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Episode 81: Slope Day, Gender Identities, SSRIs, Autofellatio, Blow Agreements, Roleplay

Team YMMV | 8-25-2022 | 1:01:35

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Mike celebrates Slope Day in California and does some deep thought about children's gender identities, mental health and psychedelics. It's hard out here with Keith in Europe!

Lots of questions this week, including a man who doesn't like foreplay, another who has extracted an "anytime blowjob" agreement from his girlfriend, and one who wants to perform oral sex on himself.

Lots of discussion of different pharmaceuticals, including one woman who is completely unable to have orgasms because of her SSRI. And, what to do when roleplaying goes too far?

We get a lot of our questions from Reddit, so for our listeners' enjoyment, here are links to some of the questions we discussed this week:

https://ymmv.me/81/no-lube

https://ymmv.me/81/bj-anytime

https://ymmv.me/81/ssri

https://ymmv.me/81/penis

https://ymmv.me/81/autofellatio

https://ymmv.me/81/smell

https://ymmv.me/81/roleplay

https://ymmv.me/81/what-to-say

Episode Transcript

Transcript automatically generated by a robot. Apologies for any inaccuracies.

  • [00:00] Mike: Slope day is or was a venerable tradition at Cornell I say is or was because I haven't actually done the due diligence to check on Google whether it still exists I didn't go to Cornell I didn't apply and didn't get in Keith did. And I have another friend from high school who went there as well. Both of them had told me of this thing called slope day where at the end of the winter when I starts warming up cornell being in Upstate New York it's pretty cold there in the wintertime students will hide or used to hide. Ah, liquors somewhere on campus where there's ah a slope kind of out on a field and they would uncover it on this particular day and have a gigantic party maybe something that the administration and the professors didn't really want to see happening and probably something that's been banned now that. Colleges have sort of made it their mission to eliminate cultural institutions like that in any event I was always intrigued and kind of jealous of slope day I never experienced something like that living in California where there basically are no seasons. Welcome and thank you for joining your mileage may vary. This is episode 81 and this is Mike I'm broadcasting by myself today Keith is in montenegro he's almost done with his european tour and I have a lot to talk to you about anyway.
  • [01:32] Mike: So ah, it's going to be a complete It's going to be a full show today. Um, as always we look forward to your feedback and questions you can hit us up at Ymmv Pod on Twitter email us at ymmvpod@gmail.com we pay you. $10 for feedback if you ah give us some feedback and are so inclined. Um, and we're always interested to hear questions and thoughts from people who listen to the podcast. We know our audience is always growing and that's sort of exciting for us today I wanted to focus on.
  • [02:10] Mike: Something a little bit different atll least's to start the show. Ah I was in Canada for about two weeks which is why Keith and Alyssa were taking command of the show for a bit I'm sure we'll be able to co-host it soon enough. Keith and I relatively soon. But I was in Canada. And before that was having some sort of a odd nervous breakdown that I'm going to tell you about a little bit. Um ever since I was in my mid 20 s I've had problems with panic and anxiety.
  • [02:47] Mike: This is something that mostly affects women. Ah which is interesting because as a man. Well it's kind of emasculating. It's not something you really want to go talking to people about So I'm obviously going to jump in front of a bunch of people on a podcast and talk about it. But it is what it is.
  • [03:06] Mike: It's not it's it's not very masculine because it basically is telling people that you can't control your own feelings like a guy. The basic thing. A guy is supposed to do be able to do is kind of at least control his reactions to things men like historically you know go to war and you know. Battle. They're supposed to protect their family. All these kinds of things like maybe in the prehistoric times the man would be responsible for fighting off the bear or something and all of those things kind of require a steely resolve like there's no superhero who's like afraid of everything right? and so that's it's not great now. Being said, like in our sort of metrosexual present. Maybe it's better looked at than it was in the past but it's still not great and in fact, statistically women are something like 2 or 3 times more likely to have problems with anxiety than men. There's things you know, look men men get the better of women. On a lot of areas men are more likely to commit suicide. Um, yeah I mean they're they're definitely mental health problems that men have more than women. But this particular woman 1 you know you sort of there's like a cultural understanding of women kind of being warriors in any case, um, it's a real challenge because. Basically makes it so that like well I mean you could be in a situation where it's like difficult to to work to do sort of normal things I've been lucky or maybe steely nerved enough to not have that for the most part happen to me but occasionally.
  • [04:38] Mike: Like I have sort of bouts of this that I deal with it's usually around some specific anticipation of something crappy that's going to happen I don't need to get into like the details of my life. But obviously that's going to be something that triggers it in any event. It does actually affect what you can do in your life and cannot and I've been very fortunate or steely-eyed enough to still do pretty well in my life. Ah, but for a lot of people. It spins them out completely and the reason why is that a lot of people and you can see this on Reddit. If you read certain subreddits maybe the anxiety one. Ah, the agoraphobia one is particularly kind of terrible terrible in the sense of like you feel bad for the people on there panic attacks subreddit. There's a bunch of them like that and. These people often are just not able to lead normal lives some of them can't leave their house because they get terrified if they leave their house some of them can't tolerate kind of everyday situations like going to a supermarket and I'm grateful that I have not experienced those sorts of things but maybe minor mini version of those in any way. You know for a person who wants to lead a more um, stressful or you know life aimed at things that require competition in a capitalist society. It can be sort of challenging because you're naturally going to come up against kind of difficult situations and I mean you can you can get your corporate job at.
