Ally: like
  • [00:17:16] Keith: Right. I think some children have drug problems. And um oftentimes when people develop drug problems, they pathologically lie all the time.
  • [00:17:27] Keith: And at some point, the bond of trust gets broken. And so then parents become like just totally boundary lists, like they're they're so terrified that they're going to miss something, that they feel like they need to surveil their child properly.
  • [00:17:39] Keith: But that doesn't sound like what's going on here.
  • [00:17:42] Ally: Mm-hm.
  • [00:17:43] Keith: And even in that case, it's not a good thing.
  • [00:17:46] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:17:49] Keith: but okay So when I was in high school, I had ah girlfriends. I had two. And the first one was ah significantly older than me. She was 19, and I was 16.
  • [00:18:05] Keith: and um She really wanted to have sex. And I i guess I did. um But where to go? She lived with her parents. I lived with my parents. You can't, we couldn't really get away with, like like our parents didn't let us have sleepovers. And at both of our houses, our parents wouldn't really let us go into our rooms and like close the door and have known safety for the amount of time it would take.
  • [00:18:33] Ally: Yeah, yeah.
  • [00:18:34] Keith: So did your parents let you do something? Would your parents have let you do something like that?
  • [00:18:39] Ally: No, no, no. I mean, my parents didn't even want me to be dating, so my high school boyfriend, who I had to keep secret, like we, I don't know,
  • [00:18:44] Keith: Okay.
  • [00:18:47] Keith: Even his existence.
  • [00:18:49] Ally: Yeah, like we we made out in the backseat of his car or like had various things approaching hand jobs, I guess.
  • [00:18:50] Keith: Okay.
  • [00:18:56] Ally: But his mom, so he had a single mom who worked and so we could arrange like right after school to go back to his house and his mom wouldn't be there.
  • [00:19:07] Ally: But we also didn't have sex um in that situation either, because we were both a little bit I don't know, we were the same age. We were both in high school. We were a little bit afraid, I guess, of having sex.
  • [00:19:18] Ally: so Yeah.
  • [00:19:19] Keith: Yeah, I was too.
  • [00:19:23] Keith: It seems silly now, but yeah, like I, it felt like a big deal, like to lose your virginity, like, Oh, that's like this big step.
  • [00:19:31] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:19:31] Keith: Um, and I'm sure I was insecure or didn't really know what to do. And so I probably had some anxiety.
  • [00:19:37] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:19:39] Keith: Did you have anxiety that like you wouldn't know what to do?
  • [00:19:42] Ally: Yes. And we in fact, googled how to have sex right before having sex for the first time freshman year and like found a few diagrams and we're like, yeah, that's what I thought too.
  • [00:19:47] Keith: No, you didn't. ah Google didn't exist. Wait.
  • [00:19:52] Keith: Wait, are you old enough that you could have Googled it? I wasn't. Google didn't exist but this in this time for me.
  • [00:19:56] Ally: I think I, yeah, I think we maybe but like a 2004 or five.
  • [00:20:00] Keith: Maybe you Alta-visted it.
  • [00:20:09] Keith: Yeah, I lost my virginity in 97 or 98 and it's definitely pre-Google. um And even if I, I mean, there was the internet at the time, the worldwide web, and there was like web crawler, I think was web crawler or lysos were like the top search engines at the time.
  • [00:20:26] Ally: um
  • [00:20:28] Keith: But yeah, like if if I were to Google. how to have, or if I were to search how to have sex, yeah, it just wouldn't work. There wouldn't be some guide that was like nicely written by like a child sex psychologist.
  • [00:20:41] Ally: Mm-hmm.
  • [00:20:41] Keith: Like you would find that, like, I'm sure you can find like really great guides now if you're like a 17 year old and confused ah that will like gently explain to you what you should do, but that definitely would not have existed then.
  • [00:20:48] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:20:51] Keith: So anyway, we just had to, or we, I had to fumble around and figure it out.
  • [00:20:56] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:20:57] Keith: um
  • [00:20:58] Ally: Neither of you had a car either. You could repurpose.
  • [00:21:00] Keith: Well, it was funny you should mention, yeah. So um with the first girl, we, at some point we got a hotel room and I couldn't because I didn't have a credit card um and we didn't know, like you could probably, now you could probably Google like hotels that take cash, but that wasn't really possible then. We would have had to like look up in the phone book and like call a bunch of hotels and find one that took cash.
  • [00:21:26] Ally: Hmm.
  • [00:21:26] Keith: And I think I probably would have found that shady anyway and not wanted to do that. Anyway, she somehow got us a so hotel room and it was in the middle of the day because like our whereabouts had to be explained at night.
  • [00:21:33] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:21:35] Keith: So yeah, we snuck off and and ah did that. And then yeah, my second girlfriend, Her mom, it was sort of similar, her mom would be away.
  • [00:21:46] Keith: And I think the first time we had sex was at her mom's house. and She had a single mom as well. And yeah, her mom came home during our first time.
  • [00:21:58] Keith: It was, I was mortified.
  • [00:21:58] Ally: Oh.
  • [00:22:01] Keith: ah We were upstairs and I think there was probably enough time. There was enough time for us to put our clothes on and everything, but I'm not sure her mom didn't suspect.
  • [00:22:12] Ally: Right, yeah.
  • [00:22:14] Keith: I mean, we would hang out upstairs when she would come and like just make out up there. And then, yeah. And then like the most mortifying time was we were in her car once. It was very cold and it was in like December and.
  • [00:22:35] Keith: Uh, we finished and, uh, I tried to throw the condom out the window, but it didn't, uh, it didn't clear the window. and like like Kind of like wrapped around and then like started dripping down outside.
  • [00:22:50] Keith: But it was so cold, so it's like freezing on her window. It was awful. i don't ah Yeah, I'm sorry, Nina. um I don't think she was impressed with ah that move, but what what could I do?
  • [00:23:09] Ally: I mean, it would just look like a bird and shit on her car, I think.
  • [00:23:09] Keith: um
  • [00:23:13] Ally: right
  • [00:23:14] Keith: Yeah, well, when it gets cold, there's just like frozen fluid everywhere, right? There's like washer fluid and there's like whatever the slu slurry that like the salt and dirt and whatever on the road is.
  • [00:23:23] Ally: Yeah, yeah.
  • [00:23:25] Keith: Like, I don't think it looked incriminating, but she and I both knew what it was.
  • [00:23:30] Ally: Right, yeah.
  • [00:23:31] Keith: So yeah. ah
  • [00:23:33] Ally: And then she has to scrape it off her car.
  • [00:23:35] Keith: Right.
  • [00:23:36] Ally: and
  • [00:23:37] Keith: Yeah. yeah Well, yeah you know, you have an ice scraper.
  • [00:23:39] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:23:40] Keith: I don't think that's the intended usage, but you know, it'll, it'll work in a pinch.
  • [00:23:44] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:23:45] Keith: Um, but yeah, like, yeah.
  • [00:23:45] Ally: I think it's awkward on all sides though, because like my ex had teenage kids and like one of them would bring his girlfriend over and sometimes like they would go in his room and close the door and like, it's also awkward from the parent or pseudo parent standpoint to be like, oh,
  • [00:24:00] Ally: Is this kid having sex in my house?
  • [00:24:04] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:24:04] Ally: Not that I don't want him to, but it's just like kind of gross. like know
  • [00:24:10] Keith: I think the right way to do this is to talk to your child about it. Like hopefully you have a functional enough relationship with your child or you can like bring it up. And if your kid wants to have sex, I'm not sure making it difficult for them to do so is a good strategy. Like that just seems like they're going to do it anyway. It's like making abortion illegal. It's not like you're going to stop abortions from happening. You're just going to make it so that they're unsafe.
  • [00:24:36] Keith: and
  • [00:24:36] Ally: Yeah, no, I just think that it's awkward, even if you're totally fine with it happening, just to know that somebody else is having sex like two doors down from you, I think it's awkward no matter who they are, even if it's like, you know, oh your parents having sex upstairs or like you're at a group house and your friends go take a nap.
  • [00:24:49] Keith: Yeah, it is awkward when I'm at group houses, like I go to somebody's ski cabin or something, or, you know, we get a Airbnb near a national park or something.
  • [00:24:50] Ally: It's awkward no matter what.
  • [00:25:02] Keith: I normally. Like if, if a couple disappears for like 45 minutes and they like come back and like, you know, the girl's face is a little bit flushed. ah but I will typically be like, Oh, did you guys have a good time back there? And because I feel like that actually makes it less awkward. And then they'll be like, uh, and then, yeah, I mean, they know they're busted so they can just make a joke about it and then everyone can be fine. But yeah, when it's like, when everyone's pretending like that's not what's going on at that, I feel like that.
  • [00:25:31] Keith: I don't know. Like, what's the benefit of of being secretive about it?
  • [00:25:39] Ally: I guess not having a situation like this kid is describing in this Reddit post where your mom comes to talk to you about an unrelated thing.
  • [00:25:44] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:25:48] Keith: I mean, I'm not interested in walking in on my friends um having afternoon sex.
  • [00:25:51] Ally: but
  • [00:25:54] Keith: i'm interested I'm interested in avoiding it and making it explicit that it's occurring makes it easier for me to avoid, I guess.
  • [00:26:01] Ally: Okay, yeah.
  • [00:26:03] Keith: um Anyway, alright, let's move on. ah This person says, I can't get enough of his balls. I love my boyfriend's balls, like to the point that if I masturbate and think about his balls rubbing over my vulva, I can get an orgasm super quick.
  • [00:26:18] Keith: Not that I don't like his dick, I love it, but it doesn't bring me the same excitement excitation level and I can't explain it. When I give him a blowjob, I always go lick his balls, etc. And I think we enjoy it both as much. Haha. We've been together for 15 years and he has been my only sex partner and he said he never encountered somebody like that likes balls as much as me, should I be worried? Anyways, my question is this. I always try to get them to tap against my vulva during doggy style. It happened once in 15 years and I can't make it happen again. It's like if his balls are too high, any tips. Cheers to balls and thank you for your advices.
  • [00:26:56] Keith: um I'm not sure exactly what she means by his balls rubbing over her vulva. What does vulva mean? That's like the outside of the vagina.
  • [00:27:09] Ally: Yeah. Yeah, I think I know what she means when she's talking about in doggy style that his balls are sort of swinging under and maybe tapping her clit or just like kind of the top part.
  • [00:27:23] Keith: Would it, let's say we were, let's say we were having missionary style sex. My balls could be hitting the bottom of your vaginal open opening. Would that be called the vulva?
  • [00:27:31] Ally: Yeah. Yeah, sure. I think the whole area generally.
  • [00:27:34] Keith: Okay. Okay. But, but, but I think what she means here is she likes it hitting her upper vulva, which is possible during doggy style in a way that it's not during missionary because your penis is upside down.
  • [00:27:43] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:27:46] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:27:48] Keith: um
  • [00:27:49] Ally: So how do you get balls to hang lower, like if it's warmer?
  • [00:27:52] Keith: Right. Yeah. So here's the problem.
  • [00:27:57] Keith: I think as men approach orgasm, I think their balls like retract a little bit. So definitely when you're cold, your balls get like sucked in.
  • [00:28:06] Ally: Mm-hmm.
  • [00:28:06] Keith: And when you're warm, your balls dangle further down. And I think that's what she wants. She wants the dangle.
  • [00:28:12] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:28:13] Keith: And probably the reason why it's only happened once in 15 years is one, she's probably not remembering properly, and two, normally when your balls are out free swinging, they're colder, but also I think they pull in a bit when you're building toward orgasm.
  • [00:28:29] Ally: Yeah, yeah.
  • [00:28:30] Keith: So there's a paradox here.
  • [00:28:33] Ally: Okay, so she needs to like keep all her clothes on or somehow be as unattractive to him during sex as possible and also make it really warm in the room.
  • [00:28:42] Keith: So i that that's definitely where my mind went.
  • [00:28:42] Ally: Put a space heater in there.
  • [00:28:47] Keith: ah In the comments, somebody says, You should look into ball stretchers. You can get them in silicone and they hold the balls down. Should make them swing more and can also make his orgasm intense. And then a person responds, this is what I was going to suggest. The idea of wearing ball stretchers or weights isn't for everyone. I didn't even know it was a thing until right now, but if he is willing to try it out, definitely will help his boys hang low. He goes on, I personally wear stainless steel magnetic ball weights.
  • [00:29:17] Keith: Magnetic. What did they, what is, okay.
  • [00:29:18] Ally: oh
  • [00:29:21] Keith: Let's just wildly speculate for a moment. What are ball stretchers? What, like, what, is it like a, yeah, he would know.
  • [00:29:27] Ally: This is where this is where I really miss Mike because I think Mike would have expertise.
  • [00:29:32] Keith: He would definitely know.
  • [00:29:33] Ally: I'm imagining it's like a cock ring, but it goes around your balls.
  • [00:29:38] Keith: Right. But then it has some weight, I guess.
  • [00:29:41] Ally: Yeah. Well, so it has to be somewhat elastic, I guess, so that it can go over the balls. But then if it's like a rubber band or something, and then it contracts sort of like above the balls like it and then just pushes them down because it is between the body and is you know preventing the balls from retracting back up, that would be my idea.
  • [00:29:59] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:30:03] Ally: I don't know why it has to be magnetic. I guess instead of being elastic, it could get around the balls by being like two pieces that then you magnetically like snap together above above the testicles.
  • [00:30:16] Keith: Okay.
  • [00:30:16] Ally: but
  • [00:30:17] Keith: I just sent you a link to one. What do you do? Have you clicked it?
  • [00:30:23] Ally: No, I'm on my work computer.
  • [00:30:25] Keith: Oh, I mean, it's an Amazon link.
  • [00:30:29] Ally: I can Google it on my phone. i mean yeah Did you just Google ball stretcher?
  • [00:30:30] Keith: There you go. it's important Yes, ball stretcher. um And the problem is this one I sent you comes with a weird um key wrench, and I wanted to and what did you to speculate what that key wrench does.
  • [00:30:46] Ally: ah keyren So it's like an Allen ring that I would guess it expands in it?
  • [00:30:46] Keith: Like, what?
  • [00:30:49] Keith: I think you could tighten it. Yeah, I think so too.
  • [00:30:53] Ally: Like a, like a ratchet mechanism?
  • [00:30:56] Keith: Yeah. Yeah.
  • [00:30:57] Ally: Wow.
  • [00:30:58] Keith: So these ball stretchers looks like you slide it over the tip of your penis, you slide it down to the base and then it sort of pins your balls down there.
  • [00:30:59] Ally: Like this? Yeah.
  • [00:31:07] Ally: I don't think the penis has to be involved, does it?
  • [00:31:10] Keith: I don't know. Looking at a, oh, this is master series ring, custom ball stretcher kit.
  • [00:31:20] Ally: Oh, no, I think these are just under the penis.
  • [00:31:20] Keith: Okay.
  • [00:31:22] Ally: I think they are going over the balls and up toward the body.
  • [00:31:27] Keith: yes
  • [00:31:28] Ally: I guess this is kind of what I envisioned. Do you think now, though, there's one that has spikes, do you think that seeing these, that this question was not in fact written by a woman and was actually written by a guy who has a ball stretching fetish, who just wanted to get a bunch of people talking about ball stretchers in the comments, because that's now 100% my hypothesis.
  • [00:31:35] Keith: Yes.
  • [00:31:48] Keith: Yeah, so Mike's opinion on everybody is that, yeah, they're always running some sort of farce. It could be. I suspect that this person just doesn't quite understand the feeling that she had against her vulva this one time, although she says she really likes sucking his balls.
  • [00:32:12] Keith: like It's just hard for me to imagine finding the feeling of of balls hitting your vulva being materially more arousing, but I just
  • [00:32:24] Ally: I think if this is real, which again, I have now assigned a 0% probability, I think it's that they're hitting her clit.
  • [00:32:28] Keith: Right.
  • [00:32:31] Ally: And she likes just the the kind of tapping against her clit. But I also have now found a picture of something called the Hell's Bucket parachute ball stretcher, which is like a little leather collar attached to a very cartoonish looking metal pail that you put weights in.
  • [00:32:48] Keith: i'm I'm searching. Is this on Amazon or is this on Google?
  • [00:32:52] Ally: This is on Dallas novelty. I was just looking at Google search results, but there are a variety of parachute-style ball stretchers.
  • [00:32:58] Keith: Okay, I found it. It's loading. Oh, my word. Okay. Okay, so I see the picture here.
  • [00:33:04] Ally: like I just like the cartoonish bucket. yeah
  • [00:33:08] Keith: What does this do? It pulls your balls down.
  • [00:33:15] Keith: Weigh down that ball sec, one pebble coin or drop of water at a time. So yeah, it's it's like a harness that goes around your scrotum and attached to this harness is a chain that leads down to a bucket and you can put whatever you want in the bucket to weigh down the bucket.
  • [00:33:32] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:33:34] Keith: To what end?
  • [00:33:34] Ally: It doesn't seem like you could have sex with this because the bucket is just open. The bucket is going to spill out.
  • [00:33:39] Keith: but He's going to slosh the water around or whatever sand, whatever weight you put in there.
  • [00:33:41] Ally: Yeah. yeah
  • [00:33:45] Keith: But why would you want, did you see the like,
  • [00:33:50] Keith: So they have the screenshots, right? And the one of the guys penis, they use like this blue magic marker to like, basically obscures penis.
  • [00:33:57] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:33:58] Keith: It just looks very, the whole thing is amateurish. It's on sale.
  • [00:34:01] Ally: yeah
  • [00:34:01] Keith: It's, uh, normally 4,699, but now it's 3,699. Like, why would you want your balls to be lower? Other than for this weird esoteric fetish this one woman seems to have.
  • [00:34:13] Ally: There's probably a compensatory fetish of guys who like the feeling of their balls being lightly tugged on and this just recreates that feeling the whole time.
  • [00:34:20] Keith: Okay. Okay.
  • [00:34:23] Ally: Do you enjoy having your balls lightly tugged on?
  • [00:34:26] Keith: I don't know. Partners always ask like, oh, do you like it when I play with your balls? Do you like it when I suck on your balls? It's like, not particularly, but I do like Like I do like that you're like eager to please and that you're like in the area and like the things that normally come after.
  • [00:34:47] Keith: So it's it's sort of like the amuse-bouche for, you know, what i but i what I do actually like. And so, you know, it's like somebody who's like, you know, kissing your stomach on the way to to going down on you or something.
  • [00:34:53] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:35:01] Keith: And I know you don't like when men go down on you, but hypothetically, if you did, that's like a normal thing that's done. And it's like, oh, do you like it when I kiss your stomach? It's like, well, I guess I don't dislike it or particularly like it.
  • [00:35:11] Ally: ah mean
  • [00:35:11] Keith: It's not really doing much for me, but it's whole, it's part of the whole, you know, show.
  • [00:35:15] Ally: Yeah. I think there are a lot of things like that, like people sticking their tongue in your ear or like sucking your finger or something. It's like, well, I don't like that just as it is, but I understand what you're implying by doing that.
  • [00:35:23] Keith: Right. Right, right. Yeah, there are these various sort of vestigial actions that aren't negative, but in isolation wouldn't really be possible.
  • [00:35:32] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:35:34] Keith: Okay, I'm closing this Hell's Bucket thing. I'm going to get all these ads on Instagram for the next month now for things.
  • [00:35:36] Ally: Oh, excellent.
  • [00:35:41] Keith: I've been cookies as a ball stretcher, ball sack stretcher.
  • [00:35:44] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:35:46] Keith: um Okay, let's move on. um Oh yeah, this one sounded, like something that a red-pilled man would imagine women do, but maybe they actually do it. All right. ah My girlfriend keeps trying to goad me into hate-fucking-her. We've been dating for several years now. We live together, too. We have, to have for the most part, a really good relationship. She's really attractive, and we both get on well. It's important that she's really attractive. That's going to come up again at the end.
  • [00:36:14] Keith: We used to pride ourselves on never having fights like other people when we first got together, but I think that got forgotten about after a while.
  • [00:36:22] Ally: Bye.
  • [00:36:22] Keith: We had a pretty big fight where we both weren't talking to each other for two days, and as we both felt, we were the one who wrote blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't really want to get into details here, but she definitely wasn't the wrong on this one, and I did want to back down, so yeah, it carried on a while.
  • [00:36:33] Keith: Somehow this turned into us having sex while we were still not talking, and I was still mad at her. So I was kind of taking it out on her a bit during during the sex, being rough, holding her hair and fucking her face, et cetera. We made up after this and forgot about the whole thing, but here's the issue. It's taken me nearly a year to figure this out, but since then we've been fighting all the time and it's always stuff she starts and it always turns into sex at the end.
  • [00:36:55] Keith: I think she's doing it on purpose. I wouldn't mind it as the sex is really hot, but I've not realized that she must have broken my computer on purpose and really hoping that that's not the case, but she scratched my car and now I'm paranoid that it's all because she just wants angry sex. I accused her of this and we fought over that instead. I just can't seem to find any way to solve this. It's like an argument inception. I am seriously considering breaking up with her, but at the same time, we have been together a long time and sorry if this is shallow, but she's really cute.
  • [00:37:25] Keith: And I'm not sure I'll be able to find another girl that cute. ah Yeah, they could have makeup sex, right?
  • [00:37:29] Ally: Well, one, if they break up, then they'll have amazing sex. Yeah. i
  • [00:37:37] Keith: What do you think about his hypothesis?
  • [00:37:39] Ally: It could be real. He should just try being more rough with her during sex. when he's not mad at her or when they haven't fought to break this weird loop.
  • [00:37:52] Keith: Right. Yeah. I mean, that's basically what the first commenter said. Have you considered just talking to her about it? You're thinking of breaking up anyway. Just ask her if she's starting fight on purpose to get refer sex. You don't need to say, did you break my computer on purpose?
  • [00:38:02] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:38:04] Keith: Just, just keep it in general fights. Could be she's too embarrassed to say she wants rougher sex.
  • [00:38:09] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:38:11] Keith: Either way, if you stay together, you both really need to work on communication. Yeah, I mean, it's like, he doesn't say his age, but I think we can assume it's late teens, early twenties. I do like that she scratched his car and now he thinks that he did that in order to have him pull her hair during sex.
  • [00:38:28] Ally: Yeah, it does seem like this girl doesn't actually like him. if She's willing to consider this strategy just to have slightly rougher sex.
  • [00:38:37] Keith: Right. Yeah, it is sort of incredible how some people really don't have even basic communication strategies. So like so many of these things on the sex subreddit and in life in general are just easily resolved by a conversation, but ah they yeah, they just don't have the tools to do it. And so, yeah, I don't know, but I could imagine
  • [00:39:10] Keith: I can imagine that his hypothesis is true. I sign it like 50% truthiness here.
  • [00:39:13] Ally: Yeah, I think they should break up because this isn't the kind of person that you're going to have a fulfilling relationship with. And he just now he just spends like half his time arguing with her and like wondering whether it's real or not. I mean,
  • [00:39:30] Ally: He could find somebody else cute who doesn't destroy his belongings.
  • [00:39:36] Keith: Yeah. Yeah. That seems like the right strategy. I have, I had some breakups in my twenties. I was dating this girl who was just, she was so attractive and I remember the relationship was awful. She was a, no, I'm not going to dox her here. Uh, but it was very hard to, it just wasn't a great relationship and I didn't wanna end it because I was so physically attracted to her.
  • [00:40:10] Keith: And when we broke up, I remember even in the moment I had this introspection, I was like, I'm not actually that upset about this breakup. I'm like worried that I'm not gonna be able to score somebody who's as hot as her.
  • [00:40:21] Keith: And so like, I kind of relate to this to this kid. I've since like discovered that that isn't an issue, but like you're you're attracted.
  • [00:40:29] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:40:33] Keith: yeah yeah You can find other attractive people and attractiveness isn't that important anyway. um
  • [00:40:39] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:40:41] Keith: But yeah, I i remember being like really worried that I needed to tolerate this because ah of the way she looked. That turns out to be a very bad strategy.
  • [00:40:50] Ally: I guess I've been in somewhat similar situations like that where I've stayed with guys because, you know, I liked aspects of them and sometimes that would include liking physical features of them. But I also really disliked aspects of them.
  • [00:41:08] Ally: And so could feel like, oh, you know, I don't love this guy anymore. Like I don't feel the kind of, you know, care for him that I should, you know, but hey I like some aspects of him, maybe including having sex with him. So I'm not going to break up with him and just hope that things get better. I don't think that's what this guy, I don't think that's the situation this guy is experiencing.
  • [00:41:33] Keith: No, I don't think so. What do you generally think your responsibility is once you've recognized that the person you're seeing is not someone you're going to marry?
  • [00:41:45] Keith: Do you feel like you're immediately obligated to break up with them as soon as you've decided that?
  • [00:41:50] Ally: No.
  • [00:41:51] Keith: Okay, like let's say
  • [00:41:52] Ally: Because I don't even know that I want to marry anyone ever. So like that applies to everyone I'm dating, I guess. Everyone I've ever dated.
  • [00:41:59] Keith: Yeah, but what magnitude of taking care of the other person do you need to engage in? Like, okay, let's say you've been on four dates with someone and you know this person really likes you and is beginning to really, really like you.
  • [00:42:12] Keith: and um Uh, you know that like, yeah, like they're just not that smart or they're and not compelling for various reasons, but you're sort of enjoying dating them. And, you know, if it were up to you, you might date them for a couple months before dropping them on ceremoniously. Is that ethically bad? Like what, what do you owe in like early dating situations to people?
  • [00:42:40] Ally: Well, I think if you had the conversation with them of like, hey, you're not that smart, but I sort of enjoy hanging out with you, hopefully they would.
  • [00:42:50] Keith: That conversation is going to go, is going to end in a breakup, right?
  • [00:42:54] Ally: Right, yeah, hopefully they would break up with you. You know, I guess the question is, if you don't tell them that you want to be exclusive, and if you continue treating it like a casual dating scenario, will they
  • [00:43:08] Keith: Stick around.
  • [00:43:08] Ally: just pick up on that anyway and kind of understand like, oh, he's not that into me. Like he doesn't even want me to be the only person that he's dating. So I think that's fine. Like, I think it's fine to casually date someone for a few months.
  • [00:43:22] Ally: um I guess the question for you is like, why do you enjoy those few months knowing that this person is sort of annoying in other ways?
  • [00:43:23] Keith: I don't Oh, because ah for me, I don't really, but ah for me, the downside risk of having to go around on a bunch of you know first and second dates with people that are even lamer is sort of daunting.
  • [00:43:47] Keith: like Once I found someone that I can hang out with and whose company I can tolerate, like why not just, uh, like, yeah, like what obligation do you have to that person?
  • [00:44:00] Ally: Yeah. Well, if you think about it as like, oh, sometimes people, you know, spend the summer in another country and maybe they date someone while they're there and they kind of both understand like it's not.
  • [00:44:11] Ally: a forever thing. It's like a summer thing. I don't think that's unethical.
  • [00:44:15] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:44:17] Ally: So I think you're fine as long as you're not saying things like that you want to be exclusive or that you want to meet her parents or that you know you want to say, I love you or something, as long as you keep it um casual in other ways.
  • [00:44:31] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:44:31] Ally: It's fine that you like foresee the end of it.
  • [00:44:36] Keith: Okay. So it's the, it's if i if you mislead them into thinking it's more serious.
  • [00:44:45] Ally: yeah
  • [00:44:46] Keith: But oftentimes you have to do that um just to keep moving the ball, even sideways on the pitch.
  • [00:45:00] Keith: Yeah. I don't know. I think that's sort of a tricky thing. Do you think that women engage in that kind of behavior? Like my guess, and I'm sure Mike would think this, that women will end things as soon as they've figured out that somebody's not romantically viable.
  • [00:45:19] Ally: No, I don't think so.
  • [00:45:21] Keith: Do you agree that that's what Mike would think?
  • [00:45:21] Ally: The the scenario. Oh, yeah that's what Mike would think women should do. I don't know if Mike thinks that women actually in all cases do that.
  • [00:45:26] Keith: Yeah. Yeah.
  • [00:45:29] Ally: But the scenario that I have in mind, which I guess is like somebody is in college and they're spending a summer, you know, abroad in Germany or something and they like kind of hook up with someone repeatedly while they're in Germany.
  • [00:45:29] Keith: Fair point.
  • [00:45:35] Keith: and Yeah.
  • [00:45:39] Ally: And in my mind, neither of them expects that either you know one of them is going to move to another country or this is going to continue long distance. when they're an ocean apart. I don't think that's unethical. And I think that that could be viewed in the same way from the man and the woman as a summer fling, a fun experience, not as serious.
  • [00:46:04] Keith: Yeah. Yeah, but in that situation, it's obvious at the start that there's no long-term thing.
  • [00:46:12] Ally: Yeah. Yeah.
  • [00:46:14] Keith: Like I think the problem is like, let's say I meet some girl on Bumble and she's 38.
  • [00:46:19] Ally: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
  • [00:46:22] Keith: And, you know, we've been on four or five dates. Let's stipulate for the sake of this conversation. We've had sex and, um you know, and then she invites me to go wine tasting with, you know, her girlfriends and her girlfriend's partners.
  • [00:46:43] Keith: Like, at that point, it's like, ah, okay, she has decided that I am her boyfriend. And, you know, she wants me to meet her friends, like she's including me in this thing that's like, you know, ah sort of in her circle.
  • [00:46:59] Ally: yeah yeah
  • [00:46:59] Keith: Am I obligated at that point to say, like well, I'll go, but just so you know, um I was really disappointed about your answer on ah effective of altruism.
  • [00:47:11] Keith: um And you know i just don't I don't see this going anywhere. um Or do I be like, oh, that sounds like fun. I'd love to go. like am i ah like I know what she thinks the relationship is at this point.
  • [00:47:22] Ally: Yeah,
  • [00:47:25] Keith: right ah
  • [00:47:27] Ally: yeah.
  • [00:47:28] Keith: Do I need to make sure she knows what I think?
  • [00:47:34] Ally: You could, so I don't think you are, if she's just invited you, I don't think you're obligated to decline out of some sense of like preserving her dignity toward her friends.
  • [00:47:46] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:47:47] Ally: This might be something that she does a lot. Maybe her friends meet everybody she dates.
  • [00:47:51] Keith: Could be.
  • [00:47:51] Ally: um You could say, You know, hey, like, are you sure you want me to come? It sounds like everybody else is bringing their husband and I'm, you know, just some guy that you've been on three dates.
  • [00:48:00] Keith: Right.
  • [00:48:02] Ally: You know, like you could somehow communicate to her the way that you're seeing the situation. I did have a date with a guy once where for our first date, he was like, meet me in Golden Gate Park.
  • [00:48:12] Ally: Like my friends are all having a birthday party for this other friend. And and so I met all of his friends immediately. This was like our first date and that we only went on, I think three dates total.
  • [00:48:21] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:48:23] Ally: But that didn't seem that awkward either, because it seemed like he was just the kind of guy who would do that, who would invite a new person to a gathering and be like, hey, this is Ally.
  • [00:48:30] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:48:31] Ally: She seemed cool. Meet all my friends.
  • [00:48:34] Keith: I had a, I had a girlfriend in my twenties and, uh, we met at a bar, but for our first official date, she invited me to, I think it was her brother's birthday.
  • [00:48:49] Keith: And ah her sister was there, and her dad was there. And it's like, um it was fine, but like, um you know, ah ah yeah, a little bit, it felt a little early.
  • [00:49:06] Keith: But yeah, i she is was just, um I think, excited to see me again, and it didn't occur to her that that was like some sort of symbolic thing.
  • [00:49:07] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:49:17] Ally: Yeah, if anything, that just tells you about her and tells you that either
  • [00:49:17] Keith: um
  • [00:49:21] Ally: she's very desperate or she has dated so many people that it no longer even registers to her that like meeting your family is a step of any kind.
  • [00:49:27] Keith: Right.
  • [00:49:31] Keith: Yeah. Yeah. I went on a few dates um with a girl last year or two years ago, and she lived in my neighborhood, but she lived with ah her moms. She had ah lesbian parents and
  • [00:49:46] Keith: She mentioned, we we had gotten lunch together and for some reason we needed to like swing by her apartment to pick something up. I don't remember what it was or why, um but she mentioned that um her moms had been out of town, but they were they were home and I was like, oh, well, is your mom going to be there? And she's like, no, no, no, no, don't worry. Of course not. Anyway, we got there and her mom was there and I mean, there were a few problems.
  • [00:50:14] Keith: The first is this girl was like 20 years younger than me. And so, you know, I think the mom was five years older than me. um And then there's the like, ah so like, you know, the mom's not impressed with me in any way.
  • [00:50:30] Keith: um And then, yeah, like, what am I even supposed to say? Like, that's just such a, there's no way if there was a non-zero percent chance of my mom being anywhere that I would bring someone that I'd been on like three dates with.
  • [00:50:39] Ally: Mmhmm. Mmhmm.
  • [00:50:44] Ally: Yeah, yeah.
  • [00:50:44] Keith: like and Like I would just like never even risk that. And so I was like wondering why did this person do that? Like she must have known that there was a non-zero risk. So like what was her reason for doing that? Maybe she was trying to piss her mom off.
  • [00:51:00] Ally: Yeah, maybe, maybe she has a lot of, yeah.
  • [00:51:02] Keith: Her relationship with her mom was really healthy. they They like hugged and she was, you know, it seemed, didn't seem like that's what was going on.
  • [00:51:10] Ally: I guess my assumption would be that she just dates so many people or maybe just has so many friends and acquaintances that she brings over kind of at the drop of a hat that it doesn't even seem weird anymore because she just does this with everyone.
  • [00:51:25] Keith: yeah
  • [00:51:25] Ally: There are some people I think when they meet a new person, they kind of just immediately incorporate them into their life at the same level of intimacy as sort of all of their other friends.
  • [00:51:37] Ally: And I don't know if that's a personality disorder or what, but um yeah, it it could be that she just sees anyone who she is the least bit comfortable with as having access to sort of all of these parts of her life.
  • [00:51:48] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:51:54] Keith: Yeah. I guess that's right. I don't know. I didn't like it.
  • [00:52:02] Keith: I felt like embarrassed. I felt like the mom felt a bit embarrassed. Like she didn't know what to say to me either. Um, but yeah, anyway.
  • [00:52:08] Ally: yeah yeah
  • [00:52:12] Keith: All right, let's move on. ah This person says, how do I explain to my girlfriend that I don't miss having sex with a penis? These are two lesbians. We are a cis lesbian couple and we have been together for a couple of years. We live together and we love each other very much. Sex is good, but it's mostly the same. We use our hands in oral. Before our relationship, I did have sex with cis men.
  • [00:52:33] Keith: This was six plus years ago when she knows I now only want to be with her.
  • [00:52:33] Ally: Yeah, yeah.
  • [00:52:36] Keith: She has only been with cis women. I've always had a curiosity for strap-ons and dildos, but I've never tried them, so I don't even know how I feel about them. I just know I want to use them with her. The difficulty is that my girlfriends my girlfriend thinks I want to use a strap-on because I used to have sex with cis men.
  • [00:52:52] Keith: I've tried suggesting to look into it a few times, but she doesn't seem enthusiastic about it. One time she did say she maybe wanted to try it, but I will have to convince her. I really want to try some new things in the relationship, but convincing someone to do something sexual sounds wrong to me. The cost is also a big thing. It's a lot of money to just try and maybe use again. Geez. Are there people that had doubts about things like this that are now into it? How do I talk to her about this? I can imagine if my
  • [00:53:25] Keith: I don't know, it's strange that she wants to, I think she want i think this the narrator wants to use the strap-on, which is different than missing a penis.
  • [00:53:35] Keith: Like if you were missing the um the man's touch, you would think you wanted to receive from a strap-on, right?
  • [00:53:40] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:53:41] Keith: that would That would be more threatening to me if I were a lesbian.
  • [00:53:44] Ally: Yeah. There are dildos that don't look like penises. You know, they obviously have to kind of look like penises, but they maybe look more like a vibrator, you know, like the the traditional like Hitachi vibrator, or they look more like a vegetable or something, you know, than a penis. So she could try to get something that is less obviously penis shaped.
  • [00:54:09] Keith: Don't you think that a dildo, regardless, sort of is evocative of a man?
  • [00:54:22] Ally: Well, yeah, but I mean, I've seen ones that are shaped like, you know, like a dolphin or something where it's like, it's obviously not supposed to be a penis. Like, it is sort of penis-shaped, yes, but like...
  • [00:54:31] Keith: But if you like being penetrated by I don't know. It's hard for me to separate enjoying being penetrated by something from potentially enjoying being penetrated by a man. But I guess some lesbians are actually able to separate that and aren't secretly wanting men. They just want to be penetrated by something from a woman.
  • [00:54:59] Ally: Yeah, maybe there's one that's shaped like a little fist.
  • [00:55:00] Keith: But you see why that's a little bit of a
  • [00:55:03] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:55:03] Keith: Sure, you can do various things to make it less man-like, but i can um imagine I can see why somebody might be a little bit concerned that this is part of a bigger ah ah bigger problem.
  • [00:55:15] Ally: Right. Yeah, i I don't think the concern is misplaced, but there's some level of biology where like it does kind of make sense that like even just the way that the clitoris is shaped, the internal part of the clitoris, like there are lobes of the clitoris that extend down like along kind of the inner walls of the vaginal canal, right?
  • [00:55:42] Keith: Right.
  • [00:55:42] Ally: So it it makes sense why having something in there would give you sexual pleasure just biologically.
  • [00:55:42] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:55:47] Ally: So I don't think that she should be that concerned that that means she's not fully a lesbian.
  • [00:55:54] Keith: Yeah. I guess. Look, I really, really, really don't understand homosexuality because I. I think it's a spectrum and I think I'm pretty slammed up against several standard deviations out on the heterosexual side. And so it's hard for me to imagine not wanting the sexual apparatus that women have. The sexual apparatus that women have would seem to maximize my physical pleasure.
  • [00:56:29] Keith: And so, yeah, like if I were a lesbian woman or a gay man, I'm basically sort of conceding that the thing that I'm sexually attracted to doesn't have the ideal apparatus for um sexually pleasing me. And that just seems like tricky. um And then, yeah, like if my partner was like, well,
  • [00:56:51] Keith: I really wish you had this different apparatus. I would be like, okay, maybe that's it, but are you sure you're not like actually craving somewhat of the other sex? Like, I don't know. Like I guess it's possible that all they want is for me to have a vagina.
  • [00:57:06] Ally: um
  • [00:57:06] Keith: Um, but you know, I don't know. It's tricky.
  • [00:57:12] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:57:16] Keith: I don't know.
  • [00:57:16] Ally: I think, right, maybe an actual lesbian would have better insight here.
  • [00:57:17] Keith: Go ahead.
  • [00:57:20] Ally: um Presumably, this is why lesbians get into fisting.
  • [00:57:22] Keith: But you'd see that the contradiction, right? ah the like The paradox here, which is like, okay, I'm gay. I want like this like feeling. like Why?
  • [00:57:36] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:57:37] Keith: It makes sense to me to want a vagina.
  • [00:57:37] Ally: Yeah.
  • [00:57:39] Keith: Like I can see like being gay and wanting a vagina, but that isn't gay. So now it's like I'm gay and I want something like like a fleshlight from my partner. Like, i don't I don't know.
  • [00:57:50] Keith: The whole thing is sort of confusing here. And I could understand why if my partner was suddenly like, oh, I just wish you had like the genitalia of the sex that you aren't, that I would feel a bit threatened.
  • [00:57:54] Ally: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah
  • [00:58:04] Keith: Um, I can, I can imagine there's some like narrow path where they could be like, well, you're right. I wish that you had some sort of, um, uh, appendage that you could penetrate me with.
  • [00:58:18] Keith: Uh, and I'm sorry that you don't, but I, I really don't want men. It's like, I don't know. It's like a hard, yeah,
  • [00:58:28] Ally: Yeah. There's really no analogy because men have assholes.
  • [00:58:28] Keith: I don't know.
  • [00:58:32] Ally: So like you always have something that approximates like a tube that you can stick your dick in.
  • [00:58:35] Keith: no I don't think it approximates it very well.
  • [00:58:39] Ally: Yeah. Okay. Well then maybe that's the analogy where like a guy really doesn't want to have anal sex and his partner's like, Oh, but I really liked that feeling.
  • [00:58:40] Keith: ah so
  • [00:58:46] Ally: and He's like too bad. I don't know.
  • [00:58:48] Keith: Yeah. um um a list Yeah, we should.
  • [00:58:53] Ally: We should ask Mike. The one thing that I wanted to bring up that we can talk about with Mike next time, because I want his opinion on this and I know he's going to listen to this, is so I had a dream ah that was sexually adjacent that didn't involve actually having sex.
  • [00:58:57] Keith: Yeah.
  • [00:59:05] Ally: But the dream was that Mike and Keith and I were at an amusement park and Mike wanted to see how many rides we could go on where he would pretend to be fingering me at the point in time in the ride where they take a picture and to see if we would get kicked out.
  • [00:59:20] Ally: And obviously I objected to this, not because I didn't want us to get kicked out, but because I was like, I don't want you to do this to me regardless. um But I think that Mike would find this an interesting scenario.
  • [00:59:33] Ally: And that my hypothesis is that dream Mike was right and that we wouldn't get kicked out for doing this, but they don't want to test it.
  • [00:59:33] Keith: Yeah. ah
  • [00:59:39] Keith: I mean, they didn't kick. Wait, did they kick? um Who was it? laura Lauren Boebert out of that theater where she was giving her partner a hand job?
  • [00:59:49] Ally: They did. But she was also being loud and and disruptive to other patrons, I think.
  • [00:59:50] Keith: Okay.
  • [00:59:55] Keith: So she might've gotten away with the hand job.
  • [00:59:57] Ally: Yes.
  • [00:59:58] Keith: It was the it was the disruptive shouting that hit her in.
  • [01:00:01] Ally: I think so. Yeah, yeah.
  • [01:00:02] Keith: Okay. Okay. Yeah. I mean, so that would seem to support your theory that you could now. Yeah. I wonder if you do something on those, um, yeah, you know, you're on like space mountain and they take a picture of you.
  • [01:00:16] Ally: Yeah, yeah.
  • [01:00:16] Keith: Do you think they do some some sort of image recognition? Like is, is there like a Nazi sign you can do with your hands? Not really, or not that I know of.
  • [01:00:24] Ally: Um, I guess you could do that white power, okay, symbol that people have sort of co-opted.
  • [01:00:29] Keith: Yeah, yeah, I don't like that.
  • [01:00:31] Ally: I don't think there is image recognition for that. I think, I mean, there is somebody in the booth who's like reviewing the images. So I think if they saw that you actually took your dick out or something, they would delete that picture, but I don't think it's automated.
  • [01:00:42] Keith: I'm sure, I'm sure girls flash the camera.
  • [01:00:46] Ally: Yeah.
  • [01:00:48] Keith: So do you think that they, yeah, they have image recognition or do you think that they screen it out?
  • [01:00:52] Ally: No, I think it's just the the teen working in the booth who prints out the pictures for you, who deletes those.
  • [01:00:58] Keith: Yeah, atney at Disney, it's done automatically.
  • [01:00:59] Ally: but
  • [01:01:02] Keith: There's actually, it's amazing that that there's an app on your phone and whenever you get off a ride, like 60 seconds later, you get a notification. It's like, oh, here's your picture. And then you can.
  • [01:01:11] Ally: Oh, okay. I haven't been obviously to an amusement park in a long time. Okay. If if they're doing it like that, then maybe there is automated image recognition. and My hypothesis though, is that like a guy pretending to finger a girl doesn't involve any nudity and has enough plausible deniability that they wouldn't actually object to that or maybe even pick up on it.
  • [01:01:23] Keith: Right.
  • [01:01:29] Keith: Is he above the pants or below the pants? I mean, if his hand's in your pants, that's a little bit hard to explain.
  • [01:01:35] Ally: In the dream, I was wearing like a dress or a skirt or something. So he was just gonna stick his hand up under the dress.
  • [01:01:38] Keith: ah
  • [01:01:41] Keith: Okay. Yeah, I think that could be plausibly done at least on several rides.
  • [01:01:46] Ally: ah
  • [01:01:47] Keith: You might get unlucky, but yeah, I would expect that every time you have like a 90% chance of success.
  • [01:01:54] Ally: Yeah.
  • [01:01:54] Keith: so So the meantime before failure would be around four or five.
  • [01:01:58] Ally: Yeah, yeah.
  • [01:02:01] Keith: Okay.
  • [01:02:01] Ally: I don't want to actually do this, but as a dream hypothesis.
  • [01:02:01] Keith: Well, we'll get his.
  • [01:02:04] Keith: That dream is so on the nose. like Sometimes you need like a clinical psychologist to help you interpret your dreams. That one needs no interpretation. Anyway, that will do it for this episode of Your Mileage May Vary. You can send us feedback or questions to ymmvpod at gmail dot.com. That's ymmvpod at gmail dot.com. We pay $10 for any and all feedback. And if you ask us a question, let us know whether you want us to use your name on the air. Thanks for listening, and we will catch you next time on Your Mileage May Vary.