Your Mileage May Vary: Online Dating Photos, Cameltoe, Seven Consecutive Nuts, Female Orgasms

Episode Transcript

Transcript automatically generated by a robot. Apologies for any inaccuracies.

[00:00] Keith & Alyssa: Hello and welcome to your mileage may vary. We talk about sex and relationships with frankness that is controversial but usually in good faith I am Keith my co-host is usually Mike but he is unavailable for some reason I can't remember so I've conscripted my girlfriend again to help out hi Alissa hi welcome back. Thanks for having me back I'm a glutton for punishment. Ah I feel like we didn't well I know we didn't listen to our last episode together because I thought the audio quality was like intolerably bad. It was pretty bad. Yeah you sounded fine I was just kind of quiet. So yeah I don't know if we said anything you didn't seem as. Angsty or anxious about things you said in that episode. No I think I did enough ah house cleaning I hope you haven't heard it. So um I know what? Mike and I usually do but I haven't quite figured out what our shtick is yet our shtick. Yeah on this podcast. Like ah, no like our shtick like the thing that we do pretend like we're in overlship trying I try and consign people into a threesome with us I think today we'll talk about online dating a bit first. And then I have a few sex related topics. We've talked about lately like while walking around Europe and I have some questions from listeners in Reddit. So I guess that'll be our program today and yeah, hopefully the audio is better than last time I spent some time dicking around with the mic and we.
[01:34] Keith & Alyssa: Did Mike Checks so hopefully hopefully we have distor it if not, we'll listen to it later and spiral about it right? There's also the like Ac in our hotel room to contend with but it's ° outside so I'm afraid turning it off will be worse than whatever oh we can make a game out of it like who's going to pass out first in the heat. Yeah. It is brutally hot. Also we're in Serbia and the hotel wi-fi is unreliable. So I'm tethering through my phone which may or may not work. But I guess if it doesn't work the listeners one knows so okay, you suggested that we talk about online dating photo. Cliches and you had like a whole list I just think online dating photo cliches or common online dating photos and what do we think that they say about people. Okay because I think generally it's a lot of a sleu like the same 10 at least from my end and then I'm really interested and curious to see from the male perspective like what are. Like the most common threads that you see from like the for like on female sides and like what do you think it says about them. Yes I mean I definitely see the same things over and over and over I don't know I haven't compiled the great list I but I have a lame list but I know that much time because. It's okay I have I have a blameless too. It's I didn't think but I kindt think of anything clever so I just thought of like the top 5 things that just kind of irk me. Okay, we have to try to like okay imbue this with funnierness. Okay, okay, you go first? Okay, so number one I'm looking at my ah like my my notes and my phone holding a fish.
[03:06] Keith & Alyssa: Yeah, why is this so common. Okay I don't think it's that common. Okay have you swiped through the males like in the male tinder no or by a male hinge I am aware that this is like the number one most commonly complained about right thing that men post. And their online and profile. It's like a picture them holding a fish. But if you're a dude who likes fishing and that's like a thing about you're probably pretty proud about that time you caught the medium size one you I mean. But like how many people like there so we live in the bay area I mean are there lots of people doing this in the bay area. Not so much in the bay area but generally anything outside of you know San Francisco if you kind of go out to like Bayview and you keep kind of going south or north yeah, the amount of fish photos they increase. You just go ten miles out of the city it increases and it's so common I almost feel like some people do it ironically and you can almost tell when people do it to be funny and I kind of like that. How could they indicate using photos only in their subsequent nonfish photos that the fish photo was ironic I don't know like maybe if there weren't overalls with like. No certainty then you're and like they're just it something funny where you're like okay they're obviously doing this as satire if they were wearing a maga hat. Would you think it was more likely to be ironic or more likely to be real.
[04:32] Keith & Alyssa: More likely to be real because I'm already forming a stereotype in my head where I already see the fish photo. But if someone's able to pull off that much irony in a photo alone. They're going to be really funny and i' swipe right? But that's a very talented very rare wearing a maga hat in the bay area on your in your online dating? Oh yeah, is. And no, it's ah it's ah it's a it's a nono. It's ah it's like it's like the the syphilis of like by the way I've got aa. Okay, do what? Okay, what's your next one I feel like you have more than me so we maybe we'll do two I got to know? Yeah, well there're always that's all about animals I realize okay, all fine I won I have one I have 1 ah there's like this yoga pose where what is it called like triangle pose. It's one where you go like this, you're like two feet you your feet are like this and your arms are like this your feet are like your feet are here aha. And you have your arms like this. Oh yeah yeah yeah I think I don't know triangle try yeah triangles go with that. You know that pose. Yes, so basically it's your legs are spread wide open no and your legs are together like this aha this is great radio. Okay, and your arms are like this. You have 1 hand on the ground and 1 hand in the sky. But your legs are together you serious all right? This will show you show me? Oh okay I don't know what that's called how would have you described it so our listeners could decide whether you could describe it a side plank except it looks like you're raising your hand shit.
[06:05] Keith & Alyssa: But so much better and much clear. So whatever you're cutting this podcast those trying to show you with this fake. Okay, anyway, that's a super common. It's a super common. Thing. Normally there's like a sunset or a sunrise or they're like up on a cliff somewhere but or they're at machu pihu wait. They're doing yoga a Machu Picchu the yeah people do that. There's a popular photos spot. At Machu Picchu and people just and people just are doing yoga poses. There's no yoga classes. They're just doing the pose on there. Oh god another one is the tree pose um or the modified tre pose where they have their like arms in the sky. But anyway what is the girl trying to signal with the yoga pose photo. I don't know I bet they come on I can speculate so this is just as this is just me speculating I think that so with women when they like with dating profiles. They are very carefully curated and if they're not It's pretty It's like it's full of satturn a lot of like fun this assume they're doing this intentional. No and it's not no, they're no, they're entire They're definitely doing this intentionally and what I think they're trying to signal is that they're that they're mindful or that they work out and they're like hey I take care of my body I hope you take care of yourself too kind of that's what I'm assuming is going on there or like or they're also kind of like subsignaling.
[07:31] Keith & Alyssa: Like I'm very flexible fy I no, that's not what's going. That's what I would do I don't think women in their online dating profiles are are ever trying to sexualize themselves. We are I don't think so just subtly like we're not why would you need to do that. You know that every man. Who you ever match with is trying to fuck you like you don't need to do things that like oh yeah, it's dial up your sex. It's subtle though. Win wink. Okay I'm giving you my weird wink face right now right? Elissa can't winks. Yeah, but what? okay. Okay, that's what I thought of signal when signaling that they take care of themselves right? when I say that they never signal. You know sexiness or whatever. That's not quite right? You'll you'll often see photos with women in a bikini. You know, maybe on a boat or on a beach easy too easy and what do you mean? Oh no, which is so it's so easy for. Like on our side like all you have to do is just post one body photo of you in a bikini and it's just game over I don't even have to write anything in my bio. Yeah, but you don't need to do that anyway. Like I think that people work smarter not harder. Yeah I guess I mean yeah, the whole thing with. Dating for wi is iss just so different than it is from Matt and like at least with my profile I curate this like super careful list of photos that are each you know meticulously chosen to signal something that cast as wide and net is possible that we can't exclude anybody yeah we talked about this in yeah but like did podcast.
[09:07] Keith & Alyssa: And so it's really hard for me to understand what women are doing when they make their profiles because of course if they're pretty. They can just post like 2 2 or 3 photos that vaguely establish that and they're going to match with like fifty plus percent of people that they swipe yes on and so ah. The entire premise seems sort of like flawed here but like what might a woman think she might be trying to signal I think what I think is whenever so woman all you have to do is you really have to post like some good photos of yourself like 1 good footface photo right? 1 good body shot and then maybe something of you doing activity that you like to do. So I think when you' so when you're putting that photo out. You're signaling to men like hey I take care of myself I hope you take care of yourself too I also want to dude who's not going to give me shit for doing yoga. You know? Yeah because last thing you want to do is go on a date with someone who's like oh yeah, yoga's just yoga' is just stretch. You know what you mean? It's just your kind of you're putting these little signals out there where it's just kind of like. Trying to weed everyone out. But what do you think is going on like from your perspective I suspect that they are really into yoga and it's a thing that they think is important, especially if they're doing it in front of some sort of unesco world heritage site and ah, they're not.
[10:21] Keith & Alyssa: Clearly thinking that that could be signaling that they're sort of insufferable right? Like there's this didnt she see Data Yoga instructor I've dated multiple instructors and app Palotti instruct. Um, and.
[10:39] Keith & Alyssa: They were. They were actually all say fine in spite of their so you're totally there people are totally normal. Westernism. yeah you know culture obsessions ah yeah I think yeah I think they're thinking that it shows that but you know maybe that they. Mindful. Maybe they're trying to you know virtue single mindfulness or something or some sort of equanimity but the work life balance kind of thing. But for me especially you know if it's somebody in San Francisco who works for Google for example, which seems to be half the people who are online dating. Yeah it. It signals some sort of like obliviousness about you know what really makes them happy or they're like searching for some sort of yeah happiness. But I don't know maybe I projected. Maybe I don't know I mean like I'm probably going to get dragged by all the yoga hoties for saying this. But I think maybe. What's going on there is that it's kind of an identity thing like some people mistake yoga as being like their full like an identity. You know what? I mean something. Some people will say oh copy is like an identity right? right? or yoga is an identity thing so it's just like they're trying to project something that's. Something they do that they're interested in you know and so they're kind of like conforming to this whole identity of like being really into yoga which is totally fine. Do you? You know how often do you see speaking of identities men wearing a sports team jersey in 1 of their online dating photos if I were a man I would never post that in my online dating profile because I think that would like.
[12:08] Keith & Alyssa: I don't know how many women don't give a shit about sports. But it's some large percentage. Yeah and women who do care about sports aren't poring over online dating profiles looking for this picture of the guy. Yeah, the giant's Jersey so I would never put it in there but I'm curious how many you see that that do. A lot really and I think it's not even that people are are repping their team. It's just they do it passively what they'll have maybe had on many photos. Maybe it's that's just who they are and that's another thing too when I see people who don't have like a lot of photos. You can tell where they had to crop somebody out like they had a crop dex girlfriend out of the photo. Yeah or they took a lot of selfies in themselves that screams to me that they don't have any friends. Yeah. They don't have a social way. Yeah, they could just be modest. But I think Ockham's racer ockam's race here. Yeah okay, what else okay have another one. It's always animal really this is actually a good one. Okay hit me I'll be the judge of that posting a photo with the dog. Not of a dog but with a dog and the thing is I already know that's definitely not your dog usually like every time someone's posting with a dog I'm like that's probably not your dog was anytime I asked though it's like oh it was a friend or oh it's my mom's or oh is I have a picture you would have yeah you did with Emma yeah you did Emma is my mom dead dog rip. I think but I think one of the things I asked you too was like what's your dog's name and you're like oh my mom is like a god I knew it? Well yeah I mean what? Ah what is what is one supposed to do though because I do think women like seeing oh no pictures of men my fan I'm such a dupe for it like honestly like I'm as a pussy magnet. So I would use her all day.
[13:40] Keith & Alyssa: I'm just saying that. Um, even if it wasn't yours even it's not yours it it makes me stop. Okay so you acknowledge that it's a good idea. It's a great idea so and so just it just here from me find out I'm a sucker I am such a sucker for it like if you have a cute dog of that photo like I will I will stop and I will look so men if if all if nothing else photoshop or yeah retriever. And in too many of your photos. Okay, um, men taking selfies in a mirror. What's up with that I've like read. Ah I read an article somewhere and I think hinge bumble and tinder that compiled a lot of data and they said hinge found out that bathroom selfies is 90% less likely to get likes from people. So why do people do that. Well the most generous possible interpretation is that they don't have that many photos and so they're just trying to they something but I agree that signaling that you don't have that many photos is really bad too but taking photos. It's like and it's yeah taking photos in a bathroom and I know it's not your it's like either either bathroom or it's definitely their work bathroom. I don't know like it it just there's no I think no yeah, no photo throws that many red flags in me, it's just like. Do you want to see a photo of the man topless in his set. Let's say has 7 photos is it. Aggressive if one of them is topless and you know it depends. There's intact. There's ah of course there's the mere selfie at the gym. Oh yeah, that's probably bad. Okay, another thing hate the gym selfies. this is just this is what I'm going to talk. It's it's frustrating. Yeah, so the worst possible shirtless photo would be Jim Mirror selfie
[15:17] Keith & Alyssa: And then I think so my profile has myself and I've I've ab b tested various topless photos myself. But you can't I don't have a margin of sample size because unfortunately I don't match for thousands of people so like but you look so good topless and it's wholesa. Well so. This is the other thing. Yeah like depending on how you look you may or may not but all everything else being equal like what sort of topless photo would you consider acceptable. Okay, so thinking and like the thing that comes to mind is. Something that would be candid or you would have to have your shirt off like say you were running a marathon or you were on vacation with your friends or you're near a body of water. These are all these are all fine. These are all scenarios where like I would expect for you to have your shirt off. Yeah, if you have your t-shirt on in these scenarios. What are we hiding right. Yeah, but do you want would you prefer that one of the 7 photos be 1 that stoppers. Oh no I don't care because you're not going to know until you get to the date you like you hair if he looks good with his shirt off. Oh no I won't I won't be able to tell like if there's someone has a photo of them with their shirt off I'm not going to I won't know 100% because I'm going to be like. You know like the pandemic happened like I don't know how old this photo is I really don't know what this person looks like you know so I won't decide the pandemic huh let's say you know it's a recent photo. Oh. There's a picture of a news newspaper from last week in the photo so it doesn't matter so much for.
[16:41] Keith & Alyssa: Women as I think it does for men right? because generally what I'm going to do is it's like I want to match with somebody who I think is not going to be a murderer and who will like be worth my time leaving my home for and I'm not going to really actually know what they look like until you actually go on the date with them. What. Like really because I mean you won't really know like what their body type is like you know and especially if there's not a topless photo photo. Yeah but I don't know how old that photo is It's so easy to catish somebody. Okay, so wait. But what about all the other photos you can say the same thing for all the photos. Sure. Yeah I mean there's like was it the beard fishing and halffishing look at photos and all then though like why generally you applying this like well the photo might be gold rule to the topless photo and I want to get a general idea of the person's attractiveness which is like which is why I think it's really good to have someone link up their Instagram profile or any other social media profile so you can see. More candid photos like less curated photos of a person's but but their body their body is what we're focusing on right? Do you want to see a picture that gives you an idea of their body. Okay, you know, no no I not why not no I think okay living let me I just don't care so much. Let me explain? Yeah, like. I mean this is what I expected the answer would be yeah, but here's why I think that's strange if I go through a woman's you know 5 photos and there isn't a picture so women have this ability to show what their body looks like without.
[18:07] Keith & Alyssa: A topless photo some girls go go as far as having a bikini photo. Oh I do in some ways that can be a bit I don't know if aggressive's the right word. It can come off as a little bit I don't know immodest or I'm not sure what but in any case women can show boo can wear like a dress. Right? And that's that gives that gives you all the information you need I mean depends on the dress but that can give you basically all the information you need to know? Um, but women who have a profile that does not include a full body shot is a pretty serious red flag. Run into situations where I don't know if that's like explicit catfishing I don't know if they're doing it on purpose or not but where somebody you know has 5 photos that are carefully curated and then you know they're £30 heavier than those photos would imply and so I think most men would be very wary of profiles that don't have. Ah, picture that indicates their body and so the response from a woman that that is not an important data point is interesting. Yeah I mean I I agree I don't I just think.
[19:18] Keith & Alyssa: Je I'm like I'm not going to speak for all them. But I think generally most women don't care so much I mean we do care about attractiveness right? I mean you're not goingnna just it's dating online dating kind of takes the middle man outs. It's it's a lot about manity and like how a person looks right? You're not going to be with someone or like try and match with someone who you thinks'm attractive. Yeah, but I think. Physical like physicality I think is just a little bit different for women right? like if this person you checkcks all the other boxes like they seem really nice. They have a good sense of humor. They're not dropping any red flags I think that's more of a like a pot of gold versus like if the guy has a 6 pack because I could I can just have sex with any fucking like dumbo you not even. But. So is a topless photo a negative signal? Yes, are there any situations where it's not do you remember the topless photo that I had in my program I do I thought it was wholesome because you I could tell you were with your dad. Yeah and it was really can you guys run a boat somewhere so I was like okay, he's an air body water well traveled with his dad very cute. Yeah. Perfect, checked. All the boxes was weird at dog looking too. Yeah, he's saying some? yeah yeah I feel like it's signaling that I'm close with my family. Yeah, and that you have good genetics. Yeah, you'll age. Well right. Wish should get a photo with my mom because she looks great. Yeah that's okay, ah, let's see what else do I've in here. This one is barely worth talking about It's obviously annoying but you do see a lot of profiles you I see a lot of profiles with.
[20:51] Keith & Alyssa: Filters on the photos and whenever I see them'm just like I can't for starters women who apply filters to their social media photos and women that I will find interesting things to talk about with nefin diagram is probably pretty small. Um and so. That's a problem but also like what are you hiding like there's just nothing good about that if you want to apply a filter. Do it in such a way that I can't detect it. It's like makeup. You know there's some amount of makeup that is and ends up being a negative thing. Um, so I don't know. Do you have anything out there I have no insight on this one? yeah. It's just so obviously well because I mean a lot of the filters if you thinking there's certain filters I think I've seen where it's like the the hearts because I'll sometimes I'll sometimes go on like the girl's side and I'll see like the ones where it' the cute filter. Yeah, or kind of blurs a skim. It's a little real nice I mean like I'm I'm not like I'm not going to judge that but when has like the hearts and stuff like that I think if it's a obvious filter is it just as bad as if someone's applying a filter where it's meant. It's it's meant for men not to detect it. There are even though it's very obvious Google has this thing where in portrait mode. It can do things that smooth your skin in ways that are not really detectable. At least not in the resolution of tinder's photos which is like six forty by six forty or something like they're pretty small so you can't I mean one could you could download it and then put it through an algorithm detector and it could tell you but I mean most.
[22:20] Keith & Alyssa: 2 forensics like that hacker me and what is like wanted ticket a ticket ticket 2 could do that hypo. Pathetically yeah, not me. Yeah, so okay I have a few photos on here that are like cliche there's the woman in a Sari and in. And a friend indian wedding. That's like a oh really common. Oh and you know they're trying to signal that they're worldly and well- traveled and I don't know maybe that they have interesting fashion sense but to me it just what does it say? what is. what is carefully calculated it's just I don't know I just feel like they think that's like 1 of the most interesting things they've done in their life is go to their like friends indian wedding or whatever and like that I don't know maybe this is my privilege showing here. But like that. Shouldn't be the most interesting thing that's ever happened to you and it's sort of like the yoga is an identity thing. It's the like you know going to weddings of your like business school acquaintances as an identity is also kind of maybe they looked really pretty that day I don't know I wouldn't do some I wouldn't dock somebody I mean there's a lot of photos where I have a. Friends at their like non-white like like friend or like family family members like wedding a venue kind of so I like maybe it's just a day where they like were dressed up and they looked really nice that day and looked really dapper who knows you know I wouldn't duck somebody for that.
[23:48] Keith & Alyssa: Yeah, but if it's very written but like hyper being a little bit unfair here because yeah, like what do I want women women's like sort of dressed up photos to be I think I just want to see them in a black cocktail dress some kind of whatever maybe it's like the bachelorette you want like you only the bachelor photo. Yeah. Just like so 1 nice head shot 1 cocktail black dress shot one of them laughing. The bachelorette is perfectly adapted to attracting the male gaze. So I guess's that surprising but you heard it here first. There's the ah there's the like Thailand elephant or Thailand Tiger Photo oh that I actually have that like my list and my listen animal photos. Yeah, the the tiger photo people petting a tiger. Yeah again I think it's funny people. Do it ironically. But I think when people just have it up I'm like okay see when they have a photo of them ironically petting a tranquilized tiger. Not a dreamized tiger I don't know like there's I think I saw someone do like like tiger there like someone. Yes, it but like pet like there was a photo circus in Moscow I don't know some had a photo with a tiger that was hilarious and they were wearing like a tiger jumpsuit and I was like that's hilarious. Um. Like it was like they plan to do this obviously for their tinder for their tinder profile. They like chose to bring they chose to pack like a lion onesy with them I thought seemed to try hard I thought was funny. Okay I was like this this is a long joke and this guy was committed to it. Yeah, and if that's this guy's committed to a joke. He's gonna be committed to me. Yeah there's the coachella burning man photo. Oh yeah, yep.
[25:14] Keith & Alyssa: Probably don't see marry men. Oh no I see a lot of men Coachella photos. What what is like the typical man where to Coachella ah man at coachchetle photo. It's basically a photo with a bunch of people behind them in front of some stage. Yeah, and they're wearing a jersey with note with like just a Jersey.
[25:31] Keith & Alyssa: And they have sunglasses on because they're obviously rolling so their eyeballs are huge and they have their hands open like this. So yeah, okay, no, that's the photo that I usually see on my end. What's this photo that usually see is it just um, crocheted yeah, it's usually like with their 3 girlfriends and you know one of them has the piece. Oh group. Oh can we talk about groo photos. Group photos are obviously a mistake. Yeah group photos are a mistake if you must post a group photo make sure you are the most attractive one. Yes, because agreed what happens is I see the photo I have to like forensically try to find which one you are like going to the previous photo in the next photo and if I do that and then the one you are is like the third most attractive one I'm like What do you even yeah yeah I understand some not everybody has photos some people really like their I don't know why would you I don't know why you would post photos for your friends. There's a privacy thing there too I wouldn't post photos my friends unless like yeah, it's just putting people's faces out there without their consent I don't know like unless you went to all your friends were like hey can I put this on my dating profile. Yeah and I just don't think you should do that. Yeah, you shouldn't do it for a number of reasons I I have a couple photos that look like I'm at there's one that looks like I'm at a dinner party. There's one that looks like I'm like out at a bar I think and both of those sort of establish that I'm not alone get out of recluse right? Yeah, all right? We've done enough right? Do you have anything else. I'm done hating. Okay I'm done you on people. Okay I wanted to talk about artwork as arousing this has come up a couple times but but we there was that statue in where were we we were in Kosovo where in Kosovo.
[27:04] Keith & Alyssa: Were we in Kosovo with the the statue with the nice boobies. Yeah oh my gosh where were we? her breasts just looked like so heavy and where were we how to remember okay I'll remember in a minute but go on well I thought that's. Sculpture was weird. It was okay, yeah, just for our listeners. It was in a plaza somewhere was it a fountain was a fountain. Okay and there were these bronzes at the base of a fountain and I think it was actually is a little embarrassing was she breastfeeding yeah was no no, she was she was breastfeeding. Definitely she was ah the baby was about to suckle on the tit but she had like the most anatomically perfect breast I've ever seen this statue. Yeah, it just looked laden and and oh they were beautiful. Yeah, and yeah, it was a little turned on by you kept wanting to walk. You kept 1 walk past that statue I think I took a photo for it like for you and send it the up it was on the way to and from everything really real you like I planned my running routes so that iass by this statue 3 times like a strapa champion of like the stretch of pavement in front of that but a sculpture. Um, and then there've been we've been to a lot of art museums. We've been wandering around the balkans here and yeah, some of these paintings. Well yeah, are like fairly I don't know like what the line between pornographic and not is but some of them are pretty enticing. Yeah there's a lot of horny art out here.
[28:33] Keith & Alyssa: Do you think that people it is arousing. Oh yeah and what was that one it was like bust of a woman oh yeah bust but when that was in Bulgaria I don't remember I just remember the like nipples on that thing. Yeah so pronounced must been of their chilly day when the model was posing for the for this for the sculptor. Yeah, and. Yeah, it had this like a dress low cut like little coreset and just the corset dress just settled right? above the nipples. The nipples are holding up like your whole nipp is like of fabric. It is a gossam or piece of fabric. It was it was yeah was pretty horny. Do you think that like people commissioned works like this and then masturbate it to them. That that would be a lot of work you could I don't know Michelangelo did I'm sure wasn't michelangelo potentially gay. Yeah, but that's ah I mean that's why like all of his all of his sculptures were like of like really yeah, like burly hot dudes and even the women is women even the women they look like men. He just slapped some titties on them and he was like whatever like well masturbated to your own drugs. Is is even another level there when I was yes but I was I have no artistic talent whatsoever. Is it just joke boobies I yeah I figured out in high school like just doodling a night in my notebook I figured out this way that I could draw like a curvy woman I'll show you later? Oh yeah. The way you say them. It's pathetic. No no, but I could still do. It's like 1 my one like trick. Anyway, it's it doesn't look that sexy but I remember being able to draw it and I wouldn't like masturbate it to it or anything but which I remember it being like arousing a bit. Yeah, you're a much better artist have you ever drawn something that you later masturbated to yeah, not that.
[30:11] Keith & Alyssa: Master repeated it to actually I think do you think you could oh yeah I totally could would you have to like draw it and then like put it away for a few weeks and then come back to it. So no I think if I was drawing it because you have to find some inspiration to you to find like some models like posing a certain way and everything and so I drew something like I could probably get myself in the mood doing that? Yeah but you're using a third parties thing in that case second. Yeah I mean like I have like a little model that I can like move around in stuff. You know what? I mean to get into certain positions. So I can like use it to as like um, a reference I see like a little like a little stick. It's like a stick figure with like joints and stuff so you can move it around. Yeah I've never seen such a thing but I can imagine that it sounds it sounds creepier that it is like people imagine that being I can imagine that being useful as an artist. Yeah. Yeah, so you can do that did the joints move in like the proper ways. Yeah yeah, the joints move and everything there like yeah, there's just like joints of like all the your take like all the yeah pointss. Yeah hu all right? So yes or no to yeah artist already the fourteenth masturbating to the paintings in the louvre I'm sure. And that's so that's why the vatican they basically took away all the dicks the sixteenth remember yeah in the Vatican they took away all the dicks and all the art they kicked off all the penises or or they made the artist come back and put a little marble leaf over all the penises because they were like no nudity here just way too. Horny I was going to explain that away by saying like that was like some sort of puritanical religious thing. But they were that's because that was making the priest horny. Yeah um, can't get any worshiping done so surrounded by all of the dicks. Do you remember those 2 girls at the hostel in ah, where were we shavo? No, we haven't been to savo yet.
[31:47] Keith & Alyssa: Oh sorry, no sorry what am I saying where were we ah we were in stayed in a few hostels we were in Bulgaria was it love thieve it wasn it was pie it was it was yes it was I don't think so you don't think so no.
[32:05] Keith & Alyssa: Um, this bad contest anyway, now it's actually not important to the story at all. So ah, we woke up. We stayed at a hostel which we usually don't but we did in this city town and we it was it was in the morning and this. 2 girls in this guy were in the lobby and they were very drunk. It was like seven zero a m they'd been partying all night. They hadn't s sleptpped. They were still drinking beer actually and we were chatting with them and it came up that they were going home in two days I think they said yeah. And they mentioned and one of them was a bit more modest than the other and I think a bit embarrassed about this but they mentioned that they were going to get waxed that afternoon. Why why why? What were they getting waxed. Comfort's sake probably weren't in course swimsuits two days before their vacation ended. Oh yeah, also one of them had a boyfriend. She said you can't have sex like immediately after getting waxed. Okay, so she was getting waxed. Preemptively it's like a present as a gift for her boyfriend Cook I can wax regularly or I did before started traveling full time. It just seems sorry what it seems unlikely that.
[33:37] Keith & Alyssa: Okay, let's say you've been seeing someone for a while it seems strange to want to get waxed in Bulgaria versus I don't remember where they were going home to um and.
[33:54] Keith & Alyssa: Yeah, it seems strange to take the risk just to be waxed the day you arrive I think you might be introspecting a little bit too much into I think they just found an opportune moment to get wax someplace that was really cheap and affordable. I mean it's like getting your nails done in a different country right? It's just. Find the opportunity to go and do it and just go and do it. It's like ah I just I don't think waxing tourism. No I don not not waing tourism I just think it's like a window of opportunity like it's something that you do with your friends you wake up, you're like hey what do you guys on? do today. It's like oh well Guana we all get wax. But I don't think there's there isn't. Like they were getting wax for their partners I think probably for their partners but I don't think there was like some calculated plan where like we're goingnna get wax night. We're gonna go out looking for a step you don't even it's like and I don't think it was that yeah I think well I think the one especially was very honest to her boyfriend. Yeah I think they were probably just on vacation and their wax and appointment fell in a time that they were out of town and so they went and just found a place and that's what I think oh so they normally get a a wax every six weeks or something or four weeks I don't I don't know how often yeah and and this it just happened to have fallen on a time when they were out of town I think I think it's. There wasn't much thought process going into it all right? That's not very interesting. Yeah sorry surprise. Yeah, um, okay this came from I think this came from Reddit I don't remember this person says she kept on sucking and sucking until I gave out.
[35:23] Keith & Alyssa: So my girlfriend and I have been pretty stress weightly. No fun stuff in bed for a good two weeks last night we had a deep convo about her future and all of a sudden she reached for my dick right before bed I got hearted. She got into position to suck me out of nowhere out of nowhere. It seems whenever this was hands down the most intense sexual experience I have ever had. Idk if it was from the stress or what but I came 7 times back to back. Why my girlfriend literally kept on sucking and sucking even after I came her lips didn't leave my dick for more than a second. My balls are still so sore the day after. I don't know what's gotten into her but she just wouldn't let me go I went from rock hard to soft back to rock hard all back to back with no break by the sixth or seventh knot I had to tap out. My ball is felt so weak kind of like when you're holding something arms bent and your bicep is about to give out I'm so impressed with her It's not an easy test to get a dick hard after. Coming and then making it come again. I was so surprised that she said I still ejaculated on a dry climax on my last round does anyone know if there's a term for this where you come back to back with no breaks from a blowjob is he writing his own erotica this has to be fake right. I don't know I mean it seems highly unlikely to me I don't I've only been in maybe 2 sexual encounters where someone was able to have sex with me immediately after ejaculating and then ejaculate again. But the reffactory period every time. Um, yes, yeah, but the reffaing but the the sorry center is obvious. Yeah, but the refactory period. It's.
[36:48] Keith & Alyssa: It's longer than just like coming back to back to back to back to I I don't know if that's I know there are people physically It's very short refractory periods. It's possible. This is this seems very unlikely, especially he says that he actually generated some cn. Each of the 7 times I mean but if it if it is true. Good for him I don't know like when I have my days where I masturbate like a zillion times I think I've masturbated 7 times in a day in the last year I think I've done that once or twice and it's just not. Yeah, your balls get your my balls get very very very sore and it's you know the last few or more like you know the last four miles of a marathon like you're just doing it to see if you can do you still produce like do yout still like produce a jackulate and afterwards. Yeah, but it's. Not much and I'm not doing this back to back to back to back. It's right carefully pacee over. Yeah, it's like you get a snack by you know, being awake. Yeah, wake up masturbate breakfast masturbate. Yeah, you know movie masturbate. Yeah, that's etc. It's a perfect Sunday yeah, and so. Yeah I imagine even if this were possible. It being just he sounds super uncomp. He also sounds young so I don't know what and the way he writes suggests that maybe it was for and he is exaggerating I mean it could be like and you also say I ejaculated like 7 times so it could be that he's exaggerating could be that he did have multiple back to-back. Orgasms.
[38:22] Keith & Alyssa: Yeah, 7 is questionable but I don't know I mean like what is the male experience like like being say 18 years old and like masturbating like and or having sex for the first time. Can you go that many times it is your refractory period shorter and kind of dwindles down was definitely shorter. Yeah when I was younger I don't remember. Exact sort of shape of it and how it how short it could be and then you know gets a little bit longer between the second and third than it was between the first and second and I don't remember the shape of that graph. It's too long ago. Okay, next. Says my boyfriend is crushed by my masturbation habits. My boyfriend a 22 year old male and I 2020 year old female have been together for about 2.5 years there is some statutory rape period in there before we started dating. He seemed pretty open and sex positive. We talked pretty openly about sex masturbation etc. Moved in together after about seven months so she was 18 oh okay, let's let's ignore the h and soon I was made merit aware that me masturbating makes him feel extremely insecure at first he said he just didn't like that I was watching porn. So I stopped watching porn and would just use my imagination but then it became obvious. He just doesn't like the thought of me masturbating because he would be upset anytime he found out no matter what had hadn't looked at because he would be upsetting time. He found out no matter. Oh no matter what I had or hadn't looked ah I've I've been caught a lot. Simply no speaking at that I never masturbate when he is home.
[39:57] Keith & Alyssa: But he always finds how always is capitalized. He has checked my search history notices if anything like lube or to has been moved. It's to a point now where he lock locks our vibrator and is safe until we use it together. Obviously this upsets me for one I grew up bla. Okay, the rest gets kind of depressing. Oh no, there's there's some interesting things about. This guy her dark past but but I want to keep this light. Okay, you hear this in the opposite direction a lot you hear about a man's female partner finding out that he masturbates all the time and her being like really this devastated and it's what wait. But you never heard of this trope. No I'm like I've heard that the girlfriend John friend Masterve I've heard of this trope and like I just thought it was like not um, no I didn't think it was like that car I thought it was like something that you you do when you're like 16 or something and you're like oh my god even yeah I don't but it comes up on Reddit multiple times a day. Well what yes, but this is the reverse of that this is. Um, a man a very young man show his slice that that a young woman is is is masturbating without him. Oh dear now first off, is it safe to assume that you would immediately break up with someone who. Absolutely yeah, this? yeah this guy is throwing red flags like he is just dropping red flag slept and right he cannot keep them in his pockets like yeah these red flag are just locking volley. The vi is is pretty also like it. It implies. Ah it like this thing is going to like seep into other aspects of the relationship. The fact that he has to come home.
[41:27] Keith & Alyssa: And he immediately checks her search history story. Yeah, like there's no yeah, there's no barriers that there's no passors. No secrecy here and he actually has to go around the house and he checks to see if the lube bottle has an accumulated dust. You know if it's been moved like a centimeter to the right or something. Yeah, yes, not great. Yeah no I mean it just implies like. Deep deep insecure on his end controlling behavior and this thing is going to escalate it could escalate to like abusiveness later on you know abuse later on I wonder yeah I would have first off I would find it an extreme positive if my partner if i. Found doubt partner masturbated. It would be weird to find out that they didn't oh least. So I mean has she I should though you probably didn't introspect on this like did she like ask him why he it upset him or he just that he was just mad. She just says that he just was upset I think the post does go on. It gets a little bit dark. Oh dear. So but it's not really yeah I think she's young and I think a lot of people have been the situation where there was somebody um, earlier in their dating history before they were able to establish boundaries and like establish like oh this is normal. This is normal. This isn't normal. You know? and so she's just kind of figuring out something like she's been with this guy since she was like what 17 years old yeah you know so she's just learning and this is probably her first foray into a longer term relationship with somebody. She just doesn't know that yes isn't normal. This is a shock The short answer is he's being abusive and this is an extreme red flag.
[42:59] Keith & Alyssa: She could try a saving throw by like having like a long careful conversation with him. But if he doesn't immediately reform. It's like the conversation would be like look this is normal I'm going to keep doing this. Yeah, you can have an adjustment period but this is happening and if you can't tolerate it by yeah man needs therapy but almost almost certainly he will react negatively to that So she she just she just. She should probably just move on without telling him why so that he doesn't get like weird in Stalker Maybe she should tell him I'm not sure it depends on the man like some men you can break up with and you can give them some feedback and that might help them and that would be kind. Most men are. Potentially dangerous and so you know the special I do is just get out and I think Constructive feedback is always good though because I think nothing is a catalyst that makes people change unlike ah, ah, quite like shame like if you shame someone, you're just like no I'm leaving you because you're doing something really shitty. And're like oh actually this isn't okay to do to people. Yeah I mean you let's like make the argument you should leave the campsite better than you found it. But yeah, yeah, the issue is in a lot of breakup situations women have like physical risk to themselves I agree in that case, you should always minimize physical risk yourself. There's a secondary objective you can try to leave the campsite better. But. I wouldn't and this is why this is this is why there's all these men just running around thinking these things are normal. Yeah because we're at risk of being murdered. Yeah okay this person sorry I got dark there Sorry guys, let's keep it light. Yeah, this versus says my wife has never had an orgasm and blames me for it. So My wife has never had an orgasm she has never even gotten herself off on her own.
[44:28] Keith & Alyssa: She doesn't like sex apparently and whenever we whenever we try to have sex. She does nothing but resist me and complain about how disgusted she feels about Sex. It's gotten the point where I'm so sexually frustrated from not having sex I'm pretty done with the marriage I told her I wanted out of the marriage and she called me shallow for wanting to end things because she want to have sex with me. I Don't see how um how I'm to blame that she can't orgasm when she won't even try to have sex with me all she ever does is lay there like a dead fish and whine about being fucked even goes as far to say that she feels like she's being raped I don't know how to deal with her anymore and I'm hurting because I love her but I cannot be with someone who who will no longer have sex me I feel unwanted and trapped into sexist marriage all right? so. For the sake of this conversation. Let's assume this guy is not actually raping and he is actually trying to be careful. Yeah I think I read this She has some trauma right? It sounds like there's a little bit of both going on here I Want to be clear but just for the sake of having an interesting conversation. Let's assume this guy's not a rapist and he's not forcing himself on her and he's actually aha good and well intentioned here. Ah, ah, who's responsible for a woman orgasming who chicken in the a and I don't quite I I don't know from just my own point of view because I. Learned how to orgasm quite early. Yeah, and so I think it's amazing I mean so wait I don't understand so they're married yes and they don't have sex at all like did they not have sex before they got to like did he not know what happened initially like what was going to go no down. Okay, that doesn't it doesn't matter what who is responsible for woman's orgasm.
[46:03] Keith & Alyssa: Gosh I actually don't know if you were 22 there's no ages here, but like let's say you're 22 and you've never had an orgasm is it reasonable to expect to have one from sex now because. If you don't know what brings you pleasure and you don't you can't get into that headspace with your body to like kind of like lego inhibitions. Um, and to know what like to know what brings you pleasure I think it's going to be quite hard to have an orgasm not to say that you can't have an orgasm. What right? But I think of females as first orgasms. Do you think come in partner and sex. It needs to start with 0 point. Yeah I was go to say it's like it's like zero point ten maybe I don't know I mean like I know my force like orgasm kit was from selffa from self-pleasuring and it came really early on I think a lot of women's first orgasm is one of them thousand one in a thousand that sounds about right? Yeah I mean like I think a lot of. People's first orgasm comes from them exploring their bodies themselves right? You know, just masturbating early on like figuring like oh my gosh this feels great. Yeah, you know and I can't imagine you know how like not touching your body at all and then like having sex for the first time that orgasm coming like right away like I think it would maybe come later on down the road.
[47:14] Keith & Alyssa: You know, yeah ice a miracle or accident or you know a lot of exploration but I could imagine the following setup a woman is from a very conservative household. Um, she's never really felt comfortable trying ah she gets married off. Maybe right? and. Her first real sexual explorations all take place in a partnered setup. Okay, so in that case and and maybe she's one of these people that can orgasm extremely easily. She just never knew because she never tried and so you can imagine a first orgasm coming in partnered sex that way I chore it's hard to imagine a situation where a man's orgasming for the first time. And partnered sex because men even if men don't want to try you what they'll have what they'll have what tree yeah and whatever can with this I can't believe I don't know this can women have what dreams. Yeah, totally okay, have you I have interesting. And and have you I don't think I've orgasmed in your sleep I don't think I've ever orgasmed I've definitely woken up horarding but I don't think I've ever orgasm I think a we dream. Yeah, definitionally mean to orgas I'm in your sleep or yeah, you wake up or something well because usually like when I'm sleeping like I'll like stimulate myself somehow right? because I'll wake up and like I'll obviously be wet or and I'll be like. You know I'll be aroused okay, but I don't think I've ever orgasmed. You've haven't been actually where you wake up highly aroused? Yeah, do the needful. Oh absolutely. But yeah, I'm not haven't been lucky enough to wake up with just an orgasm. Yeah, okay so I think we agree generally yeah if a woman wants.
[48:49] Keith & Alyssa: If a woman has never had an orgasm. It's blaming her partner the partner not being abusive, not withstand right? right, right? So we're taking up this taking out the factor of him like yeah, potentially this guy sounds like he has some issues too but it sounds like She's it. It feels like she might be in the wrong heads spacece because this seems like she's upset with him for not trying to have sex with her but refusing him when he's trying to have sex with her and I don't know like this is something for me. It's hard for me to get get to a space where I'm good. It's easy for me to have an orgasm when I'm not the right head space like if I'm worried like I leave this I think that's for no and I think it's ferment like you know for. Maybe for men as well. Like if you have something on going on in your mind. That's taking you away from like the actual physical act of sex. It can actually yeah, it can actually kind of like lower that bar a lot for you like I was sitting there' like damn I leave that candle on the bathroom. You know what? or I'm like am I am I gonna burn my house down I'm like or something like happened to me that day like I'm like handle on in your pathth I'm thinking. Like a date with some situation candle burning in your bath I don't know like I like the way things smell sometimes sometimes I leave candles on and when I fall asleep. Not great at it like just people like candles after they shit let's say you're doing it because of a shit or because like bath I'm just saying like you're setting. You're making you're having a nice bath. Yeah, I'm basically I'm happy like like this hypothetical situation where my mind is elsewhere. Yeah, it can take away from me have an orgas so seems like if she's got like something going on there. Oh who know that's taking her away to the or there are a zillion reasons why women can't can't orgasm. We don't get to litigate that how much time do we have left. Okay, we've got about 10 minutes left
[50:14] Keith & Alyssa: Is bathing suit camelto gross attractive or just part of life just part of life I'm shopping for bikinis in Florida and they are all so thin I was avoiding ones that accentuate Camel Toba my boyfriend disagreed cameltos are hot. Yeah I think so do you agree cameltons are so hot. Well okay. There are some Camel toes that are not okay what what? cameltoe went not behind wait wait first of all, do you know? what? the male equivalent of a camel toe is yeah moose not is.
[50:47] Keith & Alyssa: Yeah, well the first of I heard that laugh for days I used to work with this guy who he was amazing. I absolutely loved him but he would always whenever but whenever we did these um group meetings at work. He always would have his legs wide open. Yeah and he was a little like a tiny but he wasn't super heavy set like he was actually very attractive but he's like. Little bit heavy seen his scrubs were just a little bit too tight but he'd always have this moose knuckle going on like all the time and so I could never pay attention during like during rapport because I you would always be like right there right? you know, but it's hard to ignore. And I didn't know what the I didn't know what the the term was called but someone told me during a meeting I was laughed for like literally four days about it is I couldn't but still yeah yeah, no must okay snuckles been part of my vernacular for a while I I'll give but Camel Toes Camel Toes hot or not. They're a part of life and I think they're so hot. Yeah I mean I think it's just whether the person is generally attractive or not and if they're generally not I don't know if I need to see I don't I mean if that I don't think I think anyone can plus 1 themselves with ah with a marvelous camelto. And I think anything that accentuates that like slightly highs but also accentuates a part of your body that's hidden. Yeah, and like you and Mike have talked about this before words like men love that like you like kind of seen something that other people can't see like a little bit like I think nipples. Yeah see nipples throw a t-shirt favorite summer accessory yeah, you know awesome cameltos. Awesome.
[52:13] Keith & Alyssa: Um, shorts that accentuate the under the butt. Yeah, you know anything that just like shows like a little bit of sub good keep color. Yeah yeah, the photo of the statues like right there at the cordor kids looking at talking about side move. Yeah.
[52:28] Keith & Alyssa: This is welcome to our liica podcast where I just describe side boo. yeah yeah I mean I do like 1 nice thing about central europe I guess we're in Southeastern Europe we're in the balkans is that there's a certain lack of modesty and it goes it's multigenerational and in some kind I love it. Some cases you might want a little bit more modesty but you take that that that net you take the bad with the good because the good here is awesome like there's just you know people are very open with their bodies and yeah, it's kind of fun to like walk around and go cameltoe hunting. Yeah, it's a good summer pastime here. Yeah no. I mean like I I love I love the european view on nudity out here I think walking out with just nipples and some self-esteem ladies that is the summer accessory for 2022 and from here on out but even like I just love seeing like all the lolas outside you know all the all the grandmas outside just like at the at the beach like they don't have the they have like their bikinis or they'll just have a bra. Yeah, you know they're just sitting there their underwears eating bread watching the grandkids and yeah, just like it's just so unabashed. They're just like I don't give a fuck like the body. The beach is gonna get whatever my but like whatever body I have yeah you know I love it. Yeah there's a lack of modesty in Europe that is very different. We need to I wish we could bring that to the us. Yeah, we still have our. Puritanical origins. Okay, let's do 1 more this person says freak out over kissing him after Blowjob. So guys tell me why it's so disgusting for a woman to kiss you after she swallows your calm like my new boyfriend loves to eat me out then kiss me and I love that it's hot as fuck. But today he came in my mouth and then I kissed him and he's totally freaked out about it.
[54:03] Keith & Alyssa: He's pretty gross outed by it and it's made me feel like I've done something wrong I feel so embarrassed. Why is it such a big deal I feel like he's overreacting like cool I get it. You don't want to swallow your own load but just kissing me after I've swallowed it is it really that strange well I don't know Keith you tell us man. There's no name here. So ah yeah I think it's fucking disgusting and it's exacerbated by the fact that I've just nutted and so I'm in this like postnut clarity phase where I'm not aroused at all and the lights have come up I'm seeing everything for what what it really is. And yeah that that combination of things one I don't want to interact with my own cn and two I'm not at all aroused definitionally in this moment this makes it I can understand not wanting to have fluids pass between each other like you know some people are into that. They're into like you know, like come swapping and like you know like well and some people like spit into each other's mouth. You know? Yeah so I kind of I can understand that you know what I mean like you know, do you let your freak flag fly. Yeah, but I think say she swallowed she's clean, right? There's not There's not like you know like there's not like semen dripping from her lips and stuff is just like blowing bubbles with it. Yeah, but it's on her breath and it's. You know there's residue haven't you kissed me after you have reluctantly ah but truth. But yeah, but I mean oh I'm trying to be a good sport. You are a good sport. Oh no no I don't think I think you.
[55:37] Keith & Alyssa: Have and most I can't remember you ever doing that and wasn't like blowing bubbles with it. But you know mean it little bit. Yeah to the extent we have kissed after it was very so surface like yeah, its but it was like it sounds like a like a it was like a peck but that's what it kind of sounds like you know it sounds like penetration into your. Mouth. Yeah I think I'm will also very I'm also very wary of you know your disgust level like you know, like what you would like or not like I wouldn't subject you something that I know you don't like yeah you know without your consent but it sounds cute. Yeah know it sounds like for her that she kind of I don't know what kind of Kiss it was but sounds like she tried to just give her boyfriend like a little peck after sex and he flipped out. Well, he's just we don't have details here. It sounds to me like yeah she was gargling it and then came up to have a deep french kiss who knows we don't know we don't we don't know there so many whole this story for the sake of conversation I look I understand why she wants to make out after she's yeah feeling she's feeling very connected. And you know it's an intimate moment trippping with sarcasm. There aren't we and no I mean I get it I mean she's legitimately feeling those things just he is not and so right, it's I wonder you know I wonder how many times this has happened to somebody where because again the the poster sounds young. So I wonder how many times people have saw something from porn and they were like this is what people want I'm going to try this and they did it and their partner was like whoa I don't think you see him you do see that important you see that important all the time where like you know a guy will come in a girl's mouth and they're sitting. There're just like like blowing bobs like you know, don't rip into a thing where they go up and make out with the guy. Well.
[57:10] Keith & Alyssa: I think they do yeah they do look I'm not saying it never happens but that is a fairly unusual trope in porn. Maybe maybe we watch a different porn know. Are you searching for come gargling. No but I will now please do that. Okay. And think that's a good place to ah fine. That'll do it for episode 80 of your mileage may vary. Thank Youlissa! You're welcome. You can send us feedback or ask us questions at Ymmvpod on Twitter or by email at ymmvpod@gmail.com we pay a whopping $10 for feedback and particularly enjoy negative feedback. Can help us get better. So do your worst Thanks solissa thanks to you and we hope to have you back next time on your mileage may vary.

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Episode 80: Online Dating Photos, Cameltoe, Seven Consecutive Nuts, Female Orgasms

Episode Transcript