  • [06:07] Mike: Clorox or Fitbit and be doing really well in your life and then something like this like a mental illness a problem comes along and man you're not going to be You're not going to be making much progress from there and people get spun out and you see it on Reddit a lot. So what do people do about this kind of thing. Ah. I have to say that like I ah having dealt with this probably for 20 years it typically hits people in their mid early to mid 20 s that's when it starts being a problem kids actually nowadays more and more kids have kind of weird mental health problems. There's a lot of things people do and I have to say that i'm. More of an expert on pharmacology than I ever wanted to be um and we'll have some questions later in the episode at least 1 question that where I can deploy some of my knowledge in any event. Um, you know they they're drugs people take and then they get addicted to them I've been fortunate to avoid that. Typically people get addicted to sedatives like benzodazepines xanax a ofvan valium. Um, there are other sort of drugs people take Ssris a lot of people take ssri selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors I had a friend who was on one of those and said that. I think it was for depression anxiety I'm not sure exactly which but he said that like for a significant period of time his penis just felt like a finger like it just didn't do anything I can't say I've ever had that happen but I can understand but you can see people have to make a tradeoff they have to make a choice. Do I take one of these drugs.
  • [07:41] Mike: That maybe lowers the threshold for some terrible mental health consequence but takes sex away from my life. What do I do Um, and for a woman. Maybe it just takes away her orgasms so she can still have sex because like her mechanical parts work. But it's this unfortunate situation where it's not very fun for um so their ssr or s nris I'm not going to get into all the different pharmacoia around this but there are a lot of things people do um to basically deal with this and really the science of mental health is not that advanced i. Heard a podcast the other day that said when you compare say oncology cancer research to Mental Health Mental Health is just doing terribly the suicide rate actually is going up I mean the cancer survival rate is going up but you know the mental health survival rate is going down other countries have strange ways of dealing with this in my view. Look in the United States I mean just go to the benzodazepines I won't spell it for you. You can look it up subreddit and you'll just see these people who are just massively addicted to these drugs. It's a problem. However, there are use cases for them for people like me that sometimes. Have freak out sessions in the U k they don't want people prescribing those drugs that sucks so they're basic the very british about it rubs some dirt on it hey look you have a anxiety disorder just figure it out.
  • [09:13] Mike: The first line of treatment actually is something called cognitive behavioral therapy I bet that works for a lot of people reminds me of meditation I spent like a year and a half doing Vipossana meditation not constantly I mean I did it like 3 times a week with group of people. And what I learned from that was um, you know to be present with what's going on mindfulness this is a long time ago by the way it was before it became trendy to do mindfulness before the apps came out. It was like in 2005 I had a friend who from high school actually a different friend. Not the one who went to cornell who ah.
  • [09:50] Mike: Like lived in a zeno for 5 years or something became like a zen monk now I think the he's not a zen monk anymore I think the correct term is burnout. You know a burnout. He probably agree with that in any event he told me the same thing like look you just have to be mindful. You have to be present with what's going on. Said you know it's okay if you're an alcoholic or a sex fiend as long as you're present while you're doing it all right? My experience with that was great now I'm miserable and super aware of it if I feel you know I'm feeling anxious terrible here I am while I was in Canada I read a book. By Wallace Stegner called a shooting star made me feel good in the midst of feeling shitty because the the book said in 19601960 so it's kind of the end of the 1950 s era. You know they still use nasty terms to refer to people who aren't white. And ah, it's before the Beatles it's before like kind of people loosened up and you got into the sixty s in any event that people are taking drugs real hard drugs benzodiazepines haven't been discovered yet so they're taking second all real tranquilizers. These are things that can kill you. And eye days. Pains won't kill you unless you take something else at the same time or try to drive. Don't want to do that anyway, maybe feel better about myself because you go look these people are taking real hard drugs anyhow jump shift. Ah.
  • [11:25] Mike: Today a twelve year old girl who's a friend of the family was over at our house and she decided with our daughter to draw. It was mostly this girl not her daughter to draw a hopscotch path or whatever hopscotch game on a driveway. Really long one and you know I thought okay in chalk you know so okay, this looks good I didn't really care. Um with maybe like 20 little squares. You're supposed to hop on and I was a little bit startled when I looked out the upstairs window and I noticed that ah the first square was that you're gay. No, no, the first square was your straight and the last square was that you're gay and the word gay was really big. So I went down and I said like what what's going on here I mean look a hopscotch game already looks a bit like a cock and so now you have a big cock written on your driveway that starts out straight and goes to gay. And then I so I started looking at the other squares of what this girl was drawing and I took some pictures of them. Actually let me ah me pull this up here. Essentially this girl had decided to draw all the different um genders or like sort of gender identifications. She was aware of so she wrote. Homosexuals bisexual pansexual abrosesexual abroseexual I learned that that means somebody who she told me that I didn't know that word abrosesexual is somebody who oscillates all the time meaning like today I'm gay tomorrow I'm straight the next day I'm I don't know something else. Let's see asexual.
  • [13:00] Mike: A romantic pan hang on pan romantic wait I think it says panromantic I'm reading off my phone here. Um, let's see ah bi romantic. Non-binary gender fluid Demi Demisexual so a lot of these demi boy Demi Girl lesbian Sapphic Sapphic must be lesbian right? I me isn't that the poetry of I don't yeah okay. Gay 2 wo-piried straight and then oh right, it's Aero Ace which is a romantic asexual and then the end was gay of course. So then we gave her a ride home we were driving with her and ah she was in the back seat and then she started holding forth. First of all, she was sort of disappointed because she didn't get to put everything she knew on this thing she didn't put queer. Ah she didn't put um you know transsexual ftm t mtf there were there were a bunch she was sort of bummed out. She didn't get to put um I still don't know what to think because the thing's still written on my driveway. Um, but like I was thinking to myself as we were driving and she was holding forth I mean first of all, it's strange to have a 12 year old girl in your backseat explaining sexuality to you as a fully grown man I mean like it's just not something you would have seen 20 year
  • [14:36] Mike: Ten years ago or more I mean fifty years ago would be like a it just would be impossible. It'd be like ah some sort of strange scene from a weird erotica movie. Nothing erotic about it. It was just mostly strange. Um, and there wasn't much I could do to respond because. Ah, she's a 12 year old girl. So what am I supposed to say back to her. It did make me think about this article that a friend sent me about eating disorders and how they spread in schools so eating disorders are. Not something that people think of ah are born with they have to they have to sort of learn about it. You know some people will innovate it. Ah and just by random chance. But most people won't think of it of how you're getting an eating disorder. Um. They'll act out in various ways but they won't come up with that and so research has shown that eating disorders are sort of social contagion. They spread in something like a school because 1 girl starts doing it and then another sees it and thinks it's kind of cool or interesting or that's the wrong word choice. She. Feels forced to for some psychological reasons. That's more fair and then it moves through the school like that now. What's the relevance here the article that the friends sent me was pointing out that the ah spread of these.
  • [16:06] Mike: Unusual or innovative gender identities and sexualities in schools among largely tween and teenage girls follows a similar pattern. Ah there are some schools maybe schools that are less in areas that are left less. Left-leaning maybe schools with left's less. Well-off parents where they're a little less likely to um, have the spare time and cash to be sort of thinking about these things where like you just don't see a whole lot of this like like with eating disorders. Um, it's not really something you see in sort of more modest income. Areas. It's it's kind of ah ah, it's like gout. It's like ah, an illness of the wealthy and so you see something similar and so in certain upper class and upper middle class schools. You see twenty thirty percent of the young girls identifying now as some kind of. Unusual non-binary gender or non you know they're not they don't consider themselves girls anymore they consider themselves something different and it's the argument made by the article is that it's it's spreading in the same way. Um, these girls are for whatever reason feeling psychological pressure. To resolve. Whatever they're unhappy with about their lives by taking on this identity and of course the risk is like with eating disorders that there'll be some un well with eating disorders. It's obvious the negative consequence with this one. It's not as obvious although maybe it is maybe it's obvious that.
  • [17:38] Mike: Um, girls will you know not be happy with who they are as they get older and be unable to have sort of stable relationships. Potentially I'm not sure but that seems like a risk and it's an interesting, an interesting problem to to think about. In any event. The basic argument would be that most of these girls who are thinking in terms of being non, not a girl or trans or that sort of thing. Maybe maybe maybe you're just doing that because of social persuasion some of them genuinely have an identity. That's where they're confused. But it's hard to imagine that twenty or thirty percent of them do um now generally it makes me concerned that society is basically telling people telling young people telling people in general that it's cool. Ah, to have a problem like this now. It's tricky to say something's a problem like they might say it's not a problem like I could say um, having anxiety getting panic attacks. Not a problem. It's just who I am but you see it really is a problem like it's it's it's it's not great and. Honestly, anybody who has a mental illness could tell you and knows that you don't want a mental illness like it's the kind of thing where you know someone like me who has a problem like this I probably pay ah a million bucks maybe ten million bucks if I could to have somebody remove it from my brain but they can't.
  • [19:14] Mike: Socks. So I'm sort of like hammer not like Jay -z case you don't know the reference 30000000 can't hurt jay-z but it did hurt hammer I don't think I could afford 30000000 I pay a lot though to have that removed from my brain. It's too bad to the extent. Society is fetishizing and encouraging people to self-identify as having a disorder or problem if they don't have it now some people do have the problem and I'm not trying to attack that at all I'm not trying to say there's something you know like if you have the problem you have the problem but people who. Don't have gender dysphoria don't have confusion in that area should be grateful and it sucks it sucks to the extent society sort of encouraging people to go the other direction. So anyway, coming back from my vacation. I ah not feeling great and I listened to a podcast and was encouraged by a member of my family to really consider whether ah these new psychedelic treatments. For disorders like the one I have might be useful um now psychedelics are things like lsd shrooms and if you're anxious and anxious person like that doesn't sound like a great strategy right? You think okay like.
  • [20:46] Mike: This is going to this is going to suck because you do this thing and then you're out of control and like your brain's going to go insane but you know look I was feeling I some way in some ways I have to like have some steelyeyed determination and most of my life I have sort of rubbed. Rubb dirt on it. The old u k way although I do know more about pharmacology than I'd like to ah so I looked around and my hometown here in the East Bay of San Francisco bay area it turns out that they've look at this. They've ah.
  • [21:22] Mike: Decriminalized or I think they have who cares hallucinogens. So I found a church a church I joined their religion and I'm not going to give the name I'm going to plug them. But I found a church here in the East Bay ah the San Francisco area where you can basically go in join the religion sign a bunch of papers and buy shrimps. So I did this was last week and today oh dear listeners for your enjoyment in mine I actually they actually gave me as a new. Member of their church I think it's a church so they can like use the first amendment as a whip to stop themselves from getting shut down and they've been raided and I think they're busy suing the government or something now. Anyway I had no problems. They also gave me some microdosing capsules. So actually last week I took one of those and it was kind of fun I don't actually know what was in it. It made the colors bright very bright I went for a walk. It was fine today I was like I got to I kind of amp it up. So I decided to have my very own slope day. It was actually not intentional. Ah I took some amount of this stuff and I ate it and then I went for a walk.
  • [22:32] Mike: Thought it wasn't doing anything I thought this is kind of stupid most haven't I you know got some bum bum shrooms or something I walked about a mile and a half and when I was coming back down the hill I started like well I was looking up at a hill slope. And a tree trunk started to look like a person so that was concerning. It does sort of I mean I I can picture it in my head and it did sort of have anyway, it it shouldn't have looked like a person and I was like I think I'm going have to go sit down somewhere and ah so I did. Ah, now where I live in the east bay of the San Francisco Bay Area is actually on a slope. We have a nice view of the golden gate bridge in San Francisco downtown and so forth Alcatraz and treasure island it's really a nice spot so I went in through the gate. Because I didn't want like my family members to know what was going on and I went down to the slope and sat down and spent like 2 hours just sitting there. 1 thing I would say for sure is that ah pink floyds music I mean I always liked pink floyd music. But it makes a lot more sense to me now. Why people like it I get it. Ah the experience was kind of relentless. Um, essentially I didn't take enough I mean the people have these kind of crazy religious experiences I'm not sure I want to do that.
  • [24:02] Mike: Um, the way I interpret that is that they're unable to sort of keep it together at all I had the experience that um and it reminded me a lot of 2 things 1 is when you really need to fall asleep. Let's say you're driving somewhere and it's really boring. And you're kind of nodding off and of course the right thing to do is to pull over the car and take a nap which I generally do in that situation because I'm not an idiot I do not take my tesla I don't have a tesla. But if I had one I would not put it on autopilot as some people do and just let it drive me in any event. Ah and I felt like that like like I couldn't. Like if I really put some kind of mental effort and I don't really know what that even means a mental effort in that sense. But if I put a mental effort at it I could keep myself fully engaged. But if I did not then strange things started happening like I would kind of so not lose consciousness but lose the ability to kind of hold. The present moment together like to keep my consciousness non-framented and it would sort of fall apart and then I would start having like the standard you know all the things like all like the pictures from woodstock and stuff like that make sense I should mention like I haven't done this before. I'm sure listeners have and they're like you. This is really boring I've done this all the time. Fine. Another thing it reminded me of this sort of falling feeling reminded me of sex. Um kind of a submissive feeling like basically you can't completely control your mental state like.
  • [25:30] Mike: When you're getting close to Orgasm or also indeed when you are kind of being kind of forced or pushed ah emotionally or pushed sexually into doing something by your emotional attachment or whatever. So For example, you know if I really really really want to if I'm really horny and because of that I want to like stick my my dick somewhere like that kind of like urge and Urge. That's the right way to say it so you have this urge to just sort of let reality go um and it's sort of submissive in the sense that like when that happens. You have this feeling that like you are you're unable to bubble up to the surface like you're going into a deep ocean or something and like you can't you can get yourself back to the surface. But it's hard and so you ah kind of so you wind up kind of submerging yourself and just like. Accepting the situation I'd read enough about this to know that like fighting against it is a terrible decision and going to be. You know if you're already prone to be anxious. Not a great Call. So a couple things that I experienced also from this trip. Was ah you notice how hard it is for your mind to mock up reality like your mind's obviously do your brain's doing a bunch of computations and stuff I think that's why you see all these geometric things and weird Blurs of color and stuff like that when you're using this drug like you you.
  • [27:02] Mike: Your brain is trying to sort of keep up with the computations. It needs to do to give you like to keep your visual system working but it can't um so yeah, it gives you some respect for like the the hard work your brain has do to to actually make reality kind of stable and consistent for you. Um. And also yeah I mean the second one second takeaway I had was that the ah it really is like like falling asleep. It would it like it's not that different from an ordinary sort of quotidian experience. I mean you fall asleep every night and this was a lot like that. It's just you're not losing consciousness like the. Ability to observe what's going on remains so you're going into kind of a dream dream-like situation. But you're still fully conscious. Um, and that really I think less so now but when I was sort of 18 years old as a man a lot of ways that is what. My sexual experience was like like it was just very hardcore. It was like I would just like go into this southern mode and want to do things and ah have difficulty prying myself away um sort of yeah he was just altered consciousness. What I'm I'm saying my sex urge when I was like 18 so in some ways I think as a woman if you want to understand like what the a crazy sex drive if you're a woman without a crazy sex drive I know we've got some listeners female listeners who have that maybe doing something like shrooms would teach you that now what I do it again. I'm not sure it lasted a long time was kind of relentless.
  • [28:33] Mike: I got kind of tired of it after a while I did not try masturbating while doing it I don't think I would have wanted to um and I think I had all the standard experiences it does make a lot of the psychedelic and sort of like hippie stuff make a lot more sense like it's like oh. This is what they were all seeing like they're just they were just drawing pictures of what they saw. Yeah so I have no idea if that will have any sort of long run impacts on my general mental health you're supposed to do it with a guide like there are these There's like this Berkeley Center for psychedelic research and they say oh you should have like some well first of all. Want you to take like a much larger dose that I'm a little rule out I would be reluctant to do. Um, you know you're supposed to have your ego dissolve and so forth which I could sort of understand what they're talking about now when they say that but I'm not sure like that I really need to go that far. Um, time will tell if it has any sort of actual. Lasting impact on me but kind of fun and just shows what you can do if you're willing to grit your teeth and and do it of course I'm sure a lot of you have done this already and are laughing at me all right, let's get on to some questions about sex because that's what I'm good at well not sex I'm good at answering questions about sex. This person wants to know what happens if you have sex without the woman being wet first now I've I'll read the full content here in a second. But as I've said before like in some ways that can be good for the guy up to a point like the optimum level of wetness is sort of.
  • [30:06] Mike: Medium wet because if the woman is too wet like you kind of have a loss of friction. Okay me and my boyfriend never do anything like foreplay really and just goes straight into it and I'm not wet until he's thrust it a few times which is a little sore at first I was just wondering if this is unhealthy and if we should stop and maybe use lube or something. Pain isn't something I mind I'm just worried it would cause any if it will cause any harm now somebody's response is my vagina hurts for you to be fair. Ah I mean like the complete absence of foreplay is not a good situation here nor is it a good sign. Relationship wise. So look. Obviously this is something she should bring up and try to correct with her significant other but the ah the truth is that even if there is 4 play like usually the sort of external part of the vulva. There is going to be kind of dry. In most situations when you first start so something will have to be done to kind of correct that situation and ah you know saliva lube are basic things you can do. It also is somewhat typical in my experience to kind of like use your penis kind of get some of the lubrication from inside her vagina and kind of bring it out as it were and essentially what that involves is like thrusting very shallowly at first or kind of maneuvering it around to kind of lube it up. Um.
  • [31:40] Mike: And that sort of generally will do this without tugging so much that it would cause terrors or injury or something like that. Um, generally I suspect. This is more common than you might think um I've never as a man I've never subjected a woman to this just like straight into it. Um, you see it a fair amount in porn and on cam sites. You see a lot of people of people using lube I mean it's just a reality like you're not as a woman like the positive of being a woman in the camming situation or in the porn situation is like you don't have to get an erection back to like the example or like the. Monologue I gave regarding Ssris like as a guy you could be in a situation for various reasons where you can't you just can't get it up. You can't get an erection you could be having a refractory period because you just nutted earlier or you know you could be really drunk of course that never happens to me. Um. I ah generally can get a rock hard erect on command without any real issues. Um, but ah for the I've heard that it's going to happen to some people and for those to who make can happen. Um.
  • [32:55] Mike: You know that that that this for blocks you from having sex but the woman doesn't have that the flip side of course being that like the fact that a woman can have sex done to her even though she's not aroused means that this type of situation can happen. Can't really happen to a guy because he just wouldn't get an erection. Um. So I mean the standard ah advice of communication is probably right here in more ended but also um, yeah I don't think it's that uncommon to sort of have to get some lubrication out one way or another for the sort of surface of the Vulva. Let's move on.
  • [33:32] Mike: Okay, this guy got a Bj anywhere anytime agreement. It's pretty good but he wants to know is cashing it in during an argument unrealistic so me and my girlfriend are both 22 I mean just a note. It's my girlfriend and I not me and my girlfriend. Mean you put yourself last we have 2 things like that. Okay, they're both 22. We have a dom sub relationship sexually but outside too recently we came up with a bj anywhere anytime voucher validad once a day once a day she said she'd do it no matter what. She said this meant if she was sleeping on the phone were arguing in public etc I want to know how realistic it is to try and cash this in during an argument. She's into that on your knees. Let me use your mouth talk. We have quite fiery arguments. She said she'd be down but I don't think it's realistic to think anybody would be. Setting myself up for disaster if I cash an in mid-argument. Yeah, you are you are ah it's this is like somebody in the comments says they'd be scared of teeth. That's not the risk. The risk is basically that you have like this this. Positive thing that she's obviously has like kind of a fetish around ah and she's trying to make it fun like ah yeah I mean okay, if you if your goal was to use this in the most pernicious negative way possible like you could blow this up really quickly like you know so let's say you're.
  • [35:04] Mike: In the bathroom having a bowel movement diarrhea and you call her in I mean there's just situations where like she's going. She might do it but it's like the worst possible. You know it's something where she's going to think oh okay, this is why this is a mistake This is why I shouldn't have done it. Um you know in public. Maybe.
  • [35:23] Mike: You know that's a situation where it's kind of absurd like you could be illegal Potentially um, trying to think of other like crazy Situations. You know if you if you're oh like if you've just been gone to the gym right? So you're just not.. It's just not going to smell good at All. It's just going to be a negative experience. So. Something involving the bathroom the gym in public this argument thing as Well. You know a situation where she just absolutely know and actually frankly like her the notion of being awakened to give a blow to give a blow doesn't sound great to me either. I mean when women I mean I'm generally skeptical. Of the whole idea of women and this is common saying that they want to be ah, have free use availability even when they're asleep because I think like when somebody's asleep like they wake up and some percentage of the time you're going to wake up and not really be in the mood. It's just going to happen and so now like you're basically subjecting someone to sex when you're not in when they're on the mood and you you know that's going to happen some percentage of the time but this would amp it up even further because it's like it's not well I mean to the previous question like to some extent a woman can. You know, not really being enjoying it but like kind of Lube use lubin or vulva vagina and like sort of it's fine. But if you're giving a blow like it's pretty hard for her just to like let it happen I mean you know if if he was going to beat off next to her that would be a little less. Um aggressive.
  • [36:55] Mike: So anyway I I don't think the right way for the guy to manage this is to try to um ah be as aggressive as possible. The right thing to do is to try to get what he can out of it like positive stuff. There's another side to this of course which is like why is she offering this? Um. She's offering this most likely because she's terrified that you're going to cheat on her and so she thinks oh if I am completely sexually available to him then like he has no reason to do that or to like yeah to even think about other women I think that's a typical reason I mean there could also be a fetishy thing like she's just like. Just thinks it's hot. Um, but I ah I don't know I'm skeptical of that I think that most of it is I think most of the time the reason a woman sort of finds. This compelling is because she's nervous about infidelity. And she wants to sort of lock the guy down with something that she perceives as being very valuable to him. Okay, somebody says they tried quitting their antidepressants again here we go because they can't orgasm. It's a woman she says it was an awful idea I'm back on them now I'm a female. Who's been on floxeinee fluloxeine is the generic for prozac on and off since the age of 14 and I'm pretty sure it has affected my sexual development since I've never been able to orgasm my entire life that sucks that sucks I even bought a vibrator and tried everything to orgasm but I simply can't huh.
  • [38:31] Mike: That particularly would suck for a man I've read I've not experienced this but I've read that these drugs can give a man anorgasmia and yeah, that would suck because it means you get an erection. You're kind of like you get right up to the end but you can't come. So She's basically describing the same thing just ah, the female side of it Very frustrating and particularly frustrating if you never actually have gotten there anyway. I never thought it was a big deal until I started having sex I always thought these orgasms you see in porn were fake. But apparently I was wrong. Get mildly jealous of my girlfriend's orgasms. Okay, so there you must be a Lesbian I laughed when she said they she met God during one of Orgasms. We talked about my inability and it's honestly frustrating I don't how to cope with this because I don't let her do anything to me since I know it will just frustrate both of us. Yeah, that sucks I Do think that there are um. Yes, people are saying like see your doctor and stuff I think that's right, there are um, drug regimens that you can um, use to improve the situation. Um, here's somebody saying yeah they're conflicting studies.
  • [39:43] Mike: Sometimes people just take a really really long time to come on these drugs. What I've read is that Ah, this is obviously not true for this particular questioner but that these medications typically these sexual side effects wear off after some number of weeks Obviously not for her because she's been taking it for a really long time.
  • [40:02] Mike: Um, here's somebody saying that they just used prozac for two weeks and they still you know like presumably a long time ago and it's still messed up their sexual function. That's a drag you know one thing that sucks about this type of stuff is that and this is like a thing with mental health generally is like you. Like your brain is in some ways an unstable equilibrium you you have what you perceive as normal and then if you start taking a drug. Okay, now you're using something to make it better, but it messes something up and you go okay, well then I'll take another drug to fix the thing that I messed up but you see it's like this. Seesa thing where you're going to keep fixing one thing and breaking another thing and fixing 1 thing and breaking another thing and there isn't really a solution to that. It's just a drag. It's because we don't really know how the brain works like people people don't I certainly don't I'm just a sex podcaster. Um, but ah.
  • [40:58] Mike: Yeah I mean there's it like that's kind of a crappy set of interventions that people can wind up going down. Um, and there aren't great. Solutions. She says that when she started not taking the prozac something terrible happened I assume it. Um, whatever her, whatever she she was given it for came back and there is a whole bunch of things people are giving these drugs for from depression anxiety ocd whole bunch of things so who knows why? Ah, but yeah I mean that's ah, that's ah, that's a real problem and you know there are um. Lots of there's lots of data suggesting that young people are less interested in sex now than they were say thirty years ago not having sex is frequently delaying their first time having sex um masturbating less stuff like that.
  • [41:57] Mike: That's probably not true for the audience of this podcast because it's going to be self selected to be people who are more interested in sex. Obviously but 1 wonders now of course you know people say oh this is because of cell phones and social media and I'm sure that's partly true. Basically discouraging people. Interacting directly with one another people just getting kind of weird and sitting in their bedrooms all the time I think that's sort of right if you just go around any city nowadays you see I think significantly fewer teenagers just kind of outdoing things than you would have maybe twenty years ago but this could also be a factor. Um. You have so many ah young people now who are diagnosed with mental illnesses if you go to a school. Ah well say the school counselor and talk to them nowadays school counselors have to be up on. All these different sort of mental health medications because it's so common whether it's for add or um, depression or Ocd or these different problems autism their medications people take for that and a lot of these medications have sexual side effects and so it makes you wonder if some people are not. As interest in the sex because of that which is a drag it sucks that people would have to choose between like you know some sort of mental illness. You know, fixing that or let's see they have to choose between kind of a solution that sort of helps alleviate this problem or.
  • [43:29] Mike: Being able to have an orgasm that's a crappy choice to have to make I am grateful to have not had to make that choice in my life but I can I can imagine it and that sucks. Okay, a little more lighthearted here. How to use your penis during sex. Was always curious when people say men don't know how to use their penis during sex and how they just thrust in and out my question is how do you use your dick properly during sex to make your partner feel good. That's different by the way. But do you angle it differently or up against the clit while Piv somebody says they think it's about rhythm I don't think that's right. Um, so ah, one thing I would say is that like men know what I'm talking about actually women probably would too if you watch videos porns of lesbians using strapons like they don't maneuver it correctly. They don't they actually don't move. Their hips properly in my view like it doesn't look like the way a guy would do it. It's kind of comical so there is something to like the the motion that a guy makes in terms of using it properly to make your partner feel good. That's kind of tricky. Um I think that the best advice that I've seen there. Is from a lady on Tiktok who is extremely animated about getting guys to stop stop kind of thrusting in and out like their penises at dildo um, her essential argument is that men um, have sex the way they do.
  • [44:58] Mike: In the United States because they're largely circumcised so as a result their 4 skin can't roll back and forth the way it would if they were uncircumcised or in the natural state. And the essential argument is that an uncircunized size man is more likely to sort of fully insert it and then kind of ah kind of grind back and forth me describe that more clearly grind in the sense of like instead of kind of pulling the entire penis almost completely out and then pushing it back in again. Kind of keep it almost fully inserted and then kind of go from almost fully inserted to fully inserted so basically withdraw it just a small amount and go back in and that's because there's more stimulation given by the foreskin um in contact with a woman's vagina whereas if you. Don't have that foreskin you have to basically get the head of the penis stimulated somehow and so that's more likely to be ah by sort of pulling it further out and her argument is basically and this makes sense that for the from the woman's perspective like the thing that's more compelling for the woman is basically to have our clit caught between the 2 pubic bones of the partners. So she wants him to remain fully inserted and then kind of grind do that she calls it. What does she call it. Ah thrust she has some word for it scoot she calls it scooting you probably get search Tiktok scoot and find this lady um, she has some new thing. She's on to now um, something slightly different.
  • [46:31] Mike: And probably car mechanic or something not but but she yeah she people people switch it up right yet she did like 30 videos about this scooth thing and then she's moved on to something else I'm sure she really is just trying to monetize somehow or something. Um, one person says it's not so much about the dick. Many men think they just have to thrust in and out a few times which from missionary to doggie and that's it sex is more than that or at least good sex. There's foreplay kissing touching. Yeah, that's true, largely look I mean most women care more about getting oral than the guy than they do about exact thrusting techniques Keith's experience notwithstanding his p I v experience of Matt of many many women having orgasms from it. Um I think generally women prefer receiving oral and that is typically I mean that's why you see many so many women kind of complaining because their partners do not want to provide oral sex to them and so they. Not happy about that. Okay here. It's one up my own alley. How can I learn to suck my own Dick. So I'm looking for experiences from people who actually can suck their owntic look no. One can really suck their own dick. Okay, but okay I want to I want to mate that this person must have english as a second language because said I want to mate it. And I will make it. Okay, it wants to make it so please give me tips I don't know where to start what kind of stretching do I need to do for this I'm afraid of an injury right? So I mean you probably hurt your bell app your back or your ribs or something. Um, this person's saying you need to see if you're flexible enough. Ah.
  • [48:04] Mike: And have a long enough Cock I Think the long cock is unfortunately kind of important. Um, personally this person says find someone else to let you suck their cock is just as good often much better. Yeah I Don't think that's what most guys who have this question are looking for So. The typical thing that people recommend. Is this is not okay, there's a couple things you can do if if you're stretchy enough you can basically sit in a chair maybe scoot your butt to the edge of the chair and kind of lean over and just kind of like compress your stomach down and lean and you might be able to get there. The other thing you see people do this is what you see in porn a lot I mean if you watch that I've seen this kind of Porn. It's not something I would really enjoy that much like this. It's It's pretty much the worst it's close to the worst possible porn but you can find it. It's Auto Fallatio and it's ah a guy will scoot so that his back. So Let's see his neck his back is going up along a wall like in his house. His neck is at the base of his head is at the base of the wall. So his head is like his neck is at a ninety degree angle his back is going up the wall and then it'll kind of bend his leg like bend his back. So his legs kind of go over his head and maybe even get to the point where his feet are touching the ground. Is that possible. Maybe maybe that's kind of crazy and in that position you can sort of get the cock close to the head I say that I have some expertise on this because when I was much much younger I was able to do this and actually somewhat recently I was able to validate that it's still possible for me. The problem is you can't really suck. It.
  • [49:40] Mike: In my experience and I have like a pretty big penis. Um, and I'm fairly flexible. Ah the best you can really do is kind of get your like tongue to touch the head of your cog I have been able to do that in my life. It's not compelling at all I don't recommend it I think the risk of injury definitely outweighs any sort of compelling benefit here. And like it's not even like it's a good party trick or something you're not going to make any money doing this on Chatterbait like if there was a way to give negative tokens like some sort of black hole tokens that steal money from you from you on Chatterbait I would give negative tokens to people for doing this if I could sort of yeah like. Unclick advertisements on pornhub when people post videos of this I would like it's just not so amazing. It reminds me of like well unfortunately this ah subred got banned for not having a moderator but when the gone wild tube subreddit was working ever so often guys it was just it's an amateur porn subred or was. Ah, guys would post videos of themselves solo videos and they would always get like algorithmically always get 0 they would just get downloaded. You know they'd get negative something and this is like that. It's just not something anybody wants to see so like I don't know it's not compelling. There's no reason to do it and um and then of course the worst possible which I do not have any experience with is I don't even know it's it's amazing to me that guys are able to nut in this position because it's so uncomfortable. It's like what are you doing. But yeah I mean the worst is like.
  • [51:13] Mike: I've seen you know? yeah the autofaatio videos. The guys will actually manage like ah on their back with their cock over their mouth to nut in their own mouth and that's just like way to take a good thing and make it into a bad thing like what I guess if they think they're dominating themselves. I'm submitting to myself I doubt it my guess is it's just not pleasant but that I have no experience with that dick I can't imagine that would be positive at all. Okay, next question do all dicks have a natural smell I've always had this impression that Dick's have a mild natural. Dicky's smell I resents my first encounter with a dick since 16 but recently I encountered this guy who dick didn't have a smell now I'm just in shock that I just sunch suck a bunch of stinky dicks in my past or do all dicks have natural smells and it varies between people I'm also questioning my memory. Not sure if. Dick's in the past smelled or if that's just in my head. Okay, so somebody says like he probably bathed recently I think that's generally right? like um, my general impression here is that it does not have much of an odor if the person is well bathed. Um, it's not like a lollipop.
  • [52:29] Mike: Like I mean it sort of seems like I guess if you're used to putting bananas and like when I put cylindrical objects in my mouth There's usually a flavor even my toothbrush. Ah you know will have like minty toothpaste on it. So it is kind of odd to think about. But I think that generally. There's not a whole lot of smell or taste of course like it's a person's body so there's going to be some odor associated with that. Just like there would be with their arm or their face. Um, but in general I think that if there's some meaningful odor that it's a hygiene problem. Um, so yeah I mean yeah I mean I actually the the impression that I've gotten from reading about this is that the more it's more interesting that it has no taste and odor right that it's like sort of from from reading accounts by women of giving blows. It's like oh it's kind of notable to like it's yeah, it just tastes like nothing which is weird because usually when you put something in your mouth. It has a flavor like you don't usually put things in your mouth that have no flavor at all like that's because your mouth is for eating typically eating and breathing I guess um, yeah I think this person just typically um. Had ah partners who had a little hygiene problems. Okay, this one is just this is a good one touchy very touchy. My jewish girlfriend Jewish Girlfriend wants to do nazi role play. Okay.
  • [54:03] Mike: So I've okay so I'm kind of new to kinky acts in the bedroom all forms of roleplay I've always been a vanilla sex kind of lad but recently pleasing my girlfriend and trying to do as much as I can to help her get off or at least recently she told me she's a masochist with a serious desire for humiliation. It would be a turn on if I degraded her and acted like some sort of fascist calling her names and getting physical. Really don't know how to feel about this It's not that I don't want to make my girlfriend enjoy yourself, but it seems pretty extreme and I don't want to do something we might both regret. Yeah, he should definitely not do this? Um I've seen something similar where a person had a girlfriend who was african-american. And there was some conversation about pretending they were in the south in the nineteenth century and that sounded like a freaking terrible idea to me as well. Because yeah I mean it's just like I look these are like touchy enough subjects that it seems likely. The the most logical thing to do is to divorce like your play from like things that are real. It would be like it would be like if you picked this is not like so this is not the same because I'm I'm going to say something more negative. But if you picked a negative attribute about a person obviously being jewish is not a negative attribute. But if you were to pick a negative attribute about somebody. About your girlfriend and during sacks starting making fun of her about that. Let's say that she was sensitive about her nose or her chin or her boobs something like that. Ah it just I don't think that's the right way to go um because people will naturally sort of be bothered by it.
  • [55:40] Mike: And the truth is like these are topics that do naturally bother people. Maybe you know in 1000 years people won't be bothered by these topics but they still are in our modern society and like you're just you're just asking for it like it'll it's all well and good But then if you say 1 thing wrong. Ah, you've gonna yeah, you're gonna. You're going to have a serious problem on your hands and it just doesn't seem like what's the what's the benefit to her I mean I think that I think I think you can humiliate somebody without conjuring up demons of history like that. So. That's that's my advice is to is to steer clear of that and and start somewhere else. Being said I'm sure I wouldn't surprise me if there were people out there who had relationships where they did this stuff and there was no problem whatsoever. Okay, what should I say to a guy when I'm giving him a hand or Blowjob. He says things like right there keep going babe etc. I don't really know what I should say obviously when giving a blow. It's tricky. This is actually a topic that comes up kind of nor ah frequently. It's a topic that porn stars kind of professional porn stars are terrible at they're terrible at knowing what to do? It's like The reason why for the most part the 3 D porn on the oculus is just absolutely atrocious because it's professionally produced porm pov and the women their behavior is just not realistic at all. You know they they're constantly kind of they're trying it's like they're trying to encourage you. But.
  • [57:16] Mike: It's just very unrealistic and play-acted in general the thing that the guy wants is for you to be into what's going on. So ah, it's going to be individual like you know you have to ask yourself. How do you typically.
  • [57:35] Mike: Portrayed as somebody that you're into something that you're excited about something that's going on and then you're going to want to do that guys. Also really want and like the woman to be sort of interested in his level of Arousal and his orgasm so kind of encouraging him is a smart move. But you want to do it in kind of a believable realistic Way. So like if you pretend like him nutting is going to like make your head explode. That's a mistake like it can't be overwrought. It has to be sort of like a reasonable believable level of excitement about it. Um. But saying absolutely nothing and just being sort of stone stonefaced as you're giving a guy a hand job is kind of strange too. Um, you could also ask questions. Um, you know, being involved in different ways like sort of but but I think I think the main thing is just sort of Gen Gentle Reasonable encouragement. Using a tone of voice in a style that is familiar so it makes sense given what you're doing another thing is like yeah he's going to like it if you were getting turned on too. So Of course it might be some sort of like rubbing your head and patting your stomach kind of thing. But if you were able to masturbate yourself at the same time. Like a guy would really like to sort of for example to have his dick in your mouth and you're masturbating yourself at the same time like that's going to turn him on because he's like oh she likes this. She's getting turned on and you could fake some of that I mean you don't have to be because it is sort of it can be difficult to keep your mind on 2 things at the same time.
  • [59:09] Mike: So to the extent that it's difficult for you to do that you could sort of and make it a little bit more like you're enjoying it than you really are but you have to be very careful because I think guys can be pretty sensitive and aware of what's going on there. Okay well I think that about wraps up our time together today. Ah, this is episode 81 of your mileage may vary I think Keith will probably be back for the next episode. Um, and I don't yeah I don't know if I can top what I've done for you I'm really pleased by the way that the evening of my personal slope day. Still feel fine I don't have a headache or any sort of hangover experience. That's a positive of psilocybin I have to give it credit for that. Um I'm a little worried that I'm going to have some sort of strange dreams tonight probably will something terrible happen I'll have to muddle through that. Um, and I'm sure. Given what I've said in this episode I'll get a nice grilling from Keith Keith probably has his own experiences you can share but I was felt privileged to share my experience with you guys and you can feel free to write in with your feedback or questions as always on Twitter at YimVpod ah email at Ymm V Pod at Gmail.com of course you can write and review us on your favorite rate ruin review and subscribe on your favorite podcasting app and we've appreciated being here I've appreciated you you being here for episode 81 and hope you'll be here for episode 82 next week
  • [01:00:44] Mike: Thanks a lot and see you bye